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PostPosted: Wed Aug 01, 2012 7:30 am 
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Hello all :) I have been reading this site for quite a while, preparing (and longing) for the switch from addiction hell to a normal life. I am an extremely dedicated mom, I have a college education, I work hard and I have been addicted to opiates for about 10 years. I have gone off and on (cold turkey) but have never been able to stay off. I am at the point that my tolerance is so high that going cold turkey is the most dreaded and scariest thing, I do not feel in any way like I can do that. I am afraid I will die if I don't make a change and I am so very tired of living this way! I have read what others have posted about feeling they weren't the "best" mom without their pills and that's exactly how I feel. I get so sick without meds and that's not fair to my kids and it's the most horrible feeling. I feel like I am at the bottom of a well and I feel so alone. I am divorced and no one knows about my addiction. I have no one to talk to and no support system. I am extremely depressed and don't do anything social except for things with my kids. I feel bad about who I am and I don't feel like I am worth anything. I overindulge my kids out of guilt. I only want to be NORMAL, I want my life back, I want to be a better person. I have a surgery scheduled for tomorrow to correct some permanent scars left on my face from being beaten for years, and to be honest, the surgery is to reverse some of the aging that has seemed to have execelerated so much over the past few years, I guess from stress. I am fairly young to be having the surgery, but I look older than I am. I am hoping that I will gain back some of my self esteem by doing something for myself. I normally don't do ANYTHING for myself (buy clothes, have pedicures, or even buy my favorite baby lotion, nothing) because I don't feel like I deserve anything because of my addiction and the money spent on that. In gaining back my self esteem, moving to suboxone is critical to that process. I scheduled the surgery before starting suboxone because I was afraid of managing the surgery with suboxone (and not quite sure how to manage it properly) but I am also terrified because I am almost out of pills and I have the surgery recovery to go through. I was written a small script for pain meds (which I have not filled yet) but for me, it's about 3 days worth of meds. I will run out of what I have on hand today and I have not been able to find anything and won't be able to after the surgery, I won't be able to get around very easily. I am wondering if a doctor will start me on suboxone when I'm in recovery from this surgery?? The recovery period is not as lengthy as the time it will take for the swelling and brusing to subside. I will look like a train wreck for a few weeks. I am just so ready to start the suboxone and put the pills behind me! I also have extreme anxiety and have been on anxiety and anti-depressant meds for years. Will I be able to take my anxiety meds and anti-depressants with the suboxone? That is a HUGE question for me because I have horrific anxiety attacks and I get slammed with depression (I am in a deep depression now, I have been through a series of huge life events over the past several months). People ask me all the time how I have not just broken, how am I not a basket case with all that has happened and I think to myself...because I am numb all of the time. My doctor even asks me that question, he is convinced I'm going to break at some point because he said one person can only take so much. I'm not strong at all and people think I am. I feel so much guilt when friends and family tell me I'm the strongest person they've ever met, that they're proud of me because I keep on getting up no matter how many times I get knocked down and I want to tell them I'm not strong at all, I'm an addict and a mother, I don't deserve praise for anything, I get up and I keep marching on because I take pills! My kids hug me and tell me all the time I'm the best mommy in the world. That is what breaks me down because I feel like they deserve so much better than a mommy that has to take pills to function. They are the best kids in the world! I am generous and loving to everyone in my life, I go out of my way to not ever hurt anyone, I have a very tender heart and I will do anything for anyone. But I feel like I am a bad person because of this addiction. I won't date anyone because I don't feel like I'm worth being loved and because I know I need to work on getting myself better before I can possibly be of any good in a relationship. There's also a part of me that feels like I need to give all of myself to my children, they've been through a lot too, they are what I live for and my life is centered around them. That's probably a lot more than what anyone wants to read and I apologize, I've never posted on any board like this but I feel so alone in this and I am reaching out for any support I can get, and I need that support from others that know what I am going through. Thank you to anyone that takes the time to read this, I suppose it's also an induction to who I am (lol) and I'm sorry it is so long. I sincerely appreciate any input you may have.


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 01, 2012 8:25 am 
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Hi Unlucky1 and welcome to the forum. I read and re-read your post twice. I am so sorry that you are going through what you are going through.

