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 Post subject: Think POSITIVE!
PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2012 9:49 am 
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As some of you may know from reading my previous posts over the last several months, I've made a major change in my way of thinking and seeing life.

I used to be a miserable-ass person, always seeing things in the worst possible light. I'd perseverate on the worst possible outcome and then wondered why I was always so damned unhappy! I decided a change was in order. It took me a long time to get to where I am now. I'm still working on it, because it takes a long time to really get a change in thinking to really stick, but I've made a lot of progress.

When I answer posts/threads here, I apply my positive perspective and try to see things in the very best possible light. I do this because when someone has a situation, seeing it in a more positive than negative viewpoint, I believe, has a direct effect on that situation. It affects how we see it and therefore what actions we take. If we see the whole things with a negative slant, how can we progress forward? How can we look forward to anything with any hope? All we'll ever see is the bad and people will continue to be miserable.

I've noticed that in posts where people are extremely negative and I try my "let's look at this in another way" response, it's often ignored or gets an odd response that's not specifically directed at me, but is clear that the person obviously looked at my perspective as foolish at best. I'm not going to say any more about that thread, because I'm choosing not to give any information out that would identify the thread or the person who replied. (This is by far NOT the focus of this, I just meant it as an example.)

I know it's hard to change one's way of thinking. I also know that people new to recovery are very much in flux. But people that have been in recovery awhile and are still in such a state of negativity, well, I don't see how that can be good for their recovery.

Is there something comforting about holding onto one's negativity?

It seems that people just don't want to change to see things in a more positive way. My life improved so much when I made this change. I went from a bitchy, miserable woman to a happy, much more pleasant-to-be-around person. All that just by practicing and changing my mindset from overall negative to positive.

Keep in mind I'm not talking just about the people on the forum, although I am seeing it occur here, too. I'm also talking about "real-life" people as well.

Is it just plain too hard to try to change oneself or too scary to think about it?

What do you all think? Do you think you're an optimist or a pessimist? Did you come to be that way consciously? If you're a pessimist, has it ever occurred to you that you can change it?

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 Post subject: Re: Think POSITIVE!
PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2012 10:43 am 
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hatmaker510 wrote:
As some of you may know from reading my previous posts over the last several months, I've made a major change in my way of thinking and seeing life.

I used to be a miserable-ass person, always seeing things in the worst possible light. I'd perseverate on the worst possible outcome and then wondered why I was always so damned unhappy! I decided a change was in order. It took me a long time to get to where I am now. I'm still working on it, because it takes a long time to really get a change in thinking to really stick, but I've made a lot of progress.

When I answer posts/threads here, I apply my positive perspective and try to see things in the very best possible light. I do this because when someone has a situation, seeing it in a more positive than negative viewpoint, I believe, has a direct effect on that situation. It affects how we see it and therefore what actions we take. If we see the whole things with a negative slant, how can we progress forward? How can we look forward to anything with any hope? All we'll ever see is the bad and people will continue to be miserable.

I've noticed that in posts where people are extremely negative and I try my "let's look at this in another way" response, it's often ignored or gets an odd response that's not specifically directed at me, but is clear that the person obviously looked at my perspective as foolish at best. I'm not going to say any more about that thread, because I'm choosing not to give any information out that would identify the thread or the person who replied. (This is by far NOT the focus of this, I just meant it as an example.)

I know it's hard to change one's way of thinking. I also know that people new to recovery are very much in flux. But people that have been in recovery awhile and are still in such a state of negativity, well, I don't see how that can be good for their recovery.

Is there something comforting about holding onto one's negativity?

It seems that people just don't want to change to see things in a more positive way. My life improved so much when I made this change. I went from a bitchy, miserable woman to a happy, much more pleasant-to-be-around person. All that just by practicing and changing my mindset from overall negative to positive.

Keep in mind I'm not talking just about the people on the forum, although I am seeing it occur here, too. I'm also talking about "real-life" people as well.

Is it just plain too hard to try to change oneself or too scary to think about it?

What do you all think? Do you think you're an optimist or a pessimist? Did you come to be that way consciously? If you're a pessimist, has it ever occurred to you that you can change it?




