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PostPosted: Mon Sep 28, 2009 12:22 am 
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Hey just need some help & someone to talk to about tapering since I have no one my story is I used roxy 30's don't realy know the exact name oxy something for about a 10months to a year the last 3months was up to 3or4 a day then I knew I had to stop I have a wife & two kids ages 3&2 my wife is a nursing stundent getting her rn we had & still have no one to help us with the kids babysitting etc...I have my own buss. And work 10to 12hrs a day 6 days a week so I'm ether busting my ass at work or home with the kids while she's in school or clinicls she knew nothing about my habbit she's full time mom & full time student lot on her plate so I didn't want to add any more so I went to the dr. He gave me subs since if I couldn't work I would lose my buss. And the only income for my family we pay everthing for her school no help its all out of our pockets plus morgage and kids. So I've been on subs for 6 months know finnaly came clean to my wife that wasn't fun I caused a lot of shit between us while I was useing just about lost my marrage just now working things out slowly but I want off the subs now and asked her if I can talk to her about it cuz I need to for support she basiclly told me no I don't want to hear about anything to do with it cuz I was never around when she needed me cuz I was high & just wanted to do my own thing so I can't blame her for not wanting to b here for me which still sucks cuz I want my life back clean from everything so I can give her back me what she desevres for being a fuck up so I'm on my own here with this my dr. Never told me I still was going to have w/d's from subs he just said I'll taper u down then ur done its that easy then I read nothing but horr storys on the internet so I feel I'm right back where I started addicted so last week I got down to 1mg per day once a day that was hard cuz I think I went from 2 or 2.5 per day been freaking out all week today decided to do my 1mg but .5 in the morning & .5 at night that works better I'm not a wreck by 3:00pm. But still need to get off but can't have down time so I'm going to try the liquid taper that I read on hear from diary of a quiter thank god for her she gave me some hope probably 1 more week at 1 mg then I'll go to the .8mg and so on just wish I could do it faster that's what drives me nuts but I got my self here I got to get my self out hope I can & sorry for the long post just needed to get it off my chest I'm not sure how all this posting works took me a while to figure out how to do this so thank u all for listining to me & good luck to everyone u can do what ever u put ur mind to thanks again RATT396

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 28, 2009 9:18 am 
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Just try to take your time with this.Rushing sometimes causes relapse, and you should seriously look into getting involved in some recovery support.Doing this alone is very difficult, you need some people around you who understand what you are going through!

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 28, 2009 11:54 am 
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I am very truly sorry that you don't have the support of your wife through this but at the same time can relate. My wife has been supportive of me through my withdrawals but I can see her wearing down and it kills me.

I have a thread going that starts with "Day 15". It will show you why you don't quit this stuff cold turkey. A slow gradual taper is definately the route to take. From what I have read and heard if you do a very slow (some suggest even 30 weeks) taper then you should feel little to no withdrawals from it. The withdrawals you may feel will be much less severe than those of us who go cold turkey.

Just remember that whichever route you go you have to figure out a plan in case you do have bad days. For me it was listening to music (heavy metal to hype myself up for what I considered to be a really long fight), reading, hot showers, sleep (when I could) and the occasional NA meeting to remind myself why I was putting myself through it.

One thing you may think about doing to try to gain the support of your wife is to take her to meet your doctor. I have learned that a lot of people who havn't dealt with this problem personally have a hard time imagining just how hard it can be. She can blame you as much as she wants for putting yourself in this position but if she truly wants you to get better she is going to have to realize that you cannot do this on your own. The brain is a very powerful thing. Anyone who has a problem with drugs whether it be addiction or dependance has to fight their own brain which is a very hard thing to do when your brain is damaged.

