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PostPosted: Wed Dec 14, 2011 1:43 pm 
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After having been on the addict side of addiction, I'm now struggling with being on the family/friend side of addiction. I have a 29 year old (I'm 46) extended cousin who I mostly think of as my best friend who's struggling with abusing mostly heroin (shooting). From what I can tell, she's not using regularly, but she was. Her dependency is minimal. I know this because she was hospitalized (something totally unrelated to her drug use) and during that time she had very minimal withdrawals.

She's had trouble with pills before, but hadn't used in quite a while. She seems to have trouble depending on who she's around. It's like she's influenced greatly by other people. If no one is around offering it to her, she never goes seeking it on her own. She does smoke pot, but that's never been a real issue (I know, others would disagree, but let's not discuss that at this time).

The last time she said, "NO MORE!", that included getting rid of the guy she was seeing who is fully hooked with a daily heroin habit. Just this week she allowed him back into her life with the same old line: "I love him". Blah blah blah. She and I have discussed how this is a pattern with her (there are other issues with her allowing men to walk all over her, etc).

That's where I am right now. When she brings this guy's name up, we usually argue, so I don't say a word and just change the subject. We've tried talking about it before, but she rationalizes everything and is full-on denial. I'm scared for her in many ways. This is has been a dreadful year for her, including the suicide of her fiancee, last March. And yesterday our other cousin - her first cousin that she grew up with - just died unexpectedly from a work accident. I'm not exaggerating when I say she's been through a lot!

I don't believe I'm enabling her in any way, but I don't know where to go from here. I'm really at a loss and I feel quite helpless. How "tough" do I get? And does that even work? I know it wouldn't have worked with me. I love my cousin so much. I haven't been this close to someone in a very long time. I just want her to be OK. For various reasons, rehab is not an option. I can't say why, but the reasons are many.

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 15, 2011 10:34 am 
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I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through hat, and what she's facing. There were so many people in NA I heard talk about facing addiction in their families while they were in recovery, and it seemed like their knowledge of their own addiction didn't make it any easier to handle.

It's really hard. So she's swearing off the gear, but eventually finds her way back to using. Does she have a heroin problem or a guy problem? For lots of women who use, their boyfriends can become their route to heroin. Sometimes that's why they choose to be with them. I was in one relationship where my partner started using after meeting me. Before people jump on me or call me evil, I spoke to her once when we were high, and she told me she knew I was using heroin before we hooked up. She had been curious about using heroin for a while, which drew her to me more. So it's often more complicated.

It's just really hard to tell in these situations how much a girlfriend wants to use heroin, and how much they do it to feel closer to their boyfriend? In my ex's case, it was more the former.

I gather from what you said, that if the guy was out of the picture, she'd stop using? If she's only using because her guy's using, and she won't leave the guy, would it help if you encouraged him to get help, or encourage her to get him into rehab? He seems to be the catalyst for her using, so if he swung towards recovery, their relationship could become healthier? The thing about a boyfriend going on Suboxone in these situations is they might end up sharing it sometimes. At least that's what my girl & I did when I went on the program. :? But it's better than sharing heroin.

I've always thought Suboxone is overkill for people who just use heroin occasionally, but that's just my opinion. Some doctors think otherwise.

I know what you said about the weed thing. For me, when I'm smoking, using gear inches closer within reach. Plus I'm still hanging around dealers, and other drug users. It makes it easier for me psychologically to slide in & out of that heroin world. I quit marijuana only because it makes it easier for me to stay off heroin. But that's just me.

Oh yeah. And it's really important to hammer her home the safe injecting thing. People in love sometimes believe they can share everything, needles included. Boyfriends and addictions come and go. Hep C isn't as transient.


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 15, 2011 11:36 am 
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Hat, I really think the only thing you can do is share your story with her. I wasn't clear from your post whether or not she knows you are an addict. When you try to steer her away from the boyfriend she argues, and I would guess you would have the same result making any other suggestions about what you think she should do. But you can talk about your drug use, and how it crossed over from use to abuse, and what the ultimate, painful consequences were. And maybe you can help her understand that addiction is incurable. It can be treated or put into remission, but it never goes away. I don't know if any of this will help, because many of us were told all of these things when we were younger, and felt that we were "different". But maybe if you guys are close it will give her pause, or at least plant the seed for if and when she has that moment of clarity.

