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PostPosted: Sat Mar 24, 2012 4:05 pm 
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I have been on Sub for a little over 2 years now, it has saved my life to say the least. However at least every three months or so, i get within 5 days of my next doctors appointment, and find that i am going to run out of my Sub before my next visit.

Why is it so difficult for me to just take my 1 tab a day, like they are prescribed? I swear i have not come to terms with the addict within me, i always sneak an extra 1/4 to 1/2 pill, thinking that i need more, when in all honesty im not sick! Even when i see that im not going to make it too my appointment, and i know that i can make it if i take a half a pill a day for a couple days, i will still over due it and run out! Then i really will be sick and feel like im dying!!!

I have called my doctor before and he has bailed me out, he even uped my dose a few months ago for a short period. Im so sick of doing that! makes you feel like a real loser.

Right now i have taken a half dose, and have 1/2 tab left to make it 4 days.. i hate to think about it ;(

Im sure im not the first, or the last person who has/will go thru this. How many of you still do meetings (NA)? What ive been doing for the last 2 years seems like im just getting by, and not really getting better. I feel like im still an active addict, i just dont buy drugs off the street anymore, i go see the doc once a month instead. I think i really need to get my act together, rather than just getting by as an addict with a monthly supply handed to him once a month.


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 24, 2012 4:20 pm 
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i hear ya, that was like reading my own diary. one thing i have noticed, when i am happy in life, i do much better. i have been on 2+ years also. my problem is, i havent been happy for awhile. things are looking up, i havent been taking as much as usual. like i am forgetting about it now that i am having much nicer thoughts on life. i have also tried na, didnt really work for me.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 25, 2012 1:35 pm 
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Hey Ego, first I would like to say that I like your user name… ego, as an addict don’t we all have and EGO big enough for more than one person. Lol

Secondly, I want to say I can totally relate to you. I have been on sub’s for less than a yr, started on 16gm’s and am now on 8. When I first started, I was in control on my own meds and I had it in my head that if the two I was taking then three was better. Then when the doctor lowered my dose, I kept taking more and then would run short.

Long story SHORT, no pun intended. I gave my meds to my husband to keep for me as it was so much easier. He kept them under lock and key and all was well. My mind started to get used to taking my one dose a day and I was getting to the point where I could go all day without the obsessive thoughts in my head, and then one day turned into two. Until I got the great idea that oh, I am doing so good I can do this on my own again. That was in December and if it were not for my Dr baling me out and having sympathy on me I would have had the worst Christmas ever. I have only once gone through W/D on Christmas and I still feel guilty about it.
Ok so I don’t want this to be ALL about me, old habits die hard. Lol

Do not beat yourself up and even though you have been doing this for 2 yr’s be proud that you are talking about it now. You can take this opportunity to grow in your recovery. If you have someone that can be in control of your sub’s then it may be a good idea to have them help you with your meds. I know for me it took away the obsession, yeah you could say that you would try to find them, as I did and I did find his hiding places. I am an addict after all. Lol but he locks them in a safe now and knowing this puts my mind at eas.

After time the brain gets used to just taking the one dose a day instead of the thought that you need to take one and then another, and another and so on.

I have felt like you many times, like I am such a looser but I can’t beat myself up about this one thing or my recovery will suffer. There are so many things I am good at and have accomplished in my life to go around thinking I am a looser over this thing called addiction, which I don’t have control. So think about all the good things you have done and accomplished even the tiniest things count. Some things we think are small may be something big to another.

Good luck and keep us posted as to how you are doing.

I only say things to try to help others and if I say anything out of line or hurtful to others I am sorry, my intentions are only good.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 25, 2012 5:38 pm 
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Thats a great idea to give them to someone to hand too me, i have done that in the past when i was really short for the month.. i think im going to give them too my wife after my appointment this wed.

Thank god i have the greatest Doctor one could ask for, i made it a point to always be honest with him, even if i had a slip. He seemed to be shocked the time i told him i relapsed about 8 months ago. Im glad i went that route with him from the start, but still feel bad when i have to call him, and explain why im 2-5 days short all the time.

These pages have really been helpful, i have been reading them off and on all week. The post "The Ceiling" was very helpful.
It explained to me that most of this is just in my head, there is no way i am feeling form of w/d after 6 hrs of missing a dose. its just the brain of an addict!

