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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Mon Jun 09, 2014 12:21 pm 
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I was just about to come post when I heard my phone buzzing with my email alert on my thread! Thanks for asking.

Sub Free Morning Check-in, Day 1: I woke up way early this morning with the usual nausea, which is pretty routine nowadays, and I will admit I was a bit panicked. At first I was like "oh my God!!! I'm not ready for this now!!!" But after I got up and got moving that feeling slowly started to fade. I drank a little pedialite, took some stomach meds, got some exercise, drank my protein and took my vitamins, and feel alright right now. My biggest challenge right now is not that I physically feel bad, it's the mental part. My head wants to tell me all kinds of bullshit that I can't do this, and blah,blah,blah. I know I can. I have not exceeded 1mg since May 14th, and was on .75 for only 2 days, and just kept going down from there. Sometimes back up a little for a day or 2, but made some heavy duty progress over the last 3 1/2 weeks. About to hit the shower and go run some errands. More later...


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Mon Jun 09, 2014 1:47 pm 
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Hang in there! Before you know it, you'll be posting on day 3 then 5, then 7, etc. It does go by fast!


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Mon Jun 09, 2014 3:46 pm 
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yea that mind shit. I found it was worse at dose times. It fades and at your drop level it should be quick.


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Mon Jun 09, 2014 3:49 pm 
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What kind of music have you been listening to, mama? (if you say country music, I'll barf!!)

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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Mon Jun 09, 2014 5:50 pm 
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"Country music."

(I don't really listen to Country, except for the Johnny Cash 'old man' stuff, but wanted to see if you would actually hurl. :mrgreen: )

-- JI

Romeo wrote:
What kind of music have you been listening to, mama? (if you say country music, I'll barf!!)

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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Mon Jun 09, 2014 6:37 pm 
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HEY, HEY, HEY NOW!!! Romeo, I do like SOME country, Johnny Cash as mentioned above (of course), HOWEVER, I do not like any modern country. The stuff I like is Hank Williams the first and the 3rd (yes...there's a 3rd and he doubles in a punk band as well), George Jones, Merle Haggard, Patsy Cline, etc. If you looked through my ipod you would think that I had an identity crisis! The only music I really don't like is techno, or house, or whatever it is, and, well, a lot of pop music. I love classic rock, I used to really be into hardcore punk rock and some metal, Motorhead is still one of my all time favorites, oldies - the Coasters being my favorite. The up to date stuff I like is AWOL Nation, Muse, MGMT, Jake Bugg, etc. Oh, some others I absolutely can't stand is Lil Wayne, R Kelly, Jennifer Lopez...you get the picture. How my day is going will determine what I'll listen to.

As far as my first day sub free, it kinda sucks. Mentally, when I used to start feeling bad, I would look at the clock and tell myself to just hang in there until it's time to dose again. Now, I'm telling myself just hang in there, period. Symptoms are coming in waves like they always have been, but I took .5mg xanax which is helping with the anxiety. I usually only take the clonidine at night because it makes me stagger like a drunk. I've kept pretty busy today and was out of the house mostly, so it helped keep my mind off of what's happening. I just have the sneezes really bad. I find I start giving myself more anxiety because I start thinking "is tomorrow going to be worse? what about the dreaded day 3?" So I have to tell my head to shut the f**k up sometimes. The symptoms I'm experiencing aren't that bad, and nothing new that I haven't already experienced. Check-in before bed...


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Mon Jun 09, 2014 8:47 pm 
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Romeo can't post right now because he's projectile vomitting all over his computer!!

Ooh, wait a minute.....you like Motorhead. I guess you can't be all bad then. :D

OK seriously, hang tough through this wd. You can make it, you've survived much worse.

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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Mon Jun 09, 2014 9:23 pm 
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Wow Romeo, that was pretty dramatic! You must listen to opera and Celine Dion as well!! JK. Wow, it felt good to be a smartass right now, so thanks! And thanks for the supportive words.

So update: I don't feel great, but the day is almost over and I have survived! I feel mostly worn out, and nauseous, and a little depressed. Hoping I will get at least some sleep tonight. The hardest thing all day has been the mental part since I used to always know that another dose was waiting for me and I would feel better. I remember when I was adjusting at .5 mg, which was the hardest drop for me, I kind of got "used to" feeling bad and just accepted it, and knew it would pass. I'm almost there now that I have almost gotten through my first day. Going to take some clonidine before bed and see bow it goes. More tomorrow...