Dear Hat,

Funny you should bring this topic up as I am just now realizing that I am a pessimist and need to be more positive.
I have been trying to work on this. My husband is just the opposite...he wakes up every morning in a great mood, saying things like ok..what are we going to do for fun today??!!I, on the other hand say before my feet hit the floor...Oh shit, the sun is up...we have been married for 42 years this June 27..and I don't see how we get along like we do. He is always in a good mood...I am usually whinning about something all the time.

I have found to change my way of thinking and opening my big damn mouth..is very hard. But, lately I have been trying to listen more than hog the conversation...and trying to think..if you can't say something nice just keep your damn mouth shut. I really want to be positive. I want to be a happy person...and now that I have bup and am off drugs my life has changed so much for the better. I know I still have a lot of work on me to do, however, and that is the hard part.

I think listening instead of talking all the time is a big factor..I am actually listening to people instead of hogging the show.
This is a first step for me Thanks for bringing this up...maybe people will chime in and I will get some new ideas on how to change from glass half -empty to glass half-full.

Slipper

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"For evil to flourish, all that is needed is for good people to do nothing." >> Edmund Burke


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PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2012 10:53 am 
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Slipper, for me it was a matter of a lot of self-talk. You will first start catching yourself in the negative space AFTER you've been there. But as you keep noticing your pessimism, you'll start noticing it earlier in your actions/words. When you notice it, you sort of "talk yourself down". I say things to myself like "How is thinking this way coloring my view of things?". I just stop and think about my thoughts and then I RE-THINK my way into seeing the positive out of whatever I was seeing negatively.

With enough practice, you'll eventually start to anticipate your own negativity BEFORE you do or say anything. That is how we change our own actions/behaviors....we have to start with our thought processes first. (At least that's what therapy has taught me and it's what's worked for me for a long time.)

I'm no spring chicken and I only started making this change a year or so ago. If you really want to do this, Slipper, I guarantee you can. The change in you will be drastic. You'll find yourself happier naturally and smiling more. People will enjoy being around you more.

Feel free to PM me.

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-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2012 12:22 pm 
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I am a total pessimist, and I thought it was funny that you brought this up too, because just yesterday, I realized how my way of thinking about every situation that occurs throughout the day, is probably what is causing my anxiety. My bf is like your husband slipper. He is so jolly and loves life, and is excited for every day. He always sees things in a positive light. I told him that I'm glad he sees me through rose colored glasses, because I know that I can be hard to love sometimes. He told me, "Honey, I see LIFE through rose colored glasses."

That was kind of a light bulb moment for me. Why can't I see life through rose colored glasses? I have always been a realist and think of things in terms of how bad they are, and not what they could be, or how they could be improved.

Another thing that I just recently realized is that I am causing my own anxiety and irritability by responding the way I do to people's actions. I am constantly in awe of how rude people can be, and how effed up people are. When somebody does something differently than the way I would do it, I get so irritated! I think, how could they do that, or how can they live like that, or treat people that way, etc. I think I have to concentrate on what I am doing and how I am responding, instead of focusing on what other people are doing all the time.

I guess I expect everyone to treat people the way I do, and to function in life in the way that I see fit. But if I keep having those expectations, I will forever be irritated and disappointed, which can get really frustrating and depressing. So I am trying to stop reacting to things the way I usually do, and just realize that I can only control myself and my reactions. I have been so wrapped up in responding to everyone else, that it brings me down. I know I just need to relax, and I will try to start catching myself when I start to think negatively, just like you said hat.


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 Post subject: I am surprised
PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2012 12:40 pm 
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And all this time I thought all of you were positive people. Negative ones don't post to strangers trying to help them, do they? I don't think I need to tell you which way I am. It is what saved my life recently.

The way others react is very simple. If you give out negativity then that's what you'll get back. If you compliment someone, give them a large smile, do a random act of kindness, then you are rewarded with a pleasant person, albeit temporarily. I learned that at a very young age. My wife is always amazed at how I get my way with complete strangers. Treat someone nice, they'll feel good and treat you back the same. Ever notice what happens when you are angry at a company and mistreat the representative on the phone? Yep, you're met with coldness and no help. Be polite and use some humor and they will bend over backwards to help you. I'm amazed at how many people don't know this. It feels so much better to be angry. But I get results.

