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 Post subject: support
PostPosted: Sat Nov 02, 2013 2:23 pm 
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I am tapering off suboxone and have no support. i have posted on here before and just looking for some support to keep going. my spouse is very critical of me and it makes it very difficult.


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 Post subject: Re: support
PostPosted: Sat Nov 02, 2013 2:39 pm 
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I'm sorry. I can't imagine dealing with a critical spouse. My husband had no idea of my using until I broke down and got on suboxone back in July. He kind of understands because he kicked speed like 12 years ago. I recently tapered down to .25mg and I'm going on 48 hours of nothing. I could use support too. What mg are you on? And what's your back story?

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 Post subject: Re: support
PostPosted: Sat Nov 02, 2013 2:56 pm 
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i will try and make a long story short. i was addicted to opiates after back surgery and started taking 8mg suboxone about 4 to 5 years ago. i just never quit taking it and my doctor never asked me to quit taking it. my husband moved to another city for work and we don't see each other much. i fell into just taking medicine (suboxone) instead of dealing with life. i just wanted to be in bed all day and never wanted to do anything. we got into a huge fight about a 6 weeks ago and i knew i had to do something because i wanted my life back. i began to taper about 5 weeks ago. i also joined an intensive outpatient program. i had gotten down to a little less than a 2mg strip a couple weeks ago and was doing very well. i just get so damn discouraged and depressed. i am always alone and my husband is very critical and unsupportive of what i am doing. he is just mad at me. he is a very successful electrical engineer who is also a manager and his job is high priority!!! i am trying to get back on track. i still take around 2mg a day maybe a little more. i need to get back on schedule and cut my films and so on. i am just very discouraged right now.


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 Post subject: Re: support
PostPosted: Sat Nov 02, 2013 3:25 pm 
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Hello! I just want to say I am new here too and just getting encouragement and real info from other people who are or have gone down this road have helped.

My husband actually has no idea of my addiction and of he did he would leave and take my kids, so you are not alone with the lack of support, you will find it hear.

It has been 3 days since I took my 2mg dose and I'm doing okay, not great but okay.

Just hang in there and know your not alone we are all here, remember your not a bad person and you can do it!


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 Post subject: Re: support
PostPosted: Sat Nov 02, 2013 3:39 pm 
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It's funny how relatively educated people can't wrap their heads around that fact that addiction is a brain disorder. Addiction changes your brain in many ways and there isn't always a way back to "normal". Scientists are discovering differences in the brains of addicts that average people don't have to deal with. I wish I knew enough about electrical engineering to provide an analogy to addiction that your husband could understand.

Of course, his problem may not be due to ignorance about how addiction works and what it does to the addict. He could just be emotionally abusive and your addiction is just his latest excuse. I understand that nobody's marriage is perfect. Mine certainly isn't! I just want you to think about what your life going forward with this man is going to be like in the future, whether you're on suboxone or not. You do deserve to be supported by your spouse even if you've made mistakes.

I hope that this forum supplies the support you need! There isn't much about addiction and suboxone that one of us hasn't been through.

Amy

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 Post subject: Re: support
PostPosted: Sat Nov 02, 2013 6:29 pm 
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Thanks so much for the support, it makes a world of difference just for someone to acknowledge my existence. i know this is my problem but it is so hard. he makes me feel so stupid!!! he lives about 4 hours away also and my 9 year old son just recently moved to live with him. now that my son is with him, he SEEMS to have no use for me or care to interact with me. our only interaction is through text mostly or if i travel to see them.

Amy-Work In Progress
Sometimes i wander when and if he would ever take responsibility for any behavior he has. he is so dominant, it is very hard to be able to be your own person when you are with someone like him. You say "relatively educated", that is funny. i supported him emotionally and every way i could while he got his masters degree 3 years ago among other things i have supported him through and i am still reduced to nothing. he would say that is my own fault. because of my situation of addiction, i tend to feel that he is right. i don't know but i sure do feel stupid so many times at mostly the lack of what he says or does anymore. he won't tell me he loves me, he won't call me, only text. he won't hold my hand or outwardly show affection, although he is fine with getting his physical needs met. he will not ask me how i am doing, he will not give me any encouraging words, only scolds me for asking him to come see me and have a "date night".

to say the least, i am feeling very sorry for myself and trying to work myself out of it.

Goingcrazy
let me know more about your situation and how you are doing. i am going to try and go to an AA meeting tonight if i don't back out...


