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PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2016 3:51 am 
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Last October I hit what I thought was my bottom and went to detox for alcohol. I had messed with Oxy and dope as a teenager, but didn't use street drugs my entire adult life (I'm 35). I was primarily a garden variety alcoholic, except for the past 10ish years I had been on prescription Opioid painkillers for a herniated disc in my low lumbar and arthritis in my facet joints. Also used to get a variety of additional Opioids from several friends and was a pretty heavy pill-popper. Around December of 2014 I went through RF therapy on my facets joints combined with epidurals in my disc and no longer had significant pain. My tolerance to the painkillers had also reached a level where no pills seemed to work any longer for pain, and no matter how much Oxy I took it would just make me itch like a bastard. I remember getting hold of some of the old IR oxy 120s (I think they stopped manufacturing them a long time ago), and rushing to the supermarket, scratching myself like a madman, to buy aveeno bath. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I had developed a dependence on opioids and after stopping was when my drinking became very heavy and I'd have to drink in the morning to keep the shakes at bay. This was also a time period of high stress with work and a 1 1/2 year old at home and another baby on the way.
I know now that I was addicted to benzos right away from the time I was given them for alcohol detox. I had never even heard of benzodiazepines prior, and found that they provided the same relaxing effect as alcohol without drinking. I began to doctor shop, pursuing a benzo prescription, but it took some time to work out and my impatience led me down a dark path of poor decisions. I recall doctors telling me I don't want to trade one addiction for another and in my head thought "yes I do want to, it's just pills".
Initially I began with purchasing the legal benzo, Etizolam. This escalated to buying research chemical benzos, and eventually purchasing prescription benzos online.
During this time the effects of the procedure I had on my back began to wear off and I had a neck injury which was causing significant pain. I went back on prescription pain medication, but my tolerance had stayed where it had been after stopping the last time and the medication didn't help. I was no longer thinking very clearly at this point with the benzo use and emboldened by purchasing them online, I started to purchase Fentanyl analogs (primarily Furranyl-Fentanyl) online.
I became extremely mentally and physical addicted to Fu-Fentanyl. It was very short acting and I became physically ill and ice cold without it for just short periods of time. I developed a roughly four to five hundred dollar a day habit, and had to constantly redose or I would lose control of my body temp and be so excruciatingly cold I couldn't take it. Additionally I had dropped from 210 lbs, when I went to alcohol detox, to 135 lbs in only 8 months. I OD'ed 5 times, 2 of which resulted in stopping breathing and turning blue, with my wife doing CPR on me until the EMTs arrived and resuscitated me. Each time I refused to got to the hospital and went right back to using after they left without even thanking them or my wife or any appreciation of what had just happened.
Finally I was so completely out of my mind that my wife essentially committed me to detox and rehab. I had no intention of stopping at the time I went to detox and I told them I was only on benzos. Since my DOC is a synthetic that doesn't show up in a UA, I never got properly detox'ed and spent my entire time at detox in a painful phenobarbital induced zombie state (didn't wake up for 2 full days and shat myself like 3 times). I didn't admit to having been on the fent analogs until I was several days into rehab and just in so much pain I couldn't stand it. I was still physically in withdrawal and sick after 3 weeks and left rehab early to go on Sub, because I knew it was the only way I would make it (it was a holistic abstinence based program that didn't allow sub).

Despite all the naysayers from the rehab center telling me I needed to stay in inpatient care and wasn't ready, I knew in my heart that it was the right decision and followed my instinct. It was the best choice I could have made and turned my life around within hours of taking my first dose. I went from being barely able to hold myself upright to to fully functional and motivated to exercise and focus on recovery. The very next day I joined a Yoga studio and have been doing Yoga every day since. I would have laughed a year ago if someone told me I'd be doing Yoga and enjoying it, but it's great for recovery and helps with detox, flexibility, full body muscle workout, breathing, and building a spiritual foundation.

I now feel good every morning when I wake up, I'm fully committed and actively working on recovery, go to meetings every day, and have made a lot of progress rebuilding family relationships in a short time. I've developed a great level of acceptance and inner peace that I can't change the past, but can make a great future in sobriety. Seeing all the people I was in rehab with who have already gone out, I know that leaving and going on sub treatment was the best possible thing I could have done for myself and for my family. I no longer have the mental obsession and even forgot to take my dose yesterday (that would never happen in the past). This medication saved and is continuing to save my life. I also used to suffer from debilitating anxiety and panic attacks (I've been told I have PTSD from my military experiences by my counselors at rehab, but think I just have bad anxiety), and noticed as an added plus that I don't have anxiety on sub. As far as whether I'll stay on indefinitely or taper off eventually, I don't need to think about that right now, I just know it's working for me and I'll stay on as long as I feel I need to. Whether that's 6 months or the rest of my life, it's a decision only I can make and honestly today lean more toward indefinite sub. It was an awful and painful experience getting here and can't same I do it over the same given a second chance, but I feel like I got to hit the reset button on life and start over mentally, emotionally, and physically; which is pretty cool.

This forum is great and can't thank the subox doc and all of you enough for the information I've learned reading through the posts and literature.


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2016 12:27 pm 
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OMG-- I had no idea that those fentanyl analogs were even out there! My drugs of choice were fentanyl and sufentanil... which is so potent that even traces of the dry drug can kill a person.

And Etizolam? I had never heard of that drug until a patient told me about it. He purchased it online, and was told to dip the end of a match into the powder and take the amount balancing on the end of the match. He did that-- and lost 3 days from his memory. He has no recollection of anything from those three days, even though he was driving, interacting with people, etc.

That's great that you found buprenorphine. That level of curiosity can kill a person.... Hopefully you will stick around in case someone else comes along who is stuck on those drugs!


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2016 12:59 pm 
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Hi pan81

I too practice yoga. I started doing yoga when i got off opiates. It is such a great way of life. Not just the exercising but the mental relaxation too.

There are so many healing benefits to yoga. I would recommend it to anyone in recovery or not in recovery. it is a great added piece to your life.


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 31, 2016 6:27 am 
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Thanks SuboxDoc, I would definitely be more than happy to help anyone else who gets twisted up on my DOC.

Raudy, totally agree. The other day I didn't have a enough time for my normal meeting and Yoga so just went to Yoga. My sponsor didn't understand, but I was feeling like Yoga is more important for my recovery than meetings if that makes sense.


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