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PostPosted: Sat Aug 15, 2015 6:18 pm 
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Tiki wrote:


Rule

Thank you! I am afraid to say anything else based on the grammar & spelling pet peeves you and Amy have. :lol: Just kidding


that was not the take-away we were going for at all tiki I was just making the point that text without any punctuation and capitals is really hard to read that's the only reason i dont like it when its just a solid block of writing its really hard to figure out i was actually saying that i dont care about grammar and spelling on a forum like this as long as im able to understand what is being said people have all different levels of education here and variety is the spice of life this right here is the only style that is hard for me to take because it takes a lot of effort to figure this out

Just so you know, darling Tiki, that's all I was talking about! :)

Hi Michelle! Thank you for joining this thread! I want everyone to feel welcome here, because the better we know each other the more we can support each other. I am so sorry for the rotten things you've been through except that they have made you the valuable person you are today. I would never wish for a child to go through the kinds of devastating events that you have been through, and I wouldn't wish for a person to deal with obesity in a world that is so cruel to people who aren't thin. The fact that it's shaped you into the social worker you are now, however, is something to celebrate! That you've turned negatives into positives is fantastic! I'm on my way to trying to do the same, so you are a great example for me!

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PostPosted: Sat Aug 15, 2015 10:24 pm 
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Amy

What a good person you are. I also find "run on" paragraphs hard to understand. I saw it , got it and had a good laugh xox


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 16, 2015 9:21 am 
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"This town is a cesspool of criminals and homeless. In a few years we'll make it back to California and rent. Thank my lucky stars I have a conceal carry permit. With luck, I'll never have to use it."

Rule, thanks for pointing out that, contrary to what the media would have you believe, the overwhelming majority of gun owners are law abiding citizens who would actually HATE to HAVE to use their gun.

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 16, 2015 2:52 pm 
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Here is a question for everyone. My 17 year old son is going into his junior year of high school. Now I love him very intensely, like most mothers love their children. I put a lot of effort into providing boundaries for him when he was little and trying to have him understand why it's important to treat others well, so he is a nice person, not bratty or entitled.

So, with two years left before college I am really struggling with the upcoming process of letting him go. Because here's the thing. I not only love him in the usual way, but I like him too! I love hanging out with him! And I'm going to miss him so much when he's gone! I would like to point out that he ditches me and hangs out with friends all the time. So he's not tied to the apron strings (as if I cooked enough to wear an apron!).

How did you other moms and dads get through this??? I do love my husband, but my son and I get each other in a way that my hubby and I don't. Jacob and I are just typically on a very similar wavelength and I will miss that on a regular basis.

Are there any helpful tricks of the trade? The only fortunate thing for me is that I will be entering a career at the point when he is leaving. So at least I will be busy. I don't know.

Amy

P.S. Tiki, I'm glad you got a chuckle out of my paragraph with no punctuation. I had fun trying to write that way! Because writing with capitals and punctuation is what feels normal to me. :)

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 17, 2015 10:48 am 
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Amy, It will be difficult but you do it because of the alternative...a son who stays home with his Mom and does not go out and explore the world and create his own adventure! You have prepared him for this! You have given him the wings to fly and you love him too much to clip them now! Besides that, he will come back! lol The good ones always do! I give you this advise without having raised my own biological children. I have very close relationships with my nieces and nephews but more importantly, I have held my sister's hand each time her three children have left the nest. Have a wonderful day! And, once again, thank you so much for all you share! Having great people like you here on this forum has been a life saver for me!


