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PostPosted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 9:44 pm 
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I know... I've many "my ways" when it comes to Suboxone taper. I was able to successfully induce on 2mg and felt great. I've decided what the heck, I'll just drop to 1.50 tomorrow and 1.00 in 3 days. And guess what... Ended up buying oxy because I thought "I've got this.." Succ a fool. My folks on another site kept telling me to stay on a dose LONGER! Like u guys. Not for a year + but at least for a 2-3months.
Are you guys happy on a sub? U function normally, right? I haven't been on smth consistently for long periods of time so I don't know how will I be able to stay on this drug for that long and hide this from my family. It's just sooo frustrating for me. I almost opened up to my wife the other day. But glad I didn't. She's a great person but she tends to use certain weaknesses against me when we get into a fight. She broke my chops about smoking cigarettes. Calling me weak. I quit using elexctronic one, still on it and she keeps harassing me to quit THIS now. I don't want to even imagine what would she think if she found out that I was that deep into opiate addiction that I had to use Suboxone. Smh :(


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 30, 2015 10:17 pm 
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Your wife isn't a "red" head is she? lol
Just joking with you!
Honestly, you should probably tell her and then it would be out in the open. She wouldn't divorce you or anything, would she? I am just sayin' then you could go to a Dr. and there would be a lot of pressure off of you. I think then you would have a lot better chance of doing this then. Maybe she would even get on your side and you both could do this.
Sorry, I am just thinking out loud again. lol None of my business about your personal relationship with your wife. I'm just sayin', it might make things easier in the long run.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 31, 2015 4:08 am 
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Lol she is a red head lol

Its just she reacts to things differently sometimes. Our relationship ain't that great. Mostly my fault and my addiction. Just don't want her to find out how much money was spent and give reasons to guess why I did this or that and lose her trust for the rest of my life. And she does... Mention "divorce" quite often for stupid reasons. Smh.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 31, 2015 12:14 pm 
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Alright guys....are u trying to say redheads have a temper lol??? My bf would probably agree with u 100%!!

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 31, 2015 12:25 pm 
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Lol @ Jenn.
Let's see... Day 7 on 2.50mg sub, day 2 on 5mg adderall. Was able to stay strong and not take Addie upon returning home from work. 3-4 more days on 5mg per day and I should be done with it! Took my 1.50mg sub at around 8am today. Plan on taking another 1mg at 5-6.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 31, 2015 2:29 pm 
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OMG! I knew it! LMAO
I have no words to say! lol
Except, I understand now about not telling her. lol
Sorry Jenn! lol


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 31, 2015 4:25 pm 
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I guess some stereotypes exist for a reason :)
I wanted to ask u folks smth. Don't know if it has smth to do with getting off pills or I need a new mattress, but I have horrible pain in the middle of my back. Has anyone experienced anything like this? I also sit at the desk too long and unfortunately, don't expertise regularly... Maybe pain pills just masked the pain??


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 31, 2015 4:58 pm 
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I know when I took Adderall, the next day I would ache all over. Try taking Advil, maybe it is the Oxy's doing it too. Opiates are a funny drug when it comes to pain. They will cause pain in my opinion.
Bupe is an extremely potent pain med.
Also, I can't sleep in a bed. I haven't slept in a bed for over 10 years. I sleep in a recliner. Your body is going through a major change right now. So it is hard to tell what is causing it. How old are you and how long has the back pain been going on?


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 31, 2015 9:06 pm 
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I'm 32 yo. In a pretty good shape considering i was abusing painkillers last 3+ yrs of my life. 165lbs
It's just pain is awful. Feels like smth is burning in the middle of my backbone. Hope it's nothing serious (God forbid, someone I know had pain and she had bonemarrow cancer (God forbid) ). No pain pills for 7 full days.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 31, 2015 10:02 pm 
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Marc,
I guess it could be the Oxy's are just now getting out of your system and you are on such a small amount of sub that your receptors are asking for their fix and they're not getting filled. I am not telling you to take more Sub. But you are in the beginning stages and you need to take enough to fill all your receptors. That is why the Dr's prescribe so much Suboxone in the beginning. That is what my Dr. told me. 16 mgs is just the general amount they induct with. Hopefully your pain will go away in a couple days.
Happy

There are several different causes of burning back pain, but the most common are weak or tight muscles or joints, inflammation, and stress.
I copied this off a website for you...
I'd say you are wound up tighter than a clock right now with everything going on.


