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PostPosted: Wed Aug 25, 2010 8:17 pm 
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Day 1- I was taking 12 Oxy’s a day and about the same in Hydrocodone, I weaned down to about 6 Oxy’s and 6 Hydro’s a day; I simply couldn’t go any lower and truly wanted to come off. This all starts very innocently as is often the case, following an auto accident of 5 years ago where I hit my head and injured my neck and back as well. So here I am, I’ve got the meds and a doctor to prescribe them. Last night I was looney, sweats, crawling skin, awful craving of the drug and when it got so bad I couldn’t stand it I took 4mg’s of Subutex; my doctor chose that over Suboxone. It did make me feel better in about an hour, but of course anything would coming from how bad I just felt. I mean anything similar to an Opioid would, that just seems kind of logical, right? So, how do I feel now; my 1st day? Let me try to get my head together and I’ll tell you…

I feel very drugged up, not the ‘normal’ that most on this board seem to talk about farther into the treatment. There’s no real high other than a little relaxation. It’s like if I was an alcoholic I would describe Sub as non-alcoholic beer; with all the taste of beer but none of the kick. I’m sure I’m not the first to make that comparison. Question. How much time, in the reader’s experience, does it take for that drugged feeling to wear off and I begin to start feeling like me again? Or, am I always gonna feel a little off, and is this feeling just a permanent side effect? Will I really feel great at some point? I ask this because when I was taking the Opioids just hours ago I felt perfectly normal when I had enough of it in me, but we all know the problem with this drug; it’s deceitful at best.

I’m starting to sweat and feel some anxiety, also the craving for the drug is still pretty awful. It’s 5:50pm eastern time, my doc said if you feel this it’s probably best to take another 4mg, so I just did and it’s in my mouth now while I am typing. It’s quite the bitter pill, but the cure usually is, however. I’d rather that this cure Not be worse than the problem, so I turn to you on this board to tell me should I stick with it and in their experience just how is day 2 different, then day 3, and so on… I think the worst feeling is the mental craving and that your feeling like you’re dying every second still wanting the drug badly. When does that go? Does it ever go? Unlike most of you, I am hearing impaired. And along with the hearing loss comes, in me, a very acute sensitivity to noise. It was bad when I was on the Narcotics, but ironically it is worse on the Sub. So that’s that. I don’t expect to receive a reply on those grounds so I move on.

Only second to the drug cravings is the Deep Depression. Depression is a very common issue, one that I’ve lived with for many years now and when I was first given the Opioids, I said wow, this helps my mood issues better than anything; I was so naïve. That pleasurable feeling would soon leave but at the time I didn’t know it, and I was thinking this drug was solving my severe pain issues ‘and’ making my Depression almost history. So fast forward to right now and I’ve read on this and other sites the way Sub can not only cure addiction but some people actually see its uses with regards to Depression. So, now Day 1 is almost over and things couldn’t be further from peachy; I am much more depressed now than before when I was using the pain killers. I’d like to hear from anyone who has felt this drug has helped with regards to their Depression? Alright, to conclude, if you’ve read my post and don’t share any of my symptoms but would like to contribute, I’m really looking forward to Day 2 and what it’s like; if nothing else than a good recount of your experience of how the entire first week went then I’d be quite glad to hear from you.

Marty


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 25, 2010 10:47 pm 
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Hi, This is my second day here. I am learning that Suboxone works so different on everybody else. I was almost in full blown withdrawal. I had run out of reasons to ask for more meds. I never learned how to buy street stuff, thank God. So, I confessed to my doctor. That was the best thing that could happen. He put me on Suboxone 8 mg. 2x a day. Within 40 min. of my first one I felt better. I felt kinda like a high. I have been on them 10 months now. I still have some problems. Take extra, run out at the end of the month & get sick, have to go to E.R. That's why I was desperate and was blessed by finding this forum just when I ran out. I had 1 sub & one percocet. These wonderful people talked me out of taking the perc, they told me to split the sub up into 4 pieces . I said to myself "are they kidding, I won't make it" I went to my doc. yesterday & told him I cheated & took extra. Surprised, he was understanding and gave me an rx for 5 subs. But all this time I was existing on 4mg of sub for 1 and a half days and I DID NOT TAKE THE PERC. So, don't give up. it has to start somewhere. I'm gonna try to take less subs. I said try. I'm not perfect but. we shall see. I may never leave this site. They are great. Please stay.


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 25, 2010 11:39 pm 
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Hello Marty,

First I would just like to say welcome on your first day to a addiction free life and welcome to this forum. I find this place to be a huge support network for me and I hope you find it as helpful as I have.

