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 Post subject: Therapy?
PostPosted: Sat Jun 24, 2017 12:57 am 
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I've been dealing with suicidal thoughts, depression, and other problems lately. I've had literally over 60 therapists in my short 19 years on this planet. Never helped. I get in this strange mindset of thinking about what I'm going to say to my therapist when I see them this week. It's like my ego is prepping on what to say or discuss with them to make me seem interesting or try to help them understand me. It used to be my dream to be a psychiatrist or therapist and I delved into Jungian and Freudian psychology in particular very passionately, so I've developed a sort of megalomania where I think I know more than the therapist about therapy and the human mind. Do you think some people just can't do therapy and succeed? What is key to finding a good therapist and making it work? It's a of time and money to invest so I want to do a lot of work on prepping for therapy before I dive into any random one. Sorry for this midnight rant I don't know if this makes any sense I just need to get this thought outta my head


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 Post subject: Re: Therapy?
PostPosted: Sat Jun 24, 2017 3:15 am 
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Seeker11 - It breaks my heart to hear that at only 19 years old, you’ve seen that many therapists, and yet you haven’t found any relief. So I can understand why you must feel so frustrated and angry at times. I mean it has come across in some of your posts. But you already know that. I will tell you that YES, treatment can and does work for those that are upfront and honest about their past, their feelings and state of mind, their drug and alcohol history, all of it. There is hope for you young man!!

Obviously there’s only so much we can accomplish on an internet forum designed for addicts. Please understand that. But I would say this, take in anything you’ve written down, including anything you didn’t think anyone would read. Let the therapist know that you enjoy intellectual conversations about psychology. Just be you. The version of you that doesn’t put up walls for protection. The version of you that doesn’t try to project someone you’re not. It’s okay to feel vulnerable with a new therapist. Man, I’ve been through it so many times myself. I’ve had to learn to trust the system and yes it’s been a long hard road. I’ve been going to therapy on and off since 1998. That’s as long as you’ve been alive young man!! But the system SAVED MY LIFE. No joke. They saved my life. We’ll I saved my own life by going to therapy when I didn’t feel like it. I paid attention and applied the the tools I learned in the real world. And that takes time and practice and some patience. Wellness is a journey and not a destination.

If you really want to do your part to help in your own wellbeing, you need to check yourself. How long have you been having these thoughts? Is there some kind of physical or emotional trauma that you’re stuck on and can’t get out of your head? You stated that you started drugs at a really early age. Do you know that it’s quite possible they’ve had an effect on your psyche, not just your physical body? It’s very common for addicts to also suffer from some form of mental illness, especially depression and anxiety. What about a plan? Have you actually thought about how you would kill yourself or when or under what circumstance? Have you noticed any particular ‘triggers’, not just for substance abuse but for your moods also? What about family and friends? Do you have anyone you feel like you can talk to openly about this or do you feel ashamed? Listen, you don’t need to feel ashamed. Everybody has their low points in life. Some of us just have more than others. I’m one that falls into that category. I’ve been battling Bipolar depression and anxiety for a long time.

I think the most important thing I could suggest is for you to not keep it all inside. You HAVE to get those thoughts out into the world were you can analyze them, see which ones make sense, and correct the thoughts that are false or distorted. A good counselor will help you with those kinds of things. I think Cognitive Behavioral Therapy would be especially effective for you. Maybe you could check it out online sometime before your appointment. I may not understand exactly what you are feeling as an individual because I have my own set of problems, but I hope you can see I do care. I wish more people would’ve reached out a hand to me when I was feeling really low. I think it makes a difference.

This might sound obvious but do you have access to a firearm or a lethal amount of medication? If you do, you need to take care of that right away and either give it to someone for safe keeping, or dispose of it in a safe manner. In the US you can always call 1-800-273-TALK (8255). These people helped another friend of mine recently and she said they were great on the phone during her crisis. She needed someone right away and was able to talk to someone that was understanding and compassionate. Even if you feel weird about calling a “hotline” like this, remember that’s what it’s there for. If you need to talk, and it sounds like you do, CALL THEM!! They might be able to help you get access to other resources I don’t know about, so just ask. One more thing, remember that this forum is for those of us battling addiction and I don’t think they have the kind of resources you need during a crisis. It might be worth your while to see if there is another support community online that handles primarily cases of depression or mental illness for when you’re feeling really low or suicidal. Please take care of yourself. You deserve to be healthy and happy just like everyone else. It will take some time and some effort on your part, but I honestly feel it will be worth it!! Good luck!!