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 01, 2015 12:30 am 
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Aweee. Thank U soooo much happy :)
That's so sweet of you! This is one awesome place! I still didint figure out how to use this site properly. I hope one day I'll win this battle so I could provide advice and inspiration just like u guys do. :)

I actually think my receptors are pretty filled up, given that I haven't done more then 45-60 mg per day last 2 months. But who knows... Stress was definitely present last couple of weeks with work and stuff. I feel NORMAL now. I forgot how it felt for a long time...:)
Not high, not depressed, not super duper happy, just normal. An old me. Trying to go back to my hobbies because I almost forgot how to enjoy life without being high on oxy... So sad. I want to feel like this forever. I'm just afraid that I'll need to be on sub forever... :( I hope that down the road, when I'm down to 0.00mg I won't feel horrible. Not in any rush though. Will take my sweet time.. Called one dr today... Left vm. Hope to see her next week.


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 01, 2015 1:01 am 
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Marcelo, Im so proud of you for calling a doc! If she cant help, keep trying until one can.

When I stopped alcohol after being a daily drunk for 20 years, I learnt that I hate my bed. Even with the oxy and benzo's, my bed is shit. Its amazing what you find out when your exposed to the real (no drugs) world. Its fine now as its been 10 months since i last drank but on Sub it has gone back to nearly normal. I still think we need a new bed tho lol
I understand about not telling your wife. I cannot tell my partner for the same reason, even tho im the one threatening separation. It just seems like too hard work with all im going through ATM. But I must say, all the experts (recovering addicts) and professionals are encouraging me to. Maybe one day. Also, I was worried about being stuck on sub forever but the life it has given back to me im not worried. I know it wont be forever at all and Im just going to take it all one day at a time. Life and negative thoughts become too much if I think too hard on these things.
Your doing well mate, keep up the good work!!


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 01, 2015 8:36 am 
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Thank you Mel. Today is another 2.50mg day. Took 1.50 just recently. It's amazing that today was the first day I woke up not feeling crappy. I know sub has a long half life but even with that I used to wake up needing my "morning Suboxone fix"... I'll try to stick to 5mg adderall or skip it altogether today :)


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 01, 2015 7:33 pm 
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Now I realized why I was always trying to take those darn oxys, especially when I was home. When I'm at worK--- I'm a different man. Dealing with my wife and mom who's helping out temp is just impossible. My daughter requires lots of attn too, but I'll do anything for her. These two, however, are creating a monster out of me. I just can't handle it. I'm typing all this , and losing my friggin mind. Don't know what to do. I feel like I used to pop pills to "prove" smth to my family. I know it sounds stupid but I think that's what it was. I know I'm not always right and when they break my balls about EVERYTHING I just lose it. I'm so pissed right now. Words can't describe it. Having chest pains even. AHHHHHHH! What to scream!!! Lol


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 01, 2015 9:01 pm 
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Hey Marcelo, so sorry you are having a difficult time! Do you mind if I ask, why do you stay with your wife? If she causes you so much grief and you can not tell her about your addiction, subs, how far you have come....why? What do you get from the relationship? I know these are personal questions and I will not be offended if you say, Michelle, it is none of your business! I only ask because I am trying to understand. I think you said you have a child/children and would understand if that was the reason. I just know how much easier my struggle is with my husband on my side. No one else in my family knows and I have a sister who I am very close with. We are Irish twins and have always been closer than close. Sometimes I feel like I am keeping a secret from her and it makes me feel sick. I just don't think she would understand. She is a very black and white person. We are very different in this as my way of thinking contains a thousand shades of grey!lol Please know, there is never any judgement where I am concerned. I really only ask questions to try and see the whole story and then help if I can. Hope you can have a good night!