I can totally understand how worried you must be. I have used and abused a lot of drugs and exhibited a lot of addict behaviors in my life. But I still believe there is something special about opiates. Becoming dependent on them is what brought me to my knees. And it wasn't like I didn't know they were addictive. it's just so hard to to help people understand who haven't been through it. I pray that somehow she can avoid going down that road. The best you can do is be as open as possible and be there for her. I hope for the best.
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 15, 2011 9:26 pm 
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Hi Hat. Darn, that's a tough situation.
Warning her to measure, and consider her B/F's tollerance, if she decides to use is a good precaution.


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 16, 2011 8:45 am 
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Using boyfriends are often careful not to give their girls too much of the gear, and make it look like it's because they're noble and caring. Really they're just drug pigs. :shock:


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 16, 2011 9:42 am 
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First, thanks to all of you for your support. It means so much to me, because I have ZERO support right now. My cousin is usually my support! And obviously she can't be that for me right now. Neither can my husband - he's got acute health issues going on right now.

Anyway, here's an update: I lost track of her for a couple of days and it left me terribly worried. Her phone got shut off, too. Yesterday she showed up at my house. The first thing she said when she walked through the door was, "You were right.". Between us (forum people), I was ready to dance a fucking jig! But what I said to her (and what I genuinely felt) was that I didn't want to be right (about HIM). Long story short, she had told him that she wasn't going to use anymore. The last several days she was with him (since she started seeing him again) she hadn't used (I'm pretty good at telling when she's lying, and I believe her). Well, before she came to my house, she was with him and he was taking her to get some money that he owed her and it turned out that instead he took her to get some gear!!! She was so pissed at him that she kicked him out of her car (along with his brother) in the middle of the south side of the city!!! Again - I was ready to dance a fucking jig! I was so god damn proud of her!

And of course we talked about him and some of her issues with drugs vs issues with men. She was pretty upset though, considering the death of our other cousin, and the fact that she feels she has real feelings for this asshole. And the funeral is today.

I know from previous experience that this could very well happen again - either again with him or with someone else. This is a pattern with her. But the great thing about her is she does learn from each experience, even if it's just a little bit. That said, I know better than to think this is over. It might not be. This was just what I'd call an "acute" episode, so to speak. And I thank you all for helping me get through it. My head would have exploded having to deal with it on my own.

Oh and yes, she does know my history of addiction.

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2011 4:54 pm 
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Wow, I just read this thread. This is a tough situation. I think you are doing all you can just by supporting her, without enabling her. I don't think tough love is always the answer, especially in a situation like this. You still have some influence on her...she is not totally addicted and using daily. Keep it up. I think sharing your experience will help her. Have her read some parts of this forum. Let her see how many people's lives all over are affected by drug use and abuse. Maybe something will sink in. Hang in there.


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 11:20 am 
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I knew it wasn't over.

She's back with this loser. After telling me twice in one month that she was done with him, she goes and takes him back again. I asked her about this and guess, just guess what she said. "It's under control now." :lol: :lol: :lol:

I burst out laughing and practically couldn't stop. How hilarious and pathetic was that?

So last night I tried to have an honest conversation with her about our friendship. His name only came up once because she bailed on me to go be with him, otherwise the discussion had more to do with her never being there for me and me always being there for her. It didn't go well. Not at all. I just tried to tell her how I felt. I owned my feelings and never once said "she" made me feel anything or blamed anything on her or made any accusations. She ended up telling me I was irrational and ridiculous. Apparently there is nothing in between calm and irrational....all that gray area and she jumped right over it all.

I ended up telling her to call me when she wanted to be a better friend.

I just can't do this anymore. Obviously we have a lot more history here, too, that has much to do with how I'm feeling about this and why I felt it was necessary to redefine my boundaries and protect myself from the hurt and manipulation she's done to me in the past. I'm just not up for it, not again.

[Heavy sigh]

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-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 3:27 pm 
Oh girl.

I know I am not your fave person, but I really feel for you on this one. This is one of the hardest things to go through as an addict yourself, at least it was for me. I love all of my friends so much and cutting off the ones that still had habits was really, really hard.

The way I had to think of it was if I saw or thought about a friend I was cutting ties with, I said to myself "I know you miss [insert name]. But (s)he isn't here anymore, (s)he is gone. The person walking around town looking like him/her is actually their doppelgänger." It is true. Your friend is not the person you miss hanging with anymore. She may look like her but she isn't there, and the only way for her to come back is to give up her habit.

