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PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 3:08 pm 
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Hey everyone. My name is Pika and I'm a 25 year old female who has been an IV heroin user for 5 years and going back and forth between suboxone and heroin for the past 3. The last few times I have tried to transition back onto suboxone have been hellacious, to say the least, and have not been successful. This is due largely in part to the fact that I have not had the opportunity to be out of commission for a week or more. In the past, when switching from H to subs, I would have a day of feeling sick, anxious, and hating life but I could get through it with a little weed and a lot of movies. That is no longer the case. Probably because of years of switching back and forth from h to subs, on top of the fact that my tolerance is higher than it has been in years and the h I've been getting is stronger than it has been in years, when I try and transition I am down for the count for many days. By day four when I still can't do anything close to being a productive human being, I give up and go buy the black because life keeps calling me. I can't NOT go to work, I can't NOT take care of the family. My family does know that I have an addiction, but thinks that I have been on suboxone now for about a year with no relapses. I know that honesty is the best policy, but when it comes to losing my husband and breaking up my family (which is what it will come to this time) I cannot do it.

So this is the deal. I get my scrip for subs filled this week and I am going to transition once and for all. I have cleared three days for myself but if that isn't enough time and a work day comes along, I will just have to deal and call in sick or do whatever is necessary because I CANNOT continue living like this. I don't even enjoy dope anymore. I don't like the physical feeling it gives me, and the mental issues it causes me to suffer honestly make it so I don't to wake up in the morning to deal with another day of this bullsh*t.

I guess what I'm posting for is any advice of support that anyone can give me. Because this round of using is for the most part secretive, I really am going into this alone and that maybe is what's most scary of all. I will have 30 tablets, I am going to buy some valium tomorrow, and a nice sack of buds. The valium is to sleep myself as far into WD as possible before dosing, and then to take as much of the edge off as possible afterwards. The bud is to help with the body aches and restless legs. These are both things that I have found to be helpful in the past. Is there any other advice or support anybody out there has? Is this forum still active or am I typing to a ghost town? Even just a cheerleader would help me at this point. What I don't need is a lecture, I've had enough of those to last a life time, but if anyone has any kind words, or helpful advice on how to get through this or how to make it any easier or more manageable I would be more grateful than you could ever imagine.

Thank you so much.

Wish me luck.

<3 Pika


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 3:10 pm 
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I also forgot to mention that starting today I took a little bit of sub (maybe 1mg) before I did my morning shot and will continue to do that until I get my full scrip in a few days in the hopes that having built a little bit of suboxone into my system will make the transition a little tiny bit easier.


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 11:11 pm 
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hello again.......
well,
i do wish you the VERY BEST OF LUCK, and REALLY hope you make it this time......

I'd REALLY LIKE FOR YOU TO READ THIS............................
(((its actually BOTH,,, read top one first please, then the second one,, it's the same person)))

http://suboxforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=7137

http://suboxforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=7333

I tried as HARD as I could, to help this guy, I really really did........ Pm's thru the ROOF......
But, I just don't think he was READY....
YOU SOUND READY...........
You sound, JUST like I did,,,, when suicide, is LOOKING GOOD, then your ready to stay clean,,,, In MY opinion...
it's worked for me,, Almost TWENTY MONTHS , now!! Longest ever, since like 14yrs old.....
so,,,
Im sorry that you got to THIS POINT,
but maybe that's what it takes for SOME OF US :roll:

Here's two other threads, that may help you ,,, KNOW your not alone, with this struggle, that it IS HARDER than a "normal (whats that?) induction"


http://suboxforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=7733

http://suboxforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=7749

you WILL probably feel like your IN precipitated W/D.... if you ARE it should only last an hour or two,,,
AND PLEASE,
PLEASE,
Take more than 8 or 12 mg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if you NEED TO, obviously,,,,,
but from the SOUNDS of it, YOU WILL
It just SUCKS when your trying and trying to HELP someone, and your pretty damn sure they'd feel at LEAST
a lil better, with a lil more suboxone,,,,
but they refuse to take it.............

