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 Post subject: The 1%'er
PostPosted: Thu Jan 08, 2015 3:26 pm 
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Its been almost a year now since I came to the realization that my life had no purpose. I've continued working on anything and everything to live a normal life *drug free*. I've used and abused, broke down and simply burnt bridges, I let myself down, and everyone who believed in me. Getting sober with suboxone I believe is possible, and I understand the argument that's goes with sub therapy and I just want to say that I'm trying not to offend anyone, I'm only human and haven't walked in anyone's shoes except my own. I only know what works for me. Moving on.

I began going to therapy four years ago. It was a long long time ago. Going to see a suboxone doctor was kind of unheard of where I live but I was in very bad shape. When your at the core of an addiction, you have nothing. I was lucky on the other hand because my mother never gave up on me. I owe her my life because without her I would have killed myself.

Step one: What I've gained on suboxone was a chance to slowly get back into life without the gorilla on back weighing me down. Only an addict can truly underatand what it feels like to walk around through daily routines feeling empty, while knowing and believing that a pill is the only thing that stands between you and happiness. Its a difficult routine to break out of. Suboxone is what broke me out of the daily fixation on using pills to sustain happiness and an overwhelming sense of well being. That's the first step I took to overcome addiction. I never would have made it without step one.

Step two: The second step is for me was believing that I could do it. I could let go of everything and move on. Start over, a new beginning. Its difficult to know why everyone uses, and I'm sure we all have seperate reasons, but we all gain the same result while using. It gives us control, but that's my opinion.

Step three: A few months ago is when I believe I came to where I am today. Three months ago BTW is was starting to fall back Into old thought patterns. I was thinking subjectively, without much sense. I have a lot of time on my hands after work and I started studying about people that train their minds through daily routines and relaxation stuff. Before, I was obsessed with everything that I let fall apart, and all the mistakes I made even on a daily basis.

Step four: I meditate every night for about five minutes. And this is where I will lose people or at least with me this is where every therapist or doctor turned me off, with that one word, meditation. Meditation isn't religious, and its not spiritual. I guess you could make it spiritual and religious but that's not what defines meditation. This is how it works for me, and I learned this through WItHDRAWAL, not some bullshit book or gym class. I was going through withdrawal from suboxone, which was a cake walk, but I was coming off xanax and klonopin while working fulltime. I had a lot of pressure, hurt, pain, insomnia, anxiety and doubt. One night when I was laying in bed pulling my hair out because there was so much to want to die over and I held my breath. Literally, for maybe a minute without ever having the urge to breath. Then I felt my heart beat all through my body, and then I felt calm. That night is the reason I'm here. It took hell, literally to teach me how to relax. Now, every night I sit down after work for five minutes, focus on my finger tips, then I begin to notice my heart rythym, and then I slow my breathing until I can get my thoughts in order. I'm 26 years old and I feel like I'm picking up where I left off when I was ten years old. I have so much to learn, and so many people to love and get back in touch with. Life has meaning again. I have life again and will forever be in debt to the people who cared enough to reach down and just give me a hand. Sometimes that's all it takes.

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 Post subject: Re: The 1%'er
PostPosted: Thu Jan 08, 2015 11:19 pm 
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Any advice?? There are moderators here, any advice? Suboxdoc? Anyone??.

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 Post subject: Re: The 1%'er
PostPosted: Fri Jan 09, 2015 12:22 am 
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Hello h0pe! Thank you for sharing the strategies that helped you succeed in your recovery!

I agree that meditation can be very helpful. It doesn't have to have any religious aspect to it either, like you said. The focus inward on breath and other parts of the body can have a very calming effect on the mind.

Good luck on your continuing journey!

Amy

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 Post subject: Re: The 1%'er
PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2015 12:16 am 
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Hello, hope!
I am new to posting here so I just stumbled across your post.

I believe you are light years ahead in your recovery than you even believe. Meditation is a fantastic way to deal with life. As I believe that with regular practice, it teaches us to accept the present moment, regardless of what that is. This is where a lot of us addicts get into trouble...we try to escape what is, and end up turning to substances or behaviors to escape that present moment. When really, the present moment is all there is. The past is gone, the future hasn't happened yet....so to learn to exist, and I mean FULLY exist in the present moment is one of the most important things a person could be doing for themselves. Accepting the pain, the joy, the pleasure, the calm, the chaos....accepting life, just as it is. What a freeing concept, no?

So impressed by your post. Thank you, hope!


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 Post subject: Re: The 1%'er
PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2015 2:47 am 
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Hi h0pe :)

I totally resonate with a lot of what you said, and we have some similarities. Feel free to check out My Story: 'http://www.suboxforum.com/crystal-story-from-oxycodone-suboxone-t11155.html' that I posted a few months back when I joined the board. I, too, feel down sometimes because I feel like I've 'messed up' my life and I am capable of so much more, even though I was only in the throws of pain pill addiction for a couple years, thank the Lord. I'm not near perfect or where I want to be in the future, but Suboxone has helped me get my life back on track and most importantly be able to look up, toward the sun. I truly, 100% understand how you feel in all that you said. You are not alone....not by a long shot. Feel free to message me if you ever want to talk/vent.

BTW- This community is fantastic, and you will never feel like a minority or 'the 1%', for a change. It's really refreshing and uplifting, and there's so many wonderful, intelligent individuals within this community that truly know their stuff and will do whatever they can to help you, if you take advantage of it. Hang in there! :)

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Crystal ❤

"He will cover you with his feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge" - Psalm 91:4
–Robert Green Ingersoll


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