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 Post subject: Three Years Off Suboxone
PostPosted: Sun Mar 29, 2015 11:59 pm 
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Would most of the Suboxone be out of my system by now? I still feel like my body has not gone back to normal yet. For instance, I have developed a very serious eating disorder from trying to diagnose my own withdrawal symptoms. I have found that trying to go on a diet can seem very hard at times, but striving for a few weeks with water only seems like the best option for me at this point. I was successful through the help of a very slow tapering process over a couple of years. But still just stripping myself of this strange drug that I found myself addicted to and trying to tell myself I can never go back on it has proven to be very difficult. Sure, I ended up abused it for most of my treatment, but I also had to use cigarettes and alcohol to cope with most of the withdrawal symptoms during most of the comedown. I'm hoping that removing these last two dangerous chemicals from my lifestyle will be crucial for my recovery. Still, I understand that we only really need food and water and exercise to survive, but it just seems so hard no longer having a crutch there anymore for support or constant doctor visits, not just for getting scripts refilled but also that reassurance you get from going to the doctor. Any thoughts? I'm starting to get really nervous and appreciate any and all advice. Thanks in advance!

My nasty addiction started way back, some 15 years or so, after breaking my arm playing basketball. I just remembered them giving me a bunch of Vicodin and having to stay home from school for a couple of weeks. Ever since then I found the overabundance or availability of these drugs or drugs like them such as cannabis to be surprisingly easy to come by. I do not know how anyone can actually blame someone for getting addicted to these drugs when they're basically readily handed out at school. It seemed like either that or getting addicted to the "legal" drugs like alcohol and cigarettes, having all the cool older kids buy them for me and gat stations. The cannabis and pain pills seemed like a much safer route to me, although I ended up having a terrible addiction to both of them in the end. The Suboxone program has helped me in realizing problems about myself through my addictions, albeit a very slow and dangerous process. Even after dropping the bupe some 3 years back, I still found myself walking around on nicotine and alcohol just because I thought it was cool, or felt good. Just because these drugs are sold everywhere, at department stores, gas stations, basically every place you go into you'll see mountains of advertisements for cigarettes and booze. These drugs should not be legal IMO. They produce some of the most terrifying withdrawal symptoms I've ever encountered. Luckily I never got into the IV drug scene, I can't even imagine how hard that would be to get through.

After 3 hospital visits they finally got me walking around with this huge contract like thing hanging over my head. They criticized me on every last detail, even down to not taking enough showers or eating mostly granola bars. Came home from that literally so shocked at the strictness of the whole place that I literally made it a point not to miss a shower every morning for the fear of them sending me back. I was afraid they would know about it somehow! I will never understand that place. These days I find myself wandering around in a huge deja-vu like stupor, unable to tell the difference between illusion and reality. Seriously, like I don't know if I've just incarnated myself so many times that I can't tell the difference anymore or what. Maybe it works just like the whole drug scene, like once we die we have to buy our way back into our lives via like a huge interactive virtual reality environment, or maybe we're just endlessly watching ourselves live our lives through our memories, just like that one Gorillaz song! Whatever it is, I'm sure it goes so far up the food chain that we will never be able to understand what's truly going on, whether it be from societal norms and beliefs or literally from life being so awesome that once we die and have the chance to be reincarnated again we just choose to go back and do everything over again as the same person. Purposely choosing to blind ourselves to some extent in order to have repeat experiences of that same, innate memory or event. Or maybe we become so powerful that we get to pick and choose what to remember and what to leave out, like those old Pick Your Own Adventure Nintendo Books. Either way, I find myself dealing with this situation a lot, and literally every moment in my life I'm able to pick out something I remember from some way distant memory or feeling I get. I still find myself getting depressed about the size of our planet in comparison to other planets like Jupiter and Saturn. I mean, we can't be the only ones out there with this type of technology, like time travel and all the different dimensions and quantum physics and general relativity and what not. It's so confusing, I've just decided to leave all that stuff up to the higher ups and hope they got it all figured out. I don't know, at least I'm still able to lucid dream every night! Almost like mass produced reincarnation for the masses. That's been my one and only true savior in my battle with addiction. Anyways, thanks to any and all who have listened to me tonight, thanks a lot! Looking forward to reading and hopefully responding to all of your messages!


