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 Post subject: That's it, Im done
PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2011 8:48 pm 
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Well, my doctor disappeared again. Ran out of pills Sunday, called Monday to make an appointment, and its now Thursday night and his voicemail is full and he hasnt returned calls. I know its partly my fault for calling at the last minute, but I didnt have the money for the appointment until then, so I felt I didnt have a choice. Anyway, I called around and got an appointment with another sub doc for Monday, the soonest I could get. That is going to be a week with no suboxone, and I know it will get ugly. I did something I know is wrong and I dont blame anyone for saying so, I basically had my son's father give me some vicodin to get me by till Monday.

I cant be on bedrest till Monday, I am a single mom with a hyper child who depends on me, a job that I have to go to, I cant just tough it out. I am sick of being dependent on these little orange pills, I have been on them almost 5 years and have been making excuses for too long in order to not get off them. Hopefully this latest situation is what I needed to help me get started. I am taking a lot, 8 mills two times a day, and I do plan on doing it slowly, but Im getting off this crap, if its the last thing I do. I have an idea for going slowly at the end, where basically when I get down to maybe one or two mills a day, instead of stopping directly I will just take them every other day, and every two days, etc. until I can stop completely. Any thoughts on that method? Glad this place is here, I dont know anyone in real life who is taking these meds and I feel like no one knows what Im going through...


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2011 9:29 pm 
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Hi and Welcome, I am so sorry you are going thru this. I am glad you found a new Dr. because your current Dr. is horrible! The ER is allowed to prescribe 3 days worth of sub. So if it gets too bad you can take your old bottle and go to ER. If you run into a doc that doesn't know ask him to research it because it is allowed. As far as getting some hydro to help with withdrawla I understand and in your situation I would probably do that too. I know and you know that we shouldnt but I am a mom too and understand that we can't just go to bed and get thru withdrawls. You gotta do what you gotta do, just be very careful. I hope you get thru this with minimal pain and that your new Dr. treats his patient's the way they should be treated.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2011 9:52 pm 
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I am no mom but I am an addict and I am sorry I just don’t see being a mom an excuse to use again whether it is one day or 2 weeks! I mean think of the position you are putting your kid in by going back to using opiates again. What if this appointment doesn’t work out Monday than where does that leave you? But having to buy more dope till you hear from your old DR and who knows how long that could take. I just think you are putting yourself at way to much of a risk by doing this like breezy said you can go to the ER and spilt those 3 doses up till Monday it is going to suck but you are not going to relapse.

I don’t know I just don’t get how some people try to justify a relapse!

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2011 10:33 pm 
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I would go to the ER if it were me but if that didn't work and they wouldn't give me a script and I had some hydro on hand I would use enough just to be able to function. Is it taking a drug you are addicted to? Yes but I don't see it as a justified relapse. When you relapse you are looking to get high. The world isn't black and white. When you have small children their lives depend on you being able to care for them. This is not a case of someone stopping sub so they can get high, she did nothing wrong except choose a crappy Dr. who is leaving her alone to go thru withdrawls for a week. I just see a grey area here, sometimes you have no choice but a not so good one. If you have never been the sole caretaker of young children you can't understand what it takes. It is a 24 hour a day job, its not just because its hard. When you have small children you can't be in a bathroom puking all day. I just think you are being a bit judgemental when you have never had the experience of caring for small children alone and what it requires.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2011 3:52 pm 
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Bboy I know what you are saying, and no offense taken, I know you are trying to help. I was never addicted to pain killers or pills really, Ive never had access to them, I have no idea how or the time to doctor shop. I dont get how people do it. I was a coke addict, and towards the end started snorting heroine because it was cheaper, and that is why I started using the sub, because I wasnt even enjoying the heroine, I was simply avoiding withdrawals. I havent used a drug or been around anyone who has for 5 years, trust me, I wont relapse. Even my son's father is someone I dont talk to, we dont get along, I only reached out to him because he is the only person I know who knows about my past and might know some shady characters. In the end, it turns out he had been in the hospital and had some extra vicodine that he didnt need, which he gave to me.