I never got the "high" that many do from suboxone in the begining, so I can't really relate, but I am sure many others will be able to relate because I have read many posts who have had similar experinces. If I am understanding this correctly after the 4mg dose you just took it will be a total of 8mgs? I am hopeful that you will be feeling a little better after that dose! Did your dr. tell you when or how much to take? Sorry for all the questions I just want to make sure I understand!

On my first day taking subs from a doctor {I was getting them on the streets on a as needed basis for a few weeks} I came in and took 8mgs in the dr.s office after not having anything for about 18 hours, and felt fine{not any where near the way I felt on oxys} but ok enough to get through my day. I was able to go to work, make dinner, and function around my family {which would have never happened if I didn't have anything}. I guess normal.

Later that night I was still craving that "high" and energy that I got from the oxys and took another 8mgs of subs. So for about a month or two I was taking 16-24mgs of subs daily and started feeling really crappy and tired all the time. Long story short {or maybe not lol} I was taking way to much and soon got down to 8mgs.

So as far as the cravings I am hopeful they got better on your second dose. In the begining I confussed cravings and urges {and still do sometimes} for a while. Do I think about getting high or taking a few pills still, yes everyday and many times a day. But I am usually able to redirect my thoughts and move past it quickly.

Now the depression {I know your thinking is this girl ever gonna shut up}. Are you planning on or already involved in therapy? Do you go to NA or any other support network? I wasn't for the first 4 months of my suboxone and I think that is were many of my problems were. I had a slip up 46 days ago. Since then I started going to therapy and I go to NA on a regular basis and this past month has been one of the greatest months of my life. I look in the mirror lately and feel almost good about how far I have come.

I am so sorry I just wrote a book, I want you to know I wish you the best, keep going you will feel better soon! Keep us posted!!


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 26, 2010 8:41 am 
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Marty,

I have had 2 induction experiences. The first was coming off of +/- 280mg per day oxycontin. I hadn't taken oxy in about 2 days but was taking vicodin, dilaudid, and percocet to stave off withdrawals. I was my no means high. I waited about 12 hours from the last perc and took the sub when I was in moderate withdrawals. I did not feel high from it by any means. Over the next week the dose was increased to 24mg per day. I felt normal. Over 2 years I decreased the dose to 12mg and jumped cold turkey.

For a variety of reasons, three months later I decided to go back on. I wasn't on anything and my drug test at the doctor's office was negative for everything. She started me on 8mg per day. I needed to go back to a higher dose to manage pain but I knew I couldn't take 8mg all at once. I took 4mg instead. I became somewhat high. Not high like oxy high but I felt strange. Like you describe this alternate reality. At first I liked it but then I didn't. It lasted a really long time. I slowly increased my dose over the next week in order to get a reduction in pain. It took about a week for that feeling you are talking about to level out. I landed at 8mg per day and every so often I take an extra 8mg to average out at 10mg per day.

Now...to address the cravings. I think some of that is psychological and some of it might be you need to increase your dose. When sub makes you feel funny like it is, in my experience you have to be careful about increases and go very slowly until you have managed the cravings. Likely if you get over 4mg per day this will resolve the physiological cravings (everyone is different). BUT.....that goofy feeling will go away and level out and you ought to feel normal soon enough. So hang in there with it in my opinion and give it a chance. If oxy made you vomit the 1st time you would probably still try it again so give this at least the same chance as you would a good high. I think you will come through just fine.

Congratulations on your recovery. Congratulations on finding this site. There are some wonderful people here and the combined knowledge is pretty incredible.

Cherie

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 26, 2010 10:56 am 
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I guess I was pretty lucky with my induction, because despite the fact that I was gobbling up massive quantities of Oxycontin at the end of my active drug use, the suboxone really worked like magic for me. I was put on 16mg per day, to be taken twice daily @ 8mg per dose. Within 30 minutes of my first dose, I felt like SUPERMAN!! :shock:

It was AMAZING. I had not felt that good since I was a teenager. Now, granted, it did take me a few days to fully adjust to the suboxone, and I did have a few brief moments of not feeling so good (nausea, headache, lethargy) but within a week or so I became very stable, and I've been able slowly reduce my dose over time....

At one time I thought I was going to taper and get off suboxone, but that did not work out so well, and after talking to my Gastroenterologist (HepC doctor), my substance abuse therapist and my suboxone prescriber, we decided that the best course of action for me would be to find the lowest effective dose (which I think it going to end up being 6mg) and just stay on this drug indefinitely. 30+ years of active and heavy opiate use, it's kind of a body-chemistry-bell you can't unring, so I need this drug to prevent me from using, plain and simple.

