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PostPosted: Sat Oct 16, 2010 5:03 pm 
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Well, I hung in there and never cancelled my appointment for treatment. I start Monday. Then Tues,Wed and Thurs. I get stressed about doctor's (well, mostly everything) so going 4 days in a row is REALLY giving me panic attacks !! Also, since I have migraines, I'm worried if I'm sick just ONE of those days (I can't get out of bed when I have one), I'm done.
I just found 2 Percocets in my jeans pocket that I haven't worn for awhile. I wondered if they were okay to take so close to my appointment. Then, I didn't care and chewed the suckers immediately.
Feeling guilty and wanting to show my mom I was honest for the first time about these things, I called and told her what I did. She replied, "Well, you're an asshole." She didn't yell it, just calmly stated it as if were a fact. She then said, "I guess you don't want help." Instead of getting pissed and saying something about her smoking for 40 yrs, I just ended the conversation. If you even MENTION something about her smoking, she flips out !! I am SO glad she's coming with me to my appointment Monday !! That was sarcasm. She stresses me out beyong belief, and I didn't really need to hear that I was a failure before I even STARTED treatment.
By the way, I don't have a vehicle. Thats why my dad was bringing me. Then my mom (who normally never leaves the house) decided to tag along to make this nerve-racking adventure even MORE stressful. I was going to have my father come in with me at the clinic, but not if my mom is going.
Anyway, is it okay that I took the percs so close to my appointment ? The doctor isn't even going to START me on Suboxone until the 4th day.
Anyway, sorry for my rant about my mother. I came here because you guys won't call me an "asshole" for messing up.
-Blue


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 16, 2010 5:39 pm 
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Hey Blue - You should be fine having taken those two percs - especially if you're not starting until Thursday. I'm curious, other than that slip up, how long has it been with nothing? How are you feeling? You're going to be okay. Didn't the doc's office say they might start you on the third day? (For some reason I seem to recall you said that.) I honestly don't understand why the doc wants to see you for 3-4 days before your induction. This is the first time I've ever heard of anything like that. Weird. Anyway, hang in there. You're not an asshole. You have a disease. Try to remember that. Aren't mothers grand?

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 16, 2010 5:55 pm 
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Hey Blue,

Your definitly not an asshole your an addict!! I'm glad you kept your appointment I think it should show your family just how bad you want this :)

I agree with hatmaker I don't understand why your dr. want to see you 3-4 days in a row before induction it doesn't make much sense. I had to go into my induction about 18-24 hours into w/ds and my dose was based on when the w/d's stopped. As far as taking the 2 percs I think you will be fine as long as you don't take anything about 24 hours before you go!! Are you able to go days with out pills? It sounds like before those 2 percs you hadn't had anything for awhile? Maybe I miss read I do that a lot :lol:

Good luck at your Dr.'s appointment on Monday :) Try not to be to hard on your mom she just wants the best for you!!!!!I will put you in my prayers this week! Let us know how it goes.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 16, 2010 6:21 pm 
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thanks ! :D


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 16, 2010 6:57 pm 
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Hat,
The nurse said I MIGHT start on the 3rd day, but she wasn't sure. And I've had 5-10 here and there. In the past 2 months I'd say that I've used 5 different times. And not much. Considering I was taking 150mg a sitting every 4-5 hours. I don't have any more pills, and don't plan on getting any tomorrow.
-Blue


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 16, 2010 9:30 pm 
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Dear Blue,

You are NOT an a-hole! I think that if any addict found some Percocet our immediate knee-jerk reaction would be to take it. That is what is so beautiful about Suboxone. For me it took that obsession completely away. My husband takes Oxycontin for his back and his medicine is in the house. I have absolutely NO desire. As compared with before where he used to have to lock it in his gun cabinet and keep the keys on him at all times - even in the shower! (Poor guy.) Even after 1.5 years it is amazing for me to think about.

I don't know how old you are but I would think that you have the right to go in and see the doctor without your mother. You have a right to your confidentiality. When I was young my mother was extremely meddlesome and wanted to know every detail of my existence, and I would not have been comfortable having her with me at a MD appointment. (By the way I'm 53 and she is 83 and she is still every bit as meddlesome, but today I have some boundaries and I just don't tell her about certain things.)

