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PostPosted: Wed Jul 06, 2011 1:57 pm 
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I really, really need some help knowing what to do about my boyfriend. To make a very long and painful story short he started on Suboxone in January due to being unable to manage the cravings for a long-standing opiate addiction and chronic pain due to two auto accidents. I have been as supportive as I know how to be considering I have never dealt with addiction before. He was switched to Subutex (24 mg a day) after about a month due to the cost and the fact that he didn't have health insurance. Until recently, things were going well except that he wasn't going to group or to NA meetings once a week as his Doctor requires (his Dr is aware of this).
A week and a half ago, he exhausted a 21 day supply of the Subutex 8 days early. He told me he was going through it too fast because he works in the heat all day and is "sweating it out faster." I didn't tell him I didn't think it worked like that because we got an appointment with his doctor who I thought would straighten him out or adjust his dose if needed. He a suggested I wait in the car instead of the waiting room but I made an excuse for that in my mind. I don't know what happened in the Doctors office but he came out with another 3 week Rx at the same dose. The doctor also put him back on an antidepressant they had switched him off of because it made him sleepy.
Friday, 11 days later, he came home at 7:00 and said he wanted to go out to pre-celebrate my birthday (birthday was Saturday) and then laid down on the bed while I put away laundry and proceeded to sleep for 18 hours. The next day we went to the mall "for my birthday" where we met up with a coworker of his who takes Suboxone. He said the guy had run out so my bf gave him Subutex to hold him over and now the guy had seen his doctor and was giving him the Suboxone to replace what he got.
This doesn't make any sense. My bf should have had 19 days of med left. If he did "trade" with this coworker he should have been able to get through the weekend and not needed to go get it Saturday. Then we worked on a side job we've been doing for about 5 hours and then we ate supper and then he slept another 12 hours, worked for 4, then worked for 5 hours then slept another 15 hours. Then my bf called in sick yesterday (supposedly to finish a side job we have been working on) but he worked for like an hour and then went home to "relax" since we have been working so many hours. He is not a lazy man, I want to point out. He works very hard doing physical labor 14 hours a day and has the right to be tired, but to me the sleeping seems excessive. I drove home on my lunch break and asked was he out of Suboxone which he confirmed and said the guy was giving it to him two days at a time so he was getting more today but it just doesn't add up. He's also been drinking a LOT lately and his personality has totally changed. He says it's the stress from the side job.
Have I lost my mind? Does it sound like hes abusing his subs? He is drug tested regularly and this would allow him to use and still "pass" due to his Rx.
What do I do? I'm feeling so alone and like my life has spun out of my control. I can't live like this, I've alienated all my friends to hide his problems, have hid it from my family, because who would understand? I have been having a total emotional breakdown, especially since he let me down on my birthday.
I feel like he is ruining my life, but like he needs my support to get/be/stay clean.


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 06, 2011 2:27 pm 
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Hi trying and welcome. I'm sorry you and your boyfriend are going through this. I understand you're concerned. You say you're worried he's abusing his suboxone. In what way do you suspect? One can't really abuse it the way one can with "regular"/full agonist opiates (pain pills). With suboxone, no matter how much you take, it won't get you high. Suboxone doesn't get someone with an opiate tolerance high.

Now it is possible that he's relapsed back onto pain pills. He could be trading his suboxone for them. Obviously I can't say for sure. That said, there is one other possibility. He could be taking extra suboxone (but not abusing it per se - in the way you're thinking). People very often try to do this in an effort to get high or to feel something, but it just doesn't work that way. If he is doing this, it would account for his excessive sleeping. Also, some addicts in recovery do it just because they're accustomed to taking a pill when the day gets rough or they feel they need some kind of pick me up. If that's what's going on, he certainly isn't the first to try it and won't be the last.

Have you sat him down and asked him point-blank whats going on? You never know, maybe he'll come clean with you.

You also said that you're alienating people in your life to help hide his addiction. Is this his idea, to hide his addiction? And does he know it's affecting your life negatively? I would share that with him as well. Yes, you need to support him, but you deserve to be happy as well.

I hope you can figure out what's going on and that you two can work it out. Keep us posted.

