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PostPosted: Thu May 23, 2013 5:33 pm 
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Consider this a friendly warning...

Over ten years ago I got hooked on pain meds and, for awhile, successfully hid my addiction from my family and friends. One day this all came to a crashing end when my wife confronted me and gave me the option; get help or she was leaving. Within days I found a subutex doctor and was successfully put on a plan which instantly cured me of pain killers and I haven't looked back since. So far, so good...

Fast forward ten years and while I've stayed off pain pills (and haven't even thought about them), subutex has taken it's toll. It dulled my senses, costing me jobs, memories with my family, and now, my marriage. A combination of wife wanting me off sub., myself being sick of it and my insurance stopping coverage forced my hand in Jan. of this year. I got my last prescription in mid Jan. (a one month supply) and spread it out until April 28th. I had my wife's support and a strong will to be rid of this at last.

I thought I had tapered to the point where I wouldn't have any withdrawals... I was wrong. About the third day off my legs started crawling to the point where I beat them until they bruised. Despite prepping my wife that it could be rough, right or wrong, she was not equipped to help me. She asked me to leave until I got over the withdrawals. It hurt so bad to be asked to leave but I went to my dads for a couple of nights. I honestly thought I was feeling better and came back home because I missed my wife and my two boys horribly. When I returned I was told how much nicer things were when I was gone. My wife will never know how much this hurt me and how those words will ring in my head for the rest of my life. I don't want to blame her, or anyone for my problem but this completely put me back to square one. One night I hurt so bad my wife took me to the emergency room, trying I think to have me committed.

Fast forward a couple of weeks, and although most nights were incredibly rough I was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Then I get the bombshell... she's had enough... my wife has filled for divorce. I had gotten a really good job opportunity in March, which I still have, and a potential contract extension in a couple of weeks. Despite being out sick for over a week my boss is pleased with me and work I have done. I asked why after all off this, with as far as I've come and with good job prospects is she leaving me now? This is the point in my life where I need support the most and I have none.

Obviously I can't' post all the details of my life and to be fair to my wife there have been many other ups and downs in our marriage but I've never failed at keeping my word about staying off drugs...

If this can help any other person out there keep from having to go through the hell that I'm going through I will be happy.


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PostPosted: Thu May 23, 2013 7:23 pm 
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Wow.
Suboxone/subutex did all of that to you/your life?
Sheesh.


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PostPosted: Thu May 23, 2013 9:24 pm 
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Im really sorry about your bad wds and all that other crap thats happening in your life. But its not really fair to say suboxone ruined your life. Do you think that today your marriage would be saved if you were still using full agonist drugs, and you would still have to wd. I know how you must feel right now, i have also been hurt by people i love.

I hope things look up for you soon, maybe you can win her back. Just try to focus on bettering yourself, and proving you can quit using the drugs. This is just my opinion. I really do feel for you, please stay stronv through this.


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PostPosted: Thu May 23, 2013 9:55 pm 
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I'm sorry to hear about your divorce. But IMO it's a bit maligned to blame it all on the Sub. Imagine you didn't choose to do something about your addiction and remained abusing painkillers all that time. How long do you think your wife would have stuck around if that were the case?


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PostPosted: Fri May 24, 2013 4:48 pm 
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Agreed. You said it, not MovieMaker!


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PostPosted: Sat May 25, 2013 7:31 am 
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This makes the sixth year that I have been dealing with this in addiction form or recovery. My husband told me last night the main reason that he works is to make sure that I get my medication and that I wasn't sick all the time. Im not sure if I just got lucky with having an awesome man, he brings tears to my eyes almost everytime just because of how he has stood beside me through everything in our lives.
To me, regardless of what you go through in life if she had wanted to stand beside you she WOULD STILL be there. I know some people don't have the patience, and you cant blame for that BUT its hard to just say that its the medications fault. You took it for that period of time, you didn't have to do so. You "could" have given it up, but its a choice that is hard to make for whatever reason. Some think that its too hard to do, and I feel the same. I told him last night that I would like to be off around New Years. I don't want to go through tapering during the holidays, but I will also say that withdrawals are hard and you should have been informed of this before you decided to come off. Maybe you just didn't come off a low enough dose, some people don't have any problem, some have a major problem coming off of it.
My husband and I have came up with a way to do this and we hope that it might work. I will taper off and come off completely, but when I get sick I will take just a crumb and hopefully that might curb some of it. I know back years ago when I was taking it off the street, I would buy a pill and take it over a weeks time and it never bothered me. So maybe this might work, it might not but my system did it before, we are hoping it works again.
The sickness from Suboxone is horrid, I know believe me I have been through it. I think the depression is the worst part, but nothing to me is worse than searching for pills and spending your last 20 bucks on however many Lortabs you can score.
I went through two weeks of hell after jumping down from 16mg, swore that I was dying and I will never jump from that amount again.
But the expensive doctor appointments are getting to be too much and I could really do a lot with 300 a month. Hubby says that it doesn't matter the cost, but I cant think that way because I have always a coupon clipper, penny saver and it kills me to hand them that money order every month.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2014 9:35 pm 
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Keep your chin up, you'll be fine.