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Mon Jun 09, 2014 9:34 pm 
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Just getting thru the day hour by hour helps. I found for me personally, days 1 thru 5 were easier than 6 through 8. I am facing day 11 tomorrow! I found that a hot bath works wonders (just last night, such an idiot, could of used them a few nights back).

Keep hanging in there. Once you bust thru the mental mind block of thinking "I neeeeeeeed my dose" and switch to "forget that dose, I can do it alone", it gets easier.

it will come in waves and feel like a roller coaster ride but it does ease up with each passing day.

here's to day 1 down!!!!!!!


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Tue Jun 10, 2014 8:09 am 
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GOOD MORNING MAMA! Thinking about you on day two! Hang in there! =D


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Tue Jun 10, 2014 10:27 am 
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Thanks trainer!

Day 2 Sub Free - Morning check in: I really hit the meds hard last night because I had a rough time getting to sleep, which was no surprise at all. I did sleep, but it definitely wasn't peaceful. I do have to say that I woke up feeling way better than I was expecting! I thought I would wake up with the chills, sweats, and wanting to die. Not the case. I was pretty uncomfortable and feeling weighed down, eyes were watering, stomach was gurgling, but absolutely nothing new! I feel like now that I have one day down, I can put together another one, no sweat. I know that half-life is a bitch, so I may start feeling harder later on or tomorrow, but ultimately my hope and faith is being restored that I CAN do this! I have got the week off, comfort meds, and all you people; the only thing that stands in my way is me, and the BS my head tells me. I will check in later.

Oh, Romeo, if you're listening, I'm going to put on Johnny Cash EXTRA loud today, just for you, my friend! :twisted:


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Tue Jun 10, 2014 10:29 am 
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What is opera and who the heck is Seline Donna? :lol:

K, for your information, Johnny Cash is the only acceptable form of country. I can live with him, but NO others. None, zero, nada, zip, zilch.

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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Tue Jun 10, 2014 11:14 am 
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Are you still taking Xanax? If so, I hope you ease up on them soon. Benzo's have a way, just like opiates, of getting their hooks into you fast. Please be very careful with them if you're still taking them.

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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Tue Jun 10, 2014 11:26 am 
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Romeo, I almost shot coffee out of my nose when I read the "Seline Donna" post! Okay, I will throw in some Hank Williams 3rd, LOUDLY!

Your new post just came through on my phone, and the answer is yes, I am still taking them. However, I had to sort them out in my pillbox, just like I did with the sub, so that I am only taking a set amount per day, and for a set amount of time. I'm planning only 1/2 before bedtime toward the end of the week, then be done with it. I absolutely do not want to kick one habit then immediately kick another. My doc already gave me the lecture on my last visit. The good thing is that he has had me on a very strict schedule, only prescribing 5 - 15 pills at a time depending on the circumstances. When I saw him for the last time last week I asked for one more fill, and to reduce the mg in half. However, I figured I would need them the most the first three days, so that's where my little pill compartments have the most, but nothing exceeds 1.5 mg in those first 3 days, then gets less daily. The clons are a little too much for to take during the day, especially when I have a toddler who needs to constantly be picked for crib, bathtub, etc. I hear ya though. My goal is to be completely free of everything by next Monday, giving me a solid week.

I'm almost freaked out again right now at how good I feel. Well, not necessarily good, but I don't feel like a chewed up piece of gum stuck to the couch! Then I think it's the calm before the storm and going to be hating life later, then again I tell my brain to shut the f up, and just live in the moment.


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Tue Jun 10, 2014 3:00 pm 
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FYI mama, I'm listening to Man in the Box by Alice in Chains!! Put that in your pipe and smoke it!!

Ever heard of AIC? They're synonymous with awesome (just like me!!)

Also, you should have never let me know that your phone dings when someone posts to your thread. I'm about to ding the hell outta your phone!! hahahaha!!!!

(PS---I'm glad you don't feel like a chewed up piece of gum stuck to the couch. I hate sitting on those things, they always stick to my ass. Mucho annoying.)

