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PostPosted: Sat Jan 16, 2010 12:47 pm 
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I have been sober for more than 2 years now. I didnt go thru the normal chain of events that most due when they are forced to quit, I just diit because I knew it was inevitable that I would lose everything.
Now I just saw my DR and he cut me down from 12mg a day to 8mg a day because of the success and my desire to quit the suboxone. I have health care thru the VA and before I was paying cash for DR visit and my Mom was helping me pay for my script. Well My Ex wife took my daughter to Texas( im in Buffalo) and we had joint custody. I took her to court and she told my family I was using again and selling my suboxone to pay a laywer ...Bla Blah Hes using heroin and so on. Basically my Mom and sister wont even talk to me anymore because of what my ex said to them.
I guess I will have to live with the fact that I cant be trusted with money but I havent relapsed since the first couple months I started taking Suboxone. I have a decent job and I can barely afford to live let alone pay for my scrpt. I heard the generic was coming out this year and that I wont have to pay $400.00 any more but everywhere I went they are saying they dont have it.
After paying for laywers and daycare and school for my daughter I have nothing left. My Doc is even holding my payment till my next paycheck. I am going to cut my last 2 pills into quarters and try n strtch them over a few days but what do I do after that. I know that I need to stay clean for my Child, but Family Court is saying that if I dont move to Texas they are going to let my ex take her. If I dont have a reason to be clean I know its just a matter of time before I pick up.
I thought about switching to Methadone but I cant even get anyone at a clinic to talk to me because I have been on Suboxone for too long. I have exhausted everything. even the pharmacy wont split my scrpt because you cant trust a "junkie".
Oh and 1 more great thing, I am eligable for VA benifits, Right ... so I brought my script in there and they told me "sorry it has to be written by a VA Doc to be filled by us!!!!! and you wont be able to see a VA Doc for a month!!!
Yeah bureaucracy!!!


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 Post subject: Worried about you
PostPosted: Sat Jan 16, 2010 2:25 pm 
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You have every reason in the world to stay clean! Don't you dare give up. No matter where your daughter is she needs and deserves a sober father. Most importantly YOU STAY CLEAN FOR YOURSELF, you deserve it! You do what you have to do right now to get your suboxone. If that means pawning whatever you have left, begging and borrowing. Walgreens has split my script when I was having a hard time, so see if you can find another pharmacy. You can stay clean without suboxone, many people have, but I understand the pressures you are under and worry the withdrawal and temptation would be difficult for you right now. It will get better, I promise you that. Let us know how it is going and keep us updated.

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 12:32 am 
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Hi CMAC,

I just wanted to mention that the generic I think you're referring to is generic Subutex, not Suboxone. It's bupe without the naloxone. I hope that helps you.

As for trust, I know how you feel. It takes a long time to rebuild it. I'm sorry your family isn't there yet. Does your doc drug test you? If so, what about proving to them you're not using? I'm not sure if that's a great idea, but it was a thought I wanted to throw out there.

Take care and let us know how you're doing.

Melissa

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 1:10 am 
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I agree with what has been said... and will add a couple things. I have worked in psych depts at the VA-- that scripts have to be written by VA docs is how it is everywhere I have been, and so people get a VA doc to write those scripts. Are you sure nobody at the VA can prescribe buprenorphine?

Methadone, at least in my area, is much more expensive than buprenorphine. The methadone clinic near my practice charges $12-$15 per day, not counting charges for drug testing and occasional appointments with counselors.

i agree in principle with the comment 'you can stay clean without Suboxone', but to be absolutely honest, the odds for a person with short-term sobriety, loads of resentments, and withdrawal symptoms staying clean are very low. I think that out of hope, counselors and judges and even addictionologists think that a person should be able to stay clean, and Suboxone is just 'icing on the cake'... But if we look at the actual numbers on people in your situation, they almost never stay clean. That is simply the fact of the matter. I resent how people are made to feel like failures when they relapse; when I tell them the actual numbers of success cases of step-based treatment for opiate dependence, they are always surprised. They thought they screwed up, and should have done better, and in reality they had very little chance from the start. This is in my opinion part of the subtle stigma that affects opiate addicts. If a person with colon cancer is taken off chemo and the tumor returns, there is nobody suggesting that the person could have prevented it somehow, had he only worked harder.

In general, having reasons to stay clean do not do much good. The addict inside who eventually relapses doesn't think with that kind of logic-- that 'if I use I lose my kids'. The addict simply thinks 'I need to use' and stops there. I like powerlessness, as that is something that even the addict inside us can understand: 'if I use, I am dead'. Nice and simple... and true in many cases.

Keep focused on doing 'the next right thing' every day. Don't get too lost in the big picture; just stay on bupe, and off other opiates; and if you want to prepare for a life off buprenorphine, start getting to at least a meeting every day. I like AA myself, but to each his own... and I recommend you keep your medical history-- i.e. your use of buprenorphine-- to yourself. That is nobody else's business but your own.