Im NOT trying to sound harsh,,, IM TRYING TO HELP :wink:

so that's about the ONLY ''words of wisdom" I've got for ya.....
Im glad your getting the valuim,,, that will definitely help,,,
i'd get some IMMODIUM, immediately as well................((most say to take at least a double dose,, something about it, REALLY helps with w/d especially the heroin/methadone to suboxone w/d==induction))
AND
please keep posting,,,,
if you could do that, you could help a WHOLE LOT of people,,,,, Look at HOW MANY PEOPLE have replied to that thread,
(same one you did) "painless way to switch from heroin to suboxone"
though,
I doubt ANY of it's "painless"
:D

good luck to you,,,,,
and I REALLY hope to hear,,, that you are on JUST suboxone,,,, SOON :wink:

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2012 2:17 am 
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I'm new and in no position to give much advise. I just want to wish you well and encourage you to go through with it. I'm no expert but I think part of the issues you are going to be having are psychological and not because you're body is needing the drug. That sounds harsh but if you know that then sometimes it's easier to make yourself stop focusing on it. The way this drug was explained to me and my personal experience is that you shouldn't have too terrible of a transition if you wait 18-24 hours after the last time you use heroin. Methadone is another animal but with H you should be in wd's by then. I'm not sure that taking any suboxone while you are on H is a good idea. Maybe someone else with more knowledge than me can clear that up for you but I'm pretty sure you're not making it any easier by doing that.

Try to think of this as a positive step and not focus on how bad it's going to suck. This can be the last time you have to deal with these feelings. If there is anyone you can tell I think it would be a good idea to have SOME kind of support through this. It's great that you are doing this and I hope you will go through with it. Good luck and keep safe.


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2012 6:50 am 
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Oh amber I'm ready. I've been more then ready. The subs just aren't working
Like they used to. I'm getting ready to man up once again. And go thru the again
This time trying even harder. Funny u used my posts as an example I was ready her post
Saying to myself this sounds so much like my post as then boom u posted that lol.
Anyhow I hope you do make it thru this u will an u can. we will


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 Post subject: YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!
PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2012 8:00 am 
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[font=Comic Sans MS]Hi there! Amber pretty much said everything there is to say about WHAT you need to do as far as the sub,
and stopping the h, and the transition. She gave you good threads too....(I checked them out)...and remember
them well.

I do agree with her that you DO sound ready. I hope with all of my heart that you make it through this. I can be
the cheerleader you were asking about !!! LOL!!! I lost my two daughters to my addiction. It has been the
most painful emotional experience of my life. I HATE that I don't see or talk to them. I miss them so much
every single day. It hurts. I don't want you to go through that. I don't want my worst enemy to go through
that. Really.

I think that if I were you, I would really really focus on working, and staying as busy as possible. I know that you
are going to feel like laying around, and watching movies, and well...basically feel like shit. But if you can keep
your mind occupied, I think that it will help enormously!!! Like someone above me said, most of this sounds like
its psychological with you...I just get the feeling from what you wrote, that you are just done. Done with the
lifestyle, done with the drug. Done with all of the BS that goes with it. What you are scared of, is the physical
feelings that you may or may not have to go through. Try not to psyche yourself out. I think you should stop
taking the sub with the h as well. Wait until you are in full blown (or moderate) withdrawals, and do what
Amber said. TAKE ENOUGH SUB!!! I cannot stress that enough. YOu said that your tolerance has gone up.
So you know that it makes sense that you will more than likely NEED more sub.

I wish you nothing but the best!!! Good luck to you!!!! Keep posting here. It will not only help other people,
but it will get everything out of your head, and in front of you, in writing. That in itself can be very therapeutic!
I journal, and it helps immensely with feelings. Especially the tough ones...anger, lonliness, depression...etc....
Just post whatever you need to, as often as you need to. We are all here for you!!!
Try to read other threads on here too. That helped me when I started sub. Just knowing that
I was NOT alone. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!!! We are all here for you!!!!!!! Take Care~Kelly[/font]

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"All great changes are preceded by chaos."
~Deepak Chopra


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2012 3:49 pm 
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Has methadone crossed your mind? I was on suboxone for four years with not real success besides staying clean other than that i was miserable keep in mind im a pain management patient too. But i switched to methadone and my life has not been this good in as long as i can remember. The only reason i mention methadone is because you seem like you have a seriously high tolerance and im wondering if suboxone wont be enough to manage your cravings. When i have more time ill write a more detailed post.

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Yes these drugs saved our life's. But does that mean we have to give the rest of our life to these drugs?


