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PostPosted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 11:01 pm 
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I just wrote an email to my therapist, having to reschedule my 'evalution' that was sopposed to happen tommorow.
see,
the dude, who Im basically taking his job over,,,, hasnt showed up all week, becuase
'he hurt his back

WE ALL know what this means......lol
anyways, its put the company REALLY BEHIND schedule on the condo project. I even have to work saturday, which is fine becuase I want the overtime. BUT the general contractor wanted to put carpet in the rooms, starting TODAY that Im currently working on.....
So my boss begged me to reschedule my appointment. this is the first time, in all the appointments Ive had for the doctor, therapist, my kid, etc thats he's ever said he really needed me to reschedule.
So of course I said I would, which made him really happy.
and I havent gotten ANY of the damn homework done anyway, so it kinda makes sense. but I wont tell the boss that, I'll make brownie points instead :wink:
puts me that much closer to that raise as well :D :D :D
Its nice to not be on the shit list these days, thats for sure!!

One of my good friends, thats on suboxone, and goes to same dr. as me, texted me today wanting to know if he could 'borrow' some of mine, cuz he had an appointment today, and needed some to take with him.......
I was really confused by this. I'd like to think of him as a pretty good buddy nowadays. His wife is actually the one who first told me about suboxone to begin with....
long ago, we all used together....we even all lived together,,,, me and my husband, and him and his wife, for about 6 months....although I dont remember much... :? just the highlites......like the cops searching our place after my buddy pulled a gun on the nieghbor...
ANYWAYS,,,,,I simply told him I only had enough with me for the day, and I dont bring more than that with me to work. since I live almost 45 min from work, he took that as the truth I guess.
I asked why he ran out, and he said he didnt but forgot the meds....wierd
and why didnt he just ask his wife??

so now Im of course worried about him. we have almost the same exact time clean, even though we didnt talk for months becuase niether of us knew the other had gone on subs.... :lol: :lol: :lol:
I really hope there was some kind of truth to what he said, but who knows.
and if it was a lie, I hope he maybe sold a couple or something, Im really hoping hes not abusing his subs.... :(

whenever I think of someone screwing up,
I always think
'another one bites the dust'

I guess time will tell.
hope everyone's doing awesome

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hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
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 Post subject: general drama
PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2012 12:27 am 
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:D :D :D
well, I did get in 7 hours of overtime today......which will be awesome......

I started a new thread in the 'miscellaneous' section, about a gorrilla that harrases me on a weekly basis.....check it out if you have the time, I could use some opinions...... :shock:

So, Im 'in' my new job.....
dude, that was doing it,,,,, didnt come to work ALL WEEK.......think I wrote that already, sorry :roll:

Anyways, boss says,,,, IM AWESOME,,,, soo I will be getting a raise, as soon as my next 'stack' of rooms is done,
with no punchlist stuff anyways. which, I know wont happen, cuz Ive been really good about triple checking everything.
BUT
MONDAY,,,,,,,, DUDE is getting FIRED
my boss, says,,,,, I will call you monday, and HE will tell me what tools he wants of his, and YOU will have to bring them, I dont want him on the job agian......
OH great.....I stole his job, and now I getta bring him his tools two seconds after he gets fired......

UMMMMM wish me luck guys!!!
maybe, just maybe he wont say anything......one can always hope
I dont feel all that bad about it, I mean da boss has warned this guy time and time agian, that I know of. thats not even counting all the warnings he's gotten that he didnt talk about.
And the only reason the boss didnt, is its a huge I mean collosal, contract for the company, and if we get behind schedule, we can actually lose the contract, which COULD be a big enough loss to not have a JOB to come to, I mean at all.
so now you know how much pressure I'll be under, very shortly.
thats okay, Im ready, and I can not only handle it, Im going to accel at it.
CUZ I NEED THE MONEY
to get outta this hole I dug. thats good motivation!!!

so thanks for everyone, who reads my entries, whether you write or not......
and thanks to everyone who supports me in my effort, to straighten my life back up....
I feel like Im getting somewhere,,,, FINALLY

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anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2012 2:53 am 
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I am real happy for you and well that guy it's not like you stole his job. He just handed it right over to you on a silver platter. lol

Hey it seems like a ghost town around this forum. Kind of spooky while I sit here alone in my house watching the Drew Petersen Movie on Lifetime. Where is BreeztAnn, Romeo, Hatmaker etc...I did see a post by Slipper but where the hell is everybody? And another thing I have a notification set that when anyone post on this forum my email notofies me to what thread etc...but I have had like three emails notifying me of new post I usually have 30 to 50 a day. This is wierd.

