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PostPosted: Tue Nov 19, 2013 9:10 pm 
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I started on 8mg subutex, not suboxone, on Friday last week for an addiction to over the counter codeine and ibuprofen pills. I have been addicted to codeine for 5 years. I was taking 42 codeines a day, 32 OTC pills, the occasional kick of co codamols and 10 prescribed pills from an attempt to taper me off on pure codeine which failed.

As well as the sub not lasting me all day (15 hours or so) it is having to last me 24 waking hours now as I have been awake since Friday night. Not just awake, but if I do go to sleep, something totally bizarre happens EVERY time.

I wake up, unable to move, there is a flash of light and a sense that someone is doing this to me, then bam, I am 'awake' in a futuristic city in the 28th century AD. The city is bright, it's evening when I arrive, lights stream out of all the buildings, which are so high the tops cannot be seen for cloud, and the city has a huge dome in the middle which reflects a gold/silver tint in the light. Hover vehicles zip above me, and this monorail thing zooms along a florescent blue track at a phenomenal speed. Then this guy with long brown dreadlocks appears and tells me I have an important mission which is why he had nano-tech implanted into my body to allow me to travel through time (I know, please bear with me). He says the mission is of great importance. The city is run by one huge computer, which the guy says I wrote the code for (I can write code and program and have a good working IT knowledge).

The second night, he asked me if I knew I did this and how important I was and my mission was to take this mystery object back to 2013. He says I do eventually do it, which is why the city of Happenstance stands today, in those exact words. I woke up this time with the words 'remember the oracle' being whispered into my ear. I went back to sleep three hours later at 4am, and yeah, it happened again. The guy said I couldn't keep 'losing touch' or something and I was being taken to the oracle. Then we got on the super fast monorail and he took me to the other side of the city, we must have covered well over 100 miles in just 30 seconds or so. The passage of time feels much slower here in 'Happenstance'. On the monorail were humans, holographic humans and grey ETs. I snapped awake, couldn't sleep again all night.

The THIRD session of this I woke up about 5 minutes into being asleep, couldn't move, the dreadlock guy stood over me this time and asked him why this was happening, he said 'we need to fix this' he put his hand on my chest and I found myself in this orb shaped pod thing, sitting in a chair like a dentist chair, as a robot ran tests on my body via a laser scan thing. Then I was back outside in the city, the dreadlock guy said to me 'welcome to Happenstance, you're open now' and handed me a glowing object, which I took from him and ping, back to 2013 in bed.

If you've watched futurama or read brave new world, you will have some idea what this place is like. To think this is a place in my mind, conceived from what I have no idea. Quantum computing also features heavily in these 'sessions' as dreadlock guy says I will be the first person who programs the 'pqc' as he called it, the personal quantum computer. This, if you even understand the basics of quantum computing, won't be possible for many, many years for lots of reasons.

I have an interest in future tech yeah, it's part of being a computer geek, but cities many centuries ahead of the ones we see today? Humans cohabiting with grey ETs? How can subutex do this to someone?.

I am so tired it's unreal. Is this something to do with my dose not being enough? I madly crave codeine from about 3pm onwards, and then have to stay up all night, kept up by these extreme 'visions' if I try to sleep.

I wish they hadn't put me on a three day pick up with supervised doses in between because I would rather risk death from ibuprofen overdose than go insane from lack of sleep. I was skating on thin ice, I was ruining my marriage, ruining my health and could have dropped like a fly at any minute.

However I fear one thing above all and it is not death, death does not scare me, it's a natural biological process and a process of our soul moving on to the next plane of existence, and that is insanity. To become mentally ill. That is my fear, to be unable to control who I am anymore.

People who go for long periods of time with no sleep begin to shut down and lose their basic functions, and that terrifies me as I am already getting symptoms of sleep deprivation such as mood swings and seeing shadows in the corners of my eyes.

My support worker is part time, and nobody at the clinic will act on this until she is there, then the doctor who prescribes the stuff is 'fully booked' until my next appointment, so it looks as if I am destined to go insane, or collapse and land up in hospital or relapse onto codeine.

My husband works shifts and is a very light sleeper, meaning me being awake all night is driving him mad too, so there will be two mentally ill people at the end of this.

Also if I tell anyone there about this, I will probably land up being sent for a psychiatric evaluation before anything else, but I am not mad, not yet, you wait another week because last time I did a fortnight on 4 hours sleep I went pretty mad I assure you. It landed up in a massive panic attack which triggered my asthma at the same time as a cold virus was resident in my nose and chest, creating a perfect storm which landed me in hospital where all they did was give me a nebulizer and sent me packing after 10 hours.

When I first take my sub in the mornings I feel 'just right' not too high or buzzed, but normal, but as the day and night progress, I begin craving the codeine madly.

