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PostPosted: Fri Apr 27, 2012 4:39 pm 
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Hello my friends. Queenie here.

Well, I had to have yet another surgery on my right stump. They had to saw off 1 1/2 inches from my tibia & my fibula because my stump wasn't healing shut, preventing me from getting my prosthetic leg. I'm back on opiates and needless to say, when I woke up from surgery I was given enough narcotics to knock down 3 elephants. My doctors are all affiliated and know all about Suboxone. They know I need a lot of medication to cover my pain. I was in the hospital 4 days and was sent home with prescriptions that are a drug addict's dream.

My problem is that it seems my receptors are wide open this time. I am feeling the high big time and what worries me is that I am liking it. I can't transition back to Subs yet. I'm still in pain. I have 22 staples and 18 stitches and the surgery is only 2 weeks old. I am so afraid that I am liking it here too much. I am writing this to vent because I know the only solution is to go back on Subs as soon as I can. I just pray I have the strength to fight temptation.

I hope everyone is doing alright. A few words would help. You all know what it's like.

Love to all,

QQueenie


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 10:13 am 
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Oh queenie,you have just been through SO MUCH and here you are yet again, going through another painful surgery. I'm so sorry. But this I know about you: YOU CAN DO THIS! You've done it before and that tells me you can do it again!

The fact that you are already looking ahead and watching out for your old behaviors is a good thing! You're being on guard and on the lookout - that can only help you. And you're turning to us - your support system - it's exactly what you should be doing.

I know, hell, most of us all know, what you're talking about. Any of us who have had to go off sub and back onto pain meds for a procedure knows exactly what you are afraid of. A couple of years ago I needed pain meds only for a couple of days and I remember how quickly all those old thoughts came crashing back to me. I couldn't wait to be back on my sub. So I know exactly what you're afraid of.

Do you have someone with you who could help you dole out your pain meds? Help you to control your intake some? I'm just thinking that might help me, especially if I was feeling an effect from them. That would surely make me go crazy with them. I would encourage you to find help in doing what you can to exert some kind of control over the situation. Right now you probably feel a bit helpless and if i were you I'd want to do something to gain my control back. And feeling that you have control over those pain meds, in any way you can - even if it's with the help of another person - might do that.

I would encourage you to continue journaling on this thread. Write about how you feel about having to use these pills again. Express your feelings - anger, pain, sadness, - even if you're mad at the pills! Yell, scream, but you need to express to us how you're doing throughout all this. I'm just thinking that it can only help for you to talk about it as much as you can with people who understand what you're going through.

I hope some of this makes sense and can help you. I just want to see you come through this with flying colors as you have in the past. I know you can and we'll do our best to help you through it. We're here for you, I hope you know that. Hang tough, woman!

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-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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 Post subject: Surgery
PostPosted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 2:02 pm 
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Hi Queenie,

You have been through so much as long as I've known you, it hurts to read you are going through this all over again. I do know what you mean about feeling the full agonist meds. When I had the first surgery on my tongue I felt them too and also fell right back in love with them.

Have you been pretty good about taking as prescribed? I did okay for three weeks and then lost control. Hat's suggestion of having someone dole them out is a good one if you can do it. My wife was too weak to hand mine out. Meaning, she'd give me whatever I asked for so it did no good. We addicts are good at making others feel guilty if we want our drugs.

If you've managed so far, please try to keep it going. At least as long as it takes until you can go back on to the Suboxone again. You've done it before with past surgeries, just try to do it again. Nothing we can say will make a difference on whether you behave or not. The decision is entirely up to you. Be strong Queenie and come through this w/o all the opiate drama. You are walking on the center line and can go either way.

Keep posting at the very least, okay?

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PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2012 1:54 am 
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The silver lining to this situation is that you know what to do. You know that when you get back to sub-only you will be able to keep yourself under control. I'm so sorry that you have all of this medical crap to go through. Rely on the people who you know will give you stability and comfort. I'm praying that your pain goes away soon and that you can get "back on that horse".

Amy

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 Post subject: Grateful
PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2012 4:15 pm 
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Thank you Hat, Rule & Amy. You have no idea how comforting & encouraging your words are. I have been through pure hell the last 4 1/2 years. 6 leg bypasses, 2 amputations, a surgical debridement, a heart attack and now a revision surgery where they had to saw down my tibia & my fibula 1 1/2 inches each. I have been on & off Suboxone so many times that it's insane. However, I refuse to go back to looking for pills and wondering what lie I can tell to get more. I am going back to my SuXuboxone and my safe place. I refuse to let temptation get the best of me at my age & wisdom. I am stronger & smarter than those devil opiates.

I love each & everyone of you and I wish you health. Thank you for being my friends and lending me your shoulders to cry on. This forum is the best thing that has happened to me after Subs. Hat, bless you for being there for all of us. I don't think you realize how great you are and how wonderful it is to know we can always come to you & you are always there. You are amazing.

I will keep posting and I will continue to pray for all of you so that you never have to look back. Take care of yourselves. Hugs & kisses,
Queenie


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