The Vicodine has done nothing for me, except make me feel normal. Im not getting high or anything, I dont really see why I would get hooked on it. My doctor sent me an email just an hour ago that he will call me tonight, so it looks like I wont be going through the weekend miserable. So please dont worry, Ill have my sub tonight (which I think will make me feel better than this vicodine has, it has just made me less withdrawaly (I know, thats not a word lol) and sleepy. I called back the new doctor and told him I would not be in on Monday, since at least my doctor will probably call in a script for me today as long as I see him next week, BUT after a month Im going to the new doctor, he is part of a practice and has an actual secretary so Im pretty sure he wont disappear all the time like my doc does.

Thanks BBoy for being honest and having good intentions, and thank you BreezyAnn for understanding. I didn't post what I did if I didnt expect some people to not approve, I just hope you guys believe me when I tell you that these Vicodine are not a relapse waiting to happen for me. I am 31 years old now, when I was on drugs I was 25, it seems like a lifetime ago. I cant imagine being high and putting my son at risk now, I dont know how I could have ever done it, the thought of it makes me cry every time I think of it. It wont happen again, thats a promise.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2011 3:55 pm 
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Oh gosh, Breezy, I can tell you know exactly what I am talking about the young children thing! On top of that my son has ADHD, no siblings to play with, a HUGE appetite where he wants to be fed 7 times a day lol. Im his chef, maid, and playmate! I cant imagine dealing with that and in withdrawal this weekend, I really got lucky that my doctor is going to call me tonight, and probably call in my prescription.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2011 10:48 pm 
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I am so happy that your Dr. called you. I have 2 boys age 5 & 3 and 11 month old twin daughters so yeah I know what it's like! My 3 year old son is a hell child and I couldn't imagine taking care of him alone in withdrawl. Like I said its not just because you don't want to feel like crap and be busy, if I am not on my a game and keep the youngest 3 in my sight at all times they could potentially die. Believe me I am not being dramatic, my 3 year old does not understand what is not safe for babies and obviously babies don't.

I am also glad you are switching docs, it really pisses me off that some docs just leave their patients without sub. It is such a cruel thing to do. Hopefully your next doc will be better, I licked out and got an amazing doc on my first try. Take care!


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 02, 2011 4:05 am 
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Actually, he didnt. He never called. He responded to my email on Friday at 100pm saying he would call me that night, but he never did. Nor did he call Saturday . I am out of the vicodine and feeling horrible, can't sleep. I emailed him Friday night and all day saturday asking him to pleSe call, in case he didn't understand the urgency, but no response. The most messed up thing of all is that I called and cancelled my appointment on Monday at the new doctor. Since my old doctor sent me the email saying he would call, I knew I would have to go see him next week, and I can't afford two doctor visits (my insurance doesn't cover it). Since it was Friday, and I know doctors had a 24 hour cancellation, I called and cancelled cause I didn't want to wait and do it over the weekend and start off on the wrong foot with this new doctor. I am so screwed. I am avoiding the ER at all costs, the times ive been I've never had a wait time less than 8hours in the LOBBY, I almost prefer withdrawal to that at this point, as opposed to being in withdrawal in a waiting room while everyone watches you squirm and cry and does nothing. I've even been to the ER for gallstones, which was so serious they had to remove mygallbladder the next day, an they still kept me siting in a chair in the waiting room for 12 hours till I got a bed. I'm so angry and sick of all this I don't know what to say anymore.


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 02, 2011 9:38 am 
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I am so so sorry! I wish there was some was something I could do to help you. Can you go to an urgent care? I am not sure if they will prescribe sub but you could at least get some clonodine to help the withdrawl symptoms. I know you said your Dr doesn't have a receptionist,
but I would be at his office 1st thing Monday morning and demand my script. I don't know what else to tell you besides the ER or an urgent care. Come and vent or anything you need to do, pm me if you need some one to talk to. I really hope you cam find a way to get some sub. I am going to try to think of something and if I get any ideas I will let you know. Again I am so sorry!
Bri