There are so many things to address in your post, I am not sure that I will keep this all in order, but I'll try.

First of all, YOU are not a bad mother. You are not a bad person. You are an addict. There is a member on here who has this written under their signature "Our character defects do not define who we are". I wholeheartedly believe that. Just because you take pills, that does not mean that you are a bad person or mother. It will take some time for you to accept and understand that. It took me about six months to grasp it and believe it about myself. I can tell just from reading your post that you have been through a lot and your self esteem has suffered for it. That is ok and its actually quite common when a woman or man, comes from an abusive relationship. That is something that is going to take time to repair. The suboxone will help keep you out of withdrawal and keep any cravings at bay, so that you can work on these things.

Ok, feeling guilty about needing pills to function and take care of your children is normal. I have been there and there are a couple of other mommies on here that are actively posting that will more than likely chime in too. I used to have to get up every morning and take a bunch of pills before I could even wake them up. I understand completely. I also did the overindulgence thing for a while. But where I am at now, I just overindulge my son with love. I lost custody of my two daughters and that tears me apart every single day. That's another story though. However it makes me appreciate these years with my 17 month old son so much more.

I totally understand the not spending money on yourself!!! I am the same way. I don't know that that will change much. I just prefer spending money on my son, it makes me happy to make other people happy. That is more of a reward for me then buying stuff for myself. I do, however, get pedicures, and take care of my hair and stuff. Hopefully this surgery will help some with the self esteem, like you said. I think it was a wise move on your part to wait to start suboxone until after this surgery. So don't sweat that. Though I do think the sooner you get induced, the better. You are going to be surprised at just how much better you feel after you begin your suboxone therapy.

OK, onto the dpression and anxiety. You absolutely will have to deal with all of these things that are causing you anxiety and depression. Do you have a therapist? IF not, I would reccommend getting one lined up. I have been told the same thing about being a strong person. Almost to the point that I feel like it isn't ok for me to have a hard time with anything. You are right in assuming that you have been numb for so long. All of these emotions ar going to start coming out. Though, don't be afraid of them, they are normal, and again, the suboxone helped me a lot with that. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. You don't have to deal with everything all at once. Get stabilized on the suboxone, and then when you are ready, start to deal with things one at a time. There is no time limit on it. You have all the time you need. You can also post on the forum in addition to therapy, and we will all be here to help you and support you in any way that we can.

When your children hug you and tell you that you are the best mommy in the world, it isn't because you are taking pills to help yourself take care of them. It is because you are a great mom. They know that they are loved and that in itself tells me that you are doing a wonderful job as a mother. I am a single mother too and I know just how hard it can be at times. I think sometimes about getting into a relationship and then I think "for what?" I don't need it. It isn't that you don't deserve to be loved. Because you absolutely do. One day you will agree. But for now, I do think that it is best to stay single and work on you. You are the most important person right now. If you dont take care of yourself, noone else will. Your kids need you and deserve you. A partner will not make you happy right now. No, you wouldn't be alone, but if you don't love yourself, you are not ever going to be able to feel that you are loved by someone else.

You don't have to apologize for such a long post!! LOL! It's good to have information about you, that way we can beter support you. You are going to find that this is a very supportive forum. It does slow down a little in the summer so dont get too bummed if it takes a little while for you to get all the responses you need or hope for. OK? I've noticed a lot of forums do that on the internet.

So, I hope I covered everything. Again, I had a lot going through my mind while reading that. Have a good day, and remember, we are here if you need us, even if it is just to vent!!! OH, one more time....WELCOME!!!

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 Post subject: Name Change
PostPosted: Wed Aug 01, 2012 8:09 pm 
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Hi Unlucky 1,

I surely hope that once you are in a good recovery mode that you will change your user name to something more positive. You are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for. Just being a Mom takes a lot courage and strength to be sure they get all they need. Yes you are taking pills to block out some reality but you are still you and are doing a great job! So stop being so hard on yourself and allow a recovery program to work.

It could be NA, AA, Rational Recovery, or any other program you feel comfortable with. Coming here and speaking your mind is also therapeutic. I second the suggestion from Goingstrong to go see an addiction therapist. Try for that first and if you can't find one go for a family therapist who can help you work through some of your abuse issues.

