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 Post subject: My tale of triumph
PostPosted: Fri Jan 15, 2010 4:09 pm 
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Looking back in my life I have always been an addict, but I didn't have problems controlling it until I was in my 30's. I came to it late in life I guess when I discovered my drug of choice....hydrocodone. Someone at work had it and started selling it to me. I loved it! The energy, the warm fuzzy feeling, the euphoria. I had a steady supply from the internet for a while then that dried up. So I stopped, and stayed off it for a while. No big deal.

In a year or so I went into a deep depression, was diagnosed and put on anti-depressants. I realized I had been depressed since high school once the doctor said the word depression. After a while I stopped taking the Celexa (didn't work for me) and started into lortabs again. This time I couldn't stop on my own. I had less tolerance for the withdrawal and didn't like the loss of energy or feeling down. I took it for 3 to 4 years almost continuously. I got behind on bills, I dealt with people I never would have associated with otherwise, and was NICE to them when they lied and cheated me because I needed those pills. I was lucky I never had worse repercussions like others... there but for the grace of God. Then someone told me about suboxone.

I was on the phone the next day making an appointment I was so desperate for help. I went on suboxone in 2008 for about 4 to 5 months. I wanted on and off of sub as fast as I could. I thought If I could just get clean I would never go back. I had no plan for when I came off the suboxone and within months of being clean was back on hydrocodone. You know how that goes...I'll just get a few, I can control it now. I stopped myself quickly and have been back on suboxone since March or April last year. I have had no relapses and now know my sobriety is something I have to take very seriously and work at the rest of my life. You must have a support plan in place when you stop your suboxone whether it's private counseling or NA! Lesson learned the hard way. Please don't do what I did!

Right now I am in no hurry to come off the suboxone. It works for me exceptionally well and even helps with my depression. This forum is great and everyone on it very helpful. I don't miss not paying my bills, being sick, counting pills, trying to find pills to buy and wondering when the guy with my pills will show up.

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Promise me you will always remember...You are braver than you believe, you are stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think!

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 15, 2010 8:14 pm 
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Awesome post! Very well written and makes great sense. This is one of those posts that others here need to be referred to when they talk about how they want off Subs, they won't relapse, their use is in the past, etc. Thanks for taking the time to share your story with everyone.


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 17, 2010 4:47 pm 
Thanks for sharing your story! I am glad you didn't have to lose more in your life before realizing that your addiction was killing you a little bit at a time....stealing meaningful parts of your life....controlling your life more and more as the days went by. That is the message that I feel we must get out - You don't have to have the deep "bottom" that some of us have had in order to stop using and get into recovery. Your story also emphasizes that a relapse doesn't have to be the end either. Good for you for catching yourself early on and going right back to what worked for you before. You learned an important lesson from that relapse. Something else that I think we try to emphasize on the forum - Suboxone alone is not the answer. We have to go further than that if we want to stay clean. This is indeed something that we will all battle for the rest of our lives.
I'm glad you're doing well and thanks again for posting!


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 18, 2010 2:43 pm 
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Thanks guys! It was shameful going back into the suboxone clinic after tapering and going through all that with my Doctor and I felt like a failure, but he was actually nice and understanding. He started me all over and got me back on track. If this happens to anyone else don't be ashamed to go back and ask for help. After all how much dignity are we going to have if we are back on our drug of choice. I had none. Relapse can be a learning part of recovery not an excuse to give up.

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Promise me you will always remember...You are braver than you believe, you are stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think!

*Christopher Robin to Pooh


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 18, 2010 7:14 pm 
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Good post. Relapse is totally part of recovery. You have to do it. I have not come off subs for the first time and I hope my relapses on my DOC will have taught me enought so that once off of subs I can stay off of everything. I learned from those times that it is not easy...I am not stronger than all the idiots on line like I thought i was....etc. Man, good post. Well said. It's funny the little stuff we can all relate too. "Being nice to people who cheat you to keep getting pills". So true. Makes me F'ing sick now.


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Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

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