I used to work at an STD clinic at a NYS Health Department and there were many times that a mother insisted that she come in with her daughter. I used to bring the patient in by herself first and most of them requested that the mother not be let in, and that is absolutely their right. It is nice that your parents are transporting you but it is really up to you if they are privy to all of your details. Once you start treatment they will see the change in you, and that will be enough to speak for itself. Again I don't know your age or what your local confidentiality laws are, but don't be afraid to do what you need to do to be comfortable.

As I told you I have suffered from migraines all my life and when I get one I am bedridden. You know as well as I do that you can easily work yourself into one by worrying about getting one and what would you do, etc. Do you have any food triggers? I would avoid chocolate, cheese, processed meat, excess caffeine, but don't cut out caffeine that you are used to as that will give you a headache too. Try to relax and just take one day at a time and just tell yourself that you are safe and you are just going to just let it happen.

I am so happy for you. Just let the week happen and do what is suggested, and I think that you will find that you feel a lot better come this time next week.

Sincerely,
~Rossma


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 16, 2010 9:54 pm 
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Hey their blue first like the others said you are not a ahole for useing those percs not at all. an sure your mom may be upset but at the same time you are trying to get help an she may of been upset on the phone then but i promise you both your parents are very happy an proud of your decison to get into treatment. an trust me your mom cares! u said she nevers leaves the house wel shes tagging along for a reason an that reason is YOU! if it wasnt for my mom i would be dead or in jail by now!

any ways as of takeing the percs you are fine if your not staring sub till wensday. I was suppost to be inducted on a friday but i was honest with my dr an told her i had about 9 oc 80s left from my script an planned on finishing them an starting the suboxone monday on my own but i had to take my first dose in front of her so thats why i told her that. so dont worry about the percs cause ill be dead honest with you i took all 9 of those threw friday and saturday an went with out on sunday started sub on monday so if i cant take that much oxy then 2 percs will not hurt you.

an i also have panic attacks but i have to just deal with them cause with my histroy no dr in their right mind would put me on a benzo. so i promise you you can beat then an like rossma said just try an keep busy cause you can def work yourself up into one which is not good so close to your induction we got to keep you stress free as possiable.

anyways we are all hear to help you threw this an keep us posted!

Brent


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 17, 2010 7:51 am 
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Hang in there, man, it's going to get better. Just do what the doctor tells you to do. And you're mother is dead wrong, you're not an asshole any more than someone with diabetes is an asshole, you're mother just doesn't understand addiction, despite being addicted to nicotine......it's called denial, and it's one of the most raging symptoms of addiction, why do you think she gets pissed off when you mention her smoking? It's a defense mechanism and classic, textbook denial.

Better times are coming and those two percs aren't going to make any difference, but that doesn't mean you should be out looking for more either :wink:


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 19, 2010 1:24 am 
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Hey blue, I am so happy for you, that you are getting the help that you need:)

Most of us here can sympathize with at LEASE two of your problems right now. I, personally, suffer from anxiety, an inability to drive a car (I'm 24, yeah....), and a mother who doesn't understand anything about any of my problems. Luckily, I have my father, who is wonderful, and a twin sister who also loves and understands me, and doesn't judge me. I hope that you have someone in your life who can help you through the tough times. If not, we are all here for you, and we all care about your well being, so any time you need to vent, or need advice, please post here, or email me, and I will be glad to listen to you.

Your mother doesn't 'get it'. People that have never been where you are, well, they aren't going to get it. They can't. You aren't an asshole; you're human, and you're an addict. It happens. You did something that ALL of us have done at one point (or many points) in our lives, and there isn't anything wrong with it; it's part of being an addict. It sucks, but it's just part of this, unfortunately. Maybe you could have your mother read some more about addiction? I don't know if that would help her to sympathize a little bit more, but you could at least try. Some people just don't seem to understand that will power has nothing to do with being an addict, and that self control doesn't factor in when you have a constant compulsion to put more pills in your belly, and that it's how you've dealt with problems for so long that, well, it's nearly impossible to just suddenly learn how to deal with them differently. You're normal- you're certainly not an asshole. Your mother should be calling you any minute to apologize for saying that. Unfortunately, she's thinking more along the lines of how your actions affect HER, and well, it's painful to be the mother of an addict. She's hurt. People say terrible things when they're hurt. If she was capable of thinking that all of this also affects YOU, then maybe she could be a bit less caustic with her words. At least she can see that you are making an effort to get help for yourself. It may take some time for her to come around to you, but it will happen.

