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PostPosted: Tue May 12, 2015 12:16 am 
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I'm not using illict substances, not breaking the law, or getting intro trouble, yet I still am dealing with the same issues as someone addicted to heroin.

I am still abusing the suboxone. Administering it in ways you arent supposed to. I am taking much higher doses than i'm supposed to. Because of that, it still has a serious financial strain. And I think the worse part is it's making me complacent. I'm lazy, unmotivated. My girlfriend left me because the sub killed my libido, and stunted my emotion, so there's no sex and no romance.

When I was using illicit substances, there is an urgency to the predicament of my situation that really facilitates change. You're getting busted by the cops. You're getting sick when you cant score. You know that there's a good chance that you can overdose and die.

But with suboxone, i'm on something that's safer, more subtle and stable, legal, and not taboo.

I need medical detox and impatient treatment (no chance I can taper off successfully, i've tried many times over the past 8 years). I also feel like i'm not going to fit in if I go through treatment with serious heroin addicts, even though I have the same exact problem. It just doesn't seem nearly as severe.

I almost feel like I need to hit rock bottom first. Get busted, and go to jail, so I have that drive. Ironically, the impatient treatment program I plan on going to provides their services to both court ordered addicts, and privately paying individuals. The addict who got busted and is coming out of jail is getting the same exact treatment as the person who's never been arrested and is paying close to 10 grand for, and the person coming out of jail has more incentive and drive to complete the program because quitting means going back to prison.

Sorry for the rant. None of my friends/family are addicts, or have any experience with drug addiction, and I don't have access to therapy, nor can I afford it. I need help from my family, and on the surface, I seem nomal and healthy, that I feel like i'm not going to have enough sympathy, as i'd have if they saw me completely sick, desperate, and on the verge of dying. The suboxone is so discreet and well blended into my life that I feel like it's a problem.


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PostPosted: Tue May 12, 2015 7:07 am 
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Kevin

Have you been going to any addiction counseling? AA or NA? Any other outside support while on suboxone?

I ask because you are exhibiting Addict behavior. Sub is just one tool in a recovery plan...IMO no plan = no recovery.

So if you go inpatient and get off sub what are you going to do to stay clean? It's really not easy when the cravings hit. Again, no recovery plan = potential relapse.

I disagree with your statement "The addict who got busted and is coming out of jail is getting the same exact treatment as the person who's never been arrested and is paying close to 10 grand for, and the person coming out of jail has more incentive and drive to complete the program because quitting means going back to prison." My son got arrested, went to jail and was only bailed out when there was a bed available in an inpatient detox/rehab. He did great while inpatient (9 month program) and 2 weeks after discharge I got a call from his PO that he tested dirty. He knew he would go to jail for a couple of years but even that wasn't enough to keep him clean.

He is clean enough now, I believe, because something clicked in his head 3.5 years ago and he started taking his sub the right way, going to an addiction counselor and staying away from his "old friends". He has kept the same job for 3 years & is a Dad. When his son was born it rocked his world and that has made a BIG difference in his attitude.

I hope you understand i am pointing this out in concern for you.


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PostPosted: Tue May 12, 2015 9:17 am 
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Hey Keith227,
Welcome to the forum!
Stick around awhile. I think you might need it at this point in your life. Don't worry, this forum will grow on you. lol
First thing off, you need to quit jabbing yourself with a needle dumbass! All you are doing is wasting Suboxone and feeding that addictive mind that you definitely have!!!

Listen, we've all been there or almost all of us in this forum have been there at the trouble you're in.
So don't worry about anyone judging you, but we do expect the truth to be said here or we really can't help you.
I do understand what you are going through. It's almost a mirror image of me about 10 years ago.
I got addicted to the needle too. That's what needle addicts do. I would shoot up "cat piss" if I thought I could get that opiate high or just high!
Didn't matter what it was. It just mattered that it was!

Can I ask you just a few questions? How many have you done in a day? And what is your average per day right now? How old are you? We need to know more about you to help you.

You can turn this around, but it's just gonna take a little time and patience with everyone.
I'm sure there will be some more people posting, just give them time to figure out the best way to help without hurting and sometimes you have to be a little "thick skinned on here or you will get you feelings hurt. lol
But it's all good!
Welcome to the forum!
Happy


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PostPosted: Tue May 12, 2015 9:27 am 
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Hey Keith :) Welcome!

About 5 yrs ago, 2 yrs before I started my suboxone program, I willingly and whole heartedly went to rehab on my own. I checked myself in and stayed the whole time my counselor recommended for me to be there. There were court ordered ppl, there were heroin addicts, there were alcoholics with no pill problems, meth addicts, and even ppl coming off suboxone. I thought....this person was made to come by the court and I'm here of my own free will. Well honestly, I relapsed after about 5-6 months, and one of the ppl who were court ordered that I kept in touch with, is clean this very day. That's taught me that it doesn't matter what gets u to treatment, if u want it u will achieve it if u put in the work.

I completely see ur point, but you'll have a whole lot more in common with others than u think. If rehab is something u really want to try, don't over think it. That could be ur addiction thinking of all kinds of reasons for u not to go. Just wanted to tell you that. I've been on suboxone for a few yrs now and feel better than I have felt since my addiction started. But if I ever decide to stop and have trouble with it, I would absolutely think about rehab or detox to help me achieve that.

