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PostPosted: Tue Nov 22, 2016 6:30 pm 
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This isn't really a miscellaneous suboxone subject.

I was hoping that everyone could share what they are thankful for this year, even if it has nothing to do with our medication.

I don't mean to be a bummer either, but last month I lost my best friend from growing up. He was 45 and died from a sudden heart attack. I spent most of the early afternoon today crying because I miss him so much.

I am incredibly thankful that I had Scottie in my life for as long as I did. We met in first grade, but I didn't fully appreciate him until our teens. I am heartbroken. But at the same time I am grateful for every interaction we ever had. He lives far away from me. I feel incredibly fortunate that my husband and son were able to know him. Our families vacationed together for the last several summers. We all said "I love you" before we left the rental house in NH this past summer.

Here's my reminder for everyone. Life is incredibly short. Far too short to hold onto grudges and petty grievances. Enjoy the people who love you, and reach out to those who have done you wrong. Open your hearts. You just never know how long you may have left

P.S. Happy Thanksgiving!!!

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 23, 2016 9:24 am 
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Hi Amy,
I am not American, although my family live in the US and have done for decades...I presume your call for "thanks" is because it's that time of year for Americans :D but it is indeed always a good and positive thing to count our blessings at least once a year :) Actually I think the concept of Thanksgiving is an excellent one, and for some families has more meaning than xmas..I can appreciate that.
Sorry to hear of your loss...many of us have lost people in their lives, and the sudden is almost always worse than the "normal" loss that comes with age and time. I've experienced the harshest of losses personally. Your story also resonates as I am currently, at 52, going through some tough medical issues and the fear of heart attack in particular looms heavily over me.. :cry:
But onto the more positive point of giving thanks; I have many reasons to be thankful, I have had mostly a good life, and thanks to suboxone am living a better life than I would have imagined possible 7 years ago when I lay in intensive care one step away from death. I survived, after briefly losing the fight only to be resuscitated back into life..that in itself is a miracle never to be forgotten. Some people distrust or dislike doctors, but I give thanks daily to the incredible professionals that work so hard to mend, heal and save lives. So my first shout out is to all doctors and health care workers, without whom I would not be here, in any sense. Dr.Junig (whom my spellchecker wants to change to Jung..a Freudian slip? :wink: ) can take his share of that thanks.
But mostly to my beyond incredible wife, Y, who stuck with me for over 30 years. As you can possibly imagine, as a drug addict, I have sometimes acted in ways that went so far beyond the reasonable that I shiver in shame to recall. :oops: :( But through thick and extremely thin she stuck with me. When I tried to leave her in my horror and shame, she took me back. When I lay unconscious in hospital she slept in the chair by my side. When I learned to walk again she gave me her shoulder to lean on. As I grew stronger she fed me, and worked to support us. And never, not ever did she lose her temper, blame me or try to make me suffer the consequences of my actions in any negative way. When I hit rock bottom she took me to my current psychiatrist and got me onto suboxone before I killed myself. And every day, told me that everything would be OK and stayed positive when I could not.
Sometimes I wonder whether people are best as individuals, groups, society,clans,families, but for sure I know that some people are lucky enough to find someone that resonates so strongly that they belong together, and when you are lucky enough to find that person, then truly you have been blessed.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 23, 2016 10:41 am 
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Well...I'm definitely thankful for my recovery and having another year to sit down at the table to have Thanksgiving dinner with my children, my fiance, both parents, my great grandmother and my brother and his family. If I were still using, I wouldn't have been able to stop til I had my dose of opiates for the day...so I'm very thankful for my recovery to make all that possible. Every yr, I worry it could be the last with my parents or great grandmother.....I'm a worryer (sp?)

I'm thankful for my fiance. Without him, I'd never made it to recovery. I know everyone says they have the best significant other but ppl I honestly do. He does anything for me without question. He's been asking me to finally marry him and I think after Christmas we'll go and do it, just us! He deserves the best. He's had a heart attack and another close call resulting in a couple stents put in, and I'm so afraid for him. He's 36 btw, way to young to have heart issues. He had cancer at 15 and had a tumor taken out of his chest, that could be why he is having heart issues this early in life. Anyway before I go into our life story lol I'm very thankful for having him another yr. He's a hard worker and is out of town working throughout the week, but not for Thanksgiving. He's absolutely the love of my life.