And for me, it works, and it works great! I got my life back.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 26, 2010 11:18 am 
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Hi Marty - Welcome to the forum. I'm glad to see you decided to post. I hope you find the support you're looking for. That feeling you're describing should subside in a few days or so. Give it some time. I think pretty soon you'll get to feeling better. About the cravings - my theory is that there are 2 kinds - psychological and physiological. The sub should take care of the physiological cravings and what's usually left over are the psychological ones that we must learn to deal with. I go to therapy to learn new coping skills and how to handle triggers and cravings. It's invaluable to me. You will just need to find the right dose that will take care of your physiological cravings. Suboxone has a ceiling that's said to be around 4 mg. As long as you're at or above the ceiling your cravings should be addressed successfully. Some people do fine on 4, others need 12. Again, give yourself time to stabilize.

Many people do say sub helps with the depression...again, give it time to stabilize.

One last thing. Keep in mind suboxone does not cure our addictions. It puts us into remission and allows us the time to work on fixing our lives. It's a tool, not the end-all, be all. You'll need a good overall healthy recovery plan in addition to the suboxone. Often the people that just take suboxone and do nothing else have a harder time with triggers, cravings, and eventually relapse. I'm not saying this will happen to you. While you're on suboxone take the opportunity to work on getting your life together, building a support system, learn those new coping skills.

This is only the first step for you. Again welcome to the forum. Please let us know how you're doing. I'm confident you'll feel better soon.

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 26, 2010 9:03 pm 
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Thank you to queenie1959, hancal106, Jackcrack, junkie781, and hatmaker510, for your replies…. I read them all and have thus gained valuable knowledge from all of you. I see from another post that queenie1959 is new here also and her post was quite moving and wow what a life of hardship, most likely not dissimilar to many of us; I know I can included me in that, my life has been no picnic. Again, thank you. I don’t know if I have the energy to put together a long post like my first one because Day2 has been so tiring, emotional, anxiety provoking, and full of people around me that think I am suddenly healed and are ready to start back into like… wait! Not so fast everyone.

You can’t see a drug addiction, and to look at any of us, you can’t see the torture behind those eyes of ours. I look in the mirror and say to myself sometime, “you look so normal, you look like you’ve got it together, my God if they only could see how much I am suffering”… pause, there’s that emotion coming at me from a place I haven’t felt in a while, and seemingly stronger than ever before. I am crying, I look so stupid in the mirror, a 40 year old man weeping like a baby…………………. My God what has happened to my life, what happened while my brain was away, people have moved on, grown older. Kids have grown up……. What have I missed? Regrets, why am I in this place, where did these lines on my face come from; there are so many regrets… Oh no, here comes the tears again….. I’m okay. I’m sorry guys I can’t do this right now…

Marty


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 26, 2010 11:40 pm 
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Hello Marty,

I just wanted to say that I am praying you have a better day tomarro! I am sending all the positive energy I have, I hope you get!! I cried a lot my first few days {I actully forgot about it until I just read your post}. I think after all the crap we put our selves through, we start to feel all that hidden emotion, and it all comes out now that we can't hide behind it. It will pass. Try to think positively and go for a walk tomarro or do something constructive that you enjoy and haven't done in awhile! Keep up the good work :D :D :D


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 26, 2010 11:59 pm 
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Marty,

I had forgotten how hard it was initially too but you have made me remember too. I was just devastated and nervous. Scared. What if this doesn't work for me? How did I get here? How did I get in a place where I HAVE to take something to not be addicted? How many things have I ruined? Have I gotten to a place where I can no longer go back? I felt so alone. I did not have the people here because when I started sub there weren't really places like this...not that I recall anyways. Information was limited.

I had so many mixed emotions. I was grateful that something prevented withdrawal and that I could try to move on with my life. I was scared of screwing it up. Feelings were also crazy because I hadn't felt anything but high and withdrawal in so long. Something drives us to seek help anyways and I think most of us were physically and emotionally and financially overwhelmed and knew it had to stop. Luckily sub stops the withdrawal in one day but unfortunately we have to work through the rest of it. I'm rambling.

I just want you to know that I care and you aren't alone. Things will get better. You will feel better. You will come to accept where you are and get to a place where you can appreciate the future you have and that you now have a choice in that future. You will be amazed at how fast you can turn a lot of this around. For today, may I recommend you not place all of this pressure on yourself to figure all this stuff out. When you catch yourself asking all those questions and criticizing, can you just agree to give yourself a break for a minute? You have been through a lot and you deserve a break. There will be plenty of time to think about and answer all of those questions and concerns you have. Maybe today you should just focus on whether you think you are in a more positive or better place than the day before and if that is the case, then let the rest go and accept that tremendous accomplishment.

Keep hanging on. You will make it. I am sorry this is so rough but I am certain it will get better. Take care. I will be thinking of you.

Cherie

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Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.

- Winston Churchill


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