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 Post subject: I'm too impulsive!
PostPosted: Wed May 30, 2012 10:44 pm 
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Long story short, I've been on Suboxone for one year, I'm clean, life has totally changed! Things are great! I have a question that I don't want to talk to my Sub Doctor about because I fear he will think Subs is not for me.

I have problem dosing as prescribed. I am on 12mg per day (half film 3x daily). The first week of the new scripts I take way to much Suboxone which leaves me with enough left for only 8mg for the final 3 weeks. For the first week, I seem to take 4-6 half strips throughout the day..knowing I am not getting high, knowing I am simply increasing my side effects...also, I fully understand the ceiling effect.. I do have Tourette's Syndrome with mild OCD. The symptoms of those 2 have subsided over the years but I have the 'impulsinve' tendencys. I feel like I NEED one more strip even though I know that I would feel completely the same if I took much less..I guess sometimes there is a 10 minute pleasant feeling after dosing that could be leading to this.,,.

So I feel like my problem is somewhere in between addictive tendencys and compulsive behavior. Has anyone else experienced this? How have you overcome it?? I am assuming it is a mind over matter issue..I just want to know if I am the only one in this boat. Thanks!
TNDB :(


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PostPosted: Wed May 30, 2012 11:22 pm 
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First off,,,,,
CONGRATS ON CHANGING YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ive also been on sub for just over a year.......

and I can tell you, you are not the only one to experience taking more than your Rx'd.....LOL

I did it too, the first few months, but I finally did get it thru my thick skull I didnt need to do that. I think running out was a good reminder, LOL

Seriously, that third month, I had a relative that I trusted hang on to most of my Rx, I only picked up a weeks worth at a time. I think I did that for SIX months before I was confident enough, to 'handle' the whole month's Rx on my own.

Would this be an option for you???

Or a significant other?? I knew my husband would just give them to me if I asked, so thats why I opted to leave them with a family member.

Hang in there, your going in the right direction!!!!

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PostPosted: Thu May 31, 2012 3:19 am 
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Some people see impulsitivity as a prerequisite for addiction - ie people who are more known to cave into temptation and disregard consequences are more likely to become addicts. I kinda agree with that.

Because of that I'd consider what you're doing to just be a symptom of your addiction, nothing more. It's easy for us dual diagnosis type people to say "I'm using because of my zany mental illness issue that nobody else could possibly understand" ... It's easy for us to try and legitimise using to ourselves because well ... we have a mental health problem.

"I'm bipolar I can't help it ... my mood was too extreme! You wouldn't understand ..." or

"I'm impulsive I can't help it."

But we can help it... The best way to work on impulse control issues (which all addicts suffer to varying degrees) is to try and delay gratification in all areas of life. Just lil thing like holding off having a cigarette or not stuffing ourselves with food because we're hungry before dinner with the family ... or saving money? That kinda boring stuff.

Also it's important you start to realise how serious it is what you're doing. When you take more Suboxone than you need, you are taking a drug NOT as it was prescribed for you with the intention of getting high. Even if it doesn't deliver, that is really what you're chasing. Is that much different to what you were doing with pills?

I'm not going to make any judgements or anything because it's not my place to define recovery for others'. But if you wanna stop doing what you're doing, don't legitimise it by saying you can abuse Suboxone and still be "clean". Start to look at it as a lapse as a once off or a relapse if you keep doing it. Look at it as you would abusing Oxy or Roxy or whatever the flavour of the month pills are.

Personally for me, when I give into the desire to get high and I use a drug, I consider that a lapse. It doesn't matter if the dealer sold me crushed up panadol and if it had no effect. I still gave into desire. That is a use. If that happens I don't consider myself clean.


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PostPosted: Thu May 31, 2012 9:22 am 
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I wouldn't go so far as to consider oneself not clean for having these difficulties with suboxone (I know TJ was saying this is how he defines HIS recovery only and not the OP's).

I believe this behavior is leftover from our active addiction days and unfortunately, it sounds like TNDB's doctor may have had a hand in this by prescribing dosing throughout the day to begin with! If the doctor had prescribed it once daily as recommended for addiction purposes, this may not have gotten so out of hand at this point.

Now, all that said, TNDB, YOU CAN STILL address this. Like was already said, you're not the first person to try to take more of their sub. You've been lucky though and haven't run out of meds. Many people learn the hard way to stop that. You've been able to make it on less than your normal dose, so that's allowed this to continue for a year.

When you start wanting that extra dose, work to distract yourself. Put taking that extra dose off as long as possible. Do something else, come here and post, go to a meeting. You need to work at this, because if you decide to go off suboxone, I predict you'll find yourself in the same shoes as you were before suboxone, having not learned anything and relapse could follow quickly.

Think about therapy or addiction counseling as well. Those can be very beneficial. I wish you well and I hope this helps.

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PostPosted: Thu May 31, 2012 9:23 am 
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tearj3rker wrote:
Personally for me, when I give into the desire to get high and I use a drug, I consider that a lapse. It doesn't matter if the dealer sold me crushed up panadol and if it had no effect. I still gave into desire. That is a use. If that happens I don't consider myself clean.