Everyone have a wonderful Thanksgiving Day and be thankful for another yr because there's a lot of addicts still out there suffering!

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 23, 2016 11:23 am 
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Good morning All, Intensecure, that is an amazing tribute to both you and your wife and the love that you have for each other. Amy, you too are so fortunate to have had great love and friendship with Scott and I know you have an amazing love with your husband as well. I was thirty seven years old before I found that kind of love that you have with a partner. My husband has been by my side through thick and thin(physically, emotionally, spiritually)lol...I say that after having gastric bypass surgery and complications from that surgery and losing and gaining and gaining and losing! lol Seriously, I don't know what I would do without him! He is one of the most amazing men I know and I thank God for him every single day! I took thank God for my recovery! It was just starting to take a toll on my relationship, our finances, and my health. I found the most amazing sub Doctor and certainly am grateful for her. I have an amazing family and two jobs that I love. What more could a girl ask for? Well, maybe a President elect who used his head before he tweeted! lol sorry, had to throw that in! Actually, I am feeling a little better in that area too! The PE appears to be softening a bit....so we will have to see what happens! Oops! I just did what I try really hard not to do....we are talking all we have to be thankful for and I went political! I apologize! Enjoy Thanksgiving All!


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 23, 2016 1:24 pm 
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First off, I'm grateful to Amy for thinking of posting this and then doing it. Intensecure, your story is incredible and thank you for sharing it. Same to all before me who took the time to give thanks.

The older I get the more grateful I am. Every day I give thanks for such a beautiful city I live in and the interaction with so many people I have each day.

Same as Intensecure, I too give a shout out to the medical community who have saved countless lives. My wife and I got to talking about that subject and realized that not her, I, or her sister would still be here if not for our doctors and medical staff. My wife would have passed almost 15 years ago. Her sister 8 years ago, and me in 2012. All from the big C. Even a simple sinus infection will kill you w/o antibiotics. So say thank you to Alexander Fleming for inventing pennicillin in 1928.

Too many life moments to list. Let me just say I'm so very grateful for them all.

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 23, 2016 3:15 pm 
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Intensecure, thank you for sharing your story. The love and grace your wife has shown you is a great testament to the type of person she is and the love you share between the two of you.

As I said in my first post, I spent part of yesterday crying over my friend. I noticed that I was definitely not in a thankful frame of mind. So this thread was an attempt to get into the spirit of Thanksgiving, which is tomorrow in the U.S. Every story I read is helping me remember to be grateful for what I have had and what I currently have.

I hope more folks join in the thread. :)

Amy

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 23, 2016 4:27 pm 
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Something to maybe help u just a little bit Amy, I cannot look bk to now and know that I've had a friend like that. I've had friends, yes, but not like ur describing. Once my addiction kicked in, I saw who was real and who wasn't. The one friend I thought would always stick by me, turned out to be communicating with my exhusband, after all he'd done to me. So, turns out, I've never had a friend like u describe. That's sad and I have a wonderful cousin that's always been like my sister, but not a true friend.

So my point is, you know that u always had him. He may have been taken too early, but u did have the pleasure of having him in ur life :) I have never had that type of relationship with a friend. I hope that helps u just a little bit. I know ur hurting, but he'll always be in ur soul ♡♡

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 23, 2016 5:37 pm 
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Jennifer, you're right. I have been extremely fortunate to have had a friend like Scott. I have other friends that I feel nearly as close to as well. I have been absolutely blessed with having wonderful people in my life as friends. I would say that one of my innate abilities is to find and make very genuine friends. Though it hurts to lose Scott, I was truly very blessed to have known him.

Jen, I am sorry to find out that your friends have not lived up to the trust you have put in them. You are a wonderful, kind, funny, and special woman. You deserve to have friends that appreciate the wonderful qualities you have. They have no idea what they're missing! We, here, are the lucky ones who get to be a part of your life and have you in ours.

It's easy to dwell on the negative of what we've lost and what we've never had. So thank you for your advice. I'm also very happy for you that your fiancè recognizes your worth. :)

There is plenty to be thankful for and we don't have to look very far to find it!

