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PostPosted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 10:56 am 
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Hello Everyone. I'm new to posting on this Forum but I have read some of the postings before. I look to this Forum for inspiration because the time I’ve been on suboxone has been hard for me.

Today is the first day I have been off suboxone and I wanted to share my story for others out there that are going through the same thing I am. But First, I would like to give some History. You all obviously know why I am on suboxone so I don’t need to give details there but what I will tell you is that I have been on the drug since April of 09. Since then I have tried to get off and tapper a handful of times with none of them being successful. I hope this time I will be successful.

So, every time I would try to quit suboxone I would tapper as slow as I could and jump off at .5 mg. The first day wasn’t too bad but then day 2 would hit me hard. A couple more days would pass and I would give in to just starting completely over. I gave in because I would freak out, I was scared, I didn’t know what normal would be like. I actually loved how Suboxone made me feel. How did it feel? I don’t know. I thought it made me feel normal which was having more energy and not being depressed. I never got high on suboxone. The only other thing I noticed was that it made me smoke cigarettes a lot. So, that happened a hand full of times throughout my experience and just recently (a couple months ago) I said the heck with it, I need to just deal with the withdrawal and be done with it.

My problem with withdrawal is that I am so scared to finally be “myself” if you know what I mean. I haven’t been myself in years, I was either on oxy’s or on suboxone so I can’t remember what it was like just being normal and drug free. The other part of withdrawal that always got me was depression and lack of energy. Energy more so than anything. When I was on oxy’s or suboxone I had all the energy in the world and I felt like a better person. Now that I’m off, I feel like I don’t have any energy and with a wife and daughter it makes everything worse.

So back to my final taper, I had been on 1mg per day for a month then .5 mg per day for a month. Then this past weekend I chopped up half of a 2mg tablet into 1/4’s and then into 1/3’s. Talk about stretching it and taking small doses. So Sunday I went from a 1/4 tablet to a 1/3 of a ¼ tablet per day. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday were terrible for me. The depression kicked in right away and by lunch everyday I had absolutely no energy left to the point where I felt like I needed to go home and sleep. But I didn’t, I suffered right through it. Thursday, I took my last dose of suboxone which was another 1/3 of a ¼ tablet. For some reason, that day I felt absolutely great. I didn’t feel tired until around 7pm and I feel asleep at 8pm. I had some depression in the in the morning but by 9:00 I felt great. I have no idea why this happened like this. I felt so bad the past few days taking the same amount. I think maybe my body finally adjusted to the low dose I was taking.

Today is my first day off the drug. I really hope that with me taking such a small dose yesterday all the suboxone is already out of my system and this is how I’m going to feel until I completely get back to normal (what ever normal is right?). Today I had some depression, I’ve been on the toilet all morning but overall I feel ten times better then I did Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday of this week.

I really hope that my experience can help with others as far as my taper goes.

I do have question for you folks. What do you do or take for energy and what do you do for depression?

Do you think with me taking such small doses this past week and with yesterday being my last day, all the suboxone is already out of my system? Again, I was taking 1/3 of a 1/4 2mg tablet which would be a 1/3 of .5mg.

Thanks guys.


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 8:41 pm 
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Just want to say congrats on starting ur recoverey. I hope u do great!I'm in the same boat I'm on about .5 for the last 2 days from 1mg for the week before.also have 2 kids& a wife I know the feeling. U never get to stop.wish I could help u more as far as advise. But I just know it'll prob suck for a week from what I read but I'll b right behind u in quiting my wife is tired of it. I don't blame her. Want to b done at the end of the month or soner. See how it goes. But I do know it will get better. Remeber there was a day when we didn't need anything. And it will come back! Congrats again u will do well!

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 10:35 pm 
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pola and rat


Hey Pola, grats on pushing through it! It's all about that man! Keep it up and you will get through it.


I'm happy that I keep checking this place every day.. because someone who is on my level currently has posted.


<quick>
about 1.5 year of moderate opiate abuse but around 30mg and then crept up to about 50mg for a few months

on subs probably 3 months (not very long)


<present>
In the past I tried to jump off at 4mg and 2 days later I was FRRREEAAKING OUT, okay full blow WD LOLOLO but I said woah buddy slow down and but lately ive been doing a very agression decrease but very very slow, but fast, Ill explain!.

I started out doing 4mg, then dropped to 2mg, then 1.5 mg 1.5mg 1.5 mg then 1mg 1mg 1mg and then .5 and its normally those "drop" days I feel a little whacky, and the successive days I sometimes feel icky in the morning and then sort of in the evening,but not bad. I just think my body is returning to normal function.. (eat healthy, exercise and woot)

Though as Pola said, It seems this fast but slow gradual drop from that level seems to work a lot better in my opinion.

So lets keep it up guys, because I have about 3 days of .5 and then 3 days of .25 and then hopefully quick or debating going a day then taking .25 and do that 3 more times and then quick

Because my belief and the more I read and talk it seems that the gradual decrease and letting the body start into recovery your final jump off will just be a couple days of feeling not to great but hopefully keep the night sweats and anxiety down to a minimal.

