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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Sat Jun 07, 2014 4:34 am 
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Wow mama! I feel like a proud "mama" myself reading how confident and ready you are!! :D You have come a long way these past few weeks, and I truly am proud of your hard work, attitude, and kind spirit. Keep making those healthy choices! I know you will conquer this and be even stronger for it.


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Sat Jun 07, 2014 9:59 am 
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Romeo: Thanks! I definitely don't feel like a bad ass! I have kicked that bitch of the devil, heroin, cold turkey in a jail cell years ago, and when things start getting "rocky", I remind myself that 1) this is NOTHING compared to that, and 2) I need to be grateful that my life is not in shambles like it was when I was strung out on H, and that I'm able to do this in the comfort of my own home, while working and taking care of a tiny little person who depends on me daily! YOU are a complete and utter bad ass!

rca: Thanks to you too! We have been on this journey almost simultaneously; you are like literally a day or two behind me! Your strength has been an inspiration as well! Even when posting how un-strong you feel is strength in itself! Thank you for being on this roller coaster with me!


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Sat Jun 07, 2014 2:55 pm 
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So this morning I woke up flopping around at 5am so took my .25 dose as soon as I woke up. I felt better and pretty optimistic about today, and then it hit me! I am out with my kid as I'm writing this and the sweats and exhaustion hit me hard. We are in a kid friendly place and all I had in my medicine bottle was another .25. I couldn't really go anywhere, or have anything, to try and cut up a.25 piece, so I took the whole thing. So my status is .375 one day, .25 2 days in a row only dosing once in about a 24 hour period each day, and today back at .5 today. I have promised myself that I would take it day by day and not beat myself up if I don't follow exactly my plan for the day. Tomorrow I will hold off as long as possible, then take another .25. I tried to wait this out as I have noticed that my symptoms come and go in waves, but we are outdoors and doing a lot of walking and felt that they were getting worse. I don't really thinkone day back at .5 is going to ruin the progress I've made so far, it's just that it hit me very suddenly and hard and wasn't letting up while I'm out having a family day. I need to be functional right now! Just thought I'd check in...


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Sat Jun 07, 2014 4:54 pm 
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Does your family know you're jumping Monday? I ask because I'm wondering what you're going to do when you jump if symptoms hit? You won't be able to reach into your purse for another dose.

I hope I didn't sound rude with those questions, they do seem kinda pointed, but I'm curious how you're going to handle a similar situation with no meds available.

When I jumped, I took several weeks off work and had the luxury of very little responsibility. My daughter, who was 10 at the time, stayed home with me, but she took more care of me than I did her. She's a pretty self sufficient little dude. Anyway, my wife knew not to expect anything of me for a couple of weeks, my family knew not to come around unnannounced, etc, etc.

BTW, I don't think the .5mg total for today will set you back much, you might just want to push your next dose out a bit further?

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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Sat Jun 07, 2014 5:43 pm 
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Romeo, nobody in my life knows what I am going through, except for you lovely folks on here. Because the relapse was pretty short-lived, and went on sub quickly, I think telling my family would cause more worry and stress than anything. You see, I am NOTHING what I used to be like when it came to using, and the monster that I would turn into. Because I caught this early with fairly little damage, and only to myself, I thought it best to not burden anyone with the "what ifs?".

Your questions are not rude at all, they are totally legitimate and logical. I have the entire next week off (which is why I am doing this starting Monday), and if anything, I will have to suddenly "come down" with something. I am one of those people who rarely get sick, maybe once a year, but when I do it hits me really hard. I have help with my kid if needed, and she will be in daycare for one more full-time week this week. As far as taking .5 today, you're right. I am going to try and stretch tomorrow's dose til night time, making it as close to 36 hours as possible. While I was out today I did have clonidine and a little xanax, but I was going to be out walking around in the sun for a couple hours, so I didn't think the clon would be a good idea under the circumstances. The last time I took .5 was 4 days ago, and after that it was 1 day at .375, then 2 days at .25, so I don't think this will hinder my progress, as long as I wait as long as possible til next dose. If I absolutely have to dose earlier tomorrow I will just take .125 in am and the same in pm, making my final day at .25.

Thanks for posting, and I love how you referred to you daughter as a "little dude" that took great care of you! Sounds like you had the ideal situation to jump. Talk soon...


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Sat Jun 07, 2014 5:58 pm 
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I did have the ideal situation to jump, except for the part of jumping from 8mg. Talk about an ass kicking!! Phew!!!