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 06, 2011 3:39 pm 
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Thank you for your response. I'm not sure if I was very clear in my first post, but he is currently prescribed Subutex (straight buprenorphine) which if I understand correctly is both injectable and snort-able. He seems to be going through a 30 day supply (at 24 mg per day) in about 9-10 days, then acquiring Suboxone film from a friend when he runs out of Subutex.
It never occurred to me he might be trading his pills for pain pills, but it's possible. I do know on Saturday he got Suboxone films from this guy, but I can't be sure that's all he got (and that may have just been a cover, something to "show" me that looked semi-legit). He is drug tested by his Subutex dr, so if that is the case he may get "caught" at a future appointment. I hate that he gets a 30 day supply at a time.
I have confronted him about it, and he claims that he "lent" some Subutex to this friend who had run out and the guy was "repaying" him in Suboxone after he got a script filled.
Something occurred to me while I was typing this and now I feel like I'm going to be sick. After one too many fights about money (he spent every penny of his paycheck, about $500 a week, as spending money while I pay all his bills and medical expenses) he suggested I manage his paycheck and give him a $100 a week to spend. I just pulled up my bank info and realized that the sleeping, moodiness, and running out of Meds early started two days after the first paycheck that came to me. It's possible that he has been using something for a while, asked me to manage the money to force him to stop, and is now acting shady because doesn't have the cash to buy his DOC.
What would you do?


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 06, 2011 3:54 pm 
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Ah yes, that does make a bit of a difference, because subutex can be injected without the risk of precipitated withdrawals. You can snort either of them, but again, lots of people on sub have tried that and there isn't much to be gotten from it.

I want to back up a little, because I just re-read your post and saw that he's on 24 mg which for some can be a very high dose. I've heard of people on that dose who get extremely sleepy because that dose is simply too high for them. So don't look at the sleeping thing as the only thing to base your suspicions on. He could legitimately be on too high a dose.

What if you had another talk with him, but focus on the excessive sleeping. Show your concern for him but don't make any accusations. That's what I would do first. You could work it out in the open before you have in insist on a body check for injection marks! Imagine if he's NOT using again and you came on strong with accusations.

Now I'm not saying he DIDN'T relapse, because maybe he did. I'm just saying I'd start by trying to talk first. But in the end, you have to do what you have to do to take care of yourself.

I'm sorry I can't give you more concrete advice/answers. Let us know what happens and how he's doing. Feel free to let us know if you have any specific questions. Take care.

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-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 11, 2011 1:00 pm 
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heres my straight and honest opinion, hes on 24mg a day!!! thats the highest dose, not mention getting switched to subutex is really hard because it can be abused and is more popular on the streets, he is going thru his supply in 9-10days!!! that means he would be taking 70mg a day!!!!! I think he is, trading them for painpaills, so he can get high, from what i hear he is drinking, if your in reocvery you cannot drink you will become addicted to drinking, i hope you guys have a good talk about this, because from what your telling me he wont last long in treatment and may have to go into impatient and or you leave the relationship, just my opinion but it is very ovious he is trading his subutecs for somthing,


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2011 6:37 pm 
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To update, I really don't know what he is doing still. He dis tell me that he has been taking his 24mg in the morning and then on the way home from work he was taking another 8 to 16 mg because he felt like he needed it. He promised he had learned a lesson and wouldn't run out like that again. And then he did the same thing again and he's been an absolute jerk since he ran out. He doesn't get a new script until Monday so he will either be sick on the couch once the wd really sets in or he will get his hands on something to take.
As for the inpatient, he's done that twice already for addiction to oxycontin, cocaine, and alcohol. He started drinking a little and now it's not uncmo
For him to drink an 18 pack in an afternoon. So, yeah. I don't know what I can do for him now.


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2011 9:18 pm 
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I suggest you leave your boyfriend, it sounds harsh, but if your under the age of of 33 roughly I can guarantee this is the move you need to make, relationships are hard enough and throw this ball of fire on top, forget about it, it is hard I know but, It will be the best move for you almost 100% sure. GL


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 22, 2011 7:27 am 
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Tryingtohelp -

I'm so very sorry to hear he's so out of control right now. I can hear the pain in your words. I'm not going to tell you to leave him, that's just not my place. I will, however, advise you to look at YOURSELF and YOUR life in an effort to ascertain how happy YOU are considering how much his chaos is affecting you and your life. You deserve to be happy too. And honestly, you might have to make a decision sometime soon. Especially if he continues to refuse to change.