Reading your post was painful. Just knowing how much you've suffered is terrible. The good news is you have reached out a hand for help and you'll get a hand back from us here but you need so much more.

Get through the surgery, recover, and then seek out a Suboxone doctor to help you make the next step.

Keep posting here and we hope to see more of you as you recover from your addiction.

Welcome to the forum!

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2012 10:15 am 
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Unlucky1, (god I dont like typing that name) YOU ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT!

Anyway, I know that you are having surgery today if I remember correctly. I don't know if you will get on here today or not, but I wanted to tell you GOOD LUCK! And I hope that you have a smooth surgery, and quick recovery. Please let me know how you are doing after you settle in and feel up to it. I've been wondering about you since reading your post. It's weird but you've crossed my mind while driving yesterday, and then again last night when I was praying. You have so much to get over in your life, but have sooo much going for you too. Anyway, I don't want to get all long winded on ya!!! Hope you are feeling better soon, and stay in touch!

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2012 11:57 pm 
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Unlucky 1, your new nickname is,,,,,
ready??

#1
K???
just thought Id let you know.
So, yes, you've gotten some really good replies here. I really hope you can dig down deep and grab some courage, and get thru this.
It wont be an easy road, but Im telling you IT IS WORTH IT. every stinkin battle. Every day, you'll feel a lil better, a lil less guilty, IM SERIOUS.

I remember feeling JUST LIKE YOU.
The views alot brighter where I am today, and YOU can be here too, I promise. But,,,, you gotta come back, and let us know how things are going, k?
even if its not good, k?
please.
you can do this, you really can. by the sounds of it, you've already done the really, really hard part, DECIDING, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
it took me a lil over ten years, too. so you're not a slow learner, by any means. (hope Im making you smile :wink: )

Anyways, hope everything went well with your surgery. Hope you made it to your induction/first suboxone appt.

Keep us posted, K?

welcome.
you can (will/have) find lots of support here, if you let us :wink:

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hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
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 Post subject: Tears!!
PostPosted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 10:22 am 
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I made it through surgery. In a lot of pain and can't see well right now but THANK YOU ALL. I am floored by how you care, I cried and I'm not supposed to be crying with my swelling, but it's ok, I needed it.. I will post more as I gain my strength back but you all brought so much to my heart and it helps me. I will continue my plan to gaint myself back and your replies help so much in keeping that resolve. Thank you, thank you.


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 1:53 pm 
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Hello #1! So glad that everything went smoothly with your surgery!! YaaaaY!!!! Sorry we all made you cry, but we really do care...so be prepared for that! LOL! NO MORE CRYING until you are healed!!!! We'll have to start posting jokes until you are feeling better! hahaha, I hope that this surgery gives you the results that you are hoping for as far as your self confidence. I am sure that you look GREAT!

You get some rest, and take care of yourself. Concentrate on getting better, and we are here for you when you are ready to start chipping away at all you posted about! Thanks for posting and letting us know how you are. I have been wondering about you. Everytime I log on, I look to see if you have posted yet.

Take care and we'll talk to you soon.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 11:09 pm 
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I posted previously under "Unlucky 1" but couldn't remember my password. THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT!! I signed back up as Untitled because I don't know the title of my story yet. I haven't found any luck yet. That much is true...

I detoxed cold turkey in the fall from approx 160mg hydro per day. My insurance doesn't cover IOP & sub. Abstinence only. So I was unable to get in outpatient treatment, though I wanted to. The group of doctors and therapists won't see me at all unless I am unmedicated. I have been lowering my anxiety meds slowly but know I won't stop them completely. I've landed in the hospital more than once when anxiety came crashing in, I'd go years at a time med free...then wham, it would hit like a ton of bricks. I've never abused benzos and adjust my dose according to how I feel.

My depression and lack of drive at this point is indescribable. I lost EVERYTHING when I detoxed. I'm broke, unemployed, me and my children live with friends. I "relapse" every couple weeks, take a few hydros to get housework done, but always feel horrible about it. I CAN see myself opiate free for good...at some point. But for now, the depression, lack of energy and feeling like my brain is pudding is killer. I don't feel like I could take on any job more complicated than a cash register.