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 07, 2015 10:14 pm 
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Amy, I can totally empathize with your anxiety about your son "leaving the nest" so to speak because prior to my divorce from my 4 children's father, I'd never spent any considerable amount of time away from them. I was a mommy to 4 little ones and identified as such, even to the point of calling myself mom, in lieu of my own name, at times. After Steve and I moved in together and my ex husband, Carlos found his own place, it became time to discuss custody arrangements instead of the normal Saturday visitation, we'd gotten accustomed to. We mutually agreed that we'd split the time they spent with us in half, but making sure that neither one of us were away from them for terribly long amounts of time. The arrangement wound up being two weeks with me and Steve, and 2 weeks with dad.
Now, Amy, before the first time to let them go actually came, I was a wreck with sooo many different emotions and thoughts/worries going through my mind. I played out so many worst case scenarios.... in my mind one of those was. ."what if they like being with dad better than me and don't want to come home? " then I actually felt a bit excited like. .."hmmm, 2 weeks, no kids, no cartoons, no whining, playing taxi driver for 4 kids. .woohoo! So the evening arrived and their father came to pick them up, I kissed then all goodbye and hugged them like I was never seeing them again. After the car left the driveway, I burst into tears, feeling lost, and mostly guilty because in my mind they'd never have to live in two different places if not for me breaking up their family. Yes, that's how my mind worked. I've since worked out much of my "guilt issues" in my therapy. After a few days, and of course those first few times they went to dad's house, talking on the phone every single night, it got easier. Turned out it wasn't only hard for me, but I hadn't even really considered how difficult it was for them as well. It took over a year for us all to fall into a good routine. A year of some great things and some really tough things too. For a few months, they were really acting out, even had a few minor brushes with the police at 11 and 14 years old! Sounds awful, but it's really not. I have a very long winded point, I swear.

It's this: when they first were away from me for long periods of time, I felt alone, lost, and unneeded! You'd have thought that I'd have been happy they liked being at their fathers house, but instead it made me feel like they somehow didn't love me as much. They also had anxieties, they didn't want to disappoint me or upset me or their dad by telling me oror him how tough it was for them to go back and forth between two homes with 2 different sets of rules and expectations, 2 different schedules, routines, etc etc. So they kept those things inside, and as a result acted out, slipped in school for a while. . Etc. Buuuut, note that it's been a few years, and we've all had time to adjust, things are going so much more smoothly, as smoothly as can be in a house full of four hormonal teenagers, lol! Like you, I not only love my kids, I really like them. Each of their personalities is so unique and awesome. I see a bit of myself in all of them, and a WHOLE LOT OF myself in my son Alex. He and I just click... we have the same dry and at times dark and inappropriate sense of humor. We laugh and cry at the same things. We have so many of the same insecurities, and often know exactly what the other is thinking or feeling without saying.
More than that, my children are the type of people who I'd be friends with if they were not my kids and were adults, if that makes sense? It does to me anyway, lol!
The time apart, which seemed so terrible at first, I now see, has actually made me appreciate my kids so much more than I did before. When 4 kids, who are very close in age are constantly under foot, it's easy to get frustrated with them, yell, and feel completely overwhelmed. The same is true for them. I have an intense personality, I'm stubborn, loud, bossy, and like to get my own way.my moods have very high highs and very low lows, and it is just as exhausting to live with me like this, as it is to be me, like this! They needed a break from me as badly as I said I needed one from them! So they also appreciate the time they spend with me more. The first day back from dad's they're all competing to talk to me, talking over one another, catching up with me about their last two weeks. .. it's very nice actually. Instead of yessing them to death like I've done in the past when they were all chattering, I'm actually engaged and listening to them. In not constantly calling them every night checking up on them anymore, but once in a while, they call me just to chat. (Aka, they miss me) lol!

It may seem horrible, especially at first, but in our case, it brought us closer together and helped us to appreciate and love each other even more.
I know that might not be much comfort to you now, and I know I'll be a wreck when the first of mine goes out on his own/of to college or service, etc, but I'd like to think that this has helped prepare me, and them for that not so distant future.
I hope I've made some sense here.


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 15, 2017 12:33 pm 
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I know this is an older Thread, but there are so many wonderful posts here. I like when Amy says that this is a soft place to land. I think we all need that in our lives. I know that I do.

