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 Post subject: Suck On My PAWS !
PostPosted: Wed Oct 12, 2011 2:19 pm 
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Exactly 2 weeks clean (today at 5:35am) off of Suboxone. CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP ........... "Oh, your too kind !" " Thank You ! " " I didn't prepare a speech ! " Anyways......

Last night I felt grrrrrrrrrrrrreat, except that for some odd reason I couldn't fall asleep !?!?!?! I didn't sleep one wink !!! The night before I slept for like 10 hours !!! But the wierd thing is, I still felt great ! Very much irratated that I didn't sleep and that I had to go to work all day, but still felt pretty awesome !

I have been reading about this PAWS thing and have to say that I don't know what to believe ? People say that its what made them use again and that their emotions were too much to handle ( depression, etc. ). Well, I am not an average person, and alls I ever wanted was to feel "NORMAL" again. That was until I actually got out of the detox period and started seeing everything for what it really was. I could see what I have done wrong and what I need to do to fix everything ! I then realized that I don't want to be "NORMAL" I want to be "RYAN". I want to be the strong, witty, comedic person I once was ( needless to say very atractive as well )ps Sorry ladies, If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it, cuz someone already did !

What I have to say... and pardon my language is " FUCK THE 3 P's "

FUCK PAWS
FUCK PILLS
FUCK PESSIMISM

Last time I checked, I was in control of my brain and I was the BOSS telling it what to do. Now, does this always work, NO ! If it did than the world would be all MOON PIES and PENNY WHISTLES ! But you got be be strong. I honestly believe that PAWS is that state of mind we revert to when you think you can make it without your "crutch" ! I can't do this, I feel sad, I feel angry, I don't want to !!!!

Well, guess what ????? People that haven't touched a single narcotic in their lives feel like this too !!! Its called RAW HUMAN EMOTION ! Don't let some egghead scientist doctor dick nose tell you what he "thinks" you have. Remember when all the smartest people on the planet thought the world was flat ?!?!?! How did that work out ???

I have said this in pretty much all of my posts..... MAKE YOUR OWN RECOVERY STORY ! Don't ride the coat tales of someone else's experience. Think of it like this, If a 220lb man and a 100lb woman had 5 shots of vodka each, who would be more drunk ??? An educated guess would be the woman, but here is the kicker...... What if the woman is a ragin' drinker, like PRO Status and the man has maybedrank 2 times before in his entire life ? Whould that change your view on the situation ? Same with our addictions, Maybe you will go thorough a 3 day detox and be done, maybe you will go through a 300 day detox and relapse ? ONLY YOU KNOW YOURSELF ! HOW STRONG ARE YOU ? WHO DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE ?

I am with all of you and know that this is by no means EASY !!! This was the hardest thing I have ever done ! But I want to let you guys out there know that all the horror stories you hear (although true) Doesn't mean that thats the way it's going to be for you ! I know it wasn't for me !

I hope this helps !

P.S. - UFC 136 was here in HOUSTON last weekend and it was AWESOME !!! :twisted:


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 Post subject: Thank You!
PostPosted: Sun Oct 16, 2011 12:26 am 
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I needed that! It is something I have always believed, EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT, but I don't always practice what I preach. I've been back and forth w/ opiates and Subs for 7 years and never actually heard of "PAWS" (believe it or not) until the forum and then I googled it. Granted I am "in the closet" about my addiction and the only other person that knows is my "other half". now that I know what it is, I started to get scared that I would get it. I didn't even knew it excited and I'm already planting it in my head that I will be w/d'ing months after getting clean. BUT I truly do believe everyone is different and has different experiences and is biologically made different, I needed that- someone else to S-P-E-L-L it out for me...
THANK YOU!!!


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 Post subject: Well Said
PostPosted: Sun Oct 16, 2011 1:35 am 
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WOW!! Well said and thank you for the light.. Congrats on your being clean and loving it! You have a great attitude, something we ALL could have if we just focus on the positive............Blessing to you & yours
-Sweet


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Oct 16, 2011 11:05 am 
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PAWS - post acute withdrawal syndrome, is a real, set of persistent impairments that occur after withdrawal from alcohol, opiates, benzodiazepines and other substances. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-acute ... l_syndrome) Now that's not to say that there not a "power of positive thinking", because I really believe that the people who know nothing about PAWS tend to suffer less than those who are expecting it.

PAWS doesn't, however, happen to absolutely everyone. And it can be reduced with a long, slow taper. I also believe it depends on how long the person's total addiction history is. If someone was using opiates for only 2 years, including their time on suboxone, they might have less issues with PAWS then someone who was on full agonists for 15 years and 5 years on suboxone.

I think it's definitely better for the person to anticipate the best scenario and remain optimistic about having PAWS. Some people get so obsessed about it that all that serves is to make it worse.

