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PostPosted: Wed Jun 25, 2014 1:14 am 
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Hey everyone! As part of my recover I decided to get involved in some online forums.....desperately trying to do everything I can to get on the right track for sobriety. A little background info.....

I've struggled with my addiction for the past 10 years. For the first couple of years I took any opiate I could fine (mostly Percocet and OxyContin). I could easily take 3 80mg of oxy a day at one point. In 2005 I was forced into a methadone program...my husband threatened to leave me if I didn't....unfortunately he ended up leaving me anyways. I was on methadone for three years and I definitely didn't work any kind of recovery program and in fact I abused the methadone regularly. After three years and several failed attempts to quit ( for me personally, methadone was not a healthy option of sobriety. Not only did I get extremely high when I took methadone, but it ruined my health....I gained about 30 pounds, fell asleep driving and got in a horrible car accident, rotted my teeth out, and so much more. ) Finally I attempted to get checked into rehab but the doctor said I wasn't "that bad off" and he prescribed me suboxone instead - 3 8mg strips a day....I'm learning now thats such a high dose which is useless and causes more problems down the road. Anyways I digress....so for the last 5 years I've been on suboxone....and for a while I abused it as well. It wasn't until January of 2014 that I finally decided I had had enough and I began to taper. Over the last 6 months I tapered from 16-24mgs to .25-.5mg. It had its difficult moments, but the taper on average was pretty easy.

NOW, I finally jumped off subs...my last dose was on my 30th bday- Wednesday June 18th. For five days I felt almost 0 physical withdrawals. My only issues were low energy/fatigue, sleep disturbances, and extreme mental games. After the first two days I anxiously waited for the withdrawals to kick in, but they never truly arrived. By day 5 I woke up feeling "normal." BUT I was so overcome with anxiety about whether or not I had even started withdrawing, AND I couldn't get out of my head long enough to stop worrying about if the withdrawals were done or if they hadn't even started yet. Needless to say I gave in and took 1.5mgs.

I know deep down that I want/need to get off subs but my recent relapse has my shaken up. I have a few questions and would appreciate any advice you may be able to give:


1.). By day five I should've been in full blown withdrawals right? Especially since I tapered slowly and jumped from .25-.5mg?

2.). Did my relapse yesterday cause me to start all the way over again or will I continue on the original path?

3.). Should I taper again or not? A part of me thinks one dose shouldn't undo everything since by day 5 my system should be clear of suboxone....but then another part wonders if I should do a fast taper over the next few days?

Thanks for any help you may provide!


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 25, 2014 3:31 am 
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HappyIsAYuppieWord wrote:
Hey everyone! As part of my recover I decided to get involved in some online forums.....desperately trying to do everything I can to get on the right track for sobriety. A little background info.....

I've struggled with my addiction for the past 10 years. For the first couple of years I took any opiate I could fine (mostly Percocet and OxyContin). I could easily take 3 80mg of oxy a day at one point. In 2005 I was forced into a methadone program...my husband threatened to leave me if I didn't....unfortunately he ended up leaving me anyways. I was on methadone for three years and I definitely didn't work any kind of recovery program and in fact I abused the methadone regularly. After three years and several failed attempts to quit ( for me personally, methadone was not a healthy option of sobriety. Not only did I get extremely high when I took methadone, but it ruined my health....I gained about 30 pounds, fell asleep driving and got in a horrible car accident, rotted my teeth out, and so much more. ) Finally I attempted to get checked into rehab but the doctor said I wasn't "that bad off" and he prescribed me suboxone instead - 3 8mg strips a day....I'm learning now thats such a high dose which is useless and causes more problems down the road. Anyways I digress....so for the last 5 years I've been on suboxone....and for a while I abused it as well. It wasn't until January of 2014 that I finally decided I had had enough and I began to taper. Over the last 6 months I tapered from 16-24mgs to .25-.5mg. It had its difficult moments, but the taper on average was pretty easy.

NOW, I finally jumped off subs...my last dose was on my 30th bday- Wednesday June 18th. For five days I felt almost 0 physical withdrawals. My only issues were low energy/fatigue, sleep disturbances, and extreme mental games. After the first two days I anxiously waited for the withdrawals to kick in, but they never truly arrived. By day 5 I woke up feeling "normal." BUT I was so overcome with anxiety about whether or not I had even started withdrawing, AND I couldn't get out of my head long enough to stop worrying about if the withdrawals were done or if they hadn't even started yet. Needless to say I gave in and took 1.5mgs.

I know deep down that I want/need to get off subs but my recent relapse has my shaken up. I have a few questions and would appreciate any advice you may be able to give:


1.). By day five I should've been in full blown withdrawals right? Especially since I tapered slowly and jumped from .25-.5mg?