I mean is there a missing cyper link department where we can inquire. I am feeling as though I have to read any newbie post and answer them and tell them someone smarter will be along soon to answer their questions and/or post.

I think something is up on the technical end I did here or read a post in members only, but everyone was there posting about it now they are all gone. How are we on. Have you realized Rule 62 and Diary of a Quitter and even Indigo have not been on? What's your take on it all? I am going to post something to that jamez guy.

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2012 2:46 pm 
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I totally dig your 'take' on my new job description!! a silver platter for sure......LOL
like I said, Ive been in HIS shoes plenty of times, but I did get my 'act ' together.... :lol:
he, unfortunatly, is almost your age, and Im not sure he EVER will....

YES< I DO TOO, feel LONELY here lately,
except my new thread about he gorrilla boys, rule62 and Hat posted on just this morning, so HOPEFULLY all is well agian
I have been wondering if we were the only ones left!!!!!!!!!!

anyways, maybe its the weather???? all across the country, theres some pretty major issues going on, so i was thinking the MIGHT have something to do with it. but im not sure

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anyone can give up,
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hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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 Post subject: HEY EVERYBODY!!!!!
PostPosted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 10:25 pm 
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IM BAAAACCCKKKK

so,,,, we WERE splitting the internet connection with our nieghbor. there was actually 3 households, all chipping in to pay for oNE connection....yes, I do live in the GHETTO......lol

ANYways,,,,, dude apparently did something else with the money I and the other family were giving.....cuz we got SHUT off....all of a sudden!!!
and boy did it SUCK

but , the cable company DID go WAY down on our old bill...theres only ONE inernet provider in
MY AREA apparently. cuz I looked EVERYWHERE

moral of the story

IM BACK........ and we arent sharing the damn connection with ANYONE!!!

I sure missed you guys!!!!

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anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 08, 2012 6:44 pm 
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amber 4. 4.14' it is some going wrong with the internet (windows) i have 4 wireless conect- and still having problems

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 09, 2012 1:46 am 
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Glad you're back!!!

The only problem is, as soon as I saw this thread, that STUPID Eye of the Tiger song started playing in my head again!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :lol:

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 09, 2012 11:27 pm 
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Well, driving home from my NA meeting tonight, guess what song comes on the radio.......500 miles!!!! Like a complete dork, I listened to it and now I wish someone would put me out of my misery. WHY, WHY did I listen to it. Oh the misery, Oh the horror of it all, Oh the tempo of that dang song will NOT leave my head!!!! Double ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 10, 2012 1:36 am 
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AWESOME!!!!

I listen to that song EVERY morning, whether its a day I jog or not. I listen to my ipod ALL day at work cuz im always in a room by myself.........alone with my thoughts..........scary I know :roll:

Anyways, talked to the bankruptcy lawyer for an hour tonight. went pretty well, except he told me to file our taxes, even though they'll most likely get garnished, they will FOR SURE get garnished when we file chaphter 7.

so EVERYBODY cross your fingers AND toes for me, cuz if it doesn't get garnished, its $4,977............ holy horse shit I know. Last year we would have got $1300, but it got garnished.

the years before that, we always OWED. so Im not used to this amt being in the 'return' line.

I hope, hope, hope, we at least get enough to pay for bankruptcy, that would be awesome.
if not, thats okay too.
Im keeping it 'in my head' that it will get garnished, so that Im not all bummed out when it does.

here's to hopeing though

other than that, works CRAZY busy. I have to get each 'unit' (room) done, complete clean-up and everything in 7 hours or less to stay on track to get my bonuses.
I'll get there. by the way, its 3 diferent bedrooms that all have a window to get trimmed out with an apron on the bottom, a fireplace countertop, with trim underneath, two columns, a door and a large living room window with a 12' head piece that finishes off the top of everything.
and the tolerance for gaps is a piece of paper. if the general contractor can slip a reciept paper thru any seams, its not tight enough.
THATS my job.
then of course all the clean up and moving the tools to the next floor.

right now Im averaging almost ten hours but like I said, I'll get there. Ive only done 5 rooms by myself so Im sure with a bit more practice I'll get there.. I measure the rooms all at once and cut all the material at our shop, then 'stock' the stack of rooms Im doing. by putting a 25 degree bevel on everything that goes up agianst a window, I can use a block plane to get the gaps and seams perfect where everything runs together. I cut everything just a lil long so I dont have a shitload of cutting to do once in the room.