During my active pill popping I had an awful craving to spend money on things that I wanted. I love fashion & handbags & shoes & the like. I was able to sell my old things to fund my new things up to a point. Then I began to use my credit cards to fund this addiction. I am now happy to say that after 3 months on Sub, I have 1 payment left & I'm out of debt!

I'm doing pretty well on 4.5 mg. It took me a while to go from 5 to 4.5. I see that I will have to taper very very slowly. I do believe that this can work in my favor as I continue to work on my life & the problems I caused.

I'm so thankful for the Moderators, our 2 doctors, and all the others that continue to post even after their stint with Bupe is successfully behind them. They always seem to have a smile on their faces, even when encountering the trolls or anger that some spew. I'm amazed at how they handle these folks. They deserve a reward for all of their time & efforts. I truly believe that very good things will come to them, good karma if you will.

I know they will be there for me when I need them. What more can you ask for? I hope that my contribution to this Forum will benefit others too.

Best to all!

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 15, 2017 1:57 pm 
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Your response brought tears to my eyes, Dee.

I am so proud of you for paying off your debt!! That is an area I struggle with myself. It takes major self discipline to take control of your finances. When I first went on suboxone I did a lot of online shopping. I was trying to fill the hole of having something to look forward to, because I didn't have a high to anticipate.

We continue to try to make the forum a soft place to fall because there are so many desperate people that come here. Thank you for appreciating the mods and docs. And thank you for being responsive to others who are struggling. :)

Amy

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 15, 2017 2:27 pm 
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DeeKay that's a wonderful post! And u are a very valuable contributor to this forum.

U know, I have always been in love with fashion and shoes and please don't get me started on handbags! I always have, it's just something that really really makes me happy and feeling good about myself. I always focused a little too much on those things, until my active addiction showed me I wasn't as great as I thought I was lol. I went from feeling confident to not even showering half the time. I went probably over a year without a haircut during that time, didn't buy myself 1 thing other than pills. I even traded some of my handbags for pills (to the female dealers of course).

I went from a high self esteem to non existent during my using time. I just lost everything about myself that had ever mattered before. So when recovery finally came along, I had little confidence. It took me a good 6 months to even gain a little bk. I'm still not the confident person I once was and I'm not sure I ever will be but I'm hopeful. I keep thinking about how ppl that knew me before and knew what I'd been through during addiction, I feel like they're forever going to judge me. But a good outfit and handbag will sure make me feel better :)

Thanks for ur post DeeKay!! And great job on getting ur credit cards almost paid off, that's a huge accomplishment.

I just remembered, U know my counselor said something one day in a meeting. She said, it's always fun for me to see the ladies progress over time. She said that seeing them in recovery compared to when she first saw them in the very beginning, they go through a transformation bk to their old selves. Makeup, hair, clothes etc. She's right too, I know it was like that for me. Maybe we're coming bk stronger than ever!!

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 15, 2017 4:42 pm 
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Amy-Work In Progress wrote:
Your response brought tears to my eyes, Dee.

I am so proud of you for paying off your debt!! That is an area I struggle with myself. It takes major self discipline to take control of your finances. When I first went on suboxone I did a lot of online shopping. I was trying to fill the hole of having something to look forward to, because I didn't have a high to anticipate.

We continue to try to make the forum a soft place to fall because there are so many desperate people that come here. Thank you for appreciating the mods and docs. And thank you for being responsive to others who are struggling. :)

Amy

Oh Amy, I don't want you to cry! I want you to rejoice for all that you do. When I got on Sub it somehow filled that need to shop. I guess it was another addiction that it handled for me & thank God it did. I can totally see how you tried to fill a void by shopping at first. We all probably did things in the early days that were kind of crazy. Part of the process I suppose.

I'm glad that you were touched by my post. Helping others is a great feeling. Your dedicating your life to it and that, I believe, will be so rewarding.