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 02, 2011 6:27 pm 
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What are you going to do MSL3? I too am a single mom and I know how you feel. I would go to the ER if I were you. I just want to share with you how I got off subs. As I mentioned above, I'm a single mom, and I work 40 hours a week. I am professionally licensed in my career. Guess what? I got my mom to watch my son. I was honest with her so she would understand the urgency of the situation I was in, and I told my job I needed time off. I dropped all of it and went to rehab to get off of that crap. I'm free. If you can, you may want to consider it. I didn't have privacy, peace, quiet, or anything like that at home because of my little boy. I love him but he drives me ape shit, so I had to do it away from home. All I knew is that I wanted my life back and I would have done anything for it. Rehab may not be for you, but it worked for me. I'm 7 months clean and feeling normal again Thank God!!! Do what you gotta do until you can work things all the way out.


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 02, 2011 7:45 pm 
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Please remember this is a pro-suboxone site. Suboxone is an important medication that saves the lives of many, many addicts. Remember, 99% of us were opiates addicts who had withdrawals coming to us when we started suboxone. We were addicts to begin with! And being on it isn't a free ride to skip all that we've got coming to us.
So please watch the continuing references to suboxone as "crap". Thanks for your cooperation. :)

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 5:29 am 
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I guess I'm in the wrong place then. I was just trying to help others that are screaming to get off the sub. I won't be coming back here. Good luck everyone!!!


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 5:40 am 
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And even if this page isn't pharmaceutical company driven, that's how you make it sound. Some of these people are dying to come off of sub and they have a right to be exposed to ideas that will help them. Suboxone helps in some cases but in my opinion it's overprescribed. Reserve it for those who REALLY need it.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 10:02 am 
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foundhelp wrote:
I guess I'm in the wrong place then. I was just trying to help others that are screaming to get off the sub. I won't be coming back here. Good luck everyone!!!


I wasn't asking anyone to leave the forum. I merely said to take care with using certain negative words. That's all. I'm sincerely very sorry if it came off as asking anyone to leave the forum. That was not my intent whatsoever. Please know that.

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 10:48 am 
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hatmaker510 wrote:
Please remember this is a pro-suboxone site. Suboxone is an important medication that saves the lives of many, many addicts. Remember, 99% of us were opiates addicts who had withdrawals coming to us when we started suboxone. We were addicts to begin with! And being on it isn't a free ride to skip all that we've got coming to us.
So please watch the continuing references to suboxone as "crap". Thanks for your cooperation. :)


Hat, I agree 100% that there are people who deserve a polite reminder about how this board works....but this girl is not one of them. I understand wanting to prevent the spread of misinformation, but this is someone sharing her experience. Many people on here have struggled getting off Sub and are not happy about how it went down. I completely understand that feeling. The best thing you/we could possibly do is to stay positive ourselves and help people navigate tapering/stopping Sub. Correcting people, however polite you try to phrase it, is going to come off as condescending and put people on the defensive. I mean, if you had a pretty nasty time getting off Sub and you came on here and vented about your honest experience and you got a 'friendly lecture', you would feel alienated and you would want to leave too.

As more and more people start Sub, there will be more people coming on here irritated because they want to get off it and cannot figure out why it's not going well. They will probably vent. We can help them tremendously, and we can help them feel more positive about the whole thing, but not if we run them off first. Does that make sense?

laddertipper

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 11:32 am 
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hatmaker510 wrote:
Please remember this is a pro-suboxone site. Suboxone is an important medication that saves the lives of many, many addicts. <snip>
So please watch the continuing references to suboxone as "crap". Thanks for your cooperation. :)



I agree with hat on this-
Maybe some people DO believe that Suboxone is crap;
however, I believe that referring to it as such is counter-productive,
inaccurate, and inappropriate- mostly because this medicine has helped so many people.
In my humble opinion, referring to sub as "crap" borders on sub-bashing;
and we just do not need that on this forum.

This is just my "two-cents"...

-ex-

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 12:18 pm 
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Im really shocked and in awe at how many people have responded to my post so quickly, and been so supportive and helpful. Seriously, every single one of you, thank you. You have no idea how much it means to me.