Good luck-- keep writing. Don't go into hiding.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 2:55 am 
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Wow,Wow, and double wow!!! What a situation you have found yourself in, Im not sure what I can add you HAVE exhausted most of your options.Like the doctor said check into finding a doctor who can prescribe through the VA, and going to each and every pharmacy you can until someone lets you pay for a few pills at a time, I know a great many people who have to do this each month and you will be surprised at how low of a dose you can get down too if you have to.
Wow the pressure you must be under right now. I know that trying to convince your mom and family sound out f the question but she was the person paying for your script. I personally would do all that I could to prove to her that I wasn't using (now if these accusations are true then there is no convincing) I'd reassure and take a drug test if I had to.
Your sobriety is EVERYTHING here, without it you loose your daughter and the job that you have...you must to everything humanly possible to stay clean!! Maybe you could drop your dose down to 2or 4 mg a day and stretch it and that would make your script much cheaper each month. Like someone suggest, there is a generic for subutex (not suboxone) maybe your doctor will change you to that. In my opinion you know if you can afford subs, and if its just not possible think about what kind of money you will be spending on your drug of choice if you relapse, in the long run I bet subs is much more cheaper. I know that sounds easy and in reality its not. Back to the mother (who pays) is there any reasoning with her? Can you plead your case? Do what you have to, (you will if you go back out there and use,we will spend our last dollar on a high) what is scary is you have not had anytime to get off subs and the withdrawal and stress is a cocktail for disaster. I wish you the best and hope you will continue to post.


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 Post subject: maybe the mother"..
PostPosted: Thu May 13, 2010 5:03 am 
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don't have much advise about the money... however, there might be a chance to patch things up with your mother. Once again, I don't know where you reside and whether it will be convenient for you, but if your situation lets you move closer to your mom's place or just drive by it once a day - how about asking HER to fill your script and then give you a couple of pills at a time? That way she will be sure the money isnt spent on drugs, and the pills are taken by you as prescribed. you can also show her a drug test result if you have an option of taking one, i think in situation like that your family is the only real anchor. They won't trust you, they'll say hurtful things, but they won't be indifferent to your attempts to get your life together, Whatever she thinks of you now, having you alive and well is much more important to her, Make sure to make that point when you talk to her, let her understand you're only asking for help, be willling to accept her conditions - but do not go off suboxone because of money, You'll relapse for sure.
Good luck.


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PostPosted: Thu May 13, 2010 7:46 am 
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People have already given some great ideas. I just wanted you to know you have my support. Hang in there. Do everything you can to stay on the suboxone.

Cherie


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PostPosted: Tue May 25, 2010 6:39 am 
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I don't really have any advice to give :( it's just that I wanted to say I fully understand the pressure about stopping suboXone. It's a fairly conservative country/place where I come from. And if you're dependant on anything that has to do with opiates you're an addict. Well it's a bit less stigmatized then methadone, for example while on meth you're almost equal to a "junkie" by their terms. While on suboX you're a junkie trying to quit but you're not clean, less to say sober on it. And thus the pressure to quit it. The only GOOD thing being that public insurance NOW actually pays for suboX&meth. Otherwise it would be a much bigger issue. When I started on subuteX I had to pay every pill of it and the pressure to stop was immense as you can imagine... If the state didn't start to pay for it I wouldn't have stayed on it for long. Maybe even relapsing back in that time.


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PostPosted: Sat May 29, 2010 4:57 pm 
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CMac:

Opiate abuse from my late teens to early 30's cost me a wife a son and a daughter. I agree with all that has been said above, and would just like to add that when faced with terribly difficult life situations, it is SO easy to just say, "The heck with it," and go right back into the bag. But, even if you did relapse, that is not the end of the world...in fact it's all part of recovery.

Never look at yourself as a failure. You are not. Just the fact that you expressed your pain, frustration and anguish on the board shows us all you haven't given up! When Edison unveiled the light bulb to the world, a reporter asked him what it felt like to have failed over 500 times in making the bulb. Edison replied, "Failure? What failure? I simply learned 518 ways you CAN'T make a light bulb!"

Dr. Jeff is right. Go to some meetings. When my health still permitted, I could always find a job or two through AA/NA members, along with support and a place of refuge.

Whatever you do, and however you do it, ALWAYS stay in contact with your child. And don't think your Mom is going to refuse to help you due to something your ex said. You are her son, and though she may be suspicious, you are still her baby and if you show her you are trying she WILL help. So do what you have to, and no matter how it has to happen make sure YOUR baby knows of your love, it will make a world of difference in the long run.

As addicts (whether we are clean or not) we have to live one day at a time, with an eye out for the future, and as one of my friends wrote to me when I was having a horrible time, "My serenity is in direct proportion to my ability to ignore unsolvable problems." So deal with the problems you can (ya got some great advice) and do your best to ignore the problems that are "unsolvable."

Stay strong, my Brother, and things WILL work out, even if they don't seem like it at times. It ain't gonna be easy, but then...nothing good in life EVER comes easy!

Vinny


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