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 15, 2017 4:49 pm 
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jennjenn wrote:
I went from a high self esteem to non existent during my using time. I just lost everything about myself that had ever mattered before. So when recovery finally came along, I had little confidence. It took me a good 6 months to even gain a little bk. I'm still not the confident person I once was and I'm not sure I ever will be but I'm hopeful. I keep thinking about how ppl that knew me before and knew what I'd been through during addiction, I feel like they're forever going to judge me. But a good outfit and handbag will sure make me feel better :)

I just remembered, U know my counselor said something one day in a meeting. She said, it's always fun for me to see the ladies progress over time. She said that seeing them in recovery compared to when she first saw them in the very beginning, they go through a transformation bk to their old selves. Makeup, hair, clothes etc. She's right too, I know it was like that for me. Maybe we're coming bk stronger than ever!!

I don't think those folks will judge you on who you used to be forever! Forgiveness will come for you I truly believe. I know how dressing nice & really taking care of yourself is a great thing. I feel so much better about myself when I present myself well taken care of. Maybe we will come back stronger than ever! I am going to believe that & hold onto it. Thanks for the words of wisdom (once again)!

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 16, 2017 8:22 am 
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I have gained forgiveness from the ppl who truly matter, like my family and those who are most important. After almost 6 years I've proven I've changed. I also live in a small town in the south :) and not everyone thinks addicts change and a lot sure don't believe buprenorphine is anything other than another problem, there's a lot of judgement out there from those type of ppl. That's what I meant.

Some ppl I was really close to before addiction, I've learned they can be very judgmental. At least I've learned who those judgmental ppl are and I don't want to be around that type of person anymore. It takes going through something like this to find out who truly cares for u. I worked in an environment where addicts were constantly in and out of jail and I remember talking to my coworkers about how they just keep making the same mistakes over and over again. I never truly understood but I sure thought I did. Little did I know that I'd become one of those ppl, and I'm sure they talked. That's kind of what I'm meaning by judgement and ppl in my past. I've accepted all these things, had lots of counseling about it. It doesn't bother me like it did the first year of my recovery.

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 16, 2017 9:24 am 
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I'd say for me, the "fun" is just beginning...as my youngest daughter is a few weeks away from starting school and since she was born, I have been a stay-home parent. We made a decision that when she went to school, I would again enter the working world..and find something (doesn't matter the pay or job)...but something I enjoy...
And seemingly, that has fallen into my lap!!
My sister works (worked?) at a place that is a supplier for Honda Manufacturing of Alabama. They stamp-out certain parts of the vehicle (door hinges, upper members, dust shrouds, etc)...and she overheard about them wanting to bring in someone to help with the IT part of bringing a new warehouse online...so she talked to a few folks and got me in. As of right now, I have signed off as being just a contractor, but my official title is Administrative -- IT. I have had to endure listening to the office politics for the past week, and I have to admit, I've never seen any place ran the way this place is ran. And I have decisions to make about talking to the plant manager before my "job" is over. I think, as an IT person, and with the ability to consult without repercussion by being "fired"...I can speak freely and just tell this guy what I think...respectfully (I hope I can do it that way).
I think for a plant like this, a supplier to Honda (and also in a position to where if they lose the Honda contract, they shut down and nearly 400 people will be out of a job!!!), they should probably take a little more in-depth look at their measures to insure production capabilities and security concerns. The IT guy that is the "main" person in-plant...well he's young -- the biggest thing working against him. He's 21 years old, and he has access like I've never seen before in just one person. And it can make or break the entire plant...when you have a person who has the passwords for TimeIPS (which is the timekeeper for the entire plant, the "time clock"...or whatever you wish to call it). He has passwords for things that he just simply doesn't need. And there is nobody else who can quickly and easily counter should anything happen to cause him to suddenly decide he is done and leave. I think it's something the plant manager should be made aware of, and I plan on having a chat with him once the time has ended for me.
I told my wife I need to be prepared for two things: first, I need to be ready to be told to get the f*ck out of the plant and go home -- as it might be insulting, even though I'll try to be as courteous as possible with him...or, second, i need to be prepared for them to offer me a job where I'll be attached at the hip with a company...on-call ...and readily available to work from home or anywhere else I might be...
It could go either way. I don't have a preference either way. Sure, I'd like to keep the current position and pay. They just gave me what I asked for -- which is way less than your average IT pay...but I'm OK with it. It'll give me a little extra spending money each month. And starting out at $15 / hour isn't bad when I don't have any college and taught myself everything that I know.
The stuff I don't know I can either figure out along the way, or I can have the IT admin that's over the entire IT dept in the plant (they have 3 plants, 1 in Canada is the main plant) just VPN and show me stuff on PC if I need to know it. Some things I just don't want to know, like getting into the TimeIPS site to modify pay, time, vacation, etc. That's not what IT should have access to. Yes they should know how to fix a problem, but that doesn't include having access to accounts of people who are no longer employed and their account with TimeIPS hasn't been disabled!!