I love talking about how my daughter took care of me. At 10 years old, she really couldn't comprehend opiate wd, even though I was completely honest with her about what daddy was going through. I felt it would be a good life lesson for her to see what drugs eventually do to you. Anyway, while I was laying on the couch downstairs, trying not to go crazy during wd, I'd hear her little footsteps running down the stairs and she'd have a few pieces of bacon in her hand and some gatorade for me. (I lived on bacon and gatorade for the first couple of weeks). She'd reach her little hand out to me and say, "I got you some bacon daddy....and some gatorade. It will help you feel better." I'd take the bacon and gatorade, then she'd run back upstairs to watch another episode of Sponge Bob. After that episode, she'd run back downstairs and run up to me and hug me, then back up to watch an episode of Fairly Odd Parents and on and on. My heart just melts when I talk about that stuff. Thanks for letting me indulge a bit on your thread. :)

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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Sat Jun 07, 2014 6:16 pm 
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I love that story! Wow, an 8mg jump, huh? Brutal! I kicked a methadone and heroin habit once and it took about 3 months for me to put together 5 hours of consecutive sleep. That was many years ago though and I didn't have any kids. It makes sense that you needed a few weeks off, and all the family support you could get. I bet seeing your little one be so compassionate toward what you were going through made you want to kick that shit even more! Since my emotions are coming back and I get all mushy and sappy here and there, I look at my daughter sometimes and can't believe how in love I am! I am truly grateful that this hasn't affected her much, except for the fact that mama might be out of commission for a few days, but it is nothing like other horror stories I have heard about women who have gotten their children taken away because of their using. I couldn't even imagine!

Thanks for posting that story! It just reminded me that this isn't all negative and miserable, and I do have many blessings in my life, even when I'm hurting. It will all be more than worth it once it's over. I just need to remember to look for positives and know that what I'm experiencing is only temporary. The shitty feelings have a half-life too!!!


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2014 11:33 am 
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And so, here it is: the final day of my sub affair. Actually, I did cut a couple .125 slivers as backup just in case, because I do have a child to take care of, and divided up my comfort meds into my pillbox so I will stay at a fairly stable pace with the meds. I'm not feeling as confident today as I was a couple days ago, ever since yesterday when it seemed like out of nowhere the symptoms hit me like an earthquake only a few hours after my first dose. However, I am determined, and will take it day by day without putting high expectations on myself, or this jump. I know I will not feel great, but from what I've experienced from this taper, it is a hell of a lot better and easier than other opiate habits I've kicked. I pretty much have this entire week to myself, with just a few errands to run, and that is it. I am going to the grocery store today to stock up on "supplies", and will force myself to get out of the house and get some exercise daily. It will be a lot easier since I'll have the house to myself for a week so I can blast the tunes.

Anyways, I will keep posting my progress. So, so grateful I found this forum and all the awesome people on here. I was afraid to do something like this at first, I think because I was just so used to keeping this deep,dark secret to myself, but so glad I finally got the courage to put myself out there and ask for some help. So, thanks everyone. More to come later...


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2014 12:58 pm 
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Congrats mama79 on getting ready to jump! I've been ready through your post and you've done a good job. Having the week to yourself will be helpful. Just stay strong and keep fighting through it!

If you feel you have to take something, take the smallest amount possible. I would fight it and try not to take anything. You should get some exercise or take hot showers before anything else.

Keep up the good work!

RXFCG

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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2014 1:04 pm 
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mama79 wrote:
And so, here it is: the final day of my sub affair. Actually, I did cut a couple .125 slivers as backup just in case, because I do have a child to take care of, and divided up my comfort meds into my pillbox so I will stay at a fairly stable pace with the meds. I'm not feeling as confident today as I was a couple days ago, ever since yesterday when it seemed like out of nowhere the symptoms hit me like an earthquake only a few hours after my first dose. However, I am determined, and will take it day by day without putting high expectations on myself, or this jump. I know I will not feel great, but from what I've experienced from this taper, it is a hell of a lot better and easier than other opiate habits I've kicked. I pretty much have this entire week to myself, with just a few errands to run, and that is it. I am going to the grocery store today to stock up on "supplies", and will force myself to get out of the house and get some exercise daily. It will be a lot easier since I'll have the house to myself for a week so I can blast the tunes.

Anyways, I will keep posting my progress. So, so grateful I found this forum and all the awesome people on here. I was afraid to do something like this at first, I think because I was just so used to keeping this deep,dark secret to myself, but so glad I finally got the courage to put myself out there and ask for some help. So, thanks everyone. More to come later...

mama you rock, you have come so far with this and my hats off to you. you tapered down low so you should have it fairly easy. The problem with subs is the half life of the drug. you should have you acute shit fast and it will be over fast. that's what nice about tapering down. your first 7 days may be uncomfortable but not to bad at all. I loved that clonidine for that time, if you have it. It worked wonders for me.


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2014 1:37 pm 
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Go Mama Go!! I am cheering and pulling for you! Great mindset- just take it a day at a time, or an hour at a time, or a minute if that is what it takes. You are STRONG, smart and capable, and what greater motivation than a precious little one who needs a healthy, happy Mama!!


