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 Post subject: Suboxone
PostPosted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 3:37 pm 
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Still wondering what happened...


Last edited by joto815 on Sat Jun 14, 2014 10:23 am, edited 2 times in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 4:58 pm 
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joto815 wrote:
Getting off Suboxone (8mg/2mg) after 7 (yes, SEVEN) years was months-long and terrifying what it did to my former personal life: I went from confused and depressed to psychotic and manic, saying anything to anyone, ruining my chances of getting another job and keeping my friends. Suboxone withdrawal was like taking truth serum for my darkest, my private thoughts; all came slithering out of my mouth with anyone - ANYONE - who asked enough questions, and with no friends and few family left that speak to me, any malicious neighbor can find out enough poison to ruin me for life just based on my endless drivel.

Physically: after 7+ years of 8 / 2 mg of Suboxone pills and strips, I quit cold-turkey. That was the easy part. Then I experienced violent sneezes for 2+ months, non-stop diarrhea (no exaggeration) for 2+ months shitting myself once in my sleep early in withdrawals, little sense of smell or taste, nausea and erratic appetite, dehydration from non-stop diarrhea and a sense of disorientation and paranoia that is truly kookoo's nest-worthy. Invest in some toilet paper and stay close to the bathroom.

I am in my 40's, was at the peak of my career and totally torpedoed my career I had been working on for years. I will never be able to work in that industry - or any other, for that matter - again due to the drug-induced damage I caused. Yeah, I was high as a kite on Suboxone, but in the real world, I was simply high and destructive to myself, those around me and to my job. I was eliminated, my position was eliminated to mitigate all the damage and many, many people had their careers thrown into chaos while I was psychotic. And all this was BEFORE I went off Suboxone cold turkey. All because I didn't do the research and check on the long-term risks of taking Suboxone (Google it - you'll be horrified. The damage is extensive and some of it permanent, depending on your age and length of drug and Suboxone use).

Oh - and then there is your own drug use history! Mine was followed by another expensive 7 years of Suboxone.

On Suboxone, I was as high or higher than before and completely out of control as nothing had really changed. Nothing. I had it all - spouse, title, money, status, house, friends, nice stuff, proud, loving family, bright future. Instead of just simply using Suboxone for a "safer" detox, I lived on it and sabotaged every single part of my life: I lost my job, partner, money, future, reputation and dignity due to my outrageous, drug-induced behavior.

Long term: I now have little or no ability to feel love, joy... basically any human emotion deeper than consciousness and unconsciousness. I feel nothing except terror and shame. Things that shouldn't hurt becomes piercingly painful now that the drug has been removed after 7 years (+ the x-teen years of drug use before that). My blood tests describe a man 25 years older, out of shape, diabetic, suffering from maladies normally reserved for our senior citizens.

My own personal advice:
A.If you are on recreational, self-medicating or prescribed opiates, you are killing yourself; your soul. You should be dying already if you are on long-term opiate medication, or you will soon be. If you choose Suboxone to help you break free of drugs, be aware of the human and economic costs :x of taking Suboxone. Just go cold turkey now before getting on the Suboxone/Subutex carousel of calamities.
B.If you choose Suboxone/Subutex, START on a taper-down program. I find it inconceivable that anyone would need more than 8/2 mg per day to start. You might as well just do drugs.
C.Do this in secret. At any rate my secrets all became damagingly public after I went cold turkey with no one to confide in. Most people knew already anyway. They all know now.
D.This is my opinion. Be careful with N.A. - A.A. is respected by most communities. N.A. is not. Most attendees are still drug addicted and about as discreet as gossip columnists. There was nothing anonymous about N.A. Look at the people at N.A. - do you REALLY want to be like them? I don't. Sorry N.A. members - my experience helped ruin my life due to complete lack of anonymity. :evil: :twisted:
E.There's no doubt that detox is rough, and "rapid" dextox is no detox at all - just a very expensive interruption in addiction - and carries the same risks of anesthesia at the same time. Keep your mouth shut, do your detox in secret and make sure you have someone who can help monitor your words and behavior as you regain your life. Another big mistake I made - I was out of control while I detoxed doing unbelievable self- destructive things.
F.If you are an addict, the cards are already stacked high - and not in your favor. Grow up, wake up, keep your mouth shut, don't rely on doctors and therapists for much help, run screaming from your Suboxone provider and get on with your life. Maybe pray. My Suboxone doc kept telling me, "You need to be on this for the rest of your life." What life? Read on...[/list]

Now I face personal, professional and financial ruin, the loss of all my friends and family, the :oops: SHAME :oops: and embarrassment in my community, and possibility of extensive reprisals. Stop this insanity now until it envelopes you in its claws and tears your life apart. Jails, Institutions and Death, my friend. That's what's next. :arrow: Probably all 3.


I've read a lot of horror stories similar to yours, but also many success stories of tapering off, even after long term - as in years - of use.

Don't take this personal, but, it is possible (but not suggestion it's certain) that your addiction developed from unknowingly self-medicating an underlying disorder, such as bipolar, or OCD, schizo affective, etc., etc., and it rebounded back with a vengeance due to sub and the withdrawal.

Also, the brain has a remarkable ability to heal itself overtime, even though mileage varies. In some ways, I've heard 40s is the prime time of life. One has wisdom from experience, and still much of the resilience of youth.