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 30, 2015 5:19 pm 
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HI Cabose.

After I quit Suboxone the first time, I too turned to alcohol and cigerettes too. I think it is the addict in us to want to "feel different" After having a year off subs, I made the decision to get back on them. I was drinking and smoking way to much and taking benzos.

I think we give up one vice and switch to another so easily as addicts. Hence "eating disorders" or shopping addiction. etc.

I have to agree with you on the alcohol and cigarette thing. They are really bad for you. I do not do either now and I couldn't be happier.. & healthier.

Can I ask, while you were on subs, did you drink and smoke?

Have you considered getting back on a low dose of subs only and give up drinking and smoking? I really think this is a healthier route. Plus I feel that drinking somehow negates the effects of suboxone your on your body.

There is no shame in taking a low dose of subs to treat addiction issues.

Good luck


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 30, 2015 8:38 pm 
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Caboose128,
What you describe is very much like what I experienced when I was withdrawing from nicotine. I've heard some say that it is more addictive than heroin. I don't know if I believe that, but I do know that coming off it gives you all kinds of weird dreams and during the day you have a surreal feeling, almost like you are still in a dream. That lasted a few months, but eventually it all got better.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2015 10:03 pm 
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I don't know... I've only been off subs for 8 days but I still find myself uneasy with the way I feel. I think that's just part of what opiates do to our brains and bodies. Even if we were not in active addiction while on suboxone, it's still a real opiate and by itself (meaning without good self care and healthy habits/exercise, healthy eating etc..) it doesn't undo the damage we caused to ourselves in active addiction. I think it probably takes months to years to feel how we are supposed to feel after being off all substances, suboxone included.

I agree that being stable on a low dose is much healthier than being a smoker/drinker. There's absolutely no shame in needing to stay on!!


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 29, 2015 5:17 am 
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I don't know, I think I'm just really stupid. I didn't even bother to save any in case of emergencies or anything, and I was getting upwards of 30 strips per month for two years! Now I feel way more addicted than when I first entered treatment! It's not like I had any problems at all getting off either, I thought I'd get really sick throwing up and all that but I think I avoided it cuz I tapered down so low.

I do feel better after getting off cigs tho. It just sucks that I got so worried about the withdrawal that I threw away all I had left and cut ties with all my doctors. And it turned out to be so easy! Now when I actually need them again I can't get any and my old doc refused to see me again.

Oh well I guess. I just can't stop thinking that if I were smart I would have saved some or put some aside from each script instead of just using them all up because they were there and I didn't have anything else to do with them. I don't even think they were doing anything either cuz my tolerance was so high during that period. What a waste too especially considering that was one of the main reasons I got on them in the first place, to save up them up and get a huge supply. Now I'm just weak and bed ridden every day cuz I feel so damn sad and tired! Man that's so not fair, I had so many! So many wasted strips, I can't stop thinking about it!


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 29, 2015 3:10 pm 
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Hello again Caboose, been awhile since we ve heard from you..
So,you got on Subs so you could save them up? not sure im getting that right? Dk you feel like you should get back on them?
Cravings?
I ask because it would be the best if your thinking of useing opiates again. Uno?..

Your sad and tired?, from..?..

You can find a dr out there. Maybe not your old one but please dont give up looking .

Just wa ted to respond to your post and welcome you back Cab.


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 29, 2015 5:44 pm 
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Caboose, it sounds like you need the help of a professional. From what you're saying and the symptoms you describe I think you may be dealing with a mental illness. You need to find a psychiatrist, a doctor who is an addictionologist or a very qualified addiction therapist. You've mentioned eating disorders, having trouble telling reality from fantasy, wandering around in a stupor, and just being sad and tired. This is not normal!

Make an appointment with a professional soon!

Amy

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 29, 2015 9:34 pm 
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Caboose

I agree with Amy. Please make an appt with a psychiatrist. When you spoke about being tired and sad the first thing I thought was that you are very depressed. You don't have to live feeling that way. There are many antidepressants that can help. Is there someone you can ask to call the doctor? When I was very depressed I didn't even have the energy to find a doctor so my sister did it for me.

The other things you spoke about are important, please tell the doctor everything you feel, see, hear etc. that's the only way a doctor can help.

I feel for you...


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