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PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 8:57 am 
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[font=Comic Sans MS]Oh Lily, that is Great news!!!!! One less thing to worry about...

Whether you take this time to taper, or find a doctor and continue treatment with sub, is up to you. Either way I am here for you , and so is everyone else. Keep your chin up. I don't know why, but things always seem to work out one way or another..
I'm so glad that you don't have to worry about that right now. You can focus on thinking about what you want to do long term. Make a list maybe?? Of the pros and cons of stopping sub. And of the pros and cons of continuing. Compare the pros on both. See which way is more beneficial to you~That is the most important thing. What helps you the most, is what matters.

Let us know what you come up with. I am sure that everyone will give you opinions on what we think is best, based on what you tell us. I'm sure we can all come up with something!![/font]

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 5:19 pm 
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Lily, that is fantastic! I'm glad you now have time to figure out what you're going to do! Whatever you decide, we all wish you well.

I come from the land of "You can't get there from here," so I know your frustration at having to travel so far to go to a doctor. It sounds like sub is such an anti-depressant for you that it makes sense to try to find another sub doctor. But if you decide to taper instead, make sure that you have a physician that can help with trying new anti-depression meds.

Good luck and keep us informed!

Amy

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 27, 2012 3:20 pm 
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Can't BELIEVE This!

The doc who called me last week just called back and gave me an appointment. I heard from another addict that she is a great person, and on the online doctor ratings she got the highest possible rating. So last week when she "interviewed" me I thought I f'ed up by telling her I was getting Sub illegally. It just didn't add up, all the good things I had heard about her then her seeming to blow me off. I don't think English is her first language, so maybe there was some misunderstanding the last time we spoke. In any case I have an appointment, and I'm feeling hopeful. I still DO want to go off, but I want to have some support and accountability and not just do it on my own again.

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 27, 2012 6:02 pm 
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[font=Comic Sans MS]Well Gee Whiz Lilly!!! You just keep on giving us better and better news everytime you log on! This
is even better news than your last post! I'm really glad to hear this. So everything is working out for you
and that is just great. Sounds like someone upstairs is answering your prayers!

So, when is this appointment? I totally get that you want to do this the right (legal) way, even if
you do want to come off of it. Kudos to you for seeing it through! Sometimes the right choices are the
harder ones to make. I'm really proud of you for not turning to the streets, and just giving up on finding
a doctor.

Well definitely keep us updated~Take care.[/font]

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 27, 2012 10:53 pm 
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Great job, hangin in there, LILLY :wink: :wink: :wink:

Im sure you were ready to throw in the towel!!!!

It must be a huge relief, to be obtaining them legally now.

Good luck with your appt, and everything.

So great to hear good news once in awhile about these crazy-ass doctors :roll:


[marq=right]***GREAT JOB***[/marq]
for not giving up, and sticking it out!!!

keep us posted on how the appt goes!!!!

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its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 28, 2012 1:37 pm 
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I guess someone must have just dropped out of her program because I was able to get in to see the doc this morning. She is absolutely wonderful, and EXTREMELY knowledgable about Suboxone, unlike most do the docs I hear about (or go to). I told her the whole sordid story, from my past drug use to getting hooked on painkillers, to going on Sub, going off, relapsing and then getting Sub illegally. I also told her about the Sub doc I just saw a couple weeks ago, showed her the script and told her I didn't think they meant to give it to me. (I could have just acted like I was out, but I really feel like being honest is the thing that is going to get me better at this point).

She confirmed my opinion (without being unprofessional) that the other Sub doc didn't know what he was doing. She even said why would they call in 50 2mg tabs? Induction would only use up to 16mg, and if they wanted me to take 20mg a day like it said on the label, why wouldn't they use the 8mg tabs?

Anyway, she totally got that I wanted to get off Sub, and she is going to help me taper. SLOWLY. I told her that when I start not feeling good I "cheat" and take more, so I need accountability. She gets it. She also already mentioned giving me clonidine, visteril and neurontin. My old Sub doc gave me NOTHING, even when I just asked for clonidine. She LISTENED, wasn't judgmental, and was very knowledgable. She's even going to work with me financially. I could tell when she said hi to a couple of the other patients that they liked her and that she has a good rapport with people. So I have to thank God for getting me to the right place. I just knew in my gut that the last doc I went to wasn't the one.

So as you can tell, I'm really happy right now. There's still a lot that needs fixing in my life, like my marriage, but at least there's hope. I'm really grateful right now.
Lilly


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 28, 2012 3:53 pm 
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[font=Comic Sans MS]Lily....you are my friggin hero!!! LOL! Good for you. It sounds like everything is in place for you to start taking
steps forward. Little steps. I agree with everything that you said about being stable before tapering more,
about needing other comfort meds to help you through, and mostly, I agree that you need to work on this
first. I understand that you need and want to work on your marriage. But to do that~you have to take
care of you.