I hear you on the anonymity crap. Human nature still trumps the 12 Step program principle when it comes to gossiping. Sadly, even when doing a 5th Step with a sponsor, sometimes. You'll get a laugh out of this page, about sponsorship, as well as some sagely advice: http://www.morerevealed.com/aadep/reclaim/sponsor.html


IMO, one's best bet is to go to a clergyman of an old school religion (Protestant or Catholic, if Christian), if one wants to unload their secrets and such, without paying a shrink.

I'm really sorry to hear you've come to ruin professionally. But if you climbed the ladder once, I believe you can climb it again. Everybody deserves at least a second chance, and a window of opportunity in that regard, might present itself if you keep your eyes open for it. If neighbors and such are an ongoing problem, consider moving elsewhere, perhaps.


Last edited by no_boop_shoo_be_doop on Thu Jun 12, 2014 5:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 5:02 pm 
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"How Fortunate The Man With None": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2IVCyFt2Os

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 5:34 pm 
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Quote:
I've read a lot of horror stories similar to yours, but also many success stories of tapering off, even after long term - as in years - of use.

Don't take this personal, but, it is possible (but not suggestion it's certain) that your addiction developed from unknowingly self-medicating an underlying disorder, such as bipolar, or OCD, schizo affective, etc., etc., and it rebounded back with a vengeance due to sub and the withdrawal.

Also, the brain has a remarkable ability to heal itself overtime, even though mileage varies. In some ways, I've heard 40s is the prime time of life. One has wisdom from experience, and still much of the resilience of youth.

I hear you on the anonymity crap. Human nature still trumps the 12 Step program principle when it comes to gossiping. Sadly, even when doing a 5th Step with a sponsor, sometimes. You'll get a laugh out of this page, about sponsorship, as well as some sagely advice: http://www.morerevealed.com/aadep/reclaim/sponsor.html


IMO, one's best bet is to go to a clergyman of an old school religion (Protestant or Catholic, if Christian), if one wants to unload their secrets and such, without paying a shrink.

I'm really sorry to hear you've come to ruin professionally. But if you climbed the ladder once, I believe you can climb it again. Everybody deserves at least a second chance, and a window of opportunity in that regard, might present itself if you keep your eyes open for it. If neighbors and such are an ongoing problem, consider moving elsewhere, perhaps.


Climbing the career and personal ladder the 2nd (or 3rd, 4th, etc.) time is not like the first time, full of hope and promise. IF you get another chance, you climb it with mountains of baggage and remorse, regrets on your back. It can be done, but it is NOT the same, and you have a tiger behind you biting as your ass if you dare stop the climb to look back in self-pity. I appreciate the great advice and hope my post will help others to better consider their path back to a life clean(er) from alcohol, drugs (including Sub), and layers and layers of deceit and manipulation. Peace. JB


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 5:38 pm 
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joto815 wrote:
Quote:
I've read a lot of horror stories similar to yours, but also many success stories of tapering off, even after long term - as in years - of use.

Don't take this personal, but, it is possible (but not suggestion it's certain) that your addiction developed from unknowingly self-medicating an underlying disorder, such as bipolar, or OCD, schizo affective, etc., etc., and it rebounded back with a vengeance due to sub and the withdrawal.

Also, the brain has a remarkable ability to heal itself overtime, even though mileage varies. In some ways, I've heard 40s is the prime time of life. One has wisdom from experience, and still much of the resilience of youth.

I hear you on the anonymity crap. Human nature still trumps the 12 Step program principle when it comes to gossiping. Sadly, even when doing a 5th Step with a sponsor, sometimes. You'll get a laugh out of this page, about sponsorship, as well as some sagely advice: http://www.morerevealed.com/aadep/reclaim/sponsor.html


IMO, one's best bet is to go to a clergyman of an old school religion (Protestant or Catholic, if Christian), if one wants to unload their secrets and such, without paying a shrink.

I'm really sorry to hear you've come to ruin professionally. But if you climbed the ladder once, I believe you can climb it again. Everybody deserves at least a second chance, and a window of opportunity in that regard, might present itself if you keep your eyes open for it. If neighbors and such are an ongoing problem, consider moving elsewhere, perhaps.


Climbing the career and personal ladder the 2nd (or 3rd, 4th, etc.) time is not like the first time, full of hope and promise. IF you get another chance, you climb it with mountains of baggage and remorse, regrets on your back. It can be done, but it is NOT the same, and you have a tiger behind you biting as your ass if you dare stop the climb to look back in self-pity. I appreciate the great advice and hope my post will help others to better consider their path back to a life clean(er) from alcohol, drugs (including Sub), and layers and layers of deceit and manipulation. Peace. JB


Peace!

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 6:06 pm 
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Boop said,
Also, the brain has a remarkable ability to heal itself overtime, even though mileage varies. In some ways, I've heard 40s is the prime time of life. One has wisdom from experience, and still much of the resilience of youth.

This is the most encouraging thing I've read today! Thanks! :D


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2014 8:17 am 
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rca1004 wrote:
Boop said,
Also, the brain has a remarkable ability to heal itself overtime, even though mileage varies. In some ways, I've heard 40s is the prime time of life. One has wisdom from experience, and still much of the resilience of youth.

This is the most encouraging thing I've read today! Thanks! :D


Lol rca :-)


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