2.). Did my relapse yesterday cause me to start all the way over again or will I continue on the original path?

3.). Should I taper again or not? A part of me thinks one dose shouldn't undo everything since by day 5 my system should be clear of suboxone....but then another part wonders if I should do a fast taper over the next few days?

Thanks for any help you may provide!


1) Everybody is different. Things like body mass, fat index (or whatever the call it when they take a pair of calipers to one's love handles to help make an approximate determination), metabolism, individual brain chemistry, all make a difference. It's possible you might have never experienced withdrawal. I recall a stat suggesting about 1 in a hundred never experience WDs, even when stopping cold turkey suddenly, at a much higher dose than you did. Or maybe withdrawals for you might not have hit until somewhere between 7-10 day mark.

2) See "3" reply below.

3) You certainly didn't undo everything after a very successful 6 month taper from 16-24 mg daily, down to 0.50-0.25 mg daily. Congrats on that! Whether to do a several day taper seems like a personal judgement call. Some might say, after getting knocked off the horse, one should get right back on (the "horse" heroin slang term pun, definitely not intended), some might say taper. Some might say, "take wait and see approach to see how it goes before deciding to taper again", and so on.

It's a somewhat of a strange tale you tell, about the anxiety over lack of withdrawals causing you to take a significantly higher dose (although not astronomical) relative to how low you successfully tapered. Although its certainly far from unheard of, the wondering about if/when the WD hammer would eventually drop. Yet, on the other hand, the lack of symptoms (for the most part) described by you, will often be a source of relief for many (or at least a source of hope that it would continue). I don't mean any of that to come off as judgmentally negative toward you at all, btw. I just am intimately familiar with how an addict mind can play strange tricks on us, even turning our higher reasoning faculties into a weapon against the part of us dedicated to recovery, if caught off guard. I wonder if subconsciously, the addict mind part of you, tricked you into going for one final, "maybe this dose will get me high as kite, and then I'll have to taper for a bit again", for last hurrah's, almost as if it panicked (hence rationalized anxiety surfacing, leading to using, if it wasn't a normal WD symptom form of anxiety) while operating at a deeper level (than your forefront of consciousness), as in: "this is truly the end of sub use!? Oh shit! This can't be!". Anyway, I could be wrong about any or all of that, but some additional food for thought to consider while trying to understand what just happened.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 25, 2014 7:24 am 
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Hi there and welcome.

Since you weren't 100% off the suboxone, I don't see that you "lost" anything, it's not as if we are counting days while we are tapering, so just carry on and see how you feel, when you might be ready to lower the dose some more. Some people can jump off the medication at .25 mgs and others can't. Its definitely a personal decision, depending on what kind of withdrawal symptoms you have. You said you were having anxiety over no withdrawals, but the withdrawal from suboxone is marked by anxiety as one of the major symptoms, so perhaps that was your withdrawal. I don't know, there ar people who know more than I do about this. Maybe you;re that lucky 1 in 100 who has no withdrawal, wow what a lottery winning that is!!

I am glad you're here, you are not alone, there are a lot of people (including me) who are tapering off of Suboxone, and looking to each other for support during the process.

Congratulations on getting to where you are now on your own. It's a lonely road to travel, and you don't have to do this alone. You'll find people to be very thoughtful and helpful to each other, this is a good safe place to work on your recovery.

Take care and be well.

Gingerpop


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 25, 2014 7:32 am 
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Quote:
It's a somewhat of a strange tale you tell, about the anxiety over lack of withdrawals causing you to take a significantly higher dose (although not astronomical) relative to how low you successfully tapered. Although its certainly far from unheard of, the wondering about if/when the WD hammer would eventually drop. Yet, on the other hand, the lack of symptoms (for the most part) described by you, will often be a source of relief for many (or at least a source of hope that it would continue). I don't mean any of that to come off as judgmentally negative toward you at all, btw. I just am intimately familiar with how an addict mind can play strange tricks on us, even turning our higher reasoning faculties into a weapon against the part of us dedicated to recovery, if caught off guard. I wonder if subconsciously, the addict mind part of you, tricked you into going for one final, "maybe this dose will get me high as kite, and then I'll have to taper for a bit again", for last hurrah's, almost as if it panicked (hence rationalized anxiety surfacing, leading to using, if it wasn't a normal WD symptom form of anxiety) while operating at a deeper level (than your forefront of consciousness), as in: "this is truly the end of sub use!? Oh shit! This can't be!". Anyway, I could be wrong about any or all of that, but some additional food for thought to consider while trying to understand what just happened.