I called my doc and left a message to see if he could get me in 2 days early, i had a half dose today, and all is well.. I just have to keep reminding myself that anything i feel , is most likely just my mind making me think im feeling bad, distraction seems to be a good method so far. worst case, i will only go 2 days without my sub, and can fill my script at 9am on wed. I have gone to the 6-7 days without before, and that is a bad situation to be in!! ill make it, just gotta keep positive.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 25, 2012 11:25 pm 
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Hi ego,
Do you mind if I ask, what is biggest dose of sub you've taken in a day and what effect the dose had?
The ceiling v tollerance makes sub rather unique in the way it behaves as an opiate, like a gambler calling 'tails' on a double headed coin, he can only win if he walks away.
I understand the pill =reward game is so hard to get out of your head,,,,and that is a good idea to put them under lock and key while you put the effort into training yourself to let thoughts to use, go.
Good Luck


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 8:11 am 
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Im prescribed 8mg a day, and usually that seems to keep me motivated, and feeling ok, have never had any urges to seek street drugs while using Sub.

the days that i go over my prescribed dose, it is usually because i am feeling a little anxiety and lack of motivation. the most i have ever done in 1 day is maybe 2 pills (16mg), and honestly i dont really think i ever felt the effects of doing more, sometimes i notice i get more mood swings if i take more than my dose, start feeling kinda irritable. So i really dont think that taking more does me any good, i just have it in my mind that it does. like you said pill=reward..


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 9:14 am 
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My advice (to anyone who's experiencing this), explain to your doctor the situation. Explain that you aren't comfortable with such a low amount and still have some cravings at these levels..and that you would like to have just the "leeway" to give yourself an extra 1/2 to 1 suboxone now and then IF NEEDED. Make sure you stress the "if needed" part..as that's the key..you need to be able to allow yourself an extra, then bring yourself back to normal (the regular dose) on your own...

I did this with my doctor, and explained to him that I had some pain outside of the realm of tylenol/advil/ibuprofen...and told him that I was also enduring the procedure of getting all of my teeth pulled...so I might have the need for a higher dose at times when I visit the dentist, have toothaches, etc...

He agreed, especially when I told him that I had already seen the dentist and turned down the opiate pain meds that the dentist gave me and just took more of my suboxone to help with the tooth extraction pain that I was experiencing.

As a matter of fact, my last appointment with my doctor was around Feb 15/16...and as luck would have it, I had just gone to my dentist two days before that appointment, and was actually still sore as hell from having FIVE extractions at one time...I explained to my dentist how the Suboxone was helping me with the pain in a tremendous way..and he told me that he was glad that I was able to deal with my pain with only Suboxone. He was also very happy that I told him I refused the pain meds from the dentist..and only accepted the antibiotics. That was when I told him that I might have to move my appointment up some if I kept having extractions, because taking more of my meds would cause me to run out sooner, hence having to go to the pharmacy sooner, which will make my refills run out quicker than normal.

But I get my suboxone in 3-month intervals, so when I go see my doctor, he writes me 75/month and 2 refills. My insurance, and the way my policy works, I can go back 5 days before the 30-day mark since my last refill. So if I went and got my Suboxone on the 20th of March, that means that I can go back and have my insurance pay for it on the 15th of April. Then in May, I could go back on the 10th of May....5 days sooner and my insurance will pick up. If I go any sooner than 5 days, my insurance will kick it out...and won't pay. But my doctor also told me that if I needed my appointment earlier because of this to let him know and I could come see him sooner..he knows that I'm dealing with a lot because of the dental issues...

You just need to give your doctor the reason to allow you that leeway with your meds. They are normally understanding with this, and especially if you explain that instead of self-medicating without having the extra meds to do so, if you have a few extras each month that you could allow yourself an extra from time to time without the mental "punishment" of knowing that you did something wrong, or something you shouldn't have done. And it doesnt have to be a large jump, from 60 pills to 90 pills a month or something like that...I asked my doctor to give me just 15 extra per month...I probably could have gotten him to go up to 90 again...but I figured why do I need 3 a day for the entire month..2 a day is plenty with an occasional 3rd one per day if need be..and I do just fine with that.

Just an idea, and you're not doing anything detrimental to your recovery by asking the doctor for more..especially if you explain your comfort zones in having the extra allowance.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 1:26 pm 
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Ego wrote:
the most i have ever done in 1 day is maybe 2 pills (16mg), and honestly i dont really think i ever felt the effects of doing more, sometimes i notice i get more mood swings if i take more than my dose, start feeling kinda irritable. So i really dont think that taking more does me any good, i just have it in my mind that it does. like you said pill=reward..


I found that I was definitely getting moody and irritable at a higher dose too.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 6:46 pm 
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I called the Doctors office this morning at 8am, and he was able to get me in at 8:30 am, 2 days earlier than my regular appointment date. I swear i have one of the best Doctors anyone could ask for, visit went good we talked alot about the issue of me taking alittle more sometimes, he told me that it was very common, that almost ever patient he has, has called him once or twice.