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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Tue Jun 10, 2014 3:17 pm 
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Are you the man in the box, by chance!?!?!? Yes, I have heard of, and don't dig, AIC! But, to each his own. I was feeling nostalgic today and downloaded some Pennywise from their first 2 albums, and some STP. Oh, andThe Jack by AC/DC because I didn't transfer it from my old ipod. Keep trying, we'll agree on music sooner or later!


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Tue Jun 10, 2014 3:51 pm 
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STP!!! For real, STP!!!

Oh dude, a day or two before I quit Suboxone, I had the good fortune of recording an STP concert (STP live in Chicago, here's the link:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrL6BhwkckI)

That hour worth of STP rock n roll helped pull me through my wd. I'm serious!! At night, when I couldn't sleep for shit, I'd play that STP concert on TV over and over again. Every time it ended, I'd say to myself, "one more hour closer to freedom, man." Scott Weiland looks and sings amazingly in this concert. I honestly can't say enough about how important STP and this particular concert were to helping me survive the darkest weeks of my wd.

You know Scott Weiland is a recovering opiate addict, right? I'm sure you do. He and I are very close in age and I think that helped me identify with him a lot, too.

Did you like Scott in Velvet Revolver? I think the song that hit me hardest of theirs during my wd was Last Fight. For me, coming off sub's was the last fucking time I was going through wd, it was my Last Fight!!

AC/DC, The Jack....love it!!! I like all AC/DC. During my PAWS, I'd get extremely fidgety in the early evening. For weeks, I ended up driving around and listening to AC/DC's Hell's Bell's at full blast in my car during those awful early evening hours. I'd almost scream the words of the song, singing the words like he was talking about opiates. Phew, lots of memories.....

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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Tue Jun 10, 2014 4:05 pm 
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how are ya doing mama


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Tue Jun 10, 2014 4:47 pm 
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Hey db, I am doing quite well actually! It's kind of freaking me out how well I'm doing! It has been almost 2 full days, and one full half-life, so I keep thinking "when's this gonna hit me???" I didn't get much sleep, even on top of the double dose of meds last night, woke up feeling like I had a slab of concrete laying on top of me, eyes watering, stomach going, but once I got up and moving I felt better. I took .5 xan in morning to ward off the panic I experience now that I've jumped, went on a 45 min walk and blasted the tunes, drank my protein shake, took vitamins, and now I feel just fine. I had a tiny bit of the sweats just a little while ago, but that's about it. Seriously, I keep thinking "is this it?" I know the dreaded day 3 is tomorrow, but at this rate, I really don't think that it's anything I won't be able to power through and still remain functional. I honestly had worse days when I was tapering down to .5 than I have had since I jumped yesterday. The biggest obstacle is my brain, and getting it to shut the f up at times, but that's where the music comes in! I really feel like I'm gaining some momentum at this point.

Thanks for checking in on me! How are you doing? How many days/ weeks now? I know you were sick for a minute, but are you still experiencing any symptoms?


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Tue Jun 10, 2014 5:13 pm 
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G-dammit! Romeo, I had this big ol' post for you about music, and apparently it didn't submit. Anyways, I am going to definitely check out the link on STP. I wrote this out earlier, just in case you see it again, but I do know about Scott Weiland. I remember being in the 8th grade and on MTV (back when they actually played music) it was just Scott and his guitar player in a room, sitting on chairs, and busted out "Plush" acoustic. AMAZING! I have it on my ipod. It's one of those songs, like you were talking about, that hits those deep, internal chords for me. Also on my playlist this week has been a lot classic rock: Allman Brothers, Pink Floyd, Creedence, Joe Walsh/Eagles, and of course, the Stones.

Have you ever seen Basketball Diaries with a young Leo Dicaprio? If not, it's based on the life of Jim Carroll, who is a recovering heroin addict. He is also in a band and there's a song called "People Who Died", which is basically telling stories of his life as a junkie, and watching people around him dying. Here's the link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bOjc70f4p8

One more thing; I know you HATE country, but try to keep an open mind and check this one out. It's Hank Williams III and called "Pills I Took". Dude, lyrically it reminds me of the wrecks I would get myself into while trapped on my drugs of choice, not subs. It's not country like Toby Keith, or any of that shit, it's a lot different and he definitely doesn't look like a country singer! As I said before, he also plays in a punk band:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSt6AnBxNXQ


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