OKAY, enough about that. just thought Id cover the basics since I talk about it so much.

the three different bosses part is actually more stressful than ANYthing else! :)

thats it for me tonight.......crossing my fingers bout that refund

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anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 11, 2012 1:07 am 
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Went to therapy today............
discussed the fact that Ive been thinking WAY MORE about using lately than EVER before. She explained something to me that made A LOT of sense....

when Im sort of 'fantasizing" about using/getting high,,,, i need to 'play the whole tape" Like, not just the euphoria but everything else that comes along with it. I was like, THIS is why I come here :roll:

Anyway, today was the first appointment Ive had in a month, I had to reschedule two times due to work deadlines, and another time cuz I got an absess in my jaw, AGIAN..... My mouth hurts SO BAD sometimes. Thankfully not ALL the time, but man, when it hurts, it HURTS..... I sure hope I get enough tax refund to pay for bankruptcy so I can BUY ME SOME NEW TEETH....... that'd be freaking awesome!!!

Other than all that, same ol same ol today.
glad its friday.

Oh yea,,,,, my therapist says I need to find a 'hobby'
seems easy, right???
another part of what she told me today, is you gotta make all this positive shit happen in your life, to make it sort of 'outwiegh' using, so that when you do have thoughts of useing, they dismiss right away, cuz your new life isnt worth 'blowing up'
makes sense...... easier said than done I think......

EVERYTHING I can think of costs more money than I have. Sure, Id love to have a dirtbike or quad. theres alotta places to ride around here. but I for sure wont be able to afford that for a while. It something nice to look forward to though.

So, I gotta be creative I guess..... :? :? :?

all in all I think Im doing just fine......even if Im thinking those dirty thoughts too often. Its normal, I think.

hope everyones doing great.....
where the HELL are you tonya???????????????????????????????????

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anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 11, 2012 2:51 am 
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lol. I sure did miss ya tho. I ask Romeo where you were. I have been having some real trying times with my lady. I live in a downstairs apartment and have no bills whatsoever so my husband and I love that part but....who lives upstairs is my Mother's best friend since I was a child and she suffers Alzheimer's. She is going thru this stage where she is digressing quickly.
The other morning I got up to go to the clinic and I go to get in my car and there she is sitting in my car with PJ's on no robe freezing/shivering. She had locked herself out. I get her back inside and go downstairs to tell my husband what she has done and all of a sudden he jumps up out of bed and tells me at 4:30 am that he is going with me to the clinic. He is afraid of her...I know it sounds crazy and it is crazy. My husband is a biker type guy and not afraid of anything except little ole ladies with Alzheimer's. He says she spooks him. Everyday when he goes to get in his Bronco she will ask him who he is and why he is there. He thinks she thinks he is going to rob her or something and he is afraid of her calling the cops or her freaking out on him.
I tell him the worst she could do was hit him over his head with her purse. She carries her purse everywhere with her. All she has in her purse is rolls of toilet paper, underwear, socks, toothpaste and deodorant because she thinks all the people who live upstairs with her (no one does) will steal these items.
He avoids her like the plague by taking the garbage out in the middle of the night etc...I have known her all my life so I really have a hard time relating to his fears period. So I laugh which makes him furious. Anyways so he rides with me to the clinic. The one day my counselor decides she wants to have a real session and I had a drug test and an EKG I had delaying his return home. Crazy shit like that has been happening all week.
I need some humor amber. I admit I chuckled when I read romeo and the eye of the tiger post but e need a good ole amber story. How has things been with the guy whose Mom you ripped off lol.

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PostPosted: Sat Feb 11, 2012 2:43 pm 
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I knew you were lurking around somewhere!! lol

that IS funny that a grown mans scared of a lil ol lady. My hubby's kinda the same way with my grandma. Shes still getting around just fine, but its like he doesnt want to be left 'alone' with her. lol and to think, we BOTH lived with her for like 2 years.

the gorrila has pretty much left me alone, I did give his wife 40 bux a few weeks ago. I did tell her Id give more money IF and only IF the gorrila left me alone. Ive been thinking though, I may only give another 20 bucks, as my 'peace offering' and thats it. Ya know? I feel like I didnt need to give him anything to begin with. BUT since Im not moving anytime soon, outta the area I mean, and obviously he isnt either, I guess we had better find a happy medium.