I am also of the belief that you don't need to say "forever," so I am glad you didn't. If she really, truly decides to give up her habit, you'll be there, and you made that (somewhat) clear to her by saying "call me when..." Unfortunately, this isn't your fight, it is hers, and you can't decide when she is going to rejoin the ranks of the deopiated. I wish she could go to rehab if she wanted, but if she wants to stop, rehab is not a requirement..honestly, all rehab is is paying $2,000/wk to hear "go to meetings."

I'm sorry. My heart goes out to you.


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2011 7:24 pm 
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I'm really sorry Hat, I just saw this thread. The unfortunate truth we all know is there really is nothing you can do except what you did. You let her know how you feel and that when and if she comes around you will be there.

Addiction is so many different things to us all and we think being addicts ourself that maybe we can get thru to them and help them. But sadly we can't do anymore to stop them than anyone else could to stop us. Ironic is right, this is her battle. You did the right thing, you need to look out for you. I sincerely hope she can defeat her demons and once again be the person you love and miss so dearly.


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 22, 2011 8:06 pm 
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Hello there - occassional reader here who likes to come here as a reminder of, well, all sorts of things.

Interesting and unfortunate conundrum Hatmaker and very sorry for the anxiety you are experiencing. How many times have I read only an addict can understand an addict? Doesn't seem to ring true here. And so continues addictions baffling ways. The truth of the matter is that the other side (where you are now) is a completely different animal. So, offering a different slice of advice, I think you need to think of yourself in this situation as the non-addict, and an educated one.

I have many retrospective thoughts about myself in your position (to a degree). Most times found myself feeling cornered and pinned with intense compulsions to act while at the same time feeling completely immobilized - the end result being nothing good, just anguish and bad decisions. In retrospect, it is much more clear now which route would have been best.

With that, I think you need to make it clear that the behavior has you concerned, which you have already done, so good!. From this point, make it clear that you are missing her and see if you can convey the message that you'd wait an eternity for the old 'her' back. Understanding that you don't have an eternity, but she clearly does not see who really cares for her. It could actually be worse that your history mirrors her because she may view you as the almighty know-it-all. So better you just focus on conveying that you will wait for her until she can understand the value of your committment to help her no matter what. I just think that is so much more valuable than trying to build up a logical case against the behavior.

Try to picture yourself at the edge of a playground, you are waiting patiently and always visible, always concerned but remaining strong. Sooner than later she has to realize that your love is true.

Isn't that what we all want, the people we love to come to us when in need - if it were only so easy.

Ok, I hope that helps - Peace!


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 22, 2011 9:46 pm 
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Hat that is the way things go with friendship these days in life. don't let the mistake's from an other friend let you down. for your doing better than she is, and she knows it! eventually". she will come around and meet some one better and kick this one out of her life. ya no it all most all ways happens like that.


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 22, 2011 11:30 pm 
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You know this situation,happens often. For me twice in last couple of years.
The first time some one very close who had gone off the rails in most peoples eyes,and a part time user, rang to ask about using i.v. peth, and had access to shit loads. My advice to that person was "leave it alone'" even though I'm thinking 'oh beautiful, bring it around'. Pethidine overdose is difficult to reverse, and you don't know when you've had to much.
The advice was taken for good or for bad. So keeping in contact in this instance was important.
Same deal second time around, cep't the person went off the rails in my eyes to. But I did'nt know how my friend had been isolated from everybody else also. I thought it just me who was dudded. The only thing that kept from him away from smack were drug tests at work. So being 2week on two week off worker gave him plenty of time to get back on it. He had O.D. 4 times prior over about 15 years, but no one was there that time.
Two hundered people, went to the funeral, very emotional day, all talking about how the fuck it came to be.
One thing is for sure, my friend needed some one that night.
Yep it happens all the time.


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 23, 2011 12:07 pm 
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Wow - all of you have so much wisdom to offer including much that never occurred to me.

Many of you that have been around here for awhile might have noticed by now that I don't often share much about my life, my personal life that is. So this thread is a bit rare for me to open up like this. Well, I am so glad I did open up because not a one of you have let me down. You've in fact impressed the shit out of me with your support and guidance. Thank you to each and every one of you. Including you, Ironic. Yes, you. I know we've had disagreements, but that only went as far as WHAT we disagreed about, it never generalized to who you are. I hold no ill feelings towards.