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 12:24 am 
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jameson304 wrote:
Oh amber I'm ready. I've been more then ready. The subs just aren't working
Like they used to. I'm getting ready to man up once again. And go thru the again
This time trying even harder. Funny u used my posts as an example I was ready her post
Saying to myself this sounds so much like my post as then boom u posted that lol.
Anyhow I hope you do make it thru this u will an u can. we will


HI JAMESON!!!!!!!!!!
I really, really, really HOPE you can do it,,,,,,,,,
ALSO,
think about what Bboy wrote...........
you could ALWAYS switch to suboxone, later..... methadone's GOTTA be easier to taper than Heroin man.........I dont know FOR SURE, but Im just ROOTING FOR YOU with all I got dude,,,, and methadone is DEFINITELY harm reduction from where your at!!!

I didnt mean anything bad, or negative, I just wanted to warn/show

'Pika' the road they are "in for"
you did such a great job of explaining it.........
I'd like to use your threads again, too,,,,,, if there is anyone in the current/same situation.......
If that's not okay with you, just say so,,,, NO WORRIES... ok?

BBOY
NICE TO SEE YOU,,,, TOO!!!!!


Wishin' ya luck, Pika


[marq=right]~~~~~~STAY STRONG~~~~~~ [/marq]

all my friends!!

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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 Post subject: Thank you!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 3:16 am 
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Thank you everybody for responding. Seriously, reading your replies have eased my anxiety greatly. I was worried that no one would talk to me and as most of you said, a lot of this is probably psychological for me, so your words have helped a lot. I AM at my breaking point. This transition HAS to be the last. I am scared out of my mind, but I am really feeling comforted by this little group of strangers that so kindly has my back. I have felt very alone for a long time and now I don't feel so alone. Friday I get my scrip filled in the afternoon. I will do my last shot of h friday morning, take valium that night and hopefully knock myself out enough to sleep through the night and wake up having gone almost 24 hours since my last shot. That's when I'll take my first dose of sub.

You can all rest assured that I will be posting on here throughout the weekend. I have anxiety issues without h being involved, and from my own experiences I know that with this transition will come many dark thoughts. So while my posts may be depressing, they will be posts at least. If things go okay, then maybe they will be happy elated posts at how easy it is, but history tells me that wont be the case, haha.

Please keep in touch with me, keep rooting for me on this thread and just letting me know that you are all still out there and that somebody knows what I'm going through and wants me to succeed.

<3 Pika

Also, if anyone has any suggestions on things I should have on my list of "Things to have nearby while inducting" that would be great. So far I will have valium for sleep and anxiety, advil for body aches, nyquil just in case, and a little bit of weed.

I have a bunch of immodium that i picked up but i have questions about it. Has anyone actually taken it while transitioning onto suboxone? Will whatever opiate or opiate like substance that is in it put me into PWs when mixed with the subs? Please if anyone has any experience with it, let me know.

Thanks so much everyone!


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 11:13 am 
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Imodium doesn't cross the blood/brain barrier and won't put you into PW. I wish you the best on your transition. You might want to write down on paper how terrible you feel right now - how sick and scared and disgusted. Then later, when you are doing well and the idea to use again comes up you can look back at it and remembered where you don't want to go again.
We're all rooting for you!
Lilly


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 12:39 pm 
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Hey Pika (cool name!),

I see you're going to wait 24 hours after quitting H before you start Suboxone, when you've induced in the past, how long have you waited before starting Suboxone?

I think you're correct in assuming your opiate tolerance is now pretty high and that's why you've been having a hard time getting on Suboxone. Is there anyway you could push your induction out a few days and spend those few days tapering your H use down or is that just not gonna happen? If you could lower your tolerance any, I think it would help, but I also know for most of us we just don't have the power to taper our drug of choice.

I like what Lilly said to you about writing down how fed up with everything you are right now. That may help you push through a tough induction. Also, I think it would be great if you keep posting if your induction is kinda rough because there are several people here who would help "talk" you through it.

Oh Yeah, I wanted to mention that I think every one of us has had those "dark thoughts" while waiting to induce onto Suboxone and some of us have had those dark thoughts for several days after getting on Suboxone while we were stabilizing. You are most certainly not alone in the dark thought arena.....just wanted ya to know!

Good luck to ya!!

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Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 03, 2013 3:14 am 
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good one...


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