Good luck, and please do it the right way. Do a very slow gradual taper.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 30, 2009 2:40 am 
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Thank u both very much! Me & my wife get along great til this comes up she just doesn't want to hear it she'll understand one day she's going to b an rn nurse so somewhere along the way someone she knows will have a prob with it maybe its just cuz I'm to close & the way I was never there for her when I was using she prob just needs a differnt view of it.but the.5 morning& .5 evening has been a lot better not so crazy I know just got to take it slow that's what bothers me the most but I do understand it thank u both again got to run its after 2am here in FL got to b up at 7 I'll b back to check in more ya'll kept it good I'm thinking of all of u! Thanks ratt396

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 30, 2009 11:46 am 
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Hey thisguy your right on when it comes to some heavy music that defently helps jam out & helps pump u up & not think about it as much keep the fight going & I'm here jamming out with u! Ratt396

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 30, 2009 12:10 pm 
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Hey ratt396

Out of curiousity what do you have spinning? I've been going with Seether, Mudvayne, Sick Puppies, Breakin Benjamin, Three Days Grace, etc. Basically a bunch of angry white boy music. I'm always looking for new stuff though and I like just about everything from Aerosmith to Korn.

The biggest thing that has helped me is cranking my Angry White Boy playlist and hitting the weights. Adrenaline seems to be a great substitute for opiates LoL Working out also releases endorphins which our bodies are currently desperately seeking.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 30, 2009 4:12 pm 
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Ratt, a couple of brief points to make so bear with me:

1. Glad you found this sight, the horror stories are way over dramatized, I've quit suboxone, it was 100 times easier than Oxy.

2. I hid addiction from my wife for nearly 5 years. Don't try to "talk" your way out of it, that is what we addicts do. GET A THERAPIST. Couples, therapy has changed my life! I hated the idea of it at first, but that was junkie pride. It has saved my relationship, which is NOW better than it was even BEFORE my drug use.

3. Punctuation and paragraphs would make your post(s) much easier to read, and the more people who read, the more that can help you or learn from it.

4. About the music.... I have documented for my own personal study the influence of music on my behaviors and moods. Music has a far greater impact than I would have thought. I would not listen to anything that is angry, down, hardcore, extreme, etc while in withdrawals and trying to make changes. Positive musical influence has greatly helped me. I had to stop listening to my favorite band COMPLETELY! But it has made a huge change in my moods and demeanor.

5. Finally (AN BY FAR MOST IMPORTANTLY)... Get help. Professional help. Go to and outpatient group, or individual therapy, OR BOTH. My experience in outpatient group treatment, coupled with my individual therapist (who is also my group therapist) have been the factor for me that made THIS TIME different from the rest. I thought I new everything (hotshot banker, etc) and I have learned more about myself, addiction, and life from treatment than I ever knew before. I am NOW happy. (I used to think I was...)

Good luck.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 30, 2009 4:18 pm 
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ThisGuy wrote:
I'm always looking for new stuff though and I like just about everything...

The biggest thing that has helped me is cranking my Angry White Boy playlist and hitting the weights. Adrenaline seems to be a great substitute for opiates LoL Working out also releases endorphins which our bodies are currently desperately seeking.


Working out is so helpful in withdrawals. It is hard because physically I don't want to, but I know I need to and always feel MUCH better after word.

Try trading the Angry music for Positive music... are you familiar with 311? Very positive energy.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 30, 2009 4:51 pm 
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Hey thisguy I'm listening to basicly the same stuff except I throw in some old school pantra& sucidal tendenes anything like that just some good stuff like that to piss me off that way I can direct the angry where it should b pantra's got a good live cd out called offical live 101 proof its a good 1 and the sucidal one I have is called prime cuts. I know how u feel when it comes to playing with ur son my dauther is 3 & my son is 2 that first week when I went from 2.5 to 1mg I could bearly get up even tho I had to can't let the wife c me hurting to bad don't want to piss her off but feel good now I think my bodys use to where I'm at now prob stay at this for a week or two then cut again but yeah music helps hope ur doing better now keep it up I can't wait til I can say I'm done look at it that way ur way a head of me that's good I'm jelouss oh yeah some rage agnaist the machine is good talk to u later ratt396. Thanks man!