Panpacific - You make an excellent point and I wish I'd thought of that earlier. See I messaged her yesterday, in an effort to make her aware that I wasn't trying to push her out of my life, just that I wanted her to know I'm willing to be flexible. I needed her to hear me when I was trying to talk to her during that phone conversation. I didn't say it in so many words, but I did say that I'm willing to work with her and our friendship, but that some changes need to be made so that this friendship can stand the test of time. But now I wish I'd made it clearer that I miss the old her and that I will be waiting when she's willing and able and ready.

All of you have given me so much to think about and have added something to my arsenal of tools on how to deal with this. Unfortunately I don't think I'm handling it very well. She's manipulated me and hurt me previously and this time I'm avoiding that, first because I didn't want her to see that I was hurting that bad. Well, now I've totally shut off my emotions. I'm trying to hold onto the holiday spirit and have a great xmas. I refuse to allow her to make me miserable - again.

I know, I know....that's not exactly handling it correctly. I don't see my therapist for the next two weeks. I plan to deal with the emotions of all of it when my therapist is back after the holidays. (Plus all the emotions of everything else that are causing me stress right now - my other cousin's death, my husband's health challenges.) This just makes me what? A typical addict who doesn't want to feel emotions. Without opiates, I'm left with my own devices - mental coping skills - to stifle my emotions with dissociation and whatnot.

I think I'm just rambling now....Again, thanks to you all for your support. I don't have anyone but my husband to talk to about this, so you all are about my main support on this.

Let's see what happens next, shall we???

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 23, 2011 8:29 pm 
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Hi there again. I'm sort of with you when it comes to blurting out personal life stories on the net. I tend to take advantage of other's willingness to do so but it is nice every once in a while to share a bit. Thanks for putting this up here - it is a very powerful account of the devious ways of addiction. Ironically it illustrates beautifully the ability of addiction to permeate every possible avenue and corrode effortlessly.

No pun intended, but hats off to you for having an open discourse with your husband. That is something to cherish - you are lucky.

I think I might pm you - you see, this story hits home in an interesting way.

Judging from some of your other comments in the last post, you are so typically living the other end now - it is pretty horrible - the sooner you can adjust the better.

Also, nice points about the supportive nature of the members here. What a great bunch - keep on keeping on all ;) - life is tough, throws cruel curve balls, puts some of us into horrible incredible denial for long long periods of time, but out of it comes hope and the best of the human spirit. happy holidays to you and all the members ;)


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 06, 2012 11:24 am 
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Where to start to update you? Well, I was all ready to have a nice quiet christmas, but my husband and I started to feel really bad that she was going to spend christmas alone. So we both decided to call her and offer to put our differences aside for the MOMENT and have her come by on christmas day. When I asked her that (on xmas eve) her response was an immediate, "Yes, I'll be right over." If you caught that - I was inviting her for the next day and she was coming right over! I guess that could be considered a good sign. I know she doesn't like to argue with me any more that I like it.

She was supposed to move from her previous place into a new place on Jan 2nd. She moved out of the old place and all ready to move into the new place when all of a sudden the old guy didn't move out! So guess what happens? We get custody of her again! (She lived w/ us for 6 months earlier in the year and it ended badly.) Yes, she's sleeping on our couch until Jan 9th when her room will be available for her. Don't ask me how this happened. We ended up on good terms for xmas and it went into the next week when I had a family party and right into new year's weekend and boom - the moving fiasco occurred. And just to be clear, I was there when it happened and it was through no fault of her own. And she had nowhere else to go. What was I going to do, send her out into the street with her cat (who, yes, is also here)? I couldn't do it - she's family, too.

So we're not thrilled about it, but we're handling it. My stress level has gone through the roof. The physical stress hit my body immediately when this happened. All my muscles tensed up from one moment to the next and haven't relaxed since. I'm a fucking mess!

Over the weekend we tried to have a talk, but it didn't go very well. In the end it became less heated and we both agreed to "try harder" on our friendship, but nothing very specific. We both have issues as well as a hard time communicating successfully with each other.

For now, we just have to make it through this week. While she's here, I don't think it's the best time to have what could turn into more heated, possibly explosive discussions. If we do that again, we should both have our respective homes to go to.