Amy

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 23, 2016 7:03 pm 
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Thank you Amy, I just wanted to lift ur spirits a little bit if I could because ur very supportive of everyone. U guys make my day every day ♡

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 23, 2016 7:38 pm 
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You both know I feel the same way! I am one of those people who is friends with everyone! I am a peacemaker and peacekeeper. I forgive just about anything especially if you say those three little words...I am sorry. Now, this can drive people crazy because they don't think I am on their side. But, I usually am it's just that I never like to think that the other person was doing whatever just to hurt or annoy. I truly believe we are all good people or are suffering from a mental illness and that is why you do things I don't agree with! lol Like hunting for instance! I know that there are those that hunt in the true tradition of hunting and I am not talking about those people. I'm talking about the guys/gals who put something on to smell like a deer and then sit in a tree with a six pack until the deer walks by! Then they mount the head and hooves to "show off" what they caught! Uggh! A true respected hunter works to track the deer and then utilizes every bit of that deer for food, clothing, furniture, medicine and has respect for the animal! Here in NJ we have a bear hunt which I protest as much as I can! We had a bear here known as Pedals. You may have heard his story. His two front paws were lame. Story was that he got them caught in a trap. Anyway, he would always walk standing up with hs paws dangling...so sad! During the last bear hunt they shot and killed Pedals! He was not a danger to anyone! Sorry, I got off on a tangent! I do believe that we all are good people who sometimes engage in poor behavior! Happy Thanksgiving! And yes, I do eat meat but try not to...I know...I am hypocritical!


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 8:53 pm 
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Intensecure wrote:
Hi Amy,
I am not American, although my family live in the US and have done for decades...I presume your call for "thanks" is because it's that time of year for Americans :D but it is indeed always a good and positive thing to count our blessings at least once a year :) Actually I think the concept of Thanksgiving is an excellent one, and for some families has more meaning than xmas..I can appreciate that.
Sorry to hear of your loss...many of us have lost people in their lives, and the sudden is almost always worse than the "normal" loss that comes with age and time. I've experienced the harshest of losses personally. Your story also resonates as I am currently, at 52, going through some tough medical issues and the fear of heart attack in particular looms heavily over me.. :cry:
But onto the more positive point of giving thanks; I have many reasons to be thankful, I have had mostly a good life, and thanks to suboxone am living a better life than I would have imagined possible 7 years ago when I lay in intensive care one step away from death. I survived, after briefly losing the fight only to be resuscitated back into life..that in itself is a miracle never to be forgotten. Some people distrust or dislike doctors, but I give thanks daily to the incredible professionals that work so hard to mend, heal and save lives. So my first shout out is to all doctors and health care workers, without whom I would not be here, in any sense. Dr.Junig (whom my spellchecker wants to change to Jung..a Freudian slip? :wink: ) can take his share of that thanks.
But mostly to my beyond incredible wife, Y, who stuck with me for over 30 years. As you can possibly imagine, as a drug addict, I have sometimes acted in ways that went so far beyond the reasonable that I shiver in shame to recall. :oops: :( But through thick and extremely thin she stuck with me. When I tried to leave her in my horror and shame, she took me back. When I lay unconscious in hospital she slept in the chair by my side. When I learned to walk again she gave me her shoulder to lean on. As I grew stronger she fed me, and worked to support us. And never, not ever did she lose her temper, blame me or try to make me suffer the consequences of my actions in any negative way. When I hit rock bottom she took me to my current psychiatrist and got me onto suboxone before I killed myself. And every day, told me that everything would be OK and stayed positive when I could not.
Sometimes I wonder whether people are best as individuals, groups, society,clans,families, but for sure I know that some people are lucky enough to find someone that resonates so strongly that they belong together, and when you are lucky enough to find that person, then truly you have been blessed.


