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PostPosted: Fri Aug 31, 2012 1:14 pm 
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I am a 37 year old female new here. This started out with a minor fall from a horse a year ago. I severely injured my neck and re injured an old pelvic fracture. I had surgery on my neck in November That unfortunately does not seem to have been completely successful. I have never not work a day in my life and here I am almost 1 year without working. After I had the next surgery I had already been on percoset at 210 milligram tablets 3 * a day. This is a lot for me as in the past when I had migraines or pain syrup I would only take 1 or 2 regular strength vicodin . I do have to admit that I have dabbled and abused drug in my opinion off and on throughout the years. Abuse to me means that I would get a prescription for 30 every 6 months and blow through them with in 10 Days. However when I was out I will never went looking for more. When I started working as an emergency room nurse about 3 years ago I did start drinking more and more. I drink everyday 1 to 2 Drinks sometimes up to 5 when I was not working. After my surgery I decided I did not need the percocet. Anymore and taper down quickly and just quit. I went into a panic attack which I have never had. My family brought me to the emergency room Who gave me more percoset and said I should not just stop taking it. Knowing now that I was probably in withdrawal I didn't want it at all. So I talk to my doctor who suggested a rehab facility if that indeed is what I want it. I did not want to end up like all of the patients that I took care of an emergency room. I went to the rehab facility and after day 3 the doctors and nurses did not believe I was really in withdrawal and sent me home. I was so depressed I did not leave my room for Hey week and I was prescribed an anti depressant. At Christmas time I was more of a mess than I was before shaking unable to navigate stairs. No sleep for 4 days straight and unable to eat. And this was 2 weeks after my last percoset. On Christmas I looked as if I was about to die so my family brought me into the ER where I work. On Christmas day with all of my coworkers I was confused unable to identify people and Very dehydrated I had to have an IV in my neck. It ended up that I had serotonin syndrome the whole time. They wanted to keep me but I beg to go home as my children were waiting it was Christmas. I was prescribed a benzo diazo teens and sent home with specific instructions for watching my vitals as a ringtone in syndrome can be fatal. I was referred to a psychiatrist to specializes in This type of thing He said I had to date on the benzo diazo pains but I had to switch over to valium at a high dose and taper down. He Restarted me on a different antidepressant at a very low dose. Since then we have been through several anti depressants with no luck I now have a major depressive disorder and severe anxiety and panic attack. They decided the physicians that I was having a reaction to the pain. I admit I do have severe pain but I was freaked out to treat it. All of the narcotics make me second unable to even get out of bed and God for bed I go through what I went through the first time. My family doctor finally decided he would like to try a low dose of sub you text to see if it helps with my pain and possibly take care of some of the depressive episodes. I grilled him on this medication as I had not heard of it and asked if I would go through withdrawals when I stopped taking it. He said at this logos which is 1 to 2 milligrams a day I would probably not feel a thing When I stop taking it. Now I have been on it for 2 months and find I cannot get out of bed without taking a dose . I am now even more depressed because I feel like a junkie....Especially when I go get the prescription filled. It has improved my depression but only when I take it I wake up every morning with a headache and severely depressed. My pain has come down a couple of notches but is not completely controlled and I have no illusions that it ever will b. Also the value my have been on since December and I got down to 4 milligrams and had a severe panic attack and my doctor Said I could not take less than 10 milligrams a night. I kept pleading with him to taper down on that medication. Because I become so it pressed and stuck in my room and unable to eat when trying to taper off either this a box own or the value I have been told that I am not allowed to mess with any of them. I am supposed to not be a nurse and learn to be a patient. I am at my breaking point as it has been 1 year Since I have work and nursing with my life. My pain is bad I cannot do any form of work at this time and my position will not release me to perform any work. My psychiatrist says that I am mentally unstable and unable to perform any work. This is awful for me as I was an emergency room nurse I was the call most and coolest nurse on staff. I worked in a level 2 trauma center. I really don't want to be stuck on these medications but I find when I try to quit the sub box own I go nuts. I know it is a very low dose too low or is there something wrong with me I do not go a day without breaking down in tears. but I swear I am severely affected by it when I tried to skip a dose or taper off. Last time I was suicidal and I was only taking .5 a day. I think this is why they will not let me go down on the value. To make matters worse I am completely aware that being on a benzo for this long Is going to be nothing but trouble when I taper. Is My suboxone. dose Not correct.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 01, 2012 12:52 am 
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HI
welcome :D

Sorry your having such a hard time. We all come to the 'same place' from different places. your story sure proves that, cuz it definitely isn't 'average'

My best friend's an RN. Shes got some stories, LOL

Im not really sure if you were asking any questions about your dose??? If you ARE, let me know and I'll try to help as much as possible.

We are here for you, please know that you aren't alone in your battle. :D :D :D

agian, welcome
and I look forward to hearing more from you. :wink:

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 27, 2012 3:08 pm 
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I don't know if there was a question per se that you were asking but I just wanted to commend you for opening you heart and mind and sharing your story. I'm so sorry to hear everything you've gone through. I am a nurse too. I couldn't imagine my life going into such a turmoil. I had my own share or pain, addiction etc but nowhere near what you've gone through. But the good thing is you're alive, your breathing, you have family that loves you and you have a story to tell others to help inspire them or help them through a tough time. Hang in there. If nursing isn't something you're capable of doing anymore, there will be something out there that you are capable of doing. We're all on a path and sometimes that path seems like it takes a detour. But that's just all part of YOUR path. Good luck and God bless. This forum will hopefully give you support and love.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 27, 2012 5:02 pm 
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Hi and welcome. Sorry youre going through such a tough time. Your post was a little hard to follow, and I think it must be the spelling auto-correct on your device changing words. I'm pretty sure you were trying to say you were on a benzodiazepine, specifically Valium. So you are on a low dose ~1mg Suboxone plus Valium. Is that right? And it sounds like you are still suffering from depression, but they took you off of your anti- depressant because of seratonin syndrome. I'm wondering what led to that diagnosis, and what you were taking prior to that episode.
I, too, suffer from depression. And having gone off Sub before I can tell you that I wouldn't be able to go off without being on an AD. Even people without prior depression have become quite depressed while going off of Subs, so it doesn't sound abnormal at all that your depression is a huge issue for you when you don't take your Sub. Some AD's like Wellbutrin aren't SSRIs - maybe your doc would consider something like that if you are determined to get off the Suboxone.

It sounds like you weren't physically dependent on the Percs, so the doc was giving you Sub for depression + pain? Please don't feel like a "junkie". There are many people on Sub for pain, including people who weren't previously addicted to opiates. Give yourself a break - I know a year is a long time, but you've been through an injury, a surgery and a serious depression. You asked about your Sub dose. That's a tough one, because bupe is given in microgram doses for pain short term, but for maintenance the usual dose starts at 4mg a day.

You have come to the right place. There are a lot of compassionate people here who are on Sub and can help you through this. Please stop beating yourself up. You sound like a strong, intelligent woman. You're going to get through this.
Hang in there,
Lilly


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