Try it sometime and see if I'm right. If you are in a fight with your spouse, apologize, even if you are completely right. See what happens. Look them in the eyes, smile and hug them. It is very hard not to reciprocate.

Alright, I'm getting a little nutty here. Plus, I shouldn't give out my secrets so freely. And maybe I'm way off topic too. Just got to typing and kept going.

Rule

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 Post subject: Re: I am surprised
PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2012 12:47 pm 
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rule62 wrote:
Be polite and use some humor and they will bend over backwards to help you.


This might be true the majority of the time, but not always. I am always polite and respectful, especially when doing business transactions. I also like to crack little jokes sometimes, just to keep things friendly and light. But some people are just plain rude and miserable, no matter how you treat them. These are the people who baffle me...why would they go into a the field of customer service??!!

I do think that is great advice for when you are in a fight with your spouse.


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PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2012 12:48 pm 
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You are so right, Rule. When I become angry and used to be negative along with the anger, it led to problems when I'd have conflicts. Now that I've changed, I get much better results during conflicts with people. They are more apt to want to deal with me and they are kinder and more cooperative. No more yelling from me. (I grew up in a family of yellers. I abhor that drama now.)

And yes, it works on your partner, too.

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-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2012 4:58 pm 
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Hat,

Very nice topic.. I'm a very positive person.. I've even coined a phrase that friends & family tease me about.. PMA Positive Mental Attitude..lol..It's a lifestyle..Over the years it's kind of taken on a life of its own.. It's not unrealistic joy or faking being happy- it's understanding that things aren't always going to go the way we planned and we can either be miserable about it or we can accept it and find something positive to take from it..

At least a few times a week I'll get a text from someone that only says "PMA"..lol.. That usually means they're in the midst of a really crappy day and trying to pull themselves out.. Or sometimes I'll bitch and they'll fire it at me.. Always cheers everyone up.. :-) I'm not a fan of looking at why things won't work right off the bat.. I've got a buddy like that and I feel for him.. It's gotta be a tough way to go thru the days


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PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2012 6:28 pm 
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It is tough. I'm going to try PMA myself. :D


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PostPosted: Thu May 24, 2012 6:33 am 
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I LOVE that....PMA!!!! Postive Mental Attitude. I hope you don't mind if I use that.

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-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2012 12:01 pm 
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LOL- give it a shot.. We all chuckle about it, but something about it sticks for some weird reason.. Just the other day my wife was getting her butt kicked by the pool (pool opening season is always good for a little stress lol) and I could hear her muttering "PMA, PMA, PMA" to herself... I smiled like a proud jedi master :-)

I don't know, maybe those 3 letters are easy to remember and it becomes a good reminder to stay positive but it sticks for some reason.. It's funny how it's become a way of thinking for us.. Of course, part of that is friendly teasing of me but that's OK- it still has the same effect- even in jest..


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PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2012 12:41 pm 
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We need to resurrect this thread every week to remind us to keep working on this.

PMA, PMA, PMA, PMA, PMA....

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-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 02, 2012 8:07 am 
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hatmaker wrote--- ya". i swear i don't get pessimistic around good respect and caring people.
but if you would like to try it from my neck of the woods, shoot' but you may become a kinda lonely kind to your self none
pessimistic person :lol: :(

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 11:37 pm 
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Just a post about 'being positive'... I bet a lot of your already know this info, butttt.....

Check out these motivational books:

THINK AND GROW RICH

THE SECRET (You can even search on youtube and watch the movie... Well, the first 20 minutes of the movie at least.)

These two are my very favorites... If you like, and ask me for more suggestions, I have many many motivational books in my collection that are all just great.

In fact, to users, these books would prove great reads... Just thought I'd leave that info here, even though its probably well known without me saying so.


iPhone


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 21, 2013 12:53 pm 
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PMA....I love it! Thank you NoGroovin!

I think i need a dose of this for the week!

(chanting in my head) PMA,PMA,PMA,PMA,PMA....


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