I think sometimes, maybe it's a guy thing, but we often take for granted how strong a woman can be. But in the same respect, they are the most fragile being on earth. They can suffer through the birth of a child, the closest to death anyone can come...willingly that is...and still have the love to give their life for that same child. A child that put them within seconds of dying, has an eternal love that will never subside. They can have their heart broken six ways from Sunday, and still hang on for the hope for that love to return. They can be cheated on, lied to and embarrassed...and through the shame and demeaning stares of strangers who know about it, still hold on for true love. Sometimes that love isn't returned.. sometimes it is.
I have a great wife who endured plenty from me and my stupidity. We visited the lawyer. Signed papers...got almost to the point of divorce. I didn't sign the last document once the divorce was ready to file...that's all that kept us married during an 8-month hiatus that I decided we needed from our 11 year marriage. During that same hiatus, I met someone else. Had never been with anyone else until then, and that changed. For me and my wife, we were each others firsts. But stupidity and opiates mixed, I made that different. She didn't, however. She didn't go find someone else. She didn't move in with some guy for 8 months. But the love we had still was shining through when I got cleaned up and felt just disgust...pure disgust at what I had done. The last 4 months of the 8 month period, I wouldn't even sleep in the same room with that person I moved into the house with me. I felt like a lower form of fool..
But, she took me back. I stayed clean. And 4 years later, another baby came along..which has totally changed me in a way I can't describe. It completed me, and made me feel like I should've felt all along..but trust me when I say that I feel what you're saying. I'm only 38...but I have a lifetime of experience.

So, I must say with all of the above in mind, that this Thanksgiving, I am VERY thankful for the love of my wife..and what she endured to stick it out with me. God above knows that I wasn't worth it...but she saw something that she thought would be worth hanging onto. We don't realize the gift we have in the love of a great woman. It's all too often taken for granted..but it's something I hope everyone can behold one day.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 9:40 pm 
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Wow! I'm going to go kiss my wife.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 24, 2016 11:23 pm 
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[quote="jonathanm1978]
So, I must say with all of the above in mind, that this Thanksgiving, I am VERY thankful for the love of my wife..and what she endured to stick it out with me. God above knows that I wasn't worth it...but she saw something that she thought would be worth hanging onto. We don't realize the gift we have in the love of a great woman. It's all too often taken for granted..but it's something I hope everyone can behold one day.[/quote]
Wow, Jonathan, just wow.
Everything you have said resonates so deeply. My wife and I were never blessed with children, sadly (multiple IVF treatments, 2 miscarriages, much heavy pain) but everything else you have said mirrors my experience exactly, even down to the finding someone else and closing in on divorce. And I lost my younger brother 20 years ago.. :(
Well said, everything you wrote. Kudos to you for doing your part to reform and fix your situation.
Stay healthy always, give everything you can back to your wife because some things are truly beyond price and make those of us who have great partners some of the luckiest people on this earth.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2016 11:22 am 
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Intensecure wrote:
[quote="jonathanm1978]
So, I must say with all of the above in mind, that this Thanksgiving, I am VERY thankful for the love of my wife..and what she endured to stick it out with me. God above knows that I wasn't worth it...but she saw something that she thought would be worth hanging onto. We don't realize the gift we have in the love of a great woman. It's all too often taken for granted..but it's something I hope everyone can behold one day.[/quote]

Wow, Jonathan, just wow.
Everything you have said resonates so deeply. My wife and I were never blessed with children, sadly (multiple IVF treatments, 2 miscarriages, much heavy pain) but everything else you have said mirrors my experience exactly, even down to the finding someone else and closing in on divorce. And I lost my younger brother 20 years ago.. :(
Well said, everything you wrote. Kudos to you for doing your part to reform and fix your situation.
Stay healthy always, give everything you can back to your wife because some things are truly beyond price and make those of us who have great partners some of the luckiest people on this earth.[/quote][/quote][/quote]


In case you are curious as to why your quote didn't work correctly on the above post, I can give you a couple of pointers about the forums and how to use commands.

The "[" and "]" are your beginning and ending for commands on these forums. You always start a command with the "[" ...and you always end a command with the "]".

If I want to quote someone, but I just wanna quote without having it put "Nickname wrote" at the top, then I can just do this (without the periods)
.[quote]The quoted text[./quote]

If you want to have the person's nickname show up, then it's done this way:
.[quote="persons nickname"] The text you want quoted, [./quote]

Now if you want to add bold, italic or underline, then you just replace the word "quote" with whichever you want to use. You begin bold text with the "[", then the letter b, then at the end of the bold text, you put the /b in another "[ ]". The brackets tell the forum it has a command.