So that's where I'm at right now. If they tell me to go home..then I'll enjoy the last week or two I have with Reagan before school starts...and then I'll find another job. I wasn't really ready to jump right into working 6 days/week...after being home nearly 7 years...but if they decide to keep me, I'll be handed a company cell phone, access that IT needs, a company email...and being attached at the hip in a place.
And it'll be a stepping stone if something better comes along. But I'm not really up for job-hopping. I'd stay around I guess if they keep me...
Decisions to make...and things to work on when they decide my "contractor" time is over with.

(edit)

I should also add...I've talked with various people in the plant...
I'm nearly 40. So I have people skills that someone who is 21 doesn't have. I can talk to people without arguing, which my IT counterpart doesn't seem able to do. And I have personally heard him say "That's not my job" so many times that I'm nearly ready to explode when I hear it!! You just don't say that in a production environment.
I've been in production/manufacturing plants all of my life, except for the last 7 years or so. I started out at 18 in an ice-cream manufacturing plant (Blue bell). And I've worked for a couple others, including Honda. So I know the way of the world in manufacturing facilities.
The people that I've spoken with in the plant pretty much like me. Even the office people that I have talked with..one person in the office that I've made pretty decent friends with is the 66 year-old HR lady. She's very nice, and sweet as can be. The other, he's pretty important, as he's the comptroller. He has control over all of the money the plant spends, including payroll and expenditures. And I've talked with him in an "intelligence" sort of manner..so he knows where my ethics are in work and I think he would stand-up for me in a possible "hire him" scenario. I won't ask anyone to do that, but I think the views are in that ballpark....
I will say that I despise office politics...hearing about people who will be fired...down to being my own sister...(she got fired Friday...but is supposed to be back to work tomorrow)...
The place is a spectacle from the outside looking in. And I plan on discussing with the plant manager what I feel should be done to improve production and numbers. People should NEVER say "that's not my job"...even if it is IT. The guy I work with tells anyone that, including office people.
And the HR lady told me that just what she's seen, he's been coddled too much ...and allowed to do whatever he wants...and to come and go when he wants. All because he's IT and he thinks he's just that important. Sorry, but people in IT may be few and far between, but they aren't impossible to find. I'd probably be willing to step-in and do what he does, and not give the arguments and opposition that he gives when he's asked to do things that don't fall into IT.
But that's just me. I don't think they should rely so heavily on someone so young...because it can be detrimental to the operation and day-to-day activity in so many ways.

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 16, 2017 9:33 am 
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jennjenn wrote:
I have gained forgiveness from the ppl who truly matter, like my family and those who are most important. After almost 6 years I've proven I've changed. I also live in a small town in the south :) and not everyone thinks addicts change and a lot sure don't believe buprenorphine is anything other than another problem, there's a lot of judgement out there from those type of ppl. That's what I meant.