I was convinced that she was done with Heroin-guy, but (oh and I forgot to mention, my cousin got a job that she starts on Monday-YAY), when she got the job, she called and left a message for him telling him that! So much for cutting ties with him. I just kept my mouth shut.

Let me ask you guys a question....As her best friend, is it fair of me to say to her that I don't want to hear about this guy because of what he does to her and her life? She says it's "not fair" of me to do that to her. Now I'm thinking whether or not what she's saying is reasonable and frankly I'm just not sure. What do you all think? I want to be a really good friend to her and if that means I should continue to listen about him, but keep my mouth shut, then I'm willing to do that for our relationship.

Opinions, please?

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 06, 2012 12:37 pm 
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In my opinion you are in the right. She knows how you feel about this guy and the effect he has on her. If she chooses to keep communicating with him then that is her choice but it doesn't mean you have to approve and be negatively affected by it. I think it is selfish of her to expect you to listen to something that causes you stress and pain.

Can you make her stop seeing him? No, but you do not have to be involved with or condone it. You are a great friend Hat, you just want what's best for her. You haven't turned your back on her, you are just asking that she respect your feelings as you've respected hers.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 4:58 am 
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On the other side of addiction. So you say. Well I am going to bring you back around to the other side of addiction in my following post just because I can so relate to her side too. So the question being should you draw a line in the sand to what she can discuss with you about her situation with "him" in her active addiction world and You know this is really a good question and for so many reasons the answer seems to be right in saying No. Make boundaries for your own self preservation and put them up when it comes to a time you need to help yourself not be sick by her sickness especially in and about the relationship you see making/compounding her issues so harshly. BUT.......

With that being said, and from relating more to her side of the story than yours, because I was the friend that emotionally leaned on a certain friend when I was sitting on the fence of me separating myself from old playmates, my addictions downfalls and the bundle of problems that I created, etc...So looking at this situation through her eyes........I found myself when I was limited to being able to talk to my friend about certain aspects of my active addiction, and that left to my own devices I would just throw my hands up in the air and say eff it, I don't know what to do so, I can't talk to my friend anymore about it so.... I will do what I do know how to do and that is make the wrong decisions. And...After a while when I had to limit my discussions and/or information I could not share with this friend I eventually stopped sharing at all.

Essentially her biggest problem in her active addiction right now is too closely involved and too big of a part of the guy to take that piece of the pie and remove it from your involvement. If so you are only left with a small piece of pie and that piece of the pie is not the "acute part". So, if you cannot deal with the Guy issue then maybe it is best that you all don't discuss any part of the problem. If you all Continue this way in time it become that she can only call you when he’s not in her life and you will be so out of the loop that any help you could offer her will not be afforded to her cause he is or was the biggest part of the problem you have/had about her problem. I feel that maybe you find a way to not let him be such a raw nerve (de-synthesize yourself from "HIM" being sore to you) so you can be always informed and not left out of the loop of her life right now it seems you are her only link to what is right and what can be right when she can get off the effin fence.

Everybody needs that one person that they can unconditionally go to and feel safe and comfortable and loved. Remove that one person and chances of recovery is a further distance away from ever being a possibility. Being alone and no support system (because we didn't behave the way our support system thought we should) leaves one to definitely being in desperate times and in a way makes their issues even more chronic.

I commend you for what I have read through and seen you have to offer this friend and if you want to win this war in efforts to help her save herself from him and the drugs you cannot remove this part of the battle. I believe if you start to pick areas in which you can or cannot help her it will be too frustrating for you to try to continually remind her of the lines drawn in the sand and will create a constant wall that has a door but when she opens it you have to slam it. It's not good for her emotions to be on the other end of the door slammed in her face and it’s not good for your emotions to have to be the one continually having to slam it. I think it would be better and more compassionate of you to just tell her you cannot be involved in watching her ruin her life any longer and totally remove yourself (which might inadvertently help her) than to be there some of the way, some of the time and have to slam doors and build walls. In a way you are kind of sitting on the fence with her when you are forced to draw lines and make rules.

I think it is as simple as answering this question. (Which is not so simple)..... How can I best help _______________? Stay involved and be there for her and try to talk to her, support her, love her till she loves herself or for my own well being remove myself allow her to fight this on her own and hope she might realize the errors of her addiction, choices and behaviors and even that she needs me in her life more than him or drugs? And...Then act accordingly no confusion for her none for you. Better idea than drawing lines and making rules which gives her more test to fail and feel like shit over.