Commands:
Bold = b, then /b
italic = i, then /i
u'line = u, then /u
quote = quote, then /quote
quote name = quote=nick, then /quote

there are other commands at the top, but they all work the same way too.
the less used ones, like code, list, list=, img, url, youtube...all go inside the brackets.
Just thought I'd try and help out a little..

In the above quote, the only thing that is missing is one quotation mark at the end of my name.
Instead of .[quote="jonathanm1978], it should be .[quote="jonathanm1978"]

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RIP little brother. Gone, but not forgotten.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2016 11:45 am 
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Now, in reply to the posts:

We are lucky to be blessed with 4 children. 2 boys, 2 girls.
We got married at 19 and 17. We didn't get married because it was just kewl ...I think today people do it just for a tax break...and it's way too easy to divorce. Instead of trying to work it out, they just give up many times.. The true love that does work through those problems is the ones that never end.

After 3 years of marriage, our first daughter was born. Then it was another 4 years before our first son came along. We thought there was something wrong, so she had some treatments to make her get pregnant...which led to her having an ectopic pregnancy..and she had to lose that one at around 6 weeks. That was the end of the "help"...we decided if it was meant to be, it would happen. 3 months later, she was pregnant again with our first son.
4 months after he was born, she was pregnant yet again..with our 2nd son... (you can guess when that one was conceived!!)
At that point, she didn't want anymore kids with me...and I can't blame her. I was headed down the dead-end road...and had no future. Lost a great job...for pills. Pawned everything I could manage to get my hands on..for pills. Let lights, phones, etc get cut off and was forced to move in with her parents...for pills.
So, wanting to have another baby was the last thing she would ever want with someone doing those things. But he was on the way..
I was mean..I wasn't myself. I treated her very badly...not to the point of ever being physically abusive. But the mental abuse was, I'm sure, overbearing at times. I was the definition of a deabeat, no-good, lying S.O.B.
When the kids were at the terrible ages..(terrible twos, etc) was when it got the hardest. Living with her parents...things just got to where I thought it wasn't worth it. I was accused of stealing from her uncle, who owned the trailer park in which my in-laws lived. My wife's uncle has a home right next to the trailer park he owns..and is pretty wealthy (owns his own business, has money, pretty well off)...
So, he accused me of going in their home and taking some jewelry while they were gone on vacation (which I didn't do) but he kicked me out of the trailer park and trespassed me. (if I returned to his property, I would be arrested)...
so I was forced to come live in my house without lights/water/food..etc.
I finally got enough to get lights..and water..and was here alone..
(a side note..the best EVER "i told ya so" moment came when my wife's uncle found the jewelry I was accused of taking, in a pawn shop in another city. He filed police report, and lo and behold, it was an employee he had at the time who was a crackhead who stole it and pawned it!!!! Granted it took 3 years for him to finally find the stuff..he DID apologize.)
After about 2 months of barely paying a bill, but eating pills like M&M's...I got online "looking for love"...
And I found it.

At any rate, once I got cleaned up and started Suboxone (not fully cleaned up, because I couldn't afford to stay in the Sub program that I found)..my wife came to visit me.
She got lonely and I was the only person she knew in 'that way'...
So one weekend while this girl I lived with was gone to visit her mom in another town..she came over and spent the night.
And we said all the things that people say who are having casual 'encounters'...it wasn't serious..etc.
But it was and we both knew it.
I guess it was just lip service for her to say that stuff so she didn't deal with the hurt I had caused.

I think back and still can't believe I ever got the chances I got. We went way past 2nd chance..maybe 22nd chance? I don't even know...
It was way more than she should've done.
And now, life is good. Today, I caught myself calling her an asshole....not really meaning it..but because she got me some gift for Christmas...and all I know is the cost. It was $200 +/-..
I told her I didn't need anything like that...and not to buy me expensive stuff..
But she did it anyway. I looked at the account and knew how much she had spent..but she says she can't tell me what it's for.
That's the woman I am blessed to have. That's what I thought I didn't want..
Boy, we sure can be abstinent jackasses when we want to be, especially when we are doing pills and staying high all the time...
Life is the greatest teacher you can have.

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RIP little brother. Gone, but not forgotten.


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