He actually uped my dose a few months ago, for this very reason, but im back down to my 1 (8mg) dose a day. I see him every month, so when he made my next appointment he made it for 27 days, rather then 30 days, just incase i run short again. We talked for along time, and we both think that the 8mg is working, and there is really no use in me needing more. Gonna hand my script to my wife, and let her hand me my dose every morning, cant hurt to try that.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 10:49 pm 
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Good to hear, you don't have to struggle ego.
My partner would tell me where to go if I ever asked to her manage my doses. Making pill reach some sort of a hassle to get to, gives you time to delay and evaluate the act. Like postponing it even for a minute, then realising you can give it a miss for another minute or five. Just one minute of self control is empowering.
I used to leave out a mg or two extra and stash the rest somewhere else. Sometimes I'd take it, sometimes not,,, now I'm turning into a sub miser, getting by with less, but not to the extent of suffering either.
Cheers


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 Post subject: Hello Ego,
PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 10:32 am 
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Hello Ego,

I am new to this Forum and yes I have taken an extra dose every now and then to see if I can get high, lol.
First I was on Buprenex, the injectable. Don't give sryinges to a recovering addict!!!! I was using the drug intravenously
not into the muscle. Then it was Subutex. I was fine on Subutex but my Dr. insisted that I try Suboxone. My Dr. had me on 8mg 3x a day and that was when I was most comfortable. Then out of no where my insurance stopped paying for my Suboxone.
Crash detox. Oh my God what a roller coaster ride and not a nice one. I am down to 2mg and 1/2. They are starting to realize that people like myself, long term users go through the worst withdrawls. P.A.W.S. Being on S.S.I. and that is my sole income, I came across the Suboxone website, if you qualify they will pay for your Suboxone for one year. I pray that I qualify! I am not even off the Suboxone and have crazy withdrawls. Ego, you are very fortunate having a great relationship with your Dr.
Shoot I can't get mine on the phone, only the operaters. My Dr. is more interested in Research. I swear I was used as a guinea pig. When I first when on Buprenex my Dr. told me the withdrawls are much more mild then Heroin. What a big lie that was. Now he has purchased Research Buildings with his name on them! He also has 1000's of patients that Medicaid deciding to stop paying for Suboxone. My heart goes out to them.


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 Post subject: Re: Hello Ego,
PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 10:56 pm 
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MonaLisa913 wrote:
I came across the Suboxone website, if you qualify they will pay for your Suboxone for one year. I pray that I qualify!



When i first got put on Sub my doctor gave me a form to fill out, basically it was a way to get free samples of sub, they paid for my script for the first year. That was so helpful, i was completely broke when i first got clean. I have no insurance, so i pay cash for my scripts, It sucks!!! Hard to believe how much it costs when you have to pay full price!! Im glad that i am only at 8mg a day for a dose, i don't know how i would ever be able to pay for more if i was prescribed them.

Ps. welcome to the forum..


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 11:25 pm 
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i have read and re read these several times it too sounds like what i am doing. i had my first whole month worth to dispense and i am short. my appt is friday morning. i am on last strip and cut a piece off a few hours ago to take that "voice" that says to me use use. i feel like i failed. am glad to see it has happened to others (sorry). i want to be honest to my dr. actually its the therapist i will speak to, but am deathly afraid i will be taken off. i cant. this month has been different then a long time. i am wanting to succeed but dont know anything but using. should i want a few extra in case i am short agian? it feels like i want to use and i did not feel that when i had my medicine. i get the fact that after my perscribed dose any extra isnt going to matter, wish i came here earlier this month. learned soo much from you all the last few days. so much more in my head but rather read others stuff.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 12:21 am 
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It was very hard for me to tell my DR that i ran out early!! I was afraid to ask him about uping my dose, and that i thought io might need more... i had nothing but good intentions, and wanted to be honest, but at the same time a was so afraid he would think i was drug seeking.. it was very uncomfortable. I guess after years of being an addict, sometimes the simple act of being honest can still be a challenge.

If you are still having cravings though, i think you should let your DR know.. there is a chance that you may very well need a higher dose. everyone is different, some people need more than others, some need hardly any. might just be a case of you and your sub DR figuring out what is going to work best for you.

Telling your Dr that you had a craving, and that you took alittle extra of your sub to get you though a hard time, doesn't make you sound bad!! It could be alot worse!! at least you stuck to it and didn't relapse! Give your self some credit for sticking too it! ;) It was very hard to be open with my Dr, but i think it was way worth it for me, it feels really good to tell the truth.

Hope everything goes well for you, best of luck!

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 6:59 pm 
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Ego wrote:
I guess after years of being an addict, sometimes the simple act of being honest can still be a challenge.



You hit the nail on the head with that one Ego. I just started my first week of treatment. My DOC has me taking 4mg 3x a day, that is very inconvenient for me because I keep wanting to lump it in together in the morning (NA considers that a relapse.) But perhaps that is just the first week for the buildup I assume (like creatine loading sort of) and then regular treatment he will have me on once a day. Also, at the intake, my DOC said the only way he will script me is that whenever possible I be subjected to random pill counts! SO the question of taking more than prescribed for me or selling them on the steet is out the window. I'm a POS addict and deserve this distrust and strict oversight so I don't mind it.

On a side note, the first 3 days of treatment have been going well I must say I kind of enjoy this mild euphoria I'm having (or perhaps it's just the feeling of normalcy for the first time in my life.)

Cheers,
Dopeless Hopefiend


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