Okay a suggestion with anxiety is try not to think about it, I know that sounds cliche. Though really just keep my mind busy and try to pick up any kind of hobby. We used opiates as a crutch for not being bored, and lots of other things. But we got to realize that is false and with some time and work we will be past this dream.

Also indulge in the anxiety, say out loud (maybe somewhere private ) I FEEL MY HEART AND I'M THANKFUL ITS PUMPING! because I bet if you took your pulse it would be around normal range.

So guys keep posting and lets get through this.. I will pay more attention since of this post!

Anyone can PM if they wish.. I get on here daily.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 08, 2010 8:19 am 
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Thanks for posting guys and sharing your stories. I agree too that we should all keep posting and keeping our status updated.

Since my last post this is how I’ve been doing:

Friday was my first day off. I felt depressed in the morning but by 9:00 I was doing better. I came home from work with more energy than I expected. Around 8:00pm I started to get some serious anxiety, I felt like I was jumping out of my skin and kind of freaking out. 10:30 hit and I remembered my doctor gave me some serax just for this. I had taken it once before the last time I tried to quit but I couldn't stand how it made me feel. But, I took it anyway Friday night because I couldn't take it anymore. I ended up falling right asleep. Mind you, the previous couple nights I was in bed at 7:30-8:00 because of no energy

Saturday was the same exact thing as Friday. Depression in the morning and then heavy mood swings from being in a great mood to being depressed all day. I had lots of energy but once night time hit, the anxiety hit me hard. So I took another serax.

Sunday was just like Saturday but it seemed to be a little better but once again, the night time sucked.

This morning, I feel good but with a little anxiety (for some reason) and depression.

I almost feel like I want to go see my doc and see what he can do for the anxiety and depression....

Thanks for listening guys.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 08, 2010 3:32 pm 
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Pola:

Keep it up!! I know these days seem like shit, but if you can just keep pushing through you'll be way better off. I know anxiety blows, i hate it.. I think it's the worse part of detoxing.. well besides night sweats, but that's really the things that drive me crazy.

So just keep telling yourself it's going to get better and better each day... after today tomorrow should be better IMO...

Keep us updated!


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 8:39 pm 
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Hey guys, I just wanted to do something and I have CRAMPS like never before. I guess my body forgot what pain felt like or I did..... I just woke up from a nap and I feel like I was hit by a bus. This morning I took just a little pinch off an 8mg ,( I mean little like a speck.. I don't feel so bad like I need more. Well I could but I think I can make it. Yesterday my dose was a bit bigger than today. I sleep good last night. But my Cramps is what I am bugged by, You know my visitor. And the habit of reaching for pills constantly is a odd feeling that I'm noticing. Anyway just wanted to visit you guys again today. anyone to talk to helps me. Lynn, Hope everyone is good,
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PostPosted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 10:22 pm 
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Slyn... are you talking about muscle cramps or menstrual cramps? If the latter of the two, I don't know if I have an answer for you.

Though I've never really experienced cramps with WDs... though my typical issues is anxiety and soreness and achy legs.. but that's about the extent of what I normally feel.

I woke up today and felt like I was going crazy.. was down to my last little bit of liquid for my taper and I had probably a .5 crumb and that made my anxiety finally go away.

Though tonight I started eating healthier and went for a 2 mile pretty strenuous walk.. lots of hills. Going to do that in the AM and PM while going through WDs.. seems that exercising helps with my anxiety... I just hate anxiety.. but then again who does like it.. I just keep telling myself it's just my heart saying hello.. though sometimes that's not enough.

Tomorrow I won't be taking any more subs and will be probably full blown WD by Saturday morning, but that's kind of my plan. So yeah... time to put the seat belt on, the ride is about to get bumpy.. LOL


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 10:33 pm 
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Gubulars,
Mine right now are my period cramps and some body aching. But other than that I feel better since my last post. I took a tiny crumb because of my cramps. But you're about at the same point I am with the taper. I plan to not take any sub when my cramps are over. I have enough to last a while with tiny bits. Maybe you won't be that bad tomorrow since you did slow taper. I just feel funny in the head and that lingering headache thing.. I hope you feel good tomorrow, stay positive and keep me posted on how you feel. Good luck, LYnn


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 11:16 pm 
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Ah yeah.. I could see period cramps being intensified while going through WDs.. It just seems to be that way about everything.. every little ache feels amplified... though I think that's because our body isn't used of creating its own endorphins to deal with pain since we had been using opiates, so why would it...

So thats what I constitute for the reasons of having extra pain and discomfort.

I hope tomorrow is better for you as well... I feel pretty good tonight and typically I'm still pretty worn down by the night even if I took 2mg or more... so hopefully this is just those little humps ya gotta get over..

So we'll see.. overall it's been pretty mild vs. dropping off a high dose of SUBs of other opiates.. so we'll know by Monday... I have a three day weekend and tomorrow will be first day without dosing.. so who knows.. hahah well I know, but I like to pretend I dont.

Keep us updated as well Slyn :D


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