_________________
-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 16, 2011 11:46 am 
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I am glad you are doing so well! That was a very light hearted nice post and I enjoyed reading every minute of it. There is so much sad stuff here it was nice to read about somebody being happy. I too am a believer in the power of the mind and a good attitude can help you thru a lot. I am not minimizing anyone's experience as you hit in on the head, we are all different. Making light of the hard times will help you get thru them.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Oct 16, 2011 8:05 pm 
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You're kicking ass girl.

PAWS definitely is real, and you know it. Be careful however not to constantly remind yourself that you are "suffering from PAWS", as occasionally people get themselves in a trap of diagnosing themselves with a problem, and reaching for 'medicine' for the solution, if you get what I mean.

Consider the 'PAWS' you "baptism of fire" back into the world of the the non-opiate dependent. If you can get through these initial rough months without using, you will be able to get through a lot of life's rough times. We're a hard bunch, us recovering addicts.

Be careful as well though. In the confusion of these early months, while you're still rediscovering who you are, it is quite easy to fall into some of life's traps. More often than not this can end up in relapse. So treat yourself well, be kind to yourself, and take it easy. No drastic decisions. At one point in the confusion of PAWS / early recovery, organised crime seemed really appealing. That's the kind stupid sh*t we can come up with! A coupla more bad decisions and I could be in the bangkok hilton.

So be kind to yourself, take it easy, and do whatever it takes. And have a good friend you can trust and talk to who you can bounce your decisions off! :lol:


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Oct 17, 2011 10:07 am 
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I also never knew of Paws till I came to this forum and I jumped april 15th and havent felt any paws............I am not saying its not real I am sure it is, all I am saying is I didnt experience it .... but also I was on an antidepressant and stayed on it during and after my jump


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 Post subject: Great posts
PostPosted: Mon Oct 17, 2011 1:18 pm 
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tearj3rker- Thank u for making me laugh! I am definatly suffering from PAWS and things I never thought about doing, thus including organized crime, seems appealing to me.

I have been off subs for 14 days now and the anxiety is about to send me out a window(not literally, never thought of being suicidal, but could see how this could make someone). I do agree that PAWS is something I fear will get worse day to day and truly believe that sometimes reading horror stories sends me into an exacerbated state of PAWS. I enjoyed these post tremendously..Thanks everyone. Although I have been on this site daily, this is only my second post!

Also, Im pregnant and went to the shrink today about my anxiety. One thing thats not contraindicated in pregnancy is electroconvulsive therapy(aka an induced seizure). Never in my life would that sound appealing, but I actually inquired about it due to the severity of my PAWS.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Oct 17, 2011 10:10 pm 
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My two experiences with PAWS - life with zero opiates - went for 13 months, and another for 7 months (before relapse :shock: ). I can tell ya that, PAWS only really gets better with time. It's almost like it fades away so slowly we don't even recognise it's fading away.

Withdrawal you can reach a point where you can say "I'm getting better now". PAWS felt different.

At 6 months clean, I looked back at the way I was thinking at 3 months clean and realised how 'crazy I was back then'. Then at 12 months, I looked back at how I was at 6 months and realised I was still a unit then as well!

It happens so gradually that the only way to notice your recovery is through hindsight, if you get what I mean.

It's also interesting because you hit some definite rough patches as well. ie I would cruise for a bit, then all of the sudden I'd have a few days of drug dreams and cravings, and anxiety. BUT then after I worked through that without using, I'd settle into an even better recovery and sanity for a couple of months, then it'd happen all over again. And every time I'd break through these rough times, I'd think to myself "God I'm glad I didn't use then!"

As long as you remember that these 'rough patches' of cravings only last a few days, and that things get heaps better when u break through the barrier, you can survive PAWS.

There's a reason in NA they say "It gets better".

There are a lot of traps people can get themselves into in these months as well. Because we are quite crazy ourselves, we attract / are often attracted to crazy people, so screen potential partners wisely. A healthy, sane and supportive partner is often what we really need to get through, so it's ironic that we so easily fall for the ones that can bring us undone. We're also fertile ground for finding other addictions as well, cos our brain is desperate for something to 'fill the hole' that drugs left us with. So watch the drinking, the gambling, the "anything that can have a 12-step group".

The whole allure of crime and money thing was really interesting, and NA was related. I moved interstate and got clean in a NA fellowship in a bigger city. In this fellowship there were a lotta really stylish guys, the kind that ride Ducati's, BMW M3's, Armani / G-Star Raw, hot stripper girlfriends, but 'didn't have jobs'. To someone who's fresh outta addiction, broke with charity clothes and a lot of debt, that life looks pretty darn cool! And some of these guys are all too happy to stick their hand out to the 'newcomer'. Some evil, predatorial shit, in hindsight.

Good luck! :D


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Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

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