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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Mon Jun 23, 2014 9:26 pm 
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Yep, I noticed my heart doesnt race randomly now that I am off subs.


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Mon Jun 23, 2014 10:11 pm 
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Okay, this is the post where I throw everyone for a loop! I am jumping tomorrow due to finding out just today that I am going to have another surgery, ASAP. Not going to get into it, but I completely forgot all about this sub/taper drama in the middle of the doctor visit, until I got in the car and though "FUCK!!! What about this goddamn taper!!!" (Please excuse the blasphemy to anyone that may have been offended!) I got so annoyed and fed up with that damn little piece of orange nothing getting in the way of my life. I figured I had almost a week off, another week on, so at least I am somewhat ahead of the game. Right now, I have more than enough comfort meds, people to help me with my kiddo, and a part-time job for the meantime that allows me to to work from home if needed, and is not physically demanding whatsoever. The only thing that I am really running low on is subs, and I am not at all willing to spend the money, and more of my dignity, to see my doc again and ask for just one more strip! I am soooo tired of revolving my life around this shit, that I am ready to feel shitty for a few days, and suddenly come down with the "flu" or something if I get to the point where I can't function. I am not going to say that I am going to just get rid of the little amount of sub I have left, and I was originally for, then against, the whole skipping days thing. But if that's the way it goes for the first few days, then so be it. I AM READY TO BE DONE WITH THIS BURDEN!! I know it's not going to be a party, but I have meds, and also seeking some outside holistic healing during this process, so after giving it hours of thought all afternoon, it's almost like the universe is telling me "Now's the time". I have already gone 6 days off from a fairly low dose, and I bet if I had given it another couple days then the symptoms would've started to improve.

So, that's my story, and I'm sticking to it :shock: I'm over it, and just want it to be over, and ready to pay the price in order for it to be over. I'm sure I'll be posting now like a maniac, but I know I will need all the strength and encouragement from all you that I can get! I'll keep you posted...


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Mon Jun 23, 2014 10:31 pm 
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Wow mama :( sorry you are going through all this! I finally got to that "enough of this shit" point when I jumped. I doubt you are looking at any severe wds with how you tapered so low! Post like crazy, it helps as you know. Definately lots of support here with helping you cope with the process!!!!! Can you time the jump right at your surgery date so you can blame feeling a little shitty on that? Will you be taking prescription pain meds? Can you save some sub for after just in case? Do I ask enough questions? Lol


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Mon Jun 23, 2014 11:02 pm 
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trainer: I don't know the exact surgery date, as it is completely up to the insurance company at this point and how quickly they work. It won't be for at least 4-5 weeks though for sure. I want to have some solid time off the sub, like at least 3 weeks, before the surgery. I'm sure I will be in need of pain meds, however, my last surgeon knew my history, and I will let him know about the current situation, and maybe do a very strict "schedule" as far as the meds go; like only giving me enough for a few days at a time and having someone distribute them to me, like I did last time. But the truth is, I also bought plenty off the streets during this last run when one doc pretty much caught me. So, it is ultimately up to me. At least I am currently living the consequences of that "just a few more" mentality, and what happens when I decide to go off and seek them out on my own. I end up dragging my sorry as to the sub doc, and saying "ya...I fucked up again!". I just want this to be over with, and am willing to feel like shit for a little while in order to get past that. I've been through worse, and in the long run, I will feel much better when I have a little more time between me and the subs.


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Mon Jun 23, 2014 11:13 pm 
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It only takes about 14/15 days (and those days before that are doable), to feel so much better. You will definitely feel much better than I did because your dose is so low. It sucks having to center your life around a pill. I hated that so much. For me, everything had tio depend on my subs. Out early? No fun stuff for me to do till I get a refill. Planning a trip? Gotta make sure you have your meds, the trip isnt the same time as the dr appt, etc etc etc. Gets obnoxious after awhile.


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Mon Jun 23, 2014 11:19 pm 
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Thanks trainer! When it comes down to it, 14/15 days of feeling shitty isn't that bad, or at least not as bad as being confined to a bed for 5 days when trying to kick full opiates. I can do this. And as I said, I've already gone 6 days with only a week back on, so who knows, I might feel better even quicker! I will definitely be following your lead!


