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 Post subject: This is me, my story
PostPosted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 9:42 am 
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Hi everyone. Thanks for stopping by to read my story.
I am what they call a high functioning addict. I am a mother of two children and a professional employee at the same business for over 13 years. 4 years ago I entered the devils doorway with a perk addiction up to 150mg per day, this was all legal and in all honesty for the past four years my doctor has been my supplier. Late last April 2011 it was me who had enough and went for help. My doctor was able together me down to 45mg/day by late April. At which time I entered a 16 day detox centre. After the two weeks there I came home, went back to work, everything is a blur though, as I went through sever PAWS. PAWS was the worst part of my 62 clean days. I even was as far gone as knowing how I would end my life. I would blither daily and wish for an end to my mental and physical agony. June 24th, I fell and hurt my neck, went to the dr. Who knowingly prescribed me 20mg/day of statex morphine. Why he went that route is beyond me, but at that moment I was happy that I was getting another opiate. Now to make a long journey a little shorter; since end if June I am now up to 60mg of statex daily and keep running out and keep getting my scripts from my same doctor. On my own I went and saw 4different addiction counselors and all four advised that I should go on the suboxone treatment, not only for my long addiction, but for PAWS history. My induction is scheduled for October 21, two weeks!!!! I am worried that my tolerance is not high enough anymore to warrant subs, but my stomach and heart knows that I need some major help getting off opiates. I have tried to get off of and or tapper off statex and it so much worse than perks, even though my dose is a quarter of what it used to be. Can someone tell me that I am doing the right thing. I have no one to lean on, or talk to about this as it has been a secret I have been keeping for years. I also don't want it to be an option to tell my family, many reasons why this is a secret.
Okay, I think that's me in a cracked nutshell, but a nutshell nonetheless. Thanks so much for this site!!!


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 10:21 am 
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Hello, Feeb, and welcome to this forum.

I am so sorry that you had such a horrible experience with PAWS.

This is just my opinion, but I believe that you would be making the right decision
to go on Subs. I have been on Suboxone for almost 7 years- and am on 4 mg a day.
Previously to being on Subs, I was on just Darvocets and Vicodins; but my use of them were
definitely making my life unmanageable. However, I know of many people who had bigger/
stronger habits than I have had, and the Subs DID help them.
Getting on Subs was one of the best decisons of my life.

Anyway, I wish you luck in making a decision that is best for YOU.
So, good luck, and keep us posted.

-ex-


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 Post subject: Thank you
PostPosted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 10:55 am 
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Thank you Ex, for not only your support but your affirmation. It means a lot to me right now.
So in your opinion, you don't think I'm on too low of a dose at this point to start subs?
I do not want to feel out of it or anything of the sort. Opiates usually give me energy, and stability in my otherwise busy life. It has allowed me to get a dozen things done in a day opposed to none with no opiates. I'm terrified that this won't work. Although from all the posts I have read, subs seem like a "a hope in hell" LOL.
thanks again ex.


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 11:18 am 
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Hi and welcome, I am sorry you are going thru this and I absolutely agree with ex. In my opinion its not where your tolerance is but how much opiates are affecting your life. The only thing your tolerance will affect is the dose of sub you will require and with the high cost of sub its a good thing that you may require a smaller dose. I know this is a scary time and it feels like there is no way out but there is and you are seeking it. I am a mom of 4 and pretty much have the same story as you, I was prescribed 150mg of oxy a day and it didn't take long to spiral out of control. I too was scared to tell my family and decided to at the last minute, they have been so supportive. I am not lecturing you about not telling and if that's the way you need it to be, you should do whatever feels right to you at this time. I just want to caution you about shutting that door forever, once you are stable on suboxone re-evaluate telling them. It may be easier after you have started treatment.

I know you feel like you are alone but please know your not. We are here anytime day or night, I realize we are a bunch of strangers. We share a common problem and a common battle which others do not understand, this links us all together and we will be here to support you or if you just need to blow off steam, we will listen.

Oct 22nd is the day you take back your life and we are here for whatever you may need. Please feel free to pm me anytime, If you need more than a computer let me know and I will give you my phone number. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 11:19 am 
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Hey feeb,

You have to remember, Suboxone is an opiate too. It's a partial agonist, whereas Statex/Vicoden/Perks, etc. are full agonist. Suboxone, being a partial agonist, does not activate the opiate receptors in your brain like the Perks would have. I like to use an analogy using electricity. It's like Perks deliver 1000 volts of juice to your opiate receptors where Suboxone only delivers 12 volts.

Suboxone, even though delivering only 12 volts, will eliminate any PAWS you have.

Another nice thing about Suboxone is that a lot of people find they can taper down their Suboxone dose when they feel they're ready to get off of Suboxone.

Don't be afraid to start Suboxone. It sounds like Suboxone is exactly what you need.