Oh now I understand! I grew up in that small town in Texas. There are just those kind of people there & there's nothing you can do but stay far far away. When you go through tough times you do find out who your real friends are. It happens in the big city too.

I'm glad you've found your peace with it. Self forgiveness is a really big deal for us and I'm glad that you've found it because you deserve it!

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 16, 2017 9:41 am 
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Interesting situation Jonathan! I really hope things work out well for you. Entering the job market after years off is a challenge. Sounds like you hit the ground running. I wish you the best and glad you had a place to "Vent". I like this Thread. It's good for the soul.

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 16, 2017 8:11 pm 
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I have pretty much hit the ground running, and that wasn't what I really wanted to do. I was hoping to "ease" back into the working world...But you know you can't always get what you want (yeah, I did just play that chorus in my head)....
Now the song is stuck.

At any rate, we'll see how things go this week. I'm sure I'll hear plenty before it ever happens...whether I'm gonna be "in" or "out"...And I can prepare accordingly for that time. I think I would've actually done my meeting with the plant manager on Friday but he was out of the office.

Truth be told I am not sure how much good it'll do with the plant manager...because from what I see and have seen, he is on a slippery slope. I'm sure anyone here who's seen that type of workplace knows that when you have a plant manager who can't turn the numbers around in XX amount of time, they are usually history and shipped out on the first thing smokin'!
So whether my chat with him does any good is gonna be a crapshoot...it could, then again I could just be pissin in the wind -- so to speak.
I hate to raise that sort of "ruckus"...
But what I do (or don't do) could affect jobs in this area..If I don't say something and they lose the Honda contract...I'll feel guilty for it...even though the things that I have concerns about may not be the reasons behind it...
And if I do, and he says "get the hell out of here and don't come back"...well I'll rest assured that his job will probably be the next one they cut from the Canada-pedestal. With us being controlled by an out-of-country entity....they only send people in when there is big stuff happening. And the past 3 days last week they had folks in from Canada and the holding company that owns the entire corporation.

When they bring in people from the holding companies, it's usually not a good sign. They are either gonna try to liquidate after the shutdown and are gathering info on what they can salvage in a fire-sale of equipment...or they plan on adding a tremendous amount of work and jobs (and more real estate to the existing plant.)....

I do know that when it goes beyond the actual company itself, and the parent holding company starts to pay visits, there is trouble in paradise. The comptroller sort of silently told us that the plant manager has gone through 3 million in 3 months...and the numbers still aren't coming out right...
You can't have that. The holding company starts looking at ways to minimize their expenditures and losses, especially when production numbers aren't being met.

But none of that concerns a person who's just doing IT work...or it shouldn't. However, I see more than what I let them know I see. And it could work out to the better for me, or wind up biting me in the ass. It will soon all come to light and I'll report back whatever the outcome is.
I'm trying my luck with the plant manager first...since he would be the liaison ...

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 16, 2017 9:56 pm 
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jonathanm1978 wrote:
But none of that concerns a person who's just doing IT work...or it shouldn't. However, I see more than what I let them know I see. And it could work out to the better for me, or wind up biting me in the ass. It will soon all come to light and I'll report back whatever the outcome is.
I'm trying my luck with the plant manager first...since he would be the liaison ...


I admit that what you've posted in this thread and one other I believe goes over my head a bit. I'm more of a creative type and never did well in corporate business environments. But from what I do understand, I would encourage you to tell them about your concerns. You would be letting them know about a potential crack in the system... one that could result in a huge amount of job loss if this young guy decided to call it quits, or even worse, decided he wanted to cause some problems as payback for whatever reason.

You seem like you're coming from an angle that wants to potentially protect workers. That's a noble stance if you ask me. There's got to be a way that you could word it so that they know you're speaking out of real concern for the company and the workers and not just trying to make waves. The fact that you're writing about it in detail here tells me that your gut instinct is to say something. That's a tough spot to be in. I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do.

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Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

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