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PostPosted: Sat Jul 16, 2011 1:43 am 
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I've been sober for 6 weeks as of today, but this is my story. I got hurt playing baseball when i was 17 year old and was put on painkillers. It was very dissapointing to get hurt. I had scouts looking at me but the pain in my back was too much. I ended up on vicoden which ended up with me abusing them and perocets 10mgs. I was taking up to 20 plus pills a day. I decided to get off them and my expensive habit. I had heard about suboxone. I would drink during this time pretty much every day. I had seen this substance abuse psychiotrist who put me on suboxone. He started me on this pyramid cycle. I was completely off everything and i was having bad pains in body which now i see was just post acute withdrawal. He said maybe we should keep you on this a little long term and i was fine with that of course...who wants to deal with any uncomfortablity? So for 7 years i was on 4 2mg suboxone daily and i had anxiety and was given 3 2mg clonopens 3 times a day. I was put on that for 7 years as well. The doctor new i was drinking every night and even new that i was taking xanex with the clonopens and suboxone as well. I had enough with everything after a long denial that i had a problem with friends coming to me and telling me the stupid things i was doing that i didn't recall or didn't remember. I had also noticed a pattern of bad dates that used to go great for me. I didn't really care about beautiful girls anymore i was more caught up w/ getting drunk and messed up. I thought i was good cause i only took the clonopens at night and drank at night. I thought that it was ok to be on clonopens and suboxon because it was prescribed. I did no realise how stupid i was on suboxone and the other suff. I really thought that the suboxone did nothing to me but stop withdrawal. I didn't know how much it clouted my judgement. So recently i desided to go to detox and rehab. My insurance only covered 7 days of detox so they had to get me off suboxone, clonopen,xanax and alcohol all in which i was on for 7 yrs. They gave me suboxone on a tapper and they game me clonopen for the benzo and alcohol withdrawa. They wouldn't let you no the doses of meds but the subox i new because they only make 2's and 8mgs. I was pretty sick but they sent me packing after 7 days. I went to the rehab after detox and was unable to sleep or eat even after taking trazadone and other non narcotic drus for post accute withdrawals. I lost 27 pounds in about 3 weeks and after about a week of rehab i was rushed to the er. The techs that worked at the rehab came into the bathroom and i was non responsibe in the shower. I was very parenoid in the hospital and was having delusions and hullusiations. I thought i was a parenoid scizophrenic perminately. It took me talking to my brother who is a doctor to relise what was going on. I believe that the alcohol and benzo withdrawal did that to me, but ill never know. I left the rehab early and flew home after getting out of the hospital after 5 days. The suboxone withdrawals were very bad. My knees would lock up on me, lots of pain in legs, uncontrolable muscle contraction in stomach, the usuall sweats and aches and pains. I was told that the suboxone goes very deep into the tissues and thats why the witdrawals are so bad and long. I was definately detoxed too fast. Some other withdrawals i had were insomia which i still have, and restlessness etc. I'm starting to feel better and better every day. Its been 6 weeks since i had a drink, a suboxone, or a benzo. I have no desire to take anything except late at night i wish i could just pass out but i take sleep meds if needed really bad. Ive been told i sound so much clearer and look so much better and healthier. I was told in treatment that it will take 6-18 months for my brain to be normal again. I was also told i would experience a lot of pysilogical changes which i have. I feel like everything around me is so different but its like i was reborn. I feel like i almost had to and have to relearn how to think and stuff. 10 years of my life i was getting high..so it feels really good but weird being normal. I don't go to meetings like i should, but think i did hit rock bottom even thou this was my first treatment. I never want to go through what i just went though again and im a pretty tuff person. I met God and the devil in that hospital, maybe i was delusional but i met them. That was a higher power moment begging God to either make me feel better or to take me. After this moment my blood pressure was no longer thought the roof, it stabilized. Well I just thought i'd share my story, and if anyone has any questions about any of the four substances i was taking and abusing hit me up i'd be happy to help anyone. I have learned a lot about withdrawals and addiction, and i have 10 yeers of experience.


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 16, 2011 7:46 am 
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Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing your story. Suboxone is a very safe medication and there's no evidence that it gets "deep into the tissues". It's a very strong opiate so yes, there are withdrawals to contend with. It's also my opinion that most of the odd issues you dealt with were from you stopping the xanax that you were on. Benzo withdrawals are very dangerous and in fact can be deadly. When I was taken off of them I was put on phenobarbital to prevent seizures.

So they just quickly weaned you from your 8 mg dose of sub down to nothing in one week, is that correct? You definitely would be feeling acute and possibly post-acute withdrawals. The best way to stop suboxone is to do a long, slow taper. This reduces the chances of having bad withdrawals. I would also look to the benzo with regard to the lack of judgment you mentioned, not to mention the drinking.

I'm really sorry you had to go through all that. It sounds like some of the people you worked with weren't terribly educated with regard to suboxone. But that's over now and you can focus on moving forward instead of looking backward.

Now that you're off all substances, what are you doing for your recovery? Getting "clean" (hate that word) is the easy part, it's staying "clean" that's the really hard part. Do you go to therapy or meetings or group or anything like that? During your time on suboxone did you work with an addiction counselor of any kind to help you deal with triggers and cravings when they arise?

I wish you the very best. Again, thanks for sharing your story. Glad you joined and see you around the forum.

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 16, 2011 12:40 pm 
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Hi dotto1,

I've been a member of this site for almost a year now and I have finally come across a post where someone's withdrawal experience mirrors mine. Most everything you said is what I went through, except for meeting God......during my wd, it felt like God had completely left me. I begged and begged for His help, but it was like He was nowhere to be found. I know now that He was there the whole time, but He knew that I had to be broken completely if I were to have a chance at staying off of drugs so He allowed Satan to have his way with me for weeks on end.

I detoxed off of Suboxone, I wasn't detoxing off of alcohol or benzo's too. My wd was all from Suboxone. I need to mention that I was not found unresponsive in the shower either.....I never did get taken to the hospital.

Anyway, I know this......my wd experience from Suboxone was inhumane, it was brutal, it was life changing and FOR ME and ME alone, it was exactly what I needed to get my ass "clean" and to stay clean. I have been hanging around this site trying to help encourage others to taper whenever possible because I believe that is the route that will provide them with as little wd as possible, but some of us refuse to taper and I think that's fine......it's what we needed to do to get to where we're at.

BTW, I jumped off of 5mg of Suboxone, but what I don't ever tell people is that the week leading up to my jump I was at 8mg and the week prior to that I was at 12mg......so who knows how much Suboxone I actaully had in in my system?? I was on Suboxone for 3 years, I was on Hydrocodone and OxyContin for 10 years prior to getting onto Suboxone. Yeah, I was one fucked up little camper.

Listen, today puts me at 1 year, 1 month and 12 days off of Suboxone. I'm here to tell you to keep going, you're gonna feel crappy for a good while, but you've got a solid 6 weeks under your belt and you're doing great!!! It gets better man, it honestly gets better, I promise!!

That old saying about getting "clean" is the easy part, staying "clean" is the hard part. Well, getting clean wasn't fucking easy for me, staying clean isn't a walk in the park though.....staying clean takes constant attention. Don't let your guard down or it will come back and bite you. I got bit around the 10 month mark and again around 11 months, mercifully, both slip ups were short lived. I actually have this forum and MANY of the members to thank for keeping my slip ups short.

Good luck and I hope you stick around.

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