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 30, 2009 5:19 pm 
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Hey rationale sorry about the pontation sorry can't spell ethier. Def know what ur saying when it comes to hinding it. Its all out there now& I am going to a na meeting this weekend missed it last week cuz I went to the park with my wife&kids. I just walked in sat down for it when I got the call for the park so I'm now family first.I'm def doing good as far as never wanting to do oxy's again I saw where it was leading& have a brother who has been addected to crack for 20yrs. Should have learned from that but I guess I found my weakness. As far as music I understand where ur coming from but it def helps me that way cuz I can just jam out & know where I went wrong wheather its me I'm mad at or oxy's. Etheir way I know I have my wife&kids to b here for that's what drives me to b total clean I did it for 35yrs I can do it again! Just got to know & remember where it leads to if ur not. But thank u for ur concern it means a lot & remins me that at any point it could happpen again if I don't kept control over it and get help to kept control. That's why I'm here cuz don't have a lot of time to go places like meetings & things. Just read & talk to ya'll at night when every one here is asleep. Thank u very much for the reminder! & sorry so long & bad punctioation & spelling. Ratt396

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 30, 2009 5:29 pm 
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Sorry when I said mad at the oxy's. I know it me who made the choice. Just a way of hating what I did to me&my family & not wanting to do it again.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 30, 2009 6:33 pm 
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rationale wrote:
ThisGuy wrote:
I'm always looking for new stuff though and I like just about everything...

The biggest thing that has helped me is cranking my Angry White Boy playlist and hitting the weights. Adrenaline seems to be a great substitute for opiates LoL Working out also releases endorphins which our bodies are currently desperately seeking.


Working out is so helpful in withdrawals. It is hard because physically I don't want to, but I know I need to and always feel MUCH better after word.

Try trading the Angry music for Positive music... are you familiar with 311? Very positive energy.


Don't get me wrong, there are times that I need to mellow out and in those situations I listen to Jack Johnson, Jason Mraz, Something Corporate, Jack's Mannequin, etc. There are a few 311 songs I like though, "Beautiful Disaster", "Down", and "Amber". You're right about them, they do have a much more laid back style with still having a hint of rock to them. They have a very unique sound.

I just find that the angry music helps put me in the mindset of being in a fight against my withdrawals and that helps me push through it.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 30, 2009 6:37 pm 
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rationale wrote:
ThisGuy wrote:
I'm always looking for new stuff though and I like just about everything...

The biggest thing that has helped me is cranking my Angry White Boy playlist and hitting the weights. Adrenaline seems to be a great substitute for opiates LoL Working out also releases endorphins which our bodies are currently desperately seeking.


Working out is so helpful in withdrawals. It is hard because physically I don't want to, but I know I need to and always feel MUCH better after word.

Try trading the Angry music for Positive music... are you familiar with 311? Very positive energy.


Oh, and I forgot to mention that I know EXACTLY what you mean about finding it hard to get the motivation to work out. There have been a few days where I didn't end up going when I was supposed to because I just didn't have the energy to get up off the couch. Others I just tell myself "Just do one set of each lift and see what happens". I end up doing multiple sets with a decent amount of reps. I do make sure to keep myself right around 60% of my 1 rep max though. I made the mistake of trying to go 80% and was so exhausted the next day that it backfired on me.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 30, 2009 6:45 pm 
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ratt396 wrote:
Hey thisguy I'm listening to basicly the same stuff except I throw in some old school pantra& sucidal tendenes anything like that just some good stuff like that to piss me off that way I can direct the angry where it should b pantra's got a good live cd out called offical live 101 proof its a good 1 and the sucidal one I have is called prime cuts. I know how u feel when it comes to playing with ur son my dauther is 3 & my son is 2 that first week when I went from 2.5 to 1mg I could bearly get up even tho I had to can't let the wife c me hurting to bad don't want to piss her off but feel good now I think my bodys use to where I'm at now prob stay at this for a week or two then cut again but yeah music helps hope ur doing better now keep it up I can't wait til I can say I'm done look at it that way ur way a head of me that's good I'm jelouss oh yeah some rage agnaist the machine is good talk to u later ratt396. Thanks man!