I think that you sound great, and that you are well on your way to being a success story!
Keep it up girl! I mean that. You are going to be an inspiration to so many people on here, and
your story can and will help so many other people. So keep us posted, good luck and Take care~[/font]

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 28, 2012 4:53 pm 
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Yay Lily!

i am so happy to read you got a good sub doc. Thank God.

I hope you are at peace with your decision to go back on sub for now. It is soooo hard for people involved in aa/na to be on sub. I take a bunch of shit over it from my outpatient group. I finally told them to shut the fuck up and work on their own issues. I could give a fuck what aa says about sub. I am feeling great on 4mg and tell myself it is my antidepressant/bipolar treatment. Cause it is. Sorry for swearing so much but I get mad because i have let aa tell me im not sober for over 2years now. I hate to see others get down on themselves for taking a life saving medication.

Good wishes lily, stay strong and be proud of yourself.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 29, 2012 9:01 pm 
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Thanks for the kind words you guys. I don't blame you for being pissed orange doll. When people say shit like that they can really do harm to people. I actually heard someone in NA say they were like "fuck it, I'm not clean anyway" and they went out and used. I mean, how is that helping someone? Good for you for sticking up for yourself.

I wish I could feel like my Sub was my antidepressant. Ever since I went back on I just feel stoned. I even tried raising my dose and giving it time to stabilize. But honestly, I feel like when I used to smoke a lot of pot, and then I would come down and just feel tired, irritable and foggy (and craved sweets). I feel like that all the time now and it sucks. Every day I say I'm not going to take it tomorrow, but I do - its like I'm afraid not to take it. It really sucks.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 29, 2012 10:17 pm 
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Lilly,

I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling so much. I've been following your thread, but I just don't know what to say sometimes, so I don't post. Gosh how I wish I could say something real intelligent or eloquent or helpful.

I know this though, I pray for you and others almost every night (sometimes I hit the sack and forget to pray) and I hope you're able to figure something out soon.

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 29, 2012 10:55 pm 
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Hi Lilly it is so wonderful to hear that you found an awesome doctor! Plus, one that says she will help you taper slowly and was able to listen to your story and offer addtional medication for when the time comes to quit. I know the stoned feeling, after stopped subs for 6 days and then starting up again Thursday I also feel stoned when I take it, and then foggy the next day. I also started craving sweets immediately -- I ate 3 donuts just today. Plus a big-ass cookie. I am just like you, I get irritable, and then also get scared to not take it. Maybe you are like me and have realized why we want to quit -- the tiredness, the irritability, but also realize the bad parts about not having any at all. It is quite the conundrum. It is great that you have a doctor to tell you about these things, and I would love to hear if your fogginess goes away in a few days. The more we can talk about why we want to quit and why we don't want to quit the easier it will be to continue with recovery.


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2012 9:38 pm 
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Invisible - you and I are a lot alike. Not just with what has been posted recently, but also a while ago when you posted about your almost moral dilemma - wanting to do what you know is right and good for you, but still wanting to use or get high. I struggle with that to this day, and I am quite a bit older than you. Also, when I first started getting off Sub, about a year ago, I went through the same process as you; Got off for a short time, took a little, got off again, took tiny doses again for a week, tried going off again and then decided I needed to stay on 0.5mg for a while because I was going through a stressful time. Trust me, I've been there. The fact is, you will go off when you're ready - its not a race.

Romeo - I really appreciate your support and prayers. You have supported me the whole time I've been on this board and it means a lot to me.

The fog isnt going to go away. Ive been back on for two weeks now and have gone up to 6mg the last couple of days. I really feel like I just need to go off. I'm starting a support group this week and the doc gave me the name of a new therapist, so I'm going to put supports in place. I really don't foresee myself doing a long drawn out taper. Even with the doctors help I don't think I can do it.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 11:30 am 
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[font=Comic Sans MS]Hi Lilly, I feel bad for you. It's like all of the pieces are falling into place, but the fact is, this stuff makes you feel like
crap. I can't imagine. I don't feel anything when I take it, or don't take it. I guess I should consider myself lucky after
reading yours, and IM's threads.

I wish I knew of something to tell you to help you get through this, but I don't. I feel like you and IM are in the same
boat, and really can pull strength off of each other, and I hope that you two are able to do that. I just want you to
know that I am here for you, and I think about you from time to time when I'm "talking to God", or praying at night.
I wish you the best and I do hope that this new therapist is able to help you out. Good luck to you and take care~[/font]

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 11:34 am 
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Thanks, Kelly. That's what makes this forum so awesome - that we care about each other and pray for each other even though we are anonymous.
I went to my first group at my doctor's office today and it was good. I said that my goal was to eventually wean off Sub and everyone was like, "WHY?!?". Its hard to explain to people who are happy on it and have no intention of going off - which seemed like pretty much everyone in the group.

