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PostPosted: Fri Mar 25, 2011 6:23 pm 
Super-Duper Poster
Super-Duper Poster

Joined: Thu Nov 25, 2010 6:39 pm
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I'm recommending a book to anyone who has come from an abusive past either in childhood or in other areas of life which could include a hostile work environment where people are abused/traumatized, domestic violence, childhood sexual trauma, dysfunctional marriage, rape, war...and more.

It's called The Betrayal Bond;Breaking Free of Exploitative Relationships by Patrick Carnes. Some of you may know Patrick Carnes as a sex addiction specialist ( and yes, he is known for his expertise in this area but he has written this book about trauma bonds and how they keep those of us who have been involved in some kind of abuse from breaking free.
There is a very interesting chapter on trauma shame...where due to childhood abuse (physical, emotional, sexual) people feel defective, unworthy, unlovable to the extreme....they sabotoge their lives and successes...and deprive themselves in many forms..either with good relationships, sex, food, rent, vacations...the gamat of experiences that we all want to have positively happening in our lives. With Trauma shame it talks about the profound sense of unworthiness and self hatred that is rooted in the traumatic experience. The book discusses how trauma effects people and how trauma bonds effect our relationships and how to break free. Included in all of this is of course addiction and its various forms...

I just want to pass it on for anyone interested and also recommend Out of The Shadows...another book he has written dealing with compulsive sexual behavior...

Listed above is his website and you can find some information on these topics there....

So many of us who struggle with addiction have these histories...many of us are stuck...and I myself have been stuck many times in my recovery at various times...sometimes therapy is so lengthy it seems impossible to ever get better, sometimes shame keeps us from moving forward...and sometimes just reading about it can help us at least understand we are not alone and there is help for times we are stuck.

This book is pretty straight forward and extremely my opinion. I have talked to some people who were overwhelmed reading it and had a very hard time initially because they had never been open to recalling their past abuses but because of that sort of denial found themselves unable to live happily. So, just fyi that it is NOT easy to read in that regard, but it can be healing.

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