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 Post subject: The Tough Decision
PostPosted: Fri Sep 15, 2017 7:24 pm 
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I guess this is more of A tough decision than THE tough decision. And at the risk of repeating myself from my Mr. Brownstone effect post in this same forum category, I once again find myself in the same position of being low, almost out of my prescription a week before I'm due to get it refilled. I had again promised myself that last month would be the last time, and again, I've fallen short of the mark. Between all the stresses and psychologically feeling the effects of my Zubsolv wear off, I've shot myself in the foot again. Figuratively, not literally. I am not, was never an IV guy. Anyway, leaving it to your helpful minds and hearts, I suppose I'm just fishing for encouragement and some sense of unanimity to precede calling or visiting my doctor and seeing what we can work out. I have a sense, based off my intake that it will go well, but when it's something you can't live without, it's hard to deliberately jeopardize. Thank you all, actively and retroactively.


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 Post subject: Re: The Tough Decision
PostPosted: Thu Sep 21, 2017 12:39 am 
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I'm sorry that I didn't see your post until tonight! How has this week worked out for you?

If you start to find yourself in this position again, see if you can find someone to hold onto a weeks worth at a time for you. If you don't have anyone who can do that for you, you can ask your doctor to only prescribe one week at a time. You are not the first, nor are you the last who runs into this problem. I would suggest going to a SMART Recovery meeting to start to work on modifying destructive behaviors.

Good luck and let us know how it's going for you!

Amy

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 Post subject: Re: The Tough Decision
PostPosted: Thu Sep 21, 2017 1:23 am 
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Thanks for the reply, Amy! However belated, you made some very good suggestions. As it happened, the “emergency” doctor visit went better than I could have ever hoped or expected. The doctor was surprised at my fear and anxiety going in, and treated it like it was no big deal. While I do consider it a big deal in terms of my recovery, the doctor’s response felt like unconditional care and compassion. She upped my dose to three tablets a day, prescribed me a low dose of Prozac for the anxiety, and told me under pain of hard eye contact that if I had any problems, and problems at all, to call, email or just drop by. She also complimented me on the tone and form of the email I had sent, as apparently she is unaccustomed to what she called “intelligent correspondence.” Overall, I am feeling very relieved. I have a dose I can stick to that fits my day, my cravings, and will allow me to move forward without all the sneakiness that underlies the addictive mindset. As of right now, I don’t know that having a cache of tablets with a friend wil be necessary. And honestly, I don’t have that many friends, I’m sorry to say. I’m not an abrasive person, but I spend a lot of time in the world of my mind and imagination. Not the best hangout place for an addict, but that’s also where I work my magic. Thank you again!

B. Byrner


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 Post subject: Re: The Tough Decision
PostPosted: Thu Sep 21, 2017 12:17 pm 
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She sounds like my doctor whom I love! Very happy for you!

Amy

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 Post subject: Re: The Tough Decision
PostPosted: Thu Sep 21, 2017 1:02 pm 
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I'm so happy u have a great caring doctor bunson and I'm so happy that ur appointment turned out positive! Believe it or not, there's been a few ppl that have went to their doctor with a very similar situation as u had and their doctor discharged them! It actually happens more than we'd think and it's unfair. We're addicts and we make mistakes, just like any normal patient would too. So hopefully this is what ya needed.

It's funny what u said about not having a whole lot of friends because I don't really either. I have my fiancé that I've been with for almost 7 years and my 1st cousin who's like my sister and that's really who I speak with on a regular basis. I'm not antisocial or anything lol but since I've entered recovery, I've just became more interested in things I can do at home like gardening and exercising. I of course love to shop but I'm just more interested in staying home and enjoying my personal space. I think I figured out why...... when I was using, I'd go around anyone that had a common interest with me like finding pills. I'd be around ppl for days that I didn't like and knew I wouldn't ever have anything in common with if I weren't using. Some were ok and some were downright mean ppl. I did that for years and now I'm perfectly happy being at home with ppl who love me more than anything. That's my opinion on it. Anyway I'll stop yapping, that comment just got me to thinking :)

Have a great day!!

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 Post subject: Re: The Tough Decision
PostPosted: Thu Oct 05, 2017 12:56 pm 
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Thanks, Jen!

I know what you mean on the wanting to stay at home. I get so anxious doing even day to day things, I need that bubble of safety. If I could reasonably do so, I’d gladly spend the next month, year, whatever, curled up in bed with a good graphic novel. Alas, duty calls. Work, school, all of it.