Everything you said is true!!! I'm very good at rationalizing and when I relapsed I made the excuse that the anxiety of possible withdrawals to come we're just too much for me.....what I should've been doing was thanking God every day for what minimal withdrawals I was having and kept trucking on. I told my husband that I almost felt guilty for not being in horrible withdrawal....like I didn't deserve to get off this easy after the things I did 8 years ago and being on subs for so long. It's very frustrating. I worked so hard to taper and to stop looking at suboxone as the glue that holds me together. I never in a million years thought I would be down to.25-.5mg and still be able to function at work (I'm a special needs teacher)....my plan to jump over the summer was a huge success for five days and then my brain turned against me. It was almost like I self-destructed. I was completely prepared for gut wrenching physical withdrawals....but I guess I didn't really prepare for the head games my subconscious would play against me....thanks so much for your input, it was VERY helpful and reassuring!


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 25, 2014 8:20 am 
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Joined: Fri Jun 13, 2014 4:35 pm
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U doing great!!!
I just did cold Turkey from 16mg and today is Day#13!! It is no fun but form Day 11 I feel better and better.
I know u can do it .Go from 24mg to .50mg it is big !!! U did already Great. I was on Sub for over 2 years and I never could taper down. On June 13th I told my self no more ,no more and here I am Day13!! And u r doing great!!!It is important to get support from anyone .U did great to come here at this forum I think for me it was the biggest help!!!
Remember YOU WILL NEVER WALK ALONE!!!!!!!!
Peace !!!!!


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 25, 2014 8:38 am 
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HappyIsAYuppieWord wrote:
Hey everyone! As part of my recover I decided to get involved in some online forums.....desperately trying to do everything I can to get on the right track for sobriety. A little background info.....

I've struggled with my addiction for the past 10 years. For the first couple of years I took any opiate I could fine (mostly Percocet and OxyContin). I could easily take 3 80mg of oxy a day at one point. In 2005 I was forced into a methadone program...my husband threatened to leave me if I didn't....unfortunately he ended up leaving me anyways. I was on methadone for three years and I definitely didn't work any kind of recovery program and in fact I abused the methadone regularly. After three years and several failed attempts to quit ( for me personally, methadone was not a healthy option of sobriety. Not only did I get extremely high when I took methadone, but it ruined my health....I gained about 30 pounds, fell asleep driving and got in a horrible car accident, rotted my teeth out, and so much more. ) Finally I attempted to get checked into rehab but the doctor said I wasn't "that bad off" and he prescribed me suboxone instead - 3 8mg strips a day....I'm learning now thats such a high dose which is useless and causes more problems down the road. Anyways I digress....so for the last 5 years I've been on suboxone....and for a while I abused it as well. It wasn't until January of 2014 that I finally decided I had had enough and I began to taper. Over the last 6 months I tapered from 16-24mgs to .25-.5mg. It had its difficult moments, but the taper on average was pretty easy.

NOW, I finally jumped off subs...my last dose was on my 30th bday- Wednesday June 18th. For five days I felt almost 0 physical withdrawals. My only issues were low energy/fatigue, sleep disturbances, and extreme mental games. After the first two days I anxiously waited for the withdrawals to kick in, but they never truly arrived. By day 5 I woke up feeling "normal." BUT I was so overcome with anxiety about whether or not I had even started withdrawing, AND I couldn't get out of my head long enough to stop worrying about if the withdrawals were done or if they hadn't even started yet. Needless to say I gave in and took 1.5mgs.

I know deep down that I want/need to get off subs but my recent relapse has my shaken up. I have a few questions and would appreciate any advice you may be able to give:


1.). By day five I should've been in full blown withdrawals right? Especially since I tapered slowly and jumped from .25-.5mg?

2.). Did my relapse yesterday cause me to start all the way over again or will I continue on the original path?

3.). Should I taper again or not? A part of me thinks one dose shouldn't undo everything since by day 5 my system should be clear of suboxone....but then another part wonders if I should do a fast taper over the next few days?

Thanks for any help you may provide!


Hello and Welcome!! Parts of your history are very similar to mine. I tapered myself over about a 6 month period down from 12mgs to my current .375mgs. I am preparing to either drop lower or just 'jump' off pretty soon. I also had a long (8 year) habit. I would try to get yourself back to that .25-.5mg asap before the subs build up in your system again, then jump off when you are ready, and you will find lots of support and wisdom here both during your taper and when you jump. I joined this forum about a month ago the day I went from 2mgs to 1mgs and I was VERY scared, but now I feel like it is going to be "ok". If you want to know a little more of my "journey", my thread is called "need support". Keep reading the "success stories' you will find all over this forum, and stay away from the "horror stories".
Great job on your taper- I know it is not easy!
Keep posting!
rca


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