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 8:38 am 
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You will definately feel better faster and you also took just a tiny amount the past 5 days. That alone will make a big difference. I am the biggest wussbag when it comes to wds and I could push though it. Its really not that bad and I found its not constant. It came in waves but left shortly after, then I felt ok. Thos moments of clarity and feeling ok made me realize I could do it. Plus you feel improvements evry day :) all in all, sub detox hits like a girl, and loses its punch pretty quickly!


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 9:56 am 
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mama79 said, "it's almost like the universe is telling me "Now's the time". I had that same "this is my time to get off Suboxone" feeling when I quit. I just KNEW it was my time to quit and I made it. There were some very difficult days, but because I KNEW it was my time, I kept with it.

It sounds like this is your time!

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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 10:28 am 
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trainer14 wrote:
Its really not that bad and I found its not constant. It came in waves but left shortly after, then I felt ok. Thos moments of clarity and feeling ok made me realize I could do it.


Ya, I remember the symptoms coming in waves, and ultimately weren't that bad. When I went on my little vaca I thought that maybe being out and about with friends in a fast-paced city would kind of take my mind off of it. WRONG! It's like I felt worse because I had to try extra hard to keep up and "put on a happy face", which is what prompted me to take more sub on the 2nd day. But I do know that it truly wasn't that bad, even when the symptoms hit. I am going to do my best to take the other meds in the evening for sleep, and not make myself the walking dead like a I did a couple times the last time!


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 11:42 am 
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Romeo wrote:
mama79 said, "it's almost like the universe is telling me "Now's the time". I had that same "this is my time to get off Suboxone" feeling when I quit. I just KNEW it was my time to quit and I made it. There were some very difficult days, but because I KNEW it was my time, I kept with it.

It sounds like this is your time!


Yes--the timing couldn't be more perfect, and more importantly, I am just fed up with this shit standing in my way, well, of everything in life! I know there will be hard times, but I already had somewhat of a "jumpstart" and have only been back on for 8 days at a fairly low dose. I just need to suck it up and do it. Once again, "mama said" reminds me of the "Waterboy": mamasaidmymamasaidmamasaidmamasaidmymamsaidmamasaid!

P.S.

I hope you've seen that movie, or else you will have no idea what the f I'm talking about!


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 5:03 pm 
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Yes, I've seen the movie. Har-D-Har-Har. :)

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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 5:19 pm 
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Okay, I'm starting to get irritated with this forum because my posts aren't posting! I was attempting to give an update earlier, but now I'll just give a later update. So last dose was yesterday at about 345pm, making it a total of .5 yesterday. So far, the symptoms are coming in waves, like usual, and it is mainly just sweats at this point. I have taken nothing except .5mg of xan this morning to ward of the "oh shit, it's really happening" feeling. I was going to take 1/2 clonodine a few minutes ago when the sweats were hitting, but decided to wait it out, and they went away. I want to avoid meds during the day as much as possible and just take them at night for sleep. Altogother, not bad at all. Hopefully I will get at least some sleep tonight. More later...


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 6:07 pm 
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Hey Mama! I'm sorry to hear that you have to have surgery, but I'm glad it evoked a response like, NOW is the time!!! It can be helpful to have that little push and the anger toward the medication can help too. Maybe it's even necessary.

To others reading this, especially if you're a newbie on suboxone, don't let the anger that people feel toward sub when they are tapering or quitting make you feel bad about taking sub. Like I said, it's almost necessary to get mad at the medication when you're trying to break ties with it. I've seen this phenomenon over and over again. One of our resident experts, Romeo, went through the exact same thing! He was angry with sub for months after he got off of it! With the perspective of time he now says that suboxone was a necessary step in his sobriety. So don't let the anger/irritation of folks who are tapering/quitting get you down. They are just feeling what they need to feel right now.

Thanks for keeping us updated, Mama! There are a ton of people here on your side! I'm sorry you've been having trouble posting.