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2014 2:55 pm 
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Thanks for the words of support and encouragement everyone! So midday check in, I took my last .25 24 hours after my last one yesterday. Woke up feeling pretty crappy, but held off to put one solid day between my last dose. Feeling optimistic again, but that may be just be because I feel okay now! I went to the store today and it was like I was one of those maniac doomsday preppers!! I was stocking up on stomach meds, vitamins, liquids like pedialite, bought an i-tunes gift card so I can tweek out on downloading some music through this process, and I think I'm set!!! I may have a completely different outlook tomorrow, but that's tomorrow and has absolutely nothing to do with right now! I am actually feeling pretty damn good right now, I'm out handling business, and going to cherish this moment and remember it when the hard times hit. I know when I go through the struggles, the days like today will come again. More later, even if no one's listening it is necessary for me at this point to check in constantly!


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2014 7:25 pm 
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You go girl! You can do it. Sounds like you are all prepared and ready to go. Once you get past day 3, you gain momentum when you start putting days bhind you! You get to a point of no return and just keep going. What motivates me is the calendar I have in the kitchen that I put big check marks on before I go to bed. All those marks in a row makes me proud.

keep posting! It helps alot!


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2014 8:15 pm 
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Thanks trainer! You're a huge inspiration! I started documenting my progress about a month ago and it's nice to look back at the first week and see days of 1.5mg, then 1 mg, then .75mg, all the way down to .25. I'm still a little nervous but it's mostly mental because I've only ever kicked hard core opiate habits in the past, where I was completely confined to my bed, couldn't even hold down water, and would have to change and wash the sheets daily because I would sweat soooo badly every night. I just need to make sure to keep myself busy no matter what. More tomorrow.


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2014 8:43 pm 
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I hate the sweats and they have been relentless for me. Today I was pretty ripe by the end of my shift! Nasty much? Lmfao. Coworkers must be like wtf is up with her? She smells! Probably get the label of "stink girl". Ah who the hell cares. They have no idea what a horrid week I have had!

Post like a mad woman! Even if it is every half hour. It helps so much.

Please go light on the immodium if you plan on using it, it dehydrates the hell out of you! Better to just let the shits take over for a day or two, then they stop. Hahaha I was severely dehydrated yestrday and I felt horrible until I guzzled gatoraide. Felt better when I stopped the immodium too but everyone is different. My stomach felt horrid after 7 days of use of that stuff!

I will be looking forward to logging on after work to see how your day is! With your low taper it should be a bit gentler of a detox than plunging off the roof head first at 2 mgs. Whew....what a horrid
jump that was for me!!!!!


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Mon Jun 09, 2014 12:21 am 
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Late night check in: Suboxone taper/detox is so bizarre! I woke up feeling like shit, but waited almost 5 hours til I took my final dose, felt pretty lethargic most of the day, took 1/2 clon + 1/2 xan, didn't help much, and now that it's really late, I feel perfectly fine! Not that I'm complaining, I guess it's just stuck in my brain that opiate withdrawals are relentless and never let up. It is obvious that the dedication and commitment to a taper, which was pretty erratic and all over the place by the way, but it definitely paid off. I am feeling like I got this again, which was kind of slipping away from me this morning. But--I think of post after post of people who have just jumped, or have jumped years ago, and the fact that I have survived withdrawal hell in the past, and KNOW and BELIEVE that I can do this. Just really looking forward to this week where all I have to worry about is keeping myself busy through this jump off this tiny, orange piece of film that has completely taken over my life. It is so odd that an inanimate object like sub had full control of the puppet strings, and I was the marionette. Well, it's time to sever those bitches!


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Mon Jun 09, 2014 5:53 am 
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Hey Mama, great to hear that you are still mentally strong and feeling ok! Yes, there is a reason people taper- it helps!!! I know you are a spiritual person, so in addition to the support of your friends on this forum, don't forget that God has you on this as well: "If God is for me, who can be against me?" Don't let the lies of the enemy sneak into your brain this week. You do NOT need that nasty little orange film. For me, I feel most connected to God when I'm out in nature, especially by the ocean. Something about the beauty, vastness, and power just helps me "know" that God is with me. So maybe, if you can, get outdoors today in a beautiful area and just focus on all your blessings, that might help. I believe Angels are surrounding you!! My thoughts and prayers are with you!!
Keep us updated!!
rca


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Mon Jun 09, 2014 7:24 am 
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The biggest thing is to grit your teeth and ride out the wave that comes during withdrawals and not reach for the one thing that will take it away but what we want to get rid of! I had zero subs in my house and no way to get more for days so I had no choice but to hold onto the side of the boat and ride that wave. I found the withdrawals came and went over the course of 8 days and some days really kicked me in the teeth but I refused to give in. Its day 10 for me and I do feel better!!!!!!


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Mon Jun 09, 2014 9:30 am 
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Just wanted you to know I'm here rooting for you, too!!

You know what you have to do, now it's just a matter of doing it.

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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Mon Jun 09, 2014 12:07 pm 
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Mama, hows the day going for you?


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