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 01, 2015 10:57 pm 
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Hey Michelle, my rage has dissipated lol
And no, I don't mind sharing :)

My wife is an amazing person, most of the time. I love her. Not sure we we are still IN LOVE. That lust and getting freak on type love was gone soon after we've got married. Sex was strictly to get pregnant, so she can catch up with friends. I wanted a baby more then anyone prob but having sex just to conceive was s turn off. Then, she began being too ordinary... If u know what I mean. When I tried to spice things up... She would make me feel like s weirdo, so, of course I stopped.
I mean, I got to the point where I told myself: "why not just do drugs? So what that u can't get it up while using, not like someone needs it anyway..." And during my CLEAN months during last 3 years, I was very close to cheating. It almost got me in trouble. I don't believe in cheating. Don't think it's worth it. I've known my wife since she was 17 yo... When we first met, I didn't even think about marriage or anything Serious. I was a "pretty boy" and a "ladies man", so I couldn't stand to be with the girl/woman for longer than 3 months. I loved to party and do recreational drugs. Nothing crazy or consistent.
My boring, monotonous life got me to use. I found a miracle drug: antidepressant, gets u high, anti-anxiety med, numbs your EVERYTHING (including penis), and helps time go by faster. It costs half of your monthly income, causes wds 12 hrs after not using, and turns you to monster. Sorry, mind is racing. :)
2.50mg sub and 5mg day adderal went ok. Could be better. I really wanted to drop the dose tomorrow, but I don't think I can.. I'm afraid to mess it up again this time. I think I need to stay on this dose for s while to heal my brain and for used to not thinking about oxy and ways of getting it...


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 02, 2015 9:17 am 
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Good morning everyone! Happy Monday.

Recently I took 1.5 mg of sub. No adderall. I'll take 5mg today and prob 5mg tomorrow and that's it for me. Then, I'll begin dropping a dose to 2.00mg or maybe even 2.25.


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2015 7:58 am 
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Called the dr again-- he is on vacation for two weeks. Great. Called another place. They work differently. I would have to join the "program", come in while in wd and take urine test!!? What's that about? I've explained that I'm on Suboxone already. They said to call someone else. There's no one else in 5 mile radius. I'm shocked. Given we have such crazy epidemic here in NY, there isn't much help available.


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2015 10:13 pm 
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Hey guys. Dont see much activity here so decided to post myself.. No adderall today!!! Yeah! Still on 2.50mg of sub. The most amount of sub I've taken for 8 consecutive days of my life! Not sure if there's smth to be proud of, given that I wanted to do s shorter taper originally, but I've decided to listen and not do it "my way" again and stay on a dose longer. I honestly took 1mg in the morning and 1 at around 4pm, and thought to stay at 2mg but then said "no way Jose.." See, I'm going through some stressful times right now: wife had some cold:flu for over a week now (pretty bad actually) and now my baby has a slight fever (100.7-101.00 or so). God willing it's just dehydration or climate change and nothing serious. I had a relapse last July because daughter had some virus and I was on day 3 or smth. Now, it's different. I just DONT WANT any oxy. To be honest, s guy that I know owes me money and he offered to pay me back with "interest" and give me a free blue devil oxy30 for free. Guess what I said: NOPE, IM GOOD. During my prior tapers I would prob jump on it. Because I wasn't rational. I wasn't adequate. I didn't want to do oxy ONLY due to money issues. Now, I'm getting my confidence back. I can think clearly. I make great and sound decisions. I control my anger and emotions. It's just amazing. I don't dramatize stuff and have major mood swings. To be honest, although many ppl hate Suboxone and claim "it has made them a zombie, a devil etc" I am functioning at 110% of my capacity for the most part. I think staying at 2.50mg is helping me curb any craving or desire to take adderall or any other addictive substances. I'm in love :) in love with Suboxone
I have some anxiety thinking I'll run out and what will I do without it, but for now I'm staying at 2.50 until I'm completely done with adderal.
Cheers my friends :)


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 03, 2015 10:15 pm 
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I hope the sickies get better soon!

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