SOOOOOOO, you need some laughs. I was telling my therapist a few 'stories' from my past yesterday, I figured she would laugh, but clearly, she didnt think they were QUITE as humorous as I DID...... :lol:

One september, we go 'school clothes shopping' me and my brother and my mom. If you grew up as a poor kid, you know that the shoes, (one pair of course) and clothes that you get this day HAD BETTER last ALL year, and summer tooo. If not, and you ripped your pants or something, you were gonna 'live with it'
So, we get tto the store(s) and mom says we can get NIKE shoes, cuz theyr on SALE.....
me and my brother were SO EXCITED..... we alwyas had the VOLUME shoes, if you were any kid in the 80s, those were NOT the shoes you wanted.
ANyways, we go thru the horror of clothes shopping. My brother always wanted black clothes, I always wanted everything outta
active wear, and Mom was always saying, "why dont you dress more like a girl"
so we'd fight and fight, till mom got sick of us, and we ended up with what we wanted. my brother would pick out a pair of blue jeans to 'appease her, and Id get at leas one 'girl shirt' just so we could be done.

SO, were headin to the parking lot, and we BOTH have on our brand new NIKE's ...... SO excited........
we get to the car, and mom forgot her keys in the dressing rooms or something, so My brother darts back to go get the keys, hes so FAST in his NIKE BASKETBALL SHOES......
Coming outta the store, he wasnt looking, and ran right into the street.
Now, this was a long time ago, and I dont remember the entire scene, but I do know my brother more or less ran into a car, rather than the car "hitting" him. he did sort of a face plant onto the passenger side, and fell back.
My mom goes running up, and me too, shes SO worried,
and Im like 'wheres the keys??"
he hands them over, his face is lil bloody, and he's still admiring his nike's..... :wink:

the person, that he 'collided' with of course takes off, its the 80s. and people are walking by looking at my mother like she should beat BOTH our asses......thats the way it was then.

we get my brother to the car,
and hes crying, and going on and on.
My mom says
ARE YOU OKAY????

"I think so, are my shoes scuffed?"
Im like, NOPE< your good man. those are bad ass shoes, handing him a napkin.

we get in the car, mom;s crying of course. My brothers looking at the gravel in his hand. like his life flashed before his eyes.

heres the funny part........

MOM says, " If you think you need to go to the DOCTOR, were gonna have to take YOUR SHOES back, becuase I just spent all the money we had"

My brother looks down at his shoes, once more and says, Im okay mom.

I hope you found that funny, and not sad, like my therapist did.
its not that mom wasnt gonna take him to the ER. she was giving HIM the choice.
I guess thats why me ad my brother are 'survivors'
ya know?
the other day I SLICED my hand just a bit on the TABLE SAW.....I only have the abot an 8th inch past whatever Im cutting just in case, and thank god I did the other day. anyways, a lil DUCT TAPE, and Im good to go.

Wondering, what Im gonna do today, better think of something. gotta go to costco with granma in a lil bit.
Other than that the days open.....
and the good cable is AWESOME by the way.
we havent had more than basic, in YEARS. and its almost like im trying to watch everything allllll at once.
we even have this 'on demand ' thing.
its coooooolll......
never thought Id be THIS excited about cable TV
oh and later I'll have to tell ya the story about how we won our 46'' hdtv.....
you'll LOVE that one, for sure

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anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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 Post subject: It makes you wonder
PostPosted: Sat Feb 11, 2012 4:53 pm 
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I can't help but wonder where people have been. Like the therapist found that story sad. I mean it was a great story it could have been a tragedy, but he got up wiped the blood up off his shoes of course, and went on. lol I got tickled thinking and relating to how fast he could run back in the store with those new shoes on and turn around and run back out so fast....that he hit a car instead of a car hitting him. lmfao. It's like the new shoes gave him wings to fly.

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 Post subject: It makes you wonder
PostPosted: Sat Feb 11, 2012 4:56 pm 
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double post tried to delete how do u delete??

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 14, 2012 11:20 pm 
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So Ive been writing about the crap load of dental work Im haveing done this thursday under 'surgery and suboxone'
and Im not gonna double post.

Just wana say, glad I found somebody that didnt hear 'former drug user' and basically throw me out in the street. This guy seems really cool.

On another note, my three yr old son will be having surgery on his mouth, on the 9th of March.
8 teeth need fillings total, one root canal, and the two front teeth capped.