I am feeling these symptoms:

Extreme tiredness but unable to sleep no matter what without landing up in the 28th century, waking up pouring with cold sweat and unable to sleep again.

Aches in my legs and jaw

Unable to regulate my body temperature, one minute I am freezing the next I'm boiling

Cold sweats

Dizzy spells (since I stopped sleeping)

Ringing in my ears with the dizzy spells (since I stopped sleeping)

Feeling faint (since I stopped sleeping)

Double vision (since I stopped sleeping)

Headaches (since I stopped sleeping)

Stomach cramps (however this was BAD on the OTC crap, so my guess is my stomach is just trying to detox the rubbish out of it and repair the acid damage). Reducing slowly thankfully.

It seems I have traded one life spoiling thing, the pills, for another life spoiling thing, disturbed nights, and eventually a massive 'crash' which is worse than the comedown from any drug I assure you.

I must not relapse on pills, but I am about to welcome insanity, my worst fear, into my life :roll:


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 19, 2013 10:38 pm 
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To be honest, happenstance, I have absolutely no idea what to do or even think about your nighttime activities. The symptoms you describe sound like withdrawal, but it seems odd that 8mg doesn't hold you for 24 hours, especially since your addiction is to an albeit high amount of codeine as opposed to, say, 15 bags of heroin daily.

It sounds like you are in the UK. Unfortunately my knowledge of the NHS is very limited as is my knowledge of what over the counter sleep medications may be available to you. I would like to believe that your NHS worker would see to it that you got a sleep medication before you, in fact, were to go insane.

It may very we'll be that your addiction is trying to convince you that you need to relapse on codeine. It sounds like your addiction has struck down any reasonable alternatives to going back to using. I'm not going to tell you that's OK however! When you're fighting against addiction you have to be willing to fight hard for your sobriety!

So you need to try everything to stay away from using until you can get back in to see the doctor. Try herbal remedies like melatonin. Take a very hot bath before bedtime. Scent your room with lavender. Get a massage. There are lots of things to try before you throw in the towel. And let your care worker know that you are desperate for help. Your dose of sub may need to be a little higher.

Keep us informed and good luck!!

Amy

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 20, 2013 12:08 am 
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Yes I am in the UK, thanks for your reply, it is currently 4am here now GMT lol.

It's totally bizarre, my husband has lost his temper tonight and says I can choose to lose him to pills or lose him to disturbing his sleep. He's genuinely had enough.

I'm certainly not stupid but to just pull something as extreme as this out of a hat is far out even for me. It's not even based on anyone I know, all the people and other 'beings' are totally new. Even the grey ETs don't look like the ones in sci fi movies, or anything I have seen before, everything in the strange futuristic city is like nothing you'd ever be able to just imagine.

I won't be able to see the prescribing doctor or any doctor with the treatment place until halfway through next month, when I'll probably be in the mental health services anyway. They claim to be 'overbooked' and 'short staffed' so seeing the doctor is next to impossible and my support worker can't do anything if nobody medical is around.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 20, 2013 6:40 am 
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Well I spoke to them this morning and they're not going to do anything. I can't let the addiction win, so I'm going to try changing the time I take the subutex to later in the day. Problem is I have to take it supervised three times a week and the chemists will report back to the treatment place if I don't show in the morning.

I managed one hour's sleep last night, which didn't differ from the new 'norm' of weird sensations and waking up in the future :roll:

My support worker says I am not having cold turkey symptoms, and for most of it I believe her. I have had them once and believe me it is NOTHING compared. I may be having a psychological cold turkey, which is my mind detoxing the codeine out of it, but not a physical one. This doesn't explain the weird problems at night, I never had this when I had cold turkey symptoms from trying to stop before.

Codeine is sold over the counter here with almost NO controls, apart from a warning on the box and a warning from the pharmacy if it flags up on the computer that it contains codeine. There is a medication formulated with ibuprofen and codeine that is so far not setting off this warning, pharmacists just think it is a stronger ibuprofen, and is being exploited by addicts!. It's called Solphadine Migraine.

I have a future now (apart from the one I land up in each night), and I have £80 in my purse that would have been spent on codeine just last week!.

Going back to codeine at the moment is really not a good option, neither is giving up on the sub right now.

I often wonder if I should bring an abrupt end to it all and just go into a medical detox for 7 days, do a medically controlled cold turkey and come out pill free. My mum has offered to pay if needs ever be, as the NHS facilities are rubbish and far & few between, and mainly cater for illegal drug and alcohol users.

Is it better to do a quick taper off sub when I feel ready than to stay on it for long periods? Does quick taper work better than a long drawn out taper? :?:


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Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

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