Amy

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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 6:22 pm 
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Thanks Amy! And, I of course don't want to make anyone feel "less-than" because they are on sub and have no intention of tapering or jumping anytime soon. Sub was absolutely necessary at the time that I got on because I knew exactly where I was headed if I had kept going with the opiates; I've been down that road many times before! The sub allowed me to continue to function and be a mother. When it comes down to it, it's not really the sub I'm mad at...it's me! I am the one that gives it power, and I am just fed up with it, and ready take that power back. That's all. The reason for the anger yesterday is because I have other health issues that need immediate attention, and keeping on the sub was just going to prolong having them taken care of. I do not judge, nor would I ever push anyone who is on sub to get off if they are not ready...


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 6:34 pm 
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Absolutely, Mama! I hope you didn't feel like I was negative toward you in any way! I don't think you should be mad at yourself though. I think it makes more sense to be mad at addiction! You certainly didn't choose to be an addict. You never said, "Please give me the genetic predisposition, the brain chemistry, and the life circumstances to set me up for a nice big opiate addiction!" The wonderful, good person that you are is still intact and that part of you is now in charge!! We have your back!

Amy

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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 6:39 pm 
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mama79 wrote:
Okay, I'm starting to get irritated with this forum because my posts aren't posting! I was attempting to give an update earlier, but now I'll just give a later update. So last dose was yesterday at about 345pm, making it a total of .5 yesterday. So far, the symptoms are coming in waves, like usual, and it is mainly just sweats at this point. I have taken nothing except .5mg of xan this morning to ward of the "oh shit, it's really happening" feeling. I was going to take 1/2 clonodine a few minutes ago when the sweats were hitting, but decided to wait it out, and they went away. I want to avoid meds during the day as much as possible and just take them at night for sleep. Altogother, not bad at all. Hopefully I will get at least some sleep tonight. More later...


A l'll tip Mama, if you're having trouble with losing posts.

Within the area ("form field" is technical term), click somewhere with your mouse just to make sure you're still in the form field. Then, on keyboard, use the control/ctrl key, and the "a" key ("a" representing "all") at the same time, to highlight all of your text. Then, while it is highlighted, use the "control/ctrl" key again with the "c" key ("c" for "copy"), and it will be saved to your clipboard. If it doesn't go through, you can then paste the text (control key, plus "v" key, or your mouse menu, either way works, put keyboard shortcuts are faster/less steps) and try again, or paste it into a separate text app to save it for a later try.

I know its really frustrating to lose a post. When it has happened to me, sometimes I've just said "fuck it" and gave up, I was so aggravated and didn't feel like trying to redo it all from scratch.

I don't always use this trick for every comment/post, but if I start running into frequent glitches for whatever reason, I will.


Oh, and if you are on a mac, using the mac os, the "command" key is what is used instead of the "control" key, otherwise it's the same process.


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 6:42 pm 
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no_boop_shoo_be_doop wrote:
mama79 wrote:
Okay, I'm starting to get irritated with this forum because my posts aren't posting! I was attempting to give an update earlier, but now I'll just give a later update. So last dose was yesterday at about 345pm, making it a total of .5 yesterday. So far, the symptoms are coming in waves, like usual, and it is mainly just sweats at this point. I have taken nothing except .5mg of xan this morning to ward of the "oh shit, it's really happening" feeling. I was going to take 1/2 clonodine a few minutes ago when the sweats were hitting, but decided to wait it out, and they went away. I want to avoid meds during the day as much as possible and just take them at night for sleep. Altogother, not bad at all. Hopefully I will get at least some sleep tonight. More later...


A l'll tip Mama, if you're having trouble with losing posts.

Within the area ("form field" is technical term), click somewhere with your mouse just to make sure you're still in the form field. Then, on keyboard, use the control/ctrl key, and the "a" key ("a" representing "all") at the same time, to highlight all of your text. Then, while it is highlighted, use the "control/ctrl" key again with the "c" key ("c" for "copy"), and it will be saved to your clipboard. If it doesn't go through, you can then paste the text (control key, plus "v" key, or your mouse menu, either way works, put keyboard shortcuts are faster/less steps) and try again, or paste it into a separate text app to save it for a later try.

