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 Post subject: the sneaky "monster"
PostPosted: Thu Dec 19, 2013 7:37 pm 
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Well good folks,I just have to talk someone this...someone who understands this stuff...ie, u guys!
I celebrated sixty days "clean enough" two days ago,woo hoo! Here's the part I'm really psyched about,...ready.....? I was cleaning out my filthy SUV earlier this afternoon, something I haven't done in like a year. All I did was chase pills and dope all day everyday for years, and I've been doing the doctor thing twice aweek working, and xmas shopping the last sixty days, for my four kids, so I finally got around to the car today! Every thing was going along just peachy until I reached into the magazine pocket on the back of the seat. Omg! There was a familiar crinkly plastic noise when I fished around in there to pull trash out. To my horror, I pulled out a baggie full of percs 5s. I was in shock. I felt sick to my stomach and then fear! I can't imagine where they came from because during my last hoorah with the drugs, I ransacked my car looking for pills or anything I could find that I might have forgotten about or didn't know was there, as I was out of dope and in serious wd. And sometimes my dealer would leave stuff in my car and get my money later. I could swear it wasn't there two months ago! Anyway, I quickly ran into the house with the bag of pills, my mind reeling, I hadn't seen a pill since I quit using. I even broke a sweat as I dumped them on the table and counted the damn things. 42 of the Lil bastards. I put them back in the bag ,still boggled as to where they'd come from. I paced back and forth for ten mins trying.H to decide what to do. My addict mind said go ahead ,keep em for a rainy day, but my better judgment prevailed and I ran to the bathroom and flushed those suckers! Yay! I felt so proud, so empowered, so strong! I truly feel that it was gods will and my time to get well back in Oct. And overlooking those pills back then when I was in such horrible wd from eating fent patches daily and snorting, or shooting 30 or more pills a day was pure divine intervention! Had I found em then, who knows? I probably wouldn't have gone and gotten the help I needed so badly! All I did going thru that wd was pray...hard. It works! I finally have some semblance of a life back after almost 15 years of insanity. I'm a good mom again, a good gf, a good employee, sister ,friend etc. I have a Lil money now and can pay my bills, and bought my kids so much for xmas! I even treated myself to a copy of Dr. J's book! I can remember when 15bux would have immediately gone to my dealer, this time it went to buy a book about recovery! Talk about progress! I still feel so blessed to have found this forum, and all Dr. Junig's sites, they prompted me to give suboxone a try. All of your stories inspired me. Thank u for that! I haven't felt this hopeful in years. So many failed programs, detoxes, herbal remedies, etc., I finally have some peace. I know I still have much work to do , but now instead of dreading it, I look forward to it. Im still looking for a good counselor tho, because my sub clinic closed up and I had to find a new Dr. which I did, but the new Dr. doesn't offer much in the way of therapy. I live so far from any NA meetings, so for now all I've got is u guys :-) any suggestions? I really need to start some sort of program besides just taking bupe and the once monthly therapy my doctor offers. Sorry for rambling ,so much to tell , such a big day! Thanks for reading if you made it to the end! Yay! I flushed em! O:-)


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 Post subject: Re: the sneaky "monster"
PostPosted: Fri Dec 20, 2013 12:50 am 
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strong work! Thanks for the nice plug too....

The counseling issue is funny-- a couple studies looked at counseling during buprenorphine treatment, and neither showed significant benefit to sobriety. One even showed reduced success with intensive counseling. Might be a fluke... or it might be that some types of 'counseling' lead people to think that they got addicted for a reason, and that with knowledge, they might be able to control opioids again. Who knows.... I just think it if funny how when research shows something at odds with what all the experts say, the research just gets ignored-- like it never happened!

I truly think that after a number of years, I have a good sense of what works best for most people. I encourage people to stay on buprenorphine for a LONG time-- at least a few years-- and in some cases a lot longer. I've had a number of people who got to a certain point-- usually 3-5 years-- and decided they were ready to move on. Their lives had changed so much that they couldn't even imagine using again. There were no positive thoughts about using anymore; it all was a remote memory of an ugly experience. Those people, from what I see, do OK. They stop cold turkey or taper off, either one, and nobody describes it as 'the worst thing in the world.' They feel tired and depressed, sure--- but they are able to keep the end in sight, and once they turn the 2-week mark they get better each day.

I think the main thing is to let yourself feel like you described -- 'clean enough.' Opioid dependence KILLS people. You deserve a period of time to rebuild your life, and get rid of all of those using thoughts.... and then decide whether buprenorphine should stay in your life or not.

Buprenorphine is such a safe molecule that it is being looked at as an antidepressant by Alkermes (combined with a mu receptor antagonist)... I wonder if there will be the same stigma for being on buprenorphine the antidepressant, as there is for being on buprenorphine the maintenance agent....

Good job, Lizzie. Just think if you'd gotten pulled over, and a dog sniffed them things out.... flushing is so hard, even on Suboxone, as people think that it would be 'a waste' to dump them-- you did a solid today, for yourself and for those who care about you!


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 Post subject: Re: the sneaky "monster"
PostPosted: Fri Dec 20, 2013 1:16 am 
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Thanks so very much for the response doc! I Greek really great about having gotten rid of those things too. I couldn't believe I did it, and the rush of adrenaline as I counted them, paced, and then flushed was better than getting high, because, unlike getting high, it had good consequences, and those are the kind I need more of! :-) it's late and it's been a big day, gotta work early in the morning, so good night all, and thank you bunches!


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Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

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