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PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2015 1:27 pm 
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Hi Marcello, Hope you are having a great Friday! I have to disagree with you about the willpower! It is so much more than that! And, do you honestly feel that someone who has died from an overdose just had a lack of willpower? First, there is a genetic component and second, life deals us all kinds of crap. People deal with it or don't deal with it in many diffrrent ways! I was sexually abused at the age of 4. At the age of 3, my parents had a fight and my Dad left and died in a car accident. Many years later in a therapy group, I sat with ten women all victims of sexual abuse. Some drug addicts, some alcoholics, some sex addicts, some never having had a sexual relationship, some addicted to food, some addicted to the treadmill. All handeling what happened to them in different ways. I hope that you understand the point that I am trying to make. I really do wish it was just as simple as having willpower! It is so much more than that and really hard work!


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2015 5:55 pm 
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I know everyone is different, but how long do u think I need to be on sub given my history?
Being on Suboxone for the rest of my life isn't an option.
Even at low doses, I feel very dizzy and nauseous first couple of hrs after taking it in the morning.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2015 7:20 pm 
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Marcelo, once ur an addict, it doesn't matter if u used for one yr, six months, or six years....u have awoken ur addiction and it's a disease. Time using doesn't matter. Keep in mind, we aren't all telling u this to keep ya on suboxone longer (although that would probably be ur best bet). We're trying to make u understand, the way ur outlook on ur addiction, like it's willpower and ur wife won't let u stay on sub and u know without a doubt that you'll never relapse, these are statements that shoot warning signs up telling other ppl in recovery that ur not ready yet. Stop sub if u want to, but u better have a solid recovery plan in place and be aware of how incredibly difficult it's going to be. Willpower has NOTHING to do with this. Don't u think if it did, I'd never hurt my family? And the amount of time that u used in the past, won't make u any different when those intense cravings come on. Nobody's saying that u can't do this, it's just that the statements u keep making is scary. We just want u to understand and succeed, with or without suboxone. Suboxone is a tool for recovery, with or without it we still have to put in the work. U can make it without sub, but it's not going to be something that willpower can help u with. Good luck man!!

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2015 10:22 pm 
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No, I'm nowhere near to be feeling safe to just stop taking sub. No way in hell. If before (my prior sub experiences), 2mg a day wouldn't even suppress my cravings all the way and I would pop oxy30 pill less than an hour after sub intake (what a MORON!!!) now, I don't even think about pills. I don't miss the high, the rush, the hustle of getting them, activities while high. NONE OF THAT. my entire summer was filled with regrets, foggiest confusing hours, days, weeks that almost made me kill myself. I don't associate anything "good" with oxys this time around. And now, thought of using doesn't really cross my mind. And it's not even because my wife knows, and I've asked her to check my bank activity for a little while until I tell her to stop -- it's me. I'm the one who chooses not to do it. My wife found out 6 days ago. And I've been on sub for over 3 weeks, following my plan.
Before, money was the reason to stop. Not health issues oxy caused, not lies at work and at home, not theft of money from my daughter and wife, not risk of getting caught, arrested, overdosed , or being left alone with nothing but MONEY! Just lack of money kept me away. Now, it more than that. Way more than that.

And I know what u all mean by "my words sound alarming and dangerous". I don't know why but I have crazy pressure in my head, not really a headache but more of high blood pressure (even though it isn't high)... I remember feeling like this after i taperedb sub last time. Or maybe it's just a part of a NORMAL life of a hardworking man :) it takes time getting used to being normal. Sorry Wifey --- I'll stay on Suboxone as long as I need.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2015 11:39 pm 
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I feel bad that you feel like you need to apologize to your wife! You love her very much and she loves you very much...right? Have you though about couples counseling? Or even a couples retreat where you could get away and spend sometime focused on each other and talking about ways to strengthen the bond that you have. I know you have at least one child and that can make it difficult...time away...finances but maybe you could find a way. Have you heard of the book The Five Languages of Love? It is a great book for couples and I believe it comes with exercises that can be done. I remember, years ago, reading the book to my Husband. We would discuss what was read. It really helped us to understand each other. We would set time aside, I would make dinner, we would get comfortable and then we would read a section and talk about it. It was wonderful and I really learned so much about my husband! If you both love each other you have something to build upon! Good luck