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 Post subject: Re: The Tough Decision
PostPosted: Sun Nov 19, 2017 12:31 pm 
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@bunsonbyrner Don't take this the wrong way but I'm addicted to every one of your threads posted. I can really relate to you. Lol even though I'm 20, Single, and Gay your daily struggles are similar to mine. I appreciate how open and honest you are regarding posting pretty much your life on here. I feel for you when it comes to your anxiety. I don't know what I would do to manage my GAD (generalized anxiety disorder), PTSD, Agoraphobia, and Panic Disorder if I didn't proudly depend on certain Medications to keep me going/productive in society. I'm happy an SSRI (Prozac) is helping your anxiety. I'm allergic to Prozac, along with multiple SSRIs, & SNRI's. Seizures and Brain Zaps have kept me off that class of drugs since 2011. Thank god I can depend on Klonopin 1 MG 3 times daily, Xanax 1 MG 3 times daily, Methylphenidate 20 MG 3-6 times daily depending on my self control sadly. I suffer from depression and severe ADD, for some reason I've became somewhat addicted to my Methylphenidate (Ritalin) due to it's instant mood lift and euphoria it provides. I was in the same boat as you with the Buprenorphine/Naloxone issue. I am lucky enough to have an amazing doctor that has helped me from coming off 240 MG of Morphine daily to 24 MG of Suboxone daily that I admittedly would run out of 1 week before my next refill. She has the luxury to work in a practice that isn't owned by a Hospital or a Network Doctors office. She has became my counselor unintentionally at every visit I talk about my slip ups or current issues going on for at least an hour, and will gladly change a dose on one of my meds if asked. The kind of doctors who listen and really have your best interests regarding Physical/Mental Health at heart are very hard to come by these days. As someone who works as a Medical Professional (Pharmacy Technician) I see the dark side of the medical industry all the time. I was on Zubsolv for a week but my body didn't respond to it like Suboxone Film does for some reason. Felt that Zubsolv didn't provide as much of a mood lift and didn't last as long as Suboxone to me. I'm happy that it works for you. this month marks my one year anniversary on Suboxone treatment. And I feel Suboxone Sublingual Film 8/2 MG (A Half of a Film in the morning and evening) is the dose I am going to stay at until the day I die. I know the first moment that Buprenorphine leaves my body I will relapse, sadly. Omg I've been rambling for way to long lol but your posts always brighten my day and give me some since of relieve as I relate to your way mindset/lifestyle.
I know this thread is a month old but I had to post a reply to thank you.
~ OsnapitzChandler :)

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 Post subject: Re: The Tough Decision
PostPosted: Sun Nov 19, 2017 3:02 pm 
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OsnapitzChandler,

I’m flattered that you get so much from my posts. I had the sense that I was becoming something of a broken record. Either way, my apologies for the delayed response. I haven’t checked this thread in a while.

I have to agree with you about the Sub strips. Zubsolv works alright, but they’re definitely not as “boss” as a strip. Feels like I get more from half of an 8mg Sub than I do from a full 5.7mg Zubsolv. Could just be imagination/expectation. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence and all that.

Life has been reaching critical mass of late. I know I keep saying that, and I keep thinking to myself, how could it get any worse? I need to stop thinking that. Something or someone powerful seems to be listening in, as I’m continually shown how much worse it can get. My psychiatrist pulled me off the Prozac my back doctor had prescribed and put me back on a higher dose of the Trileptal she had prescribed when I was seeing her a couple years ago. Now I remember why I stopped. I find no value in the service. More, I had a severe allergic type reaction to the increased dose of Trileptal. My lips inflated to near Kardashian proportions and I got an itchy, poison oak like rash in the adult diaper zone. Benadryl didn’t do shit for it. Neither did the urgent care PA I saw, who template matched me to the fungal infections he’s used to seeing. Seriously, all of my symptoms arose after taking the increased dose and somehow I have a coincidental fungal infection beside? I don’t think so. But at least I can think. I would say that PA shouldn’t be practicing medicine but it appears he already isn’t. Today the lip swelling has gone down, but I’ve got these giant painful blisters on the sides of my upper lip. Basically I have Heath Ledger Joker mouth. Wanna know how I got these scars? Bad medicine, that’s how.

Anyway, my story is always going to be a long one. I’m glad you’ve found a good doctor to settle in with. I feel the same way about my back doctor. It’s everyone else that has me terrified. Hope all is well with you, and I’ll look forward to reading more of your posts in the future!

Yours Most Sincerely,

B. Byrner


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