The bottom line with addicts is no one can force us to get or to stay "clean". The addict has to want it for him/herself. Otherwise it just won't work.

I just wanted to offer my support to you and to also urge YOU to get some more support for yourself. Have you tried Al-anon or Narconon (sp?) meetings? Or individual therapy for yourself? Especially if you decide to stay with him. You need to take time for yourself.

OK - enough unsolicited advice. Take care and please keep us posted on how you are doing as well as him.

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-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 22, 2011 8:17 am 
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I read what cbk said and thought it was too harsh. However, then I thought about it, and you know what? It's right on. You have to realize the power of addiction. I'm sure that's hard if you're not an addict. It can take someone out for a long time, sometimes forever. You have a lot to lose. Why do you want this? You have exactly one life to live, just like everyone else. This guy doesn't sound like he's in any sort of recovery mode. Not only is he abusing his Sub, but he's drinking an 18 pack? That's an alcoholic, hands down. He has big problems that apparently go pretty far back, and girl, it is NOT your job or duty to fix them. You cannot make him want to be better by figuring out what he's doing and trying to hold his feet to the fire. He'll always be able to get around you, no matter how smart you are. We addicts are very resourceful and tricky if we're in addiction mode. I doubt you will pack your bags today and leave, simply because that's what a couple people on a forum recommend, but I hope you start seeing that this may be your only option. Don't become his nurse and the fixer of his problems, especially since that truly won't help him at all. Don't piss your life away trying to fight a battle that only he can fight. It would be completely different if he was in recovery. However, he's not, and if you try to force him to be, he'll only resent you for it. Plus, if you were him, would you respect a girl who stayed with you when you acted like this. There are many, many fish in this sea.

Please take care of yourself first!! Actually, I just reread your original post once more and it makes me so sad to hear someone second guessing and questioning themselves, when they are totally blameless. You absolutely are not crazy or at fault or anything. You cannot fix this!! You don't have to stay to help him. First, it not your job, and also that is what you're doing and it's not working! You really, really do deserve better!!!!

laddertipper

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First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 22, 2011 9:21 pm 
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I have read your story and have been in your shoes in my 1st marriage.its hard for me to even call what we had marriage

I second laddertipper and hatmaker strongly.When we are active in our disease we are liars ,the only time the truth will come out is if it would benefit us.It's a selfish disease. I remember looking at my husband after he created such chaos one night and broke my heart along the way.After he passed out I looked at him and said awwww:( he's just a broken lil boy,his childhood did this ,blah ,blah ,blah.And these empathetic thoughts went on for a while.

He made me crazy! I could not tell the true from the false anymore a true crazymaker...and he to would drink an 18 pack in one sitting,yes.def an alcoholic.I was myself,we were just at different times of progression,I thought I was still ok :shock: .

I cant tell you too pack yours or his bags and throw him out(that is what I ended up doing) but as the other girls said ..why be with him while he is active? Start to think about your safety and sanity,because if this should go on long enough,you will wind up with your own illness,get to al-anon,speak to woman who have experienced exactly what your going through...you are not alone and do not need to be a martyr.All the best,please keep us posted and keep assuring yourself that it's not you.


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 22, 2011 11:10 pm 
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TryingToHelp,

I agree, its a very difficult decision, but one only YOU can make........to continue this destructive relationship, or to part ways.

I've been through this as well, and I KNOW how it begins to take a toll on you after awhile. You don't deserve to be unhappy and to hafta put your life, your hopes/dreams on hold because of your partner's disease.

Some will probably disegree with me, but.......IMO, if your on Sub maintainance, you SHOULD NOT be using any other substances (including alchohol)......unless prescribed by your doctor.

I think you DEFINITELY need to seek some other support. Alanon would be very helpfull. Of course continue to come here and post. And also, I had heard about this site, so I looked it up for you.......The Junkie Wives Club

You can just google it or.........jwc.ning.com

Hope this helps some! Please continue to keep us in the loop. I think it helps so much just to get your thoughts out, KWIM?


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