Anyhow, I talked to the doc about raising my dose - because I think my issues might be from not staying above the ceiling - and she agreed. So, I kind of feel like I'm going in the wrong direction, but it is what it is for today. Also, the doc asked if I had a prescription co-pay, which I do, so she wrote me a months script so I wouldn't have to pay 4 co-pays. So is such a great person. I mean this is only my second week, and I understood that it was supposed to be a week at at time until you can show that you're staying clean. At least I know that the urine I gave was clean. I want the doc to know her trust isn't misplaced.
So, life is good.
Lilly


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 06, 2012 6:31 pm 
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The saga continues...I went to fill my first script from my new doc, which was for 84 2mg tabs w/instructions to take 3 a day (6mg). So I get home from the pharm, 10 miles away, and I realize they gave me 84 8mg tabs! All kinds of ideas went running through my mind. And I'm thinking, if that's how they entered it in the computer who's ever going to look back at the paper script? (addict behavior, I know). I ended up telling my husband and he just said, "do the right thing". So I tried calling the pharm and they're closed.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 06, 2012 7:22 pm 
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[font=Comic Sans MS]Geez Lilly!!! What else can happen?? It could be worse, my doc wrote for 2mg instead of 8mg....that was no fun to try
and fix. I commend you for doing the right thing. Of course doing nothing about it is going to run through your mind.
That is completely normal. It's what you do about it in the end, that matters. You called the pharmacy, and they were
closed. So ya call them back when the reopen tomorrow or Monday, or whenever that is. I am proud of you for making
the right decision! You are doing great....keep up the good work!

Take Care~[/font]

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 06, 2012 8:28 pm 
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Lilly,

The exact same thing happened to me when I asked my doctor to reduce my dose from 8mg per day to 6mg, the pharmacy ended up filling my script of 90 2mg pills with 90 of the 8mg pills, but I didn't take mine back and the pharmacy kept on making the same mistake, month after month. So, I went from a tolerance of about 6mg per day all the way up 24mg per day!! I had actually made progress in my taper, but that simple mistake by the pharmacy (and me being an addict) really ruined all of my progress and I never did try to taper again.

Please, don't make the same mistake I did, it's not worth it.

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 07, 2012 5:59 pm 
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That's exactly what I would have done, Romeo. In fact, I had already taken my 6mg for the day, and when I saw all of those pills I took another 8mg just for the hell of it. I know it's stupid, but that's what addicts do, I guess. Anyway, this pharmacy DID know - it was in their computer as 2mg - so their counts would have been off and they would have figured it out. So if I had done something stupid, and wasn't able to bring them back, they could have let the doc know that I had a 4 MONTH supply....so much for what I was saying about earning the trust of my doc.
So, I got it straightened out and I'm glad I did.

Kelly - that must have sucked. The pharm shorted me on my very FIRST script of Sub. They had it as 1/2 a day for 7 days instead of 1 1/2 a day. It was my word against theirs w/a brand new doc. I almost ran out before it got fixed and I was really scared not knowing that much about Sub and thinking I was going to go into WD like from a full agonist. Arrrggh!


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 07, 2012 6:12 pm 
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[font=Comic Sans MS]Oh it sucked alright! And then they tried telling me that that was my dose all along on top of it!
Luckily Amber gave me the idea of looking for ANYTHING from an old script. The printout for example.
I didn't have an old bottle, because I throw stuff like that out as soon as I take the last pill. So, yeah
I did get it straightened out, but had I not been as persistent as I was, who knows what would have
happened.

I am really proud of you Lilly for doing the right thing. And you took an extra sub just because they were
there~no big deal. You admitted it, you called the pharmacy, and all in all, everything is like it should be.
You deserve a pat on the back! I am sure the addict in you was screaming at you to take them, take them,
take them! You did the right thing, and kept yourself moving in the right direction~forward. I am so glad to
hear that.

Thank you for keeping us updated, and we'll talk to you soon! Take Care~[/font]

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 07, 2012 7:19 pm 
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Lilly,

You've had hard choices to make throughout this whole process, and you've still managed to stay a person with integrity. It's never easy to do the right thing when you're an addict, but you told your doctor about the script from the other doctor and now you've called the pharmacy to let them know of their mistake. I admire you and I'm proud of you at the same time. You absolutely ROCK!!!

I'm enormously happy that you've found a great doctor! After all you went through you deserve having a doctor who will work with you and who understands how suboxone works. Actually, we all deserve that, but I know that there are so many sub doctors who are ignorant and not helpful. Congratulations!

Amy

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