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PostPosted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 6:14 pm 
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I'm totally and completely aware that i shouldn't be using suboxone if i'm just seeking a feeling and the whole point of suboxone is to just be able to feel normal and not experienced withdrawals, however. When i first began taking the suboxone i was in total full blown withdrawals, just went thru a relapse, crying my eyes out and feeling horrible. The doctor at my rehab clinic, well a doctor there are many, told me to consider suboxone. I read over some of the information and didn't look forward to being hooked on something else but there was no difference with what i had been doing my whole life anyway and switching to suboxone, anyway getting off topic.

I was in full blown withdrawals and when i took that first tab of suboxone i was high as a kite, i felt happy, talkative, full of energy, i was getting stuff done, attending lots of meetings, cleaning up my house and attending to my families every single mundane need. However it has been almost 2 months since i've started the sub, i've gone from 8mg to 16mg over that period of 2 months and over the last week or two the great feelings that suboxone gave me are gone. My cravings have returned, i'm not withdrawing which is nice, but i'm craving some sort of high, i'm craving to feel different because i am not comfortable in my own skin whatsoever. I'm considering stopping the suboxone until i'm in total full blown withdrawal and then starting up again to see if that can satisfy my urge to 'party' I'm also on house arrest so being stuck inside and completely totally sober with nothing to do isn't that great, altho my objective in the first place when i checked myself into rehab was to get free of my addiction. I'm at 60 days clean and sober tomorrow and alot of people in recovery have told me it gets really hard around the 60 day mark and it is...it really really is. I want that happy sunshine feeling back the suboxone gave me...i guess i should be just plain greatful to not be going thru withdrawals. I'm done rambling, if anyone would like more info on my situation and facts surrounding my situation i would be happy to give them, and if anyone knows any way to get that satisfied feeling back i would love to know.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 24, 2009 1:27 am 
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oh man, where to start. You're on house arrest, so can you go to meetings/treatment? Are you exercising? Are you eating the way you did 60 days ago? (addicts tend to not take good care of ourselves) Besides stopping drugs and taking suboxone now, what has changed for you?

It wasnt until I actually engaged in therapy, and worked on my issues, THEN I started to feel better. Suboxone isn't meant to be felt. I can't tell when I take my daily dose.

Anyway, nothing would make me happier than to help a fellow addict, i know i still struggle at times. Let me know if i can help.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 24, 2009 8:33 am 
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Kevgeon-

That high you experienced is common for some early in treatment with Suboxone .The target dose of Suboxone is the smallest dose that alleviates physical symptoms of withdrawal and usually that is 4-8mg.I stress that each case is different, this is just in general terms. I will assume that right now your brain receptors are over saturated with Suboxone.It has a half life of 37.50 hours which means the doses stack on eachother.If you need further explanation, PM me.
The psychological symptoms (craving) is not something that goes away on it's own.You must have addiction treatment and education on how to better handle these issues because they will occur throughout your life,less in frequency and potency as time goes on.Too often,people rely solely on this pill to do ALL the work for them, and if you are falling into that trap, you are not getting better- you're just postponing the inevitable. While stuck at home, attend online addiction support meetings, read about opiate dependence and Suboxone.You need to saturate your time with activities that keep you from thinking about using.I will post some links of sites that will be helpful.
It is not easy to change and you have to want to be free of addiction so much that you will do whatever it takes to not go there again.My addiction nearly destroyed me a few times and I have been off my drug of choice more than four years and I still crave it from time to time.I just don't act on it because I worked too hard and have too much to lose today! Good Luck and if you need to talk, just post!

SMART Recovery onlinemeeting schedule

NAABT- Suboxone Education and Support

Sober Recovery Forum and online meetings

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Agency

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 Post subject: Luckily
PostPosted: Thu Sep 24, 2009 1:47 pm 
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Luckily the two things i'm allowed to do are attend my support groups and go to school, i attend Kaiser Chemical Dependency Recovery program, best program i've ever experienced, it's intensive outpatient and i attend 3 meetings a week which run back to back with the program itself, to keep things simple because i have to get everything i do authorized from the probation's monitoring department. The program i attend is five days a week and the meetings are tuesday, wednesday, thursday right after i get out of the program and are located in the same building.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 24, 2009 1:57 pm 
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Those links are awesome i will be sure to read over those as well, seeing as i am stuck inside for the weekends and whenever i'm not at recovery. School is only once a week because i'm taking one class at a time in an independent study program at the adult school because my addiction and I back in the day decided it would be a damn good idea to drop out of highschool....


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 24, 2009 5:45 pm 
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Well, know that you are not experiencing anything uncommon.We all want to be on a cloud all day if it was possible, but realistically it is not possible without causing permanent damage. We have damaged a natural system in our body and it takes time to repair.I always talk to a friend of mine about using and addiction stuff and we both agree that once you cross over to an addict- you are never who you were before you started using because you cannot erase the memory.There are days I wish I could make my brain pre drug use, but it ain't happenin'.
Glad you enjoyed the links, and keep up the good work.If you need anything, just post!