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 Post subject: Re: Therapy?
PostPosted: Sun Jun 25, 2017 11:58 am 
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I want everyone to understand here what's going on. When u have one person talking negative negative negative negative for as long as they have been a member, the ppl who are here just get so exhausted dealing with it, myself included. I've kept my mouth tightly closed and it's been very difficult to do.

I've saw members that's been here for a good while, finally get fed up and lose patience. These are members that's here daily and they help countless ppl and I'm positive they were here to welcome Seeker too. I see several negative posts and I think to myself, ok maybe it'll stop now. I'll see several more and I start thinking this is a bit troll-ish. I see more and more to the point that the same thing is being repeated by starting new threads about what was already discussed and it was negative then. U know, I'm thinking right now and actually after Seeker sparks anger, instead of returning to the thread he did it on, he just goes and starts another negative thread. That's the repetitive actions that's causing a stir.
U were even extremely negative with a moderator, it's never ending.


The suicidal stuff, OpenMind, I'm sorry that got u involved more personally than a normal post would, also I understand u have a history with someone who was suicidal. Anyone can understand that. Online, it's something ppl throw around carelessly. There's not much we can do online anonymously but ur efforts are genuine.

Seeker, u have a chance to prove ur genuine and stop provoking ppl. I have a 19 year old son myself and he can be trying on my nerves sometimes, so I'm trying to keep this in mind but even that will have its consequences. Just because ur 19 and having a hard time..... we all do. We all struggle. We've all tried to understand ur negativity but my patience are lost now. I'm not going to keep hoping around from thread to thread wondering what's next. U have caused an upset and I'm definitely watching u very closely from here on out.

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 Post subject: Re: Therapy?
PostPosted: Sun Jun 25, 2017 2:46 pm 
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A small FYI. With one members permission I deleted a controversial post and also one by OpenMind responding to said post. Sorry OM, I didn't ask you but am just assuming this is now a non issue.

Just trying to do my job and keep the peace.

rule

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 Post subject: Re: Therapy?
PostPosted: Sun Jun 25, 2017 5:20 pm 
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I understand that I'm taking this way too personal. Some of Seeker's comments have been almost word for word the same as my friend that took his own life years ago. It's something I've never talked about with anyone before. I used drugs to deal with the guilt of waiting too long to help my friend. I hadn't slept for days before replying to Seeker's comments. The guilt came rushing back and has been overwhelming. I almost 'messed up' last night but I didn't... I'm so glad I didn't.

I realize this is something I can't just try to cover up, so I made an appointment to see my therapist a week early in an effort to work through some of this stuff. I've been 'sweeping it under the rug' for almost 15 years now. I had no idea just how powerful this kind of guilt and regret could be after so many years. But it's here right in my face, and it's not leaving me alone. So it's time to deal with it like a responsible adult.

Thank you for your comments Rule and Jenn. They really help out right now. I obviously have some learning to do. But I refuse to change my personality. I enjoy helping people, it makes me feel better about myself. I'll continue to try and see the best in people coming to this forum, until they prove to be a waste of my energy.

Seeker, I can't tell if you really need help or not. All I know is that I am clinging onto my sobriety with everything I've got right now. I won't be replying to any of your comments anymore. I just can't. Please take care of yourself, good bye.

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 Post subject: Re: Therapy?
PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2017 8:08 am 
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I didn't mean u take things too personally OpenMind, I promise. Maybe I didn't word it right. I was just trying to explain some ppl say careless things and u can't always take what they say as the absolute truth (especially online). That's all I meant. When I was new here, there was a total #1 troll pretending to be someone they weren't and they were lying about everything they said. I was totally snowed by this person until I was told otherwise. After I found out I was thinking...... what in the world, this doesn't happen does it...... so I know exactly what it feels like. I believed everything they said unfortunately. After they got busted, they disappeared, at least under that username lol.

So no, I didn't mean for u to change personally, just wanted u to know that ppl aren't always as they seem.

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 Post subject: Re: Therapy?
PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2017 2:29 pm 
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jennjenn wrote:
I didn't mean u take things too personally OpenMind, I promise.


But that's just it, I do. I've struggled with being too sensitive, too empathetic, too willing to try and help someone even if it means I suffer in some manner. I'm aware that the problem stems from an enmeshed relationship with a parent. I learned early on to create rather superficial boundaries that were easily broken or moved to accommodate everyone but me for the sake of approval. It's just proving to be difficult to try and change that behavior after a lifetime clinging to it. These are the kinds of lessons I should've learned as a young adult, but I was often secluded and felt isolated.