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2015 12:02 am 
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Hey Michelle! Thsnk u for that advice! I'll look into this book, for sure. It's just our relationships have gone down the hill since baby was born. C-section, mood swings, post pregnancy depression of sort--I get it. Sex wasn't there. It still isn't here. At first, I started saying to myself--"what the heck, we aren't intimate anyway, mind as well pop oxys"... Then I would quit and it mostly lead to "self pleasing", if u know what I mean. Embarrassing. But I did what I had to do (still doing). But it'll be good one day. And that day is coming soon. It's just baby sleeps with us in the room so she uses it as an excuse. Plus, my mother is staying with us still. So, zero privacy is making it worse get our freak on.
Today was my first day on 1.50mg of sub. It was ok. Also, my friend/foe Eddie is still part of my life. I was told by my doc to take if differently (taper I mean) than Suboxone. Shorter half life means no skipping days. Which makes sense now. The funny thing is that I have absolutely ZERO cravings, or any "high" effect of any sort. It doesn't even help me focus anymore now. I guess 5mg is that low of a dose. Dr said that children under 6 begin taking 5mg +. What I DO feel upon stopping Eddie is awful NAUSEA AND HEADACHE (and no, it's now naxolone).. I'll try to continue with 5mg for a few more days and will drop to 2.50 but it's EXTREMELY difficult to cut these damn pills.
Tomorrow will be 21 days since I've started my FINAL Suboxone treatment. 22 days no pain meds.


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2015 12:56 am 
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Hi Marcello, Hope you are doing well tonight. Yes, get the book. It will help especially with the area of intimacy. I can tell you from experience that communication is the most important thing to any good relationship. Good luck!


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2015 11:41 pm 
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Thanks again Michelle :)
I'm here to report that day 2 on 1.50mg of sub went good! No cravings, no withdrawals... So far so good.
2.50mg of adderall. It's ridiculously silly dose and I'm probably taking more for placebo effect but I'll stay on it for a few more days before flushing remaining pieces.


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 17, 2015 11:40 am 
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Hello MarceloG, my name is William. I have been on suboxone for 4 yrs. I am also prescribed adderall. 4mg of suboxone in the AM along with 15mg of adderall. My question to you is are you prescribed these medications or are you seeking them on the street? Look forward to talking more with you MarceloG.


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 17, 2015 12:37 pm 
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Hey William, thank you for posting on my thread. At first, both from friends. Now, got a few subs from dr to whom I've explained my issue. I was advised to get off addie though. I've started taking adderall recreationally when I jumped Suboxone beg on 2015. Took it every few days , sometimes once a week to "focus" better at work. Never took more than 10mg-15mg a day... Started to cut back. Dr advised to stay on each dose for 2 weeks of adderall before dropping dose. I'm on 2.50mg now. Bought a few supplements from Amazon and will begin taking them right before dropping adderall completely. Are u prescribed both William?


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 18, 2015 10:17 am 
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I don't know... I'm kinda pissed at myself. I can't seem to stay at 2.50mg for more than s day. It's psychological, not physiological. Like an idiot, after s long day of work I popped another 2.50-5.00mg of adderall. Stupid stupid. Stupid. I know it's not earthshattering but I look at it as a failure. A step back. I have to stop going against doctors advise. He told me to stay on each dose for 2 weeks and I sways try to cut it shorter and it turns to a failure. This adderall is effin awful. Don't get me wrong -- I've got a lot of things done around the house on it. Maybe I should just open a safe deposit box and keep the remainder of pills there. Only have 3-4 left. Broken up to 2.50-5.00mg. 1/4th and 1/8th of 20mg pill. Haven't taken any Suboxone yet. Left it at work. Will take my 1.00mg AM dose soon.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 18, 2015 10:34 am 
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Hey Marcelo, So, do I have this right...1.5 adderall and 1.5 suboxone? Do you take it all at once? When you took the additional adderall in the evening, did you feel like you could not focus and that you really needed it? Maybe split the dose so you have some left to take when you get home? I know they say with sub it is best to dose once a day unless you take it for pain. I started it because I was hooked on tramadol but it does so much for the osteoarthritis I have and the depression I was experiencing as a result of menopause. Don't be so hard on yourself! Just start over and keep trying! Also, did you think about just tapering one drug at a time?


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 3:46 pm 
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I know j should. I'm still on 1.50mg sub and 5mg Addie. Can't get balls to stay on 2.50 for more than 2 days. I guess that addictive behavior still here


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 24, 2015 11:59 am 
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Day 30 on Suboxone. Still at 1.50. Tried dropping to 1.25 but couldn't. Cravings, stomach cramps u name it. Still on 2.5(1/8th of a pill)mg of add still. 3 more days on addy


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 28, 2015 11:28 pm 
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I know it sounds more like a monologue but I just logged in to report on my progress: down to 1.00mg of sub. And it's not easy, tbh. Cravings were pretty bad and minor anxiety were noted. Will stay on this dose a bit longer.
This whole taper is lasting longer than I expected


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