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PostPosted: Fri Jun 01, 2012 6:32 am 
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Can anyone please tell me how they've managed to achieve a good balance with this?

Because in the past I have swallowed the whole program and things didn't work out. Maybe I'm too easily brainwashed.

I've considered returning to NA a couple of times over the last two years, but every time I go to a meeting I hear how the general vibe of the meetings has become really steps oriented over the last couple of years - like WORK THE STEPS OR DIE MUTHAFUCKA kinda bullshit ... and I've been that person and done that and it didn't stop me from using, despite practicing every little fucking thing in the program and doing exactly what I was told because I was so desperate to get clean...

But I do miss the social aspect of NA ... There's something more real about it that I'm not getting from venting and being a jackass on suboxforum. SMART recovery is great but it doesn't have the numbers and I don't think ever will seriously take on the 12-steps because it doesn't have the religiousness that creates people who make it their life mission to fill the rooms with more people...

Anyway ... what do you share about if you don't choose to work the steps? Are you honest about it? Do you get a sponsor?


PS: Can someone please tell me how the "only requirement for membership is the desire to stop using", then when you rock up you gotta identify as an addict? To not ID as an addict is a BIG no-no, and I wouldn't wanna be controversial or rub people the wrong way by ID'ing as "I'm ROB I'm here on the fifth tradition".

You might just say well fuckit just ID as an addict. But if you're made to say something enough, and have it drummed into yo head with every person you listen to, every little laminated sheet they read over and over it's just a matter of time before it sinks in. I think this guy says it best :

http://voices.yahoo.com/25-things-know-brainwashing-and-729835.html?cat=4

Anyway it did turn into a rant as usual. But I am serious about considering returning there ... maybe this time I'll "take the cotton wool outta my mouth and put it in my ears"?


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 04, 2012 10:29 am 
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I see no one responded to this, TJ. Maybe because no one knows how to respond.

I know for me, I could never make the 12 step programs work for me. There was just too many things for me to "leave behind" and not enough for me to "take with me". It was too much negative outweighing the positive.

I'd say maybe you have to weigh those same things out for yourself. If you think you can gain anything positive at all from the meetings, then it might be worth it for you to return.

I wish I had more experience so I had more to contribute to this, but I'm sorry I don't.

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-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 04, 2012 4:48 pm 
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Hey TJ,

I did this (take what you want & leave the rest) and it really helped me. Also, I found most people in 12 step meetings are kinda of thinking about their own problems and what they are going to say when they share to be concerned with what you identify as etc.. Not everyone but many ha.

Have you ever tried going to different na groups to see if they are any better? I know you don't have a problem with alcohol but try checking out a meeting of that fellowship just to see what the vibe is like. I love AA myself and did have a booze problem as well but some people just go to AA because they like it better. My sub doctor who is an addiction specialist and also runs a methadone clinic suggested AA to me over NA in the beginning. He said the long term sobriety in AA was better. That's not what I say, not trying to debate on here. Just trying to share my experience.

Gb


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 05, 2012 12:17 am 
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I go to a 'young persons meeting" every saturday night. its AA

At first, I went a few times sparatically, then I found/figured/was told there were 6-10 people there on suboxone, that see the same doctor as me. So I started going more 'regular' about six months ago.

No sponser, I havent done "12 Steps" in the traditional sense. ive read thru the book , and I wrote out things about my addiction , Ive written letters to important people in my life to ask for forgiveness, and that sort of thing.

This meeting, is pretty "lax" I guess, becuz sometimes the 'die hards' show up and tell us "your doing it wrong"

the meeting is usually pretty small , like maybe 15-20 people at most, sometimes theres just us SUBBERS. lol

But, Ive found it helpful to 'share'
I do indentify as an addict, I believe I am one.

For me, I cant honestly tell someone I believe in a 'higher power' at least, not right now. Im not sure if I do, maybe I will at some point, im still trying to 'sort out' how I feel on religion.
part of 'getting to know myself' after my drug use.( So please, dont attack me for being honest about that)

And for AA/NA I think the second step (maybe 3rd) is to 'believe in your higher power and put all faith/trust into him" or something like that. Well, I cant do that, not right now. and I certainly cant lie about it.

So this group is probably not the 'norm' but it works for me. Not feeling all alone in this struggle has been a huge benefit for me.

I hope you can find some support group somewhere tear.
It amazes me with all the people ON suboxone/bupe that they DONT have some sort of group just for 'us'
Maybe they DO in larger cities??? I have no idea

They should, thats for sure

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anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 05, 2012 3:02 am 
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Hey Amber I was told that 'your higher power doesn't have to be "GOD", it just can't be YOU'. It always stuck. I know some people consider the group their higher power... It's a very personal thing.

Gb


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 05, 2012 3:04 am 
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And PS,

Your group sounds awesome! I always wanted to find a group of sub users and looked in NYC for one while living there but no dice.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 15, 2015 2:29 pm 
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I know this is an older thread, but it fits to where im at today and how Im feeling. 9 months ago i left my na group. I was falling by recovery standards. My mind after 3 1/2 years and over 500 meetings began to question the whole thing.
I did feel a part of" mostly until last spring. I believed in the principles. They are the best part of the program aloug, as TJ said the peer support. However, the Sub Thing" weighed on me. Always did. "Did they know"?,"should i tell them"?
I didnt.
I tried to leave the rest"as much as possible but it was outside the meetings where the truth lies. The fellowshiping and frankly the judgments are.
I had a good sponsor, well , sort of. No ones perfect.who is... It was hard for me to feel that I could share my llifestyle because sub had takin away most of my "defects"..even on a low dose. Defects of active addiction. .

So....i left. And I remember thinking what it was like when others left. After a week or so the group moves on. Your either there workin it or your not.
The problem was that some friends there stopped come to my bizz for service. This built resentment. Not only toward them but anyone in the group. I just though we were closer than that.
Newcomers to our sub support group at the clinic had come back with tails that some of the men joked about my recovery, sponsoring guys only on sub. I was known as the Suboxone Sponsor. In three counties..
So im on sub, thery were joking about it, and they quit coming to the shop..9 months of resentment. .

Sunday I went back... It was the best most relaxed meeting ive ever sat though. I had nothing to hide .I was proud of my years of "Clean Enough" time. I was overwhelmed at the support my old friends gave me. Many of the faces had changed. No surprise there. But the core group was still there.

I didnt speak sunday, but afterwards for an hour or more spoke openedly to anyone who had questions. There were seemingly no judgements. .

Recovery is personal . Finding peer support is vital. Will i go back for more? Most likely. Our clinic 12 step based group on monday an weds is important too. I have 2 new sponsees. Helping others gets us out of our own heads.

So, take what you need, leave the rest... you get what you put into it..

peace..

Razor 56..


Razor


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