So don't worry, you worded it just fine. In this instance I didn't take it personally. Amy has been really fantastic in helping me to understand that online forums such as this one can and will attract an "interesting" variety of members. And one only needs to watch the evening news to see there are people out there that thrive on chaos and disruption. I see it on Facebook all the time. I just don't surround myself with those kind of people. So it's a little off-putting to encounter it on a website where for the most part, everyone wants to help each other. And that whole thing of members pretending they are someone else, well that's plain creepy and I can see how they can cause all kinds of problems with their dishonesty. It's very sad.

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 Post subject: Re: Therapy?
PostPosted: Tue Jun 27, 2017 8:52 am 
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I see exactly what's being said herein. I've seen it on forums besides this one...for example:

You have someone join any site. Person walks the lines on what is acceptable, and sometimes ventures plainly past that line, then immediately throws out something to build compassion among the users who seem to be responding. It's a mind-trick ploy...to get away with something that is totally negative or against the rules, say something that will overwhelmingly bring compassion and pity ...

I've seen all the posts and been following along, although since the "I went from raging sex to shriveled wee-wee" thread, I've not responded.

I've been around nearly 7 years now. People have come and gone (TattooTommy comes to mind) and a plethora of problems have been attributed to Suboxone, and each person has their own feelings on whether it's the sub, or the lifestyle they had prior to Suboxone.

I will say after 9 years on Suboxone, I don't see a tenth of the issues other people have reported seeing. I don't have problems, as a 38 y/o man, with anything in the bedroom. I don't have any problems peeing, and I don't attribute things to Suboxone which don't have any correlation.
That's me though. I can't speak for everyone.
I will say that playing mind games isn't something Suboxone causes. That's just attention-seeking behavior...

I don't always have the compassion when it comes to people saying they will resort to suicide...maybe it's because of the things I went through with my mom calling me a few times each week for several months, telling me she was going to take herself out... I don't know.
At any rate, my mom has cleaned her life up, and my youngest son has spent the past 3 weeks at her home in another state...
I wouldn't even let her keep my kids when she used to live across the yard from me...
The difference in then, and now, is drugs aren't a factor.

I knew she wouldn't take herself out either. It was attention she wanted. And thats a way to get it. Except for, it didn't work with me. I knew better.

At 19, you need to be figuring out life and what you're doing with yourself. This sort of thing with the skating that thin line...that's a waste of time and it won't accomplish much.

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 Post subject: Re: Therapy?
PostPosted: Tue Jun 27, 2017 10:53 am 
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I'm right there with you, Jonathan. It's easy to see through this guy's game. He's on the verge of being banned anyway and we will probably just delete all of his "side effects" posts. There are people who really need help and I don't want our focus taken from them.

Amy

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 Post subject: Re: Therapy?
PostPosted: Tue Jun 27, 2017 11:46 am 
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If you check his profile, he disappeared on the 23rd, right after DOCM2 told him to go check out Subsux.com.

Guess he liked it better over there.

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 Post subject: Re: Therapy?
PostPosted: Tue Jun 27, 2017 12:10 pm 
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Honestly if there was ever a better candidate to recommend to go check out subsux he's it.

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 Post subject: Re: Therapy?
PostPosted: Tue Jun 27, 2017 1:01 pm 
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Sometimes I gotta wonder if it's not the same person joining and making these profiles with all these issues. Some people have an agenda, and some people have nothing better to do than stir up as much as they can.

There's been plenty of folks who have gotten banned and just made a new account and came back.
There's no way to check the integrity of each and every member, so all that can be done is trusting people to be honest. And for the most part, the majority here are. But, you got a few that cause problems, get removed, and come back to finish ...or they just never finish and keep coming back.

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 Post subject: Re: Therapy?
PostPosted: Tue Jun 27, 2017 1:24 pm 
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I would be in favor of deleting his SE threads. I may have the chronology a bit off but he went from shriveled junk, vague pain, getting high (two threads) to the worst possible suicide ideation any of us could imagine. I almost choked over the 60 therapists claim in that thread. I would think being on the verge of dying would be ascendant in the hierarchy of things to complain about.


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 Post subject: Re: Therapy?
PostPosted: Wed Jun 28, 2017 7:56 am 
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If someone were to visit a dr monthly, 60 would take 5 years...
Even at 1 therapist per week, it would take a little over a year to see 60 doctors.

I could see maybe 10. But exaggerate much?

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