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 Post subject: Re: support
PostPosted: Sat Nov 02, 2013 6:48 pm 
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Texyann, can I please humbly suggest that you seek out a therapist to help you know what an awesome person you are? You deserve to be happy, and I don't think that's ever going to happen until you learn to like yourself and stand up for yourself. Your husband sounds emotionally abusive. That's bad enough, but he's got you believing his lies!

Being an addict does not make you a bad person! Wanting access to your husband and son does not make you a bad person! You are a normal woman and he is making you feel bad for that? And after all you did to help him get through his masters? That's not OK and it's not a normal relationship. You want a normal and loving relationship. He's the one who's messed up!!!

Amy

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 Post subject: Re: support
PostPosted: Sat Nov 02, 2013 6:57 pm 
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Couldn't agree more with what Amy said Texyann. Any man would be so lucky to have you. Keep your head up and continue posting all your thoughts. We're here for you and do understand. He would be nowhere without YOU! Hang in there ok.

Hugs,
Karen xoxo


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 Post subject: Re: support
PostPosted: Sat Nov 02, 2013 11:10 pm 
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i did reach out to my counselor who i will meet with on Monday to talk about some of this stuff. i really appreciate your support. it is nice to hear your kind words. it means alot to me. i am in this mess because i have never reached out to anyone so i am trying.


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 Post subject: Re: support
PostPosted: Sun Nov 03, 2013 1:08 pm 
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Texy, this is your recovery, not his. If you are not ready he is setting you up for a relapse. Could there be a motive for that? Listen to the ladies, they are giving you great advise. take care of yourself.
PAX


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 Post subject: Re: support
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 10:41 pm 
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I do know and understand this is my recovery. I only hope and pray for support from him in some way. I have met with my counselor today who basically says the same that has been said here. I'm trying to remember her words to help me get through one day at a time. I attend IOP 3 times a week and it's helping. It's all uncomfortable for me because I have never faced this addiction before and I've certainly never tried to accept that I am an addict and do anything about it. The loneliness is just overwhelming. I live in a huge house that is for sale with my teenage daughter and he lives 3 hours away with my son and it's hard to b so alone all the time. My son just moved in with his him (my husband) a few months ago. He lives in another city because of work. I miss my son so much! I've always been home with him since he was born 9 yrs ago!!!!!

Anyway, tomorrow I see a new suboxone doctor who I'm hoping will help me continue my taper and eventually get off the stuff. I hate being on it and just want my feelings and personality back. We will see how it goes.


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 Post subject: Re: support
PostPosted: Wed Nov 06, 2013 5:03 pm 
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docm2 wrote:
Texy, this is your recovery, not his. If you are not ready he is setting you up for a relapse. Could there be a motive for that? Listen to the ladies, they are giving you great advise. take care of yourself.
PAX

I think I would have to agree, you need to focus on you. you are going to be the one who has to face this demon not anyone else. I know it sucks but it just how it is. be strong you can do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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 Post subject: Re: support
PostPosted: Sat Nov 09, 2013 4:19 pm 
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I'm listening but i am struggling without any support. Feeling very stupid and yucky...


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 Post subject: Re: support
PostPosted: Sat Nov 09, 2013 5:14 pm 
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Texyann, I'm sorry that you are not feeling good about yourself right now. It takes time to develop feelings of self-worth after being beaten down for a long time. Do you have any type of community or family where you are living? Do you have a group of friends? It can be invaluable to have people in your life that you can talk to.

The other problem here is that I think you probably have a lot of negative internal self-dialog. Your husband has taught you to be your own worst critic. Would you expect someone who receiving a barrage of negative criticisms to feel good about themselves and have a positive outlook? I wouldn't! And yet, that's probably what you're receiving from your own mind on a daily basis.

There are ways of working on this, however. Take some time to write down some things that you are good at. Everyone is good at some things! For example, are you an empathetic listener? Do you have good fashion sense or a flair for decorating? Are you a good problem solver? These are just a few examples, of course. After you have a list, you need to make a determined effort to insert those positives in your internal self-talk. I'll give you an example from my own life. I could say to myself, "I have great attention to detail. My attention to detail can benefit me in whatever profession I choose."

In other words, take your positive statement and apply it to other areas of your life where that can work for you. Another example, (not taken from my own life), "I have such a green thumb. I'm glad that I can share the beauty of my flower garden with others who pass by. I bet it gives them a real lift!"

If you are constantly putting yourself down, Texyann, you are going to have a really hard time feeling happy instead of depressed and lonely.

You have a lot of things going for you, including the love you have to share. There are a lot of people out there who could benefit from having you in their lives. Find a way to give back and you will have lots of positive things to say about yourself.

Amy

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