That's a very good point TJ, I've never looked at it that way, but it makes sense.

Oh, and I stuff myself right before dinner all the time! I realize it when I'm doing it, but that doesn't stop me. When I'm hungry, I want food NOW!! I don't know why, it's not like I'm going to starve if I have to wait 15 more minutes! I will start looking at this behavior as an opportunity to control my impulses, and I'll get a lot of practice because I do this at least a few times a week.


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 Post subject: Thanks
PostPosted: Fri Jun 01, 2012 10:21 pm 
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Thanks for your opinions, thoughts and suggestions.

I do have diagnosed OCD and have displayed compulsive behaviors for years before addiction began. I understand that addiction is a totally separate thing and my OCD is not the cause but do believe that there is such think as an addictive personality and i know there is an addictive gene involved in my case. I just wish there was more research and or medial options to treat the genetic aspect of addiction. Most people that take pain medication do not abuse it a take the medication as prescribed. Something hit a switch in my brain when I was on the medacine. I look forward to seeing more research on this aspect of addition over the years.

I do see a therapist and she agrees with me. With a strong history of addiction I my family, she sees this as a 60/40 situation addition and life.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 02, 2012 12:18 am 
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hatmaker510 wrote:
I believe this behavior is leftover from our active addiction days and unfortunately, it sounds like TNDB's doctor may have had a hand in this by prescribing dosing throughout the day to begin with!


That's the lovely thing about this forum is that people can disagree and still hold hands and sing kumbayaa.

I just think we shouldn't view Sub as different to other opioids in this regard. If a person on Oxy for legitimate reasons takes it as prescribed and doesn't abuse it and isn't addicted, IMO they are clean, just like people in NA who need opioids for a legitimate medical reason hold onto their clean time as long as it doesn't get outta hand.

I don't understand why we should have different rules for Suboxone, just because its effect when abused is weaker.

TNDB I agree about the genetics thing. I personally think there's a genetic inherited component most of the time. There's a reason mental health issues and addiction often go hand in hand, and these days I really believe that the mental health stuff comes first. Whether the emotional pain comes from a mental health condition or some kinda trauma, it doesn't matter. If the pain's there, IMO we are drawn to drugs to relieve it.

I just don't want you to think you are completely powerless over if its origins are genetic, because you are not. A view like that could be enabling you to continue to abuse Suboxone. I know when I believed my bipolar was the reason I was using and "different" to other addicts because I had no control over my moods... I just told myself that to make it easier to keep using.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 02, 2012 2:52 pm 
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tearj3rker"quoted"hatmaker510 wrote:
I believe this behavior is leftover from our active addiction days and unfortunately, it sounds like TNDB's doctor may have had a hand in this by prescribing dosing throughout the day to begin with!


Tearj3rker, first you post:
Quote:
Whatever makes you sleep easier at night hatmaker.
.

Then you edited your post to read:

Quote:
That's the lovely thing about this forum is that people can disagree and still hold hands and sing kumbayaa.


Whatever you're trying to say, why not just come right out and say it, because I haven't a freakin' clue what you're getting at. :?

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-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jun 02, 2012 10:19 pm 
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Just go with what I wrote in the post I chose to have published. That'd be the normal thing to do ye?


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2012 12:13 am 
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Gosh I wish I knew the words to Kumbaya cuz I'd start singing them right now!

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jun 03, 2012 1:56 am 
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kumbayaaaaa my lord, kumbayyaaaaaaa


thats all I know of it romeo

(holding hands)

Ha ha ha ha

just had to be a smartass, I have no idea why

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anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 04, 2012 11:20 pm 
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Dr. J has the opinion that once a day dosing the the right way. My Doctor is a director on the ASAM as well on the boards of other addiction. Both of them are smart and direct their patients to dose in different ways. I am sure there are pros and cons to both. I say we leave it to the drug co, clinical trials, physicians, etc to decide the best way to dose.

The importaint part is that we are in treatment and are not going down that long dark path.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2012 5:40 pm 
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Tndb wrote:
Dr. J has the opinion that once a day dosing the the right way. My Doctor is a director on the ASAM as well on the boards of other addiction. Both of them are smart and direct their patients to dose in different ways. I am sure there are pros and cons to both. I say we leave it to the drug co, clinical trials, physicians, etc to decide the best way to dose.

The importaint part is that we are in treatment and are not going down that long dark path.


I know I'm late on this- I haven't really been around much lately but I will say that I think I agree with this.. It took me a little while to finally accept it because I respect the level of experience and knowledge on this forum so much.. I would read constantly about once per day dosing and I was getting down on myself because I was struggling with it.. I even went so far as to ask my Dr about it-even though he prescribed multiple times per day dosing every single prescription..

I understand the concept of it, there's no arguing that it makes perfect sense- I for some reason just seemed to do better in all aspects dosing 2 times per day.. It just worked better for me.. That still to this day has me puzzled..


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 28, 2012 1:07 am 
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one thing about suboxone a medication and other drugs '. it's meaning of addiction and not way as danger's to fuck around with. i have the same problem and have many left over.

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