Pantera I like, suicidal tendencies I had never heard so I looked them up. They sound a lot like Rage Against the Machine. Obviously they have their differences but the way the vocals don't always flow with the music gets at my OCD LoL Thanks for reminding me to dig up my Pantera though ;)


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 30, 2009 7:02 pm 
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Yep what ever it takes to get the blood pumping.yeah I do get into the melow stuff too mostly the rock mellow some of the mellow saliva is good. That's just me I stay with the rock hard or mellow. Music is good definitly today home with the kids while my wife is at school & its just one of those days where they just don't listen makes things hard. I'm sure u know. Anyway its bath time thanks a lot for talk'n I'll b back later tonight prob late everyone keep up the good work we all can do it!thank u a lot it really helps! Ratt396

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 01, 2009 12:09 am 
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Question what r some good foods to eat to help the brain healing when u cut down or quit on the subs? Or just for more energy. I don't eat to well lots of sugers & just crappy eating. To many redbulls. This next time I cut my dose want to try to kep as much energy as possiable. Thanks finally I don't feel alone in this situation. Helps kep the mind off of it thank u hope all r doing well! Ratt396

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 01, 2009 2:22 am 
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Sounds like you need to change your eating habits overall. All of us junkies eat bad in our addictions, and some even trade addiction to drugs for addiction to food, sex, gambling, etc.

I guess I could say the obvious few: Fruits, vegetables, whole grain, fish, etc.

Do not eat: Hamburgers, "enriched" foods (processed), fried anything, sugars (junk food for sure), SODA-POP (coke, etc)....

It is hard to change, for me eating/exercising was equally as hard to begin on a daily/regular basis as was quitting drugs. But I try, and seems like I am making some progress, I feel a lot better than I did before, but still have a long way to go. One easy way to get some of the vitamins and fruits you need is to get a jamba juice (fruit smoothie company that I THINK is nationwide). I am not really keen on eating apples and oranges and while I know it costs a bit more, it works for me (on the go too)


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 01, 2009 2:38 am 
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I could go on and on so I try to refrain, but sometimes I just can't NOT say something. While Ratt this is in your general direction, public lurkers who havent registered make up 98% of the people that look at these posts, so it may help someone else...

You mentioned that family comes first, and I can appreciate that having a wife and 2 (soon to be 3) kids. I tried for well over a year to quit drugs on my own. My wife knew my struggles, only after I owned up to my addiction of 5 years, but was still willing to HELP* me quit so I kept up the trying. I did the whole list: pray, read the bible, eat better, exercise, go to meetings, change phone number, different friends, et cetera.

I had to put my family first, but had to be ALIVE to do that, and until I was selfish enough to take care of myself, I was practically worthless to my family. Trust me being around them trying to make changes in the beginning, I did more damange than good. I needed help. It took me going away to residential treatment for 30 days (IM NOT SUGGESTING THIS FOR YOU) and then 6 months of intensive outpatient to get me even close to thinking right. I still have a long way to go.

*Stand by, uneducated, watching me further destroy myself and toil with the decision of suicide, saying "just stop! why can't you just... stop?? Don't you ever think of the kids? or me?" ***education makes all the difference***


Last edited by rationale on Thu Oct 01, 2009 1:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 01, 2009 8:42 am 
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I know what ur saying. That's a big one. U can't help anyone until u help ur self. I'm still far from being off of the subs but I am done with the pain pills. Its still the hole mind f'ing of your still on something even tho it help u get off the pain pills. Doing the .5 in the morning & .5 evening has helped me SO MUCH. I can think normal thru out the day & think of what my family needs. I do wish I could just throw my self into treatment for a few weeks to just get the main hard part done with but I don't have that option I'm the only bread winner in my family. And it sucks thinking my next chance to break this sub addtion is over christmas cuz my shop closes for alittle over a week. But then I ruin christmas for my family beening in some kind of w/d.hope to b down to almost nothing by then but there is still w/d's. So that's mainly what I fight want to b done bad just don't know when I'll have the chance to do it with out putting them in a bad postion. Just have to do the best I can & hope for the best. I will b done with it some how some way. Feel good now my bodys use to where I'm at now so anther week or so then I'll cut my dose again. Thanks for the advise. Ratt396

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 01, 2009 10:17 am 
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Another question I have is as u cut down ur dose of suboxone does the brain heal it self to that point? Like make more of the things that give u energy so it only uses less sub & more normal brain energy each time u go down in dose? Hope I worded that right.

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