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 09, 2009 11:14 pm 
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Umm you want that magic back? Well I don't think you are suppose to be trying to go there with this medicine. You should really re-evalluate what you want to do with your life if you are trying to get loaded off of the suboxone you are using to get off of opiates.

To me it's obvious you don't want to get better otherwise you wouldn't have made this post.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 10, 2009 2:48 pm 
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Tacet-Conundrum wrote:
Umm you want that magic back? Well I don't think you are suppose to be trying to go there with this medicine. You should really re-evalluate what you want to do with your life if you are trying to get loaded off of the suboxone you are using to get off of opiates.

To me it's obvious you don't want to get better otherwise you wouldn't have made this post.


I think a lot of us go through a time in our recovery process when we are torn between wanting to get better and wanting to get high. We're used to the instant gratification we got from our DOC; we are not used to delaying that gratification in order to work hard on a sometimes painful if ultimately rewarding process. Added to that is the fact that we have trained our brains, through chemicals and repitition, to choose "get high" as the first (sometimes only) method of coping with any uncomfortable feeling we experience. So I'd say that you're probably right where you're supposed to be at this point in your journey.

The honeymoon phase of recovery is such a common experience that there's even a shorthand name for it in recovery circles: The Pink Cloud. And when you come down off the pink cloud, that's when the real work begins. You are bored. You're stuck inside your house. You don't feel awesome from the Sub anymore. So you've got to figure out how to deal with it. You already took a positive step by coming here and sharing what you're going through, so that's good. And you've also just figured out that bordeom is a massive trigger for you. So now you get to figure out how to be sober without getting bored.

I can't tell you what to do with yourself because everybody is different. What allieviates my bordeom might make you want to shove a sharp stick into your eye. One thing that's hard is that a lot of times we don't even know what we like to do anymore because all we've been doing for a long time is getting high. But it's also cool in a way, because now you have the opportunity to get to know yourself again.

What helped me through this period of my recovery was doing things that were good for my health - physically and emotionally. Exercise, especially yoga because it has a mental/spiritual aspect to it, meditation, cooking good, healthy food, reading books that I felt supported my recovery. And doing fun stuff too: watching funny movies, listening to music, playing games, whatever. I kept a blog and that helped me reach out to other people in recovery.

Congrats on your 60 days, now get to work.

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 11, 2009 6:48 pm 
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Quote:
Umm you want that magic back? Well I don't think you are suppose to be trying to go there with this medicine. You should really re-evalluate what you want to do with your life if you are trying to get loaded off of the suboxone you are using to get off of opiates.

To me it's obvious you don't want to get better otherwise you wouldn't have made this post.


While I agree with Diary there is something that has become more and more apparent to me while working with others. So many people find it necessary to put others in their place in regards to recovery, when it is a fact that doing so goes against some of the basic principles of recovery. We should not be as concerned with calling someone out as we should with offering suggestions of what has been working for us in this battle of wills. I am guilty of it too, and it was how I had the opportunity to to reflect on why I felt the need to try to correct someone else's wrongs. We all have our reasons for it, mine were based on the fact that I could not stand someone being comfortable with altering 12 step recovery to suit them self because when I did it, I was uncomfortable. Maybe if we really get honest with ourselves we may be able to figure something out about US, which is what we should be doing anyway.
Kevgeon has already started looking within himself just over his few posts here and that is a beautiful thing.Recovery is hard work, learning to live free of addiction's self destruction when it was all we ever knew is not easy whatsoever. Take what you need to heal and leave the rest behind you.Everyone is quick to judge until judgement day is upon them.Please try to be more understanding, compassionate, or helpful when you see the disease working it's ugly ways here. Thanks and best wishes to each and every one of you!

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 Post subject: Hang in there.
PostPosted: Mon Dec 28, 2009 12:57 am 
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Diary of a Quitter & Shelwoy, what great posts those were. You basically took the words outta my fingers!

Kevgeon, know that you are not alone in your dilemma. I have the same feelings and have only been on suboxone for ~4 weeks. The difference for me is that suboxone never did anything remotely "high inducing" to me. I switch over from abusing methadone, which was a bitch in and of itself, so the first week or so of taking suboxone was painful and after that it just made me feel "okay".

I still get cravings and the urges to get high. I sometimes wish so badly that the suboxone could do for me what other meds did. But that isn't what this medication is for. I have to keep focused and keep telling myself what it is I want/need. Stay focused, stay honest. Thank you for posting, it is much better to share these types of desires and feelings then to contemplate them on your own. You get respect from me for sharing. Take care of yourself, and feel free to seek advice/support form me anytime. I wish you the best my friend.

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 06, 2010 12:35 am 
The big thing is, you just need to keep taking the Sub and let time pass. I know it sucks, but your brain needs to even out, and then I think the cravings will dissipate. Keep yourself busy with meetings and support in the meantime. Now is the time that "old fashioned" recovery may come in handy. Good luck to you.
JD


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