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 Post subject: My Suboxone Experience
PostPosted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 1:24 pm 
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My Suboxone Experience
Well my opiate journey has been a hellish one. I remember the first vicodin I popped, felt like I was in a winter wonderland. I remember the first time I snorted oxycontin, thinking this is the drug I’ve been looking for, this was four years ago when I was 17 and in highschool(had tried pretty much everything by then.) By mid-summer after my Jr. year I was buying opana multiple times a week. I somehow manage to keep myself from having a full blown addiction for several months using mostly on just the weekends, telling myself if I use like everyone else drinks, exclusively on the weekends it won’t be a big deal. Then I started using a few nights a week, then I went on a two week bender over spring break my Sr. year in which I used a 80 a day. On Sunday I felt depressed on Monday at school I was in full blown withdrawals, from then on, the romance over, it had me. I bought some later that night and started using nightly, then a couple times during the day and then by summer it was all day, everyday. I made some lackluster attempts of going cold turkey and tapering but never lasted more than a week. For the next two years it was a hell. I sold anything I could and stole anything I could for money. I used methadone, heroin, oxycontin, diladud, opana, morphine, fentanyl, vicodin, Percocet, darvocets, but my main was oxycontin. During thie period I also was addicted to benzos; klonopin, Xanax, Ativan, temazepam, bromezepam, anything to get me higher. I started with snorting about an 80 a day but ended by the end of it having an 800 mg a day IV habit. I started the addiction 6”2, 170 lbs, state track and basketball athlete. I ended a frail 6”2, 125 lbs, scraggly beard, trackmarks all over my body, and hadn’t showered in two weeks. My mind was gone, my body was broken. I had trouble stringing a sentence together. I tried kicking the 800 mg oxy habit semi-coldturkey but lasted no more than a couple weeks. Not long after that about 13 months ago I started going to the methadone clinic. The methadone was great for one thing, it got me off the needle, a big step.
After being on 100 mg of methadone a day I switched to suboxone last May. When I switched from methadone to suboxone an instantaneous fog lifted. You don’t realize how much more there is to recovery than just getting off the drug, till you get off of them. I started going to AA not soon after, and went through various cycles of cocaine and steroid abuse. I then had to get to the root of my of my addiction, which was these insercurites I had about myself my whole life that I had to confront.
I had been on the suboxone for ten months when I jumped off ten days ago at 4 mg a day. I had been taking suboxone orally if that means anything. The first day was easy just a little tired, second day is when the withdrawals started hitting me, chills and hot sweats, aches and pains. On the third day through six days sucked, I used a little klonopin to take the edge off. During this whole time I was sleeping alright I think in great thanks to the klonopin, I’d take .5mg before bed. By day seven things started getting better. On day ten and feel about as good as I have in years, sure there is still some lingering effects, some fatigue, minor chills, and a little anxiety. With that said the suboxone kick was a walk in the park compared to full blown oxycontin/heroin withdrawal. Suboxone withdrawal equals a cold plus sweats, aches, chills, and heat flashes. Oxycontin/heroin withdrawal equals a flu times ten.
Overall, I’m happy with my decision to get on suboxone, it allowed me to get stabled in my life. It allowed me to figure out things about myself that led me to my addiction. That being said, it’s still an opiate and no doubt keeps me back and affects my personality. I can already tell being ten days sober, colors are a little brighter, music hits me more. My suggestion to anyone thinking about suboxone, get on it, but don’t be afraid to jump off when you’re ready. You’ll know when you’re ready also.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 12:55 am 
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Hi gamebreaker and thanks for sharing your story with us. You've sure been through a lot. Congratulations on your progress...just keep up the hard work and remain vigilant.

You jumped from a very high dose of suboxone! Had you tapered down lower you could have suffered much, much less. But even so, I'm glad you recognize that it's still not as bad as full opiate agonists.

Good luck with your remission, post-suboxone. I hope you stick around the forum and help others who are now where you were then.

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 3:05 pm 
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On day 18, feel better everyday. I can tell this isn't something that's just going to pass over just like that. I still have fatigue and depression issues which is expected after four years of being on opiates. You don't dig yourself into the hole I dug myself into and come out of it just like that, you crawl out of it. I can tell my self-awareness is up, I just feel more intuned with what's going on around me, which is cool but also scary in a way. Just need to give myself time.


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