I feel so bad that I didnt 'understand' or care about the need for flouride when he was younger. the other reason its so bad, is he was born premature, and he only slept TWO hours at a time until about 5 months old, then slept 3 hours at a time until a year old, he even stayed at that 3 hr to 3 and half hour base line til like 15 months.
and yes, I was using, ALOT........ so I would just shove a sippy cup in his mouth (well, not shove, he gladly accepted) just to get that THREE SOLID hours of sleep. to keep my freaking sanity.
but the dentist said if that was the ONLY reason, he'd only have problems on the top of his mouth, and he has problems sparactically.
So I guess he'll be going for flouride treatments after his surgery. thankfully, he DOES have insurance. The deductable for his surgery is $300......Im happy to pay it.
the grand total for MY work is just shy of 9 grand. thats for the top (full denture) and the bottom (partial,,, ill have 3-4 of my own teeth)

and Im glad dentures have changed. he told me I should be able to wear them at night, if I want too, and wont need any gel or cream or any of that crap. all the 'relines' are included in the money Im paying to begin with, so he says anytime theres a problem just stop by. and his office is open at 7am a few days a week, till 7pm. so I can totally stop by before work, or even after.......which will save me alota trouble with the boss, and hours lost off my check.
this weeks gonna suck for hours, thats for sure!!!!

but I cant afford another infection either.......
thats it for me today. had to get that off my chest about my kiddo. Im feelin a lil guilty..... :roll:

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anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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 Post subject: almost FORGOT to mention
PostPosted: Wed Feb 15, 2012 12:29 am 
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almost forgot to say...........

.............................



[marq=down]TEN MONTHS ON SUBOXONE, (ONLY) TODAYYYYYY WOOOOO HOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!![/marq]

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anyone can give up,
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That's TRUE STRENGTH
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 15, 2012 12:46 am 
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We all do exceedingly stupid shit while in active addiction Amber. Some of it is hard to live with.

Early on in my recovery, I found it VERY important to be able to forgive myself. Some of the crap I was carrying around and crucifying myself with daily was killing me and my recovery. What's done is done. All we can do is apologize if we've wronged someone and offer to make amends. It sounds like you're doing both.

Now, with all that happy crap I just said, I hurt my daughter during my Suboxone wd and it bothers me to this day. We were doing math homework and she just was not understanding negative numbers. Being in wd, I was half frickin' crazy to start with, but the fact that she wasn't understanding negative numbers was driving me to insane land. I had her hold her hand on the table and when she got an answer wrong, I would smack the living shit out of her hand. She was 10 years old at the time. Of course, she started crying and that made me mad because now she wasn't paying attention to her math. I ended up yelling at her and telling her to go to bed.

It took me about 15 minutes to gather my faculties and when I did, I felt like absolute dog shit. I went upstairs and sat on her bed and apologized and apologized and apologized. My wife and I had already told her all about my wd and that daddy may act a little weird for a while, but I'm sure she didn't really understand that. Anyway, she sat up, she hugged me, she told me she loved me and she said that she knew I wasn't feeling well when I got mad at her.

That's been two years ago now and I STILL tell her I'm sorry for being such an ass to her. She smiles and makes a joke about it, apparently she's moved on, I'm the one who hasn't moved on.

Ugh, now that I've depressed the crap outta ya, I'm going to bed!!!

Try and forgive yourself Bud.

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 15, 2012 11:07 pm 
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Im thankful every day I breath, that kids are 'engineered' to love thier parents , NO MATTER WHAT....
I know this from how I was treated growing up, and I still loved my parents, and even to this day, My biological father who I havent seen in years, I could honestly tell you I love him, even though I cant tell you WHY....

VERY glad, that I know my son will love me the same way. Its my mission, not to let him down for the same mistakes Ive made in the past agian.............Long as you learned from it Romeo, you'll be good......

OOOOHHHHHHHHHHH get tommorow over with already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My thoughts are just NUTZO tonight, so Im done writing for now.......

wish me luck tomorow!!!! :? :? :?

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 12:23 am 
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Joined: Tue Nov 01, 2011 11:48 pm
Posts: 1346
Location: oregon coast
so thursday,makes a week since my teeth got pulled on the bottom.....
Im glad the stitches are coming out, they are ITCHIN!!!!!!
and you know, theyre just beautiful, the lovely black thread in my mouth looks amazing when I speak.
(probably still better than the old broken teeth looked)

ANYWAYS, then I gotta wait about two more weeks, and do one more impression, and my NEW teeth will be MADE...
YAY

this has been a huge ordeal for me. Its gonna be so great to have new teeth, and I went back and forth in my head over and over if I wanted to stop my suboxone, and go on an opiate while I get all this work done. Cuz, right after I get my new bottom teeth made, ALL THE TOP ones are GOING........
So my sub doc was almost trying to convince me (it seemed like) to go on some kind of pain control med, this entire time while all this is goin on......

But Im gonna make it.
and I dont think the top is gonna hurt quite so bad as the bottom, cuz it seems like the infection is what was hurting so bad. I freaking hope so anyways.......

getting nervous for my son's surgery on his mouth soon too......
Trying not to be, but thats not quite working out. I cant help but to worry.

looking forward to thursday....
and hoping I see at least some of that damn tax return next week!!!!!

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

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