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PostPosted: Sat May 16, 2015 8:50 pm 
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I recently went through treatment. It was my first time and I intend it to be my last. Not that I didn't like it. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I've been addicted to opiates for six or so years. Starting with vics/percs, moving up to oxy, and eventually to heroin. Tried the methadone program a few years ago, but wasn't very serious about getting clean. Smoked weed and used other opiates the whole time. Kicked that after a year and a half only to be back to the opiates rather quickly.
At treatment I started suboxone maintenance and have been doing really well. Sober for 45 days and going strong in all aspects of my life. Things have really been turning around and finally moving in the right direction.
Which brings me to yesterday. The new, productive me decides to do a little deep cleaning in my bedroom while doing some rearranging that I had been wanting to do for a year or two. I move my dresser and notice some garbage/debris had fallen behind it, no surprise. However when I pick it up, one of the things on the floor was a white 2mg klonapin... Even though when I graduated treatment I had gone through and tossed everything (kpins, xanax, my pot stash, pieces, anything drug related) with no problem. This ate at me. And I ended up eating it.. Feel so horrible about it. And now I don't know what to do. My wife said she's proud that I told her what I did. I talked about it in the NA meeting that I went to this morning. But Monday I have to go back to treatment for aftercare. Two days a week. In which they may or may not drug test me. I know they give ua's but not very regularly.I want to come clean with them but now I'm also worried about my sub doctor who runs out of the facility. In our initial appointment he told me that he knows that relapses happen. I mean, that's why I'm on sub in the first place. He said he's more worried about using alcohol or benzos since at high doses they can be dangerous with the bupe. Which, at the time, and even leading up to the second I picked it up, I wasn't planning on doing. If I come clean I am worried about getting kicked from the sub program. I don't know what to do.


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PostPosted: Sat May 16, 2015 9:18 pm 
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Oh, and I didn't get any helpful advice from the people in my NA meeting today. It was an "old timers" meeting and just about everyone there took their turns ridiculing me for being on suboxone. Except for one younger guy that sat back and said nothing at all. I love my meetings and loved this one until that all went down. I thought they were about acceptance. When I told them about the klonopin they were very supportive, once I brought up the suboxone, however, things changed rather quickly. So I guess we need to watch out what we talk about in our meetings.


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PostPosted: Sat May 16, 2015 10:07 pm 
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Hey Just,
Welcome to the forum!
You have a supportive wife and hopefully a supportive dr. We do hear this from time to time when a slip up in early recovery leads to the question of honesty with the Dr.
Read over your contract to see what steps are taken when a relapse happens.
You ve done well, congratulations on the 45 days and it was great to read that rehab went well too.

Please do not let this little set back spin you out. You came clean with your wife, and here also. The NA thing as you said was split down the middle. To bad really. Been there. Loug story, but most of them do not and will not support drug replacement therapy. There literature wont aloud it. Happened to me as well. Young and oldtimers will have there say, and yes, the tolerance and acceptance only gos so far. If you want more info on this you can PM me. Relapse on a substance, ?support, sub therapy? ,not so much.. anyway....

Hopefully your dr will see you are being truthful. I would guess the first slip up shouldnt cost you your place with him/her.
Again, check the rules you agreed to when you signed on with them.

Please keep posting, we are here for you man, you arent alone!lots of good people here...

Razor


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PostPosted: Sat May 16, 2015 10:29 pm 
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Thanks Razor,
Really hope so. I read the contract and it reads pretty black and white. There were four points at the bottom that were reasons for stopping this form of treatment and number one is not making progress in my sobriety and two, If i misuse, sell, or give away any of my sub. He put a parentheses around those two and I recall him saying that those two are negotiable. That people relapse and it's more important that we work through that than make drastic decisions that could possibly send the patient back into active addiction. Which leads me to believe that he may be willing to work with me if he sees that I really want this. However, I also remember him emphasizing on the "no bentos or alcohol". So I'm not sure how strongly he feels about that. When he said it I chuckled because if there were anything I'd choose to relapse on it definitely wouldn't be either of those... Hell, I'd way rather smoke some pot. And I've even been near pot and have had the chance to smoke it if I wanted to, and didn't... My mind is so blown that I made the choice that I did to eat that stupid thing and start myself back at day one. I love being sober. I know that I'm on the sub, but my mind is clear, I no longer focus on seeking drugs, I am the person that I was before addiction and even better. I actually can't wait for the future. Which is huge considering that a couple months ago I truly believed that scratching myself from life's roster would be the best for myself and everyone involved. man... I think I'm going to tell them the truth and hope for the best. If nothing else, it's a learning experience. That no matter how strong of a grip I think I have on it all I still need to keep my guard up. I gave into one of my least favorite drugs in the world. Wish me luck. And I will let you know how it goes.
Justin


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PostPosted: Sun May 17, 2015 9:27 pm 
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