I know its really frustrating to lose a post. When it has happened to me, sometimes I've just said "fuck it" and gave up, I was so aggravated and didn't feel like trying to redo it all from scratch.

I don't always use this trick for every comment/post, but if I start running into frequent glitches for whatever reason, I will.


Oh, and if you are on a mac, using the mac os, the "command" key is what is used instead of the "control" key, otherwise it's the same process.


Thanks for the tech. tips boop! Hope the healing process is treating you well...


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 10:07 pm 
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Day 1 (again) nighttime update: This day 1 seems to have hit me a lot harder than my last day 1. I'm assuming it's a combination of a) not hitting the comfort meds as hard, and b) I had some "time off", so I don't have as much of a buildup in my system as the last time I tried to jump. The sweats are my biggest symptom right now. Yuck! I feel like I have this disgusting film all over me (sexy, right???) I have a bit of minor aches, but what is really weird is that I still have an appetite, or at least the same appetite I had while tapering. It's much more than I had when I attempted the jump last time. I didn't get any exercise in today but did do a lot of running around, so I was at least out of the house the majority of the day. I'm going to hit the clonidine soon and hope for some sleep; even though I already have that feeling that sleep will be in exercise in futility! Anyways, thank you everyone for your posts and encouragement! I honestly couldn't do this without all of you; and I know that because I tried many times to do this alone and keep it a secret. So I humbly thank you, once again. I'll be in touch later...


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Wed Jun 25, 2014 12:46 am 
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Hey mama. You'll be surprised a few days in how tollerable it is. I've read your having surgery! I give you alot of credit for going through something so difficult, on top of an impending surgery. You'll be amazed how nice it can be on the other side of withdrawal, sober.! Its chilling . I get the feeling your pretty serious about all of this. It takes alot of courage to face things again full on. Aleast it did for me. It took four or five years of being a zombie on sub to realize that i was just as lost as before. That probably sounds dramatic, but i fell pretty hard a few months back. Hope everything is cool


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 Post subject: Re: Tapering
PostPosted: Wed Jun 25, 2014 12:55 am 
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mama79 wrote:

Thanks for the tech. tips boop! Hope the healing process is treating you well...


You're welcome Mama. I hope it helps.

I suspect the healing process is treating me well. I'll know more at my othro surgeon's appt next week on Tues, when they take xrays (they do a set at every appt to see how its progressing). Waking up in the morning is still a bear with the pain, that is always when it's the worst, but is telling since the short acting meds have completely worn off. It hasn't been quite as bad recently, because instead of running straight to the pill bottle and having one down in a matter of nanoseconds, I've found myself getting the coffee started first last couple days, then the pain med, so its now a matter of minutes, heh.

Day one, sub/opiate free again! You never quit quitting! So I know you'll get to where you want to be, one way or another, even with the impending surgery staring you down. Along with my arm being mended without limited mobility (my primary concern at moment, but right up there with addiction issues), I'm looking forward to starting that process again myself. Yet some dread too (of medication withdrawals obviously, not my arm being mended, I'm not a masochist, heh. If I need to be tied down, use silk scarves please, I don't want rope burns :wink: ) I'm not bashing subs, but really determined not to transition over to them again if I have any notable physical withdrawals and/or cravings, and try to use comfort meds like I did to help get off subs, and have it over with faster, even if there is more intensity for a few days. Worst case scenario? If it's at all approaching something intolerable insofar as way out of my personal comfort zone, like rebound pains, sweats, GI, panicky feeling, the whole 9 yards, maybe *one* sub strip, start with 2-3mg a (half-life kick start, even though it will probably be more than needed to stop any withdrawal symptoms) and taper down over 5 days thru the short acting opiate withdrawal, then stop, then comfort meds for a short while, if needed.. all of which I wish I would have done last go-around. I doubt it will be that bad but one never knows, being an addict.


Last edited by no_boop_shoo_be_doop on Wed Jun 25, 2014 1:04 am, edited 1 time in total.

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