Last edited by Debbierdmn0810 on Thu Jun 19, 2014 2:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2014 9:55 pm 
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drummerman1 wrote:
Consider this a friendly warning...

Over ten years ago I got hooked on pain meds and, for awhile, successfully hid my addiction from my family and friends. One day this all came to a crashing end when my wife confronted me and gave me the option; get help or she was leaving. Within days I found a subutex doctor and was successfully put on a plan which instantly cured me of pain killers and I haven't looked back since. So far, so good...

Fast forward ten years and while I've stayed off pain pills (and haven't even thought about them), subutex has taken it's toll. It dulled my senses, costing me jobs, memories with my family, and now, my marriage. A combination of wife wanting me off sub., myself being sick of it and my insurance stopping coverage forced my hand in Jan. of this year. I got my last prescription in mid Jan. (a one month supply) and spread it out until April 28th. I had my wife's support and a strong will to be rid of this at last.

I thought I had tapered to the point where I wouldn't have any withdrawals... I was wrong. About the third day off my legs started crawling to the point where I beat them until they bruised. Despite prepping my wife that it could be rough, right or wrong, she was not equipped to help me. She asked me to leave until I got over the withdrawals. It hurt so bad to be asked to leave but I went to my dads for a couple of nights. I honestly thought I was feeling better and came back home because I missed my wife and my two boys horribly. When I returned I was told how much nicer things were when I was gone. My wife will never know how much this hurt me and how those words will ring in my head for the rest of my life. I don't want to blame her, or anyone for my problem but this completely put me back to square one. One night I hurt so bad my wife took me to the emergency room, trying I think to have me committed.

Fast forward a couple of weeks, and although most nights were incredibly rough I was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Then I get the bombshell... she's had enough... my wife has filled for divorce. I had gotten a really good job opportunity in March, which I still have, and a potential contract extension in a couple of weeks. Despite being out sick for over a week my boss is pleased with me and work I have done. I asked why after all off this, with as far as I've come and with good job prospects is she leaving me now? This is the point in my life where I need support the most and I have none.

Obviously I can't' post all the details of my life and to be fair to my wife there have been many other ups and downs in our marriage but I've never failed at keeping my word about staying off drugs...

If this can help any other person out there keep from having to go through the hell that I'm going through I will be happy.


You know what? If your employment status and income is/was some sort of priority, along with the other BS you shared, you might be better off without her, even though you might not think so, as it is one of the shittiest feelings to be abandoned like that. Whatever happened to the "through sickness and health" vow?

Try to stay on good terms with her in spite of this new development, so the kids don't go through a custody battle hell, maybe you can pull off joint custody unless she is a real B and wants to stick it to you no matter what, out of a perceived need for revenge and/or wanting all the children's time to herself while you are mostly estranged from them (depending on visitation rights if you don't get joint custody), yet paying child support, which will be higher if/when you get the new job (which will make it good news to her even after a divorce, if she gets alimony and/or child support) and she and/or her lawyer (if she has one) throws your addiction issues at you in court.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2014 10:59 pm 
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I have to echo the sentiments of others about not blaming it on the Suboxone. It may very well have been something else that eventually was used as a reason for wanting a divorce.

Also, since it seems she wants to play hard ball, if you can afford it, maybe discreetly hire a PI with the money you are saving from not being on subs, to see if there is an affair happening.

If anything, what's happened now in the Suboxone aftermath, perhaps is a gift (albeit a currently painful one) which revealed something about her character, that was previously in the unknown quadrant. See: http://www.noogenesis.com/game_theory/j ... indow.html

That said, she is the mother of your children, so do try to stay on good terms with her no matter what. And as a bonus, maybe you'll get joint custody.

Finally, I've never been married (although engaged once to a long term gf, which ended badly), and am without children, so take anything I say with a grain of salt. Yet, even though I personally haven't been through the divorce experience, I've been observant of others, including some close friends, who have been through a divorce with children. It's really awful, especially when the children custody issue turns into a weapon. My parents were frequently separated when I grew up, and eventually divorced. They were very civil about the divorce, stayed out of a court battle and blowing money on lawyers, split everything evenly, and agreed to joint custody of me. And even that tore me up, I hated it when 'mommy and daddy" weren't together, and for some weird reason, I often secretly (as in, kept my feelings and thoughts about it to myself) blamed it on myself when they weren't. So if I suffered somewhat in what was probably the most civil divorce imaginable, I can only imagine the hell kids go through when a divorce goes hand in hand with a nasty custody battle.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2014 11:07 pm 
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This isnt by any chance Todd, is it?

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