Now in saying all this because Hat you have helped me on this forum more than you can even know. I give you credit for being stronger than you think. I think you have been a wonderful, caring, understanding friend and your only problem with helping your friend is this one part....... him (de-synthesize his effect on you and instead let him give you an ability to separate him from your raw nerve and allow you to stay in the war and win this part of the battle first so you both can forge on to some real issues she has) When he is gone....... you still have a broken friend that needs your help getting on the right bus. (For the lack of a better way to say it.)

If you cannot do it and it is defeating you somehow then remove yourself totally until she comes to you with a smaller bundle of problems that don't impact you so negatively. You are not wrong in any of your choices if you have the right reasons in making them.

All the above is only my opinion as I put myself in her shoes and not yours so much in this post because I could relate to being in her shoes more closely than yours. That goes to say a lot about how broken I was and still am to a certain degree but the facts are the facts. By the way, my friend couldn't handle certain parts of my addiction and the bundle of problems so she removed herself (and she is a gender identity therapist so go figure it was too close to home for her a 30 year old friendship since we were twelve).

Since I have been in MMT she and I have mended our friendship and often times now I tell her of struggles and troubles I dealt with without her for 5 years and she deals with some guilt (which she does not deserve she had to do what was best for her) In her removing herself, I was much more vulnerable to my dangerous self loathing destructive ways and there were times in those 5 years that I might have responded better to getting out of the hell, but I was helpless with no one to help me so I had to stay in the bed I made. But I can no way fault her for protecting herself from me and my problems. And maybe just maybe I would have used her help to the fullest because there were those times I wanted help, I wanted out etc...But because I could not promise her I would be perfect in my actions I was too scared to approach her with any pleas for help. Still I came out on the other end and we are best friends just like we were before. Neither one suffers ill will from the past.

I know I have thrown you the opposite side of all the support you have received above and I by all means agree with everything they all are saying too. I just thought I would afford you with what the other person feels like when they lose that one little piece of hope they have in having an unconditional friendship. Like everything there are two sides neither one has to be right or wrong just opposite sides of the spectrum.

Good luck in whatever you choose. You really are a good friend now and will be so regardless in which way you decide to go because you removing yourself too can have positive results in for sure helping yourself and even to a degree it might force her to move a little quicker through her wrong choices. Because it is quite evident you will be there in the end no matter what.

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Wishing you the best in love and life. Finallyachance.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 10:53 am 
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I agree with some of what you said, if her friend is in a bad spot or considering leaving then I would listen. Hat has medical problems which I will not list here as it is her business. When she is under stress her symptoms flare up with a vengeance. I am talking about listening to the same old every day crap, this causes you stress which in turn causes you pain. You must watch out for your health. You have made it clear to her if she needs help or wants to leave you will be there. With your condition I think that is the best you have to offer.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 1:38 pm 
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I very much appreciate the input and I'm considering all of it. But there's another thing that keeps bouncing around in my head since yesterday.

Let's look at a similar example. What if she were a battered wife who kept leaving and going back to her abusive husband and because of my own issues it tore me up to watch her do this time and time again? Wouldn't it indeed be cruel of me to tell her not to talk about her husband and that situation? In that case - when I look at it from THAT perspective - I have to agree with my cousin and say that I was unfair to say that to her.

Now I know the two situations aren't the same, but they are similar. And I'll stress again that her issue is much more related to being one with men and not so much one with opiates. The opiates just happen to come with the men - w/o them, there really are no opiates.

(And just for some background info (did I say this before? She's been through the suicide of her father and her fiancee - which was less than a year ago. So when I say she's been through a lot, I'm not exaggerating.)

I'm still struggling with this question/issue. I love her dearly and adore her as both my family and my best friend. And it's not like she'll ever be fully out of my life - this is my cousin - my family. I swear I wish I could get her into therapy with me! It's that important to me, but she's so numbed and broken down from the losses she's suffered that her feelings are outside of her tolerance range right now. She can't even handle MY feelings much less her own right now. And to be honest, that's half the problem - I have very intense emotions. I always have and I think that makes her more than uncomfortable. I think they downright scare her. And I've tried to talk to her about that, but she's simply not open to it.

I'm sorry, I seem to just be rambling right now. But maybe that's what I need to do. Get some of this shit out of my system.

More thoughts?

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-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

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  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

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