I hope that everything goes well for you, and that you can take this opportunity to get your life back. You are doing so well just staying committed to the appointment. You are doing the right thing. You are definitely not an asshole.

As for your appointment, you'll be fine. Taking two percs will not affect your treatment, as long as that is all that you have taken. It will be out of your system in time, and you won't experience precipitated withdrawals.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 20, 2010 1:20 pm 
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Well, tonight will be the 3rd appointment and I WILL be getting my Suboxone. I have to pick it up at the pharmacy on the way there.
The past 2 appointments were only about a half hour, so I'm still wondering why they couldn't have just did everything in one day. Alot of mileage.
Yesterday I was asked if I've taken street Suboxone. When I replied "no", she told me that it came up in my urine test on Monday. WTF ? She knew about the Percocet. She said maybe they cross-contamined. I don't know.
I've slept maybe 5 hours since Sunday just from anxiety. My appointment isn't until 5:30 tonight, so I get to pace my floor waiting. :) Day goes by SLOW when you don't sleep :shock:


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 20, 2010 1:32 pm 
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I'm so glad you stuck it out and that the time has finally come for you. I will be thinking of you and wishing you the very best. I hope your induction goes smoothly. Keep us posted.

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-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:07 pm 
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Please DO update us when you can, Blue. Weird that suboxone showed up in your urine, eh?


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 20, 2010 3:20 pm 
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I SWEAR I've never had Suboxone !! I told the nurse that I was kind of upset about it because I didn't want them to think I was lying already !!
I'm having a problem with my script. Would suck if I can't get it tonight.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 20, 2010 3:42 pm 
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I believe you! Why the hell would you lie here? It's completely anonymous. What kind of trouble are you having with your prescription? Some pharmacies don't stock suboxone, you may need to call ahead, is that the problem?


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 20, 2010 3:43 pm 
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Turns out after being assured that my insurance will cover Suboxone, they will not approve it. I simply can't afford it. So, the clinic cancelled my appointment tonight, and well, that might be the end of it.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 20, 2010 3:51 pm 
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Oh, man... :( I'm sorry to hear that!


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 20, 2010 4:27 pm 
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Don't go down without a fight - or at least without making some noise. Very often insurance will deny first, second, even third attempts before approving it. Can you have the MD or someone from the staff at the clinic speak with them? Have you asked to talk with a supervisor? Who told you that it would be covered to begin with? Just don't accept the first answer you get. I can't tell you how many times I have gotten to success only after not accepting the first, second, third, tenth or even 50th denial - and I'm not sure talking insurance here, this goes for many things in life. You are so close. Don't just give up now. At least try to get someone at the clinic to help you or push further with your insurance. Perhaps if they deny Suboxone (brand) will they allow a generic?

Hang in there and keep pushing!


Last edited by donh on Wed Oct 20, 2010 6:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 20, 2010 5:21 pm 
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Dohn is right. Sometimes if the MD office talks to someone or faxes some paperwork to the insurance company, they will approve it. I too have seen it happen many times. Don't give up without a fight!


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 20, 2010 7:50 pm 
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GOOD NEWS !!! The clinic JUST called (7:44pm) and told me that my prescription was approved. Apparently, they've been working on it all afternoon. I'm SO excited !!
So, I have 16 pills waiting at a pharmacy near the clinic. YIPPEEE !! Thanks everyone !! Of course, NOW I'm too EXCITED to sleep !! lol !! I'll be up all night and look like this tomorrow---> :shock:
Oh, btw..the clinic felt so bad that things got screwed up that I don't have to go in for a follow-up until Monday (which would be my 4th day)


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 20, 2010 8:42 pm 
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Blue,

Oh, thank goodness! I'm so happy for you. It is nice once in a while to hear when something goes right. Please let us know how you are doing when you get your rx.

~Rossma


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