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 Post subject: Thanks to all
PostPosted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 11:37 am 
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Thank you all for taking the time to read and reply to my message.
I understand that telling my family would be the ideal scenario, but two years ago I lost a step sister to overdose. Myexhusand is a police officer and does not understand this type of addiction. He sees what the stigma is, but not the truth.I cannot lose my kids, and oh yes, he would take them away from me in a heart beat even though I am 100times the parent he is.
My kids are the only reason for my next breath, and I cannot jeopardize them in anyway. Hence the secret side of this.
Thank you again for the support, I know I will need thus forum for a while to come and am so grateful that for at least a little bit of my day, while on here, I don't feel so ashamed and alone.
You guys are strength right....no pressure though...LOL


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 12:05 pm 
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I completely understand what you are saying and I would never risk losing my children either. I just wish you had someone close to you that you would feel comfortable confiding in. I can hear the loneliness in your post and wish you had the support. I read your other post about fearing that 8mg is too much. It may very well be, the doses we require are as individual as anything else about us. You may find 2 or 4mg does the trick. The goal is to find the lowest dose possible that keeps you out of withdrawl and addresses your cravings. Since paws is such a hard thing on you I would suggest finding a maintenance dose and staying on it for a little bit before you come off and the longer, slower your taper is the less paws you should have to contend with. If you find the depression creeping back in you may want to try an anti-depressant. I am on one and it has made a world of difference.

I would like to caution you that it is normal to feel your sub for the 1st couple weeks, your body will adjust and it will go away. Most of us here had this happen to us. I too was extremely nervous about starting sub and questioned my decision up until my induction but I can honestly say it was one of the best decisions I have ever made and think you will feel the same. It takes time to let the shame go and at times I still deal with it, but know you are not a bad person or mother. You should be proud of yourself for taking control and ending your addiction cycle. You are fighting for yourself and your kids and for me my children gave me the strength I needed to snap out of it, had I only had to live for myself I have no idea where I would be today. I know it is easier said than done but try to take that fear and turn it into excitement because you are doing the right thing and have a long happy life with your children in front of you!


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 Post subject: Re: Thank you
PostPosted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 2:02 pm 
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Feeb2011 wrote:
Thank you Ex, for not only your support but your affirmation. It means a lot to me right now.
So in your opinion, you don't think I'm on too low of a dose at this point to start subs?
I do not want to feel out of it or anything of the sort. Opiates usually give me energy, and stability in my otherwise busy life. It has allowed me to get a dozen things done in a day opposed to none with no opiates. I'm terrified that this won't work. Although from all the posts I have read, subs seem like a "a hope in hell" LOL.
thanks again ex.



You are quite welcome, Feeb.

I do not know how to multi-quote other peoples' posts on here,
but I agree with Breezy_Ann's post, as well as Romeo's post.

Of course NO ONE can come on here and tell you for certain that Subs WILL definitely
work for you: what works for me, might not work for you- or for anyone else, for that matter.
All that I can really do is share my experience and tell you what has worked for me.
Like I have previously said, I have been on Subs for almost 7 years- and I had started out
at 8 mg per day. Well, about around 6 years into that treatment, I was able to lower my dose
to my present dose, which is 4 mg per day.

Furthermore, I would definitely stay on Suboxone for the rest of my life, if I could.
However, at some point- I realize that my insurance will cut me off; and I will be
forced to pay for them in cash- which might be a problem, since I am on a low, fixed income.

I have never had any problems with- nor have I ever experienced any horrific side effects from-
Suboxone. I am VERY fortunate to have an excellent Sub Doctor, who has been treating me the entire time.

I just thought that I would share with you my experience.

Again- Good Luck with your decision- and with your Sub treatment- IF that is what path you do decide to take.

-ex-

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 Post subject: With the Rest
PostPosted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 2:38 pm 
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Welcome to the forum Feeb2011,

There really isn't anything else I can add as it was all good information. Like others, I can only share my own experience with you so you know you are not in this alone.

Like so many others I was prescribed pain meds for chronic pain. Of course my dose went up because we all know the thing about tolerance. You simply need more to get the job done. At a certain point you realize you cannot take any larger dose because they just stopped working. I remember the day clearly when I took 10 Norco 10/325's and did not feel any change. So what was the point of taking so many pills if they don't do anything?

On May 2, 2010, I was put on Suboxone. Since that day my life has only improved. Today I am at 1mg vs the 24mgs I started on.

To deal with the stigma attached to Suboxone, I tell anyone who asks that my doctor put me on to wean me off the years of pain medications. That seems to satisfy their curiosity and doesn't make me look like a drug addict.

Your concern about not being on a high enough dose to warrant the Suboxone, it doesn't matter. They can start you on a low dose and it will manage the PAWS and any other withdrawal symptom you may have. Life will return to a place you may have forgotten. No more worrying about the next pill or counting to see when you'll run out. Feeling panicked knowing you will come up short by a few days before getting a new script. No more asking the pharmacy to fill your script early and getting that look they give you that makes you feel small and guilty.

Once you are on Sub and stabilize, then you work on the addictive part of your personality. The doctors normally recommend seeing a therapist or going to meetings, anything to work on returning to your old self and not thinking about how and when to get high.

Use this place as one of your tools for support and information. There is so much information here it will spin your head around. You found the right place. Pull up a chair and get comfortable. Life will be back in session after your induction.

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 2:52 pm 
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Rule brings up a very good point, I tell people the exact same thing about why I am on sub. My closest family knows that I truly am an addict which is why i sought sub treatment but I tell everyone else I am using sub to wean off of the long time I needed pain killers and have never been questioned further. I am glad he posted that because if you ever wind up in that situation it is a legitimate answer.


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 Post subject: Another BIG thank you
PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2011 11:42 am 
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Reading, hearing and understanding everything you guys write is amazing. I am thrilled that I found this forum, had the guts to join and the self worth to actually post...a lot...lol.
Perhaps this will become my new addiction!!! Which wouldn't be so bad in comparison.
Thank you everyone....rule sounds like you have taken chapters out of my book.
Cheers and hugs to you all
Feeb


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