I see everyone's point here, Suboxone is not crap, and I love the fact that people here are willing to defend it. I do not think Foundhelp meant anything bad by what she said, I just took it to mean that she feels the same way as me: the drug was a lifesaver, but for many of us it has become a frustrating problem because it is hard to come off of, and your life and health can go downhill in as little as a week if your doctor disappears or something happens and you run out of medication. For me personally, I am tired of it. I have been on this for 5 years, so my situation is different than some, for me its time. Im sick of wasting 150 dollars a month or every two months just to go talk to this doctor to get my prescription. He is not a therapist and really serves me no other purpose than to give me the suboxone. Think of all I could do with 150 extra bucks a month.

In Hatmaker's defense, he/she is probably like many of us and tired of people trying to make suboxone out to be another drug to get high off or something other than what it is. You both had good intentions, I hope you no one leaves over this thread, I think it was just a misunderstanding by two well intentioned folks.

Now as for me, this is what happened. I started getting RLS on Sunday morning, I was starting to feel horrible. My grandfather takes Xanax to help him sleep, and he gave me a pill to help me. I took half right away. And it felt GREAT. I started thinking of what Bboy said, and I realized that he really was right. Although I dont regret what I did, especially with the Vicodine, he was absolutely right in saying that I am taking a risk of relapse doing what I did. I started thinking of how I could get more Xanax, regardless of whether I got my suboxone. I wanted to keep feeling like I did with that little half of a Xanax. A little while later yesterday, my doctor finally called and called in my prescription. I am going to see him today as a courtesy (since he called in my prescription, I owe him a visit). But this will be the last time.

I had half a Xanax left, and I was tempted to keep it for later, but I went and gave it back to my mom to give it to my grandfather, since I knew I was getting my suboxone soon. I am proud of myself for that, I think I am really to the point where I will not relapse. Thanks Bboy for the warnings, you really did have a good point and I realize that.

So I got my sub last night, I am normal again. I am going to change doctors and wean off slowly, I hope I have the strength to do it, Ive been saying that for years. I dont know how you guys do the whole jumping off thing, I will never have the strength to do it. If worst comes to worst, Ill give my mom my pills and she will give me what I need to wean off. Trust me, if she has em, there is no way I can get to any extras.

Thank you everyone sincerely, it is sooo nice to speak to someone who knows what Im going through. Ill be here to stay, maybe not posting all the time, but I know being here will help me with the tapering off process.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 12:32 pm 
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What the heck is with this doctor? How does he still have a license? Does he not have regular office hours? I do not understand that. I would have gone to the ER. Using any opiate unless its under the doctors orders (after surgery or something) is playing with fire. I doubt this is the first warning sign you had from this doctor. It is your responsibility to make your appointments ahead of time and your responsibility to find a good doctor. Do not blame the medication for that.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 1:07 pm 
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I do not see in anyway how she blamed the medicine for what happened. In fact I found her posts to be very humble, she is merely saying she has been on it 5 years and is ready to be done and is tired of worrying about it. She never said a bad word about sub, I do not understand why anytime a person is ready to be done or expresses frustration in their situation they are accused of blaming or bashing sub.

Did you even read her 1st post, she said she knew it was her fault for waiting until the last minute but she didn't have the money for the appointment until then. Even waiting until the last minute there is no excuse to not hear back from your Dr for a week. She did make an appointment with another Dr. but then her Dr. told her he would get her taken care of so she called the other Dr told them that she would get her last script from this Dr and make an appointment with them to switch Dr.s. Then her Dr did not do what he said he would. Doesn't she deserve to be frustrated, she accepted responsibility. So I do not understand your post what so ever.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 1:34 pm 
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hi stephent". my doc only has a cell- phone and no secretary . hope you feel better? can't happen'. but if every one was going through w/d at the same time, suboxone talkzone would be under an attack!! :lol:
funny how nature keeps things in order on who stay's awake, to watch over the one who sleeps.
seems the same way with w/d". every one seems to be standing in line,waiting for the next taper or jump?


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