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PostPosted: Tue May 12, 2015 4:11 pm 
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Dude wtf? To quote "it's like you need to go to jail to get the sense of urgency? Dude that is the last place you want to end up. You want a ankle bracelet? Court fees and detoxing in jail? You could be tied to the courts for up two years. You have got to flip the script because you got the whole model backwards.

You lost your girl? I lost my mine doing everything right. I had no issues with libido, I was faithful yada yada...it doesn't matter is the point. You can do everything right in a relationship and still crash and burn. It takes two. I have been flying solo for a while not looking back. What comes around goes around. Trust me it did. Pick yourself up, quit trying to escape with your fultile worthless attempts trying to abuse Suboxone. Pick an issue, set some goals. Break problems down. If you look at everything and it is overwhelming break them down Into smaller manageable pieces if at all possible.

You're not alone trust me.

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Opportunity may only knock once but temptation leans on the doorbell...


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PostPosted: Thu May 14, 2015 2:29 am 
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Tiki wrote:
Kevin

Have you been going to any addiction counseling? AA or NA? Any other outside support while on suboxone?

I ask because you are exhibiting Addict behavior. Sub is just one tool in a recovery plan...IMO no plan = no recovery.

So if you go inpatient and get off sub what are you going to do to stay clean? It's really not easy when the cravings hit. Again, no recovery plan = potential relapse.

I disagree with your statement "The addict who got busted and is coming out of jail is getting the same exact treatment as the person who's never been arrested and is paying close to 10 grand for, and the person coming out of jail has more incentive and drive to complete the program because quitting means going back to prison." My son got arrested, went to jail and was only bailed out when there was a bed available in an inpatient detox/rehab. He did great while inpatient (9 month program) and 2 weeks after discharge I got a call from his PO that he tested dirty. He knew he would go to jail for a couple of years but even that wasn't enough to keep him clean.

He is clean enough now, I believe, because something clicked in his head 3.5 years ago and he started taking his sub the right way, going to an addiction counselor and staying away from his "old friends". He has kept the same job for 3 years & is a Dad. When his son was born it rocked his world and that has made a BIG difference in his attitude.

I hope you understand i am pointing this out in concern for you.


Yes, i'm definitely an addict. And for me, Suboxone is just another drug that I abuse, and i'm not using it properly.

I have not been to meetings yet. But I will.

After treatment, my plan is to stick with a sponsor (i'll be required to get a sponser as part of the program). And i'd like to try and find a sober living place. Most importantly, keep busy, and get back to work.

You may be right that addicts who will go to jail if they drop out of the program still might not be deterred enough from that to avoid relapsing, but it's still a financial thing, that I have to burden my family and ask them to pay a lot of money they worked very hard for, for something that someone out of jail is getting for free.


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PostPosted: Thu May 14, 2015 2:33 am 
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god_from_the_snake wrote:
Dude wtf? To quote "it's like you need to go to jail to get the sense of urgency? Dude that is the last place you want to end up. You want a ankle bracelet? Court fees and detoxing in jail? You could be tied to the courts for up two years. You have got to flip the script because you got the whole model backwards.

You lost your girl? I lost my mine doing everything right. I had no issues with libido, I was faithful yada yada...it doesn't matter is the point. You can do everything right in a relationship and still crash and burn. It takes two. I have been flying solo for a while not looking back. What comes around goes around. Trust me it did. Pick yourself up, quit trying to escape with your fultile worthless attempts trying to abuse Suboxone. Pick an issue, set some goals. Break problems down. If you look at everything and it is overwhelming break them down Into smaller manageable pieces if at all possible.

You're not alone trust me.


I definitely don't want to go to jail. But people say that you have to hit rock bottom, in order to conquer this. And I don't know if i've hit rock bottom, what rock bottom is for me, and if I have to hit it, to really overcome my addiction.

Suboxone is just so discreet in how it's integrated into my life. I slip a strip under my tongue, and I go about like a normal human being. That doesn't sound bad at all. Yet I know I have to get off of it, and it's going to be the struggle of my life.


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PostPosted: Thu May 14, 2015 2:37 am 
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jennjenn wrote:
Hey Keith :) Welcome!

About 5 yrs ago, 2 yrs before I started my suboxone program, I willingly and whole heartedly went to rehab on my own. I checked myself in and stayed the whole time my counselor recommended for me to be there. There were court ordered ppl, there were heroin addicts, there were alcoholics with no pill problems, meth addicts, and even ppl coming off suboxone. I thought....this person was made to come by the court and I'm here of my own free will. Well honestly, I relapsed after about 5-6 months, and one of the ppl who were court ordered that I kept in touch with, is clean this very day. That's taught me that it doesn't matter what gets u to treatment, if u want it u will achieve it if u put in the work.

I completely see ur point, but you'll have a whole lot more in common with others than u think. If rehab is something u really want to try, don't over think it. That could be ur addiction thinking of all kinds of reasons for u not to go. Just wanted to tell you that. I've been on suboxone for a few yrs now and feel better than I have felt since my addiction started. But if I ever decide to stop and have trouble with it, I would absolutely think about rehab or detox to help me achieve that.


Thank you for sharing. May I ask what caused a relapse? Did you do 12 step, or sober living?

For me, it's always been depression, and boredom that caused me to relapse. I just didn't have a proper system setup to go to after getting clean.


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