I'm seriously thinking of going on .25mgs sub for a boost. I don't know if a doc will go that low on the dosage but I know for me now, 20-30mgs of hydro picks me up for a while, then drops me down hard. I feel loopy and depressed coming down and have wacky twilight sleep when the weariness of coming down hits me. It's disturbing, not really sleeping, mind racing with weird thoughts/dreams. I don't know if opiates give anyone else that racey/weary feeling with the crazy dreams...but I used to just handle that with alcohol! I'd drink a few glasses of red wine and pass out. Every single night. I was on a path to sure death. I still drink, but cut that to social.

So here I am. Lost about the direction I should take but knowing I've got to do something. Quick. The things I hate about opiates are the things I worry about with sub...the troubled sleep, depression (the depression goes away for a few hours then comes on full and HEAVY when the opiates wear off -or- the depression stays at high doses), the swelling, numb feelings, major appetite (I gained weight and swelled, I would eat, take more pills...), the sexual dysfunction (least of my worries, but I would like a female's perspective please). I know .25 seems like a low dose but with my lack of tolerance at this point, I think it would be plenty. I want to combat the depression and relapses, and feel NORMAL. I am taking an antidepressant. Even though my life is so upside down, I don't know what normal is anymore. I read this board daily and didn't post back because I was trying to go with complete abstinence, and have felt more ashamed because I can't quite maintain that either...and everything has fallen apart around me. Please, please help. I feel like I'm in a black hole.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 3:01 pm 
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I do not know where to start with my reply...Reading your first post from back in August made me think about myself 5 years ago. I was very young when my addiction started...I was 15 and hooked on heroin. Wound up on the streets of DC, far away from my family, albeit a quite dysfunctional family. At 20 yrs old, I found myself in jail...served 8 months and in that time cold-turkey detoxed from a boat load of heroin daily. It saved my life truly.
When I got out at 21, I moved in with my biological father and started college for nursing. I met my husband, fell in love and had our beautiful daughter at 22. I never looked back and in hindsight, that was the problem.
After her complicated delivery in which I received 2 epsiotimies, internal and external, a torn cervix, multiple units of blood and the most excruciating headache from the epidural I was put on Vicodin. I was completely in love with my beautiful baby girl and so determined to be the best Mom EVER! It was so hard...My husband was gone working all the time, and we had no family around...I had no friends either..never had time to make any. She was extremely colic and I got no sleep...I found that the vicodins made it sooooo much easier...I had all this energy to be Super Mom...I could sooth the hours and hours of crying, keep the house clean, do all the latest and greatest "Raise a Genius Baby" stuff and be the most amazing wife ever...oh and continue my college part time too! It was apparent when my daughter started running(not walking, running!) at 9 1/2 months, that I had a problem...I kept having all these problems that required pain medication...then I had my wisdom teeth out...then I needed a "cosmetic" surgery...then my back hurt..you get the drift?
All of a sudden, a Vicodin or two turned into 10 or 15. I realized I had a problem, and my husband did too. We sought out help for me...I went to a therapist that recommended suboxone...The induction specialist told me it was a non-addictive, non-opiate that would re-train my brain to not like drugs....Word to the wise..If it sounds too good to be true, IT IS!
Now...5 years later, I have anxiety. BAD anxiety...Full blown panic attacks..I feel numb most of the time.
BUT...there is always a BUT...It did help me regain function of my life in the beginning. I will never forget after sitting in the office for that hour, and driving home and CLEANING the hell out of my house, doing like 20 loads of laundry, making stuffed Chicken Limone' and putting on some sexy ass lingerie all in time for my husband to come home, LOL...It was like the good ole days. I will say that I was not treated well...back then, I think there was a lot of ignorance among sub doctors...They had me on 24 mg a day and I was higher then a kite with just 8 mg. I often wonder if it would be different had I been put on a low dose. This super feeling lasted a year or two..My doctor never tried to get me to taper, and when he finally did he put me on the 2 mg tabs, but the whole time the pharmacist was filling the script with 8 mg tabs :oops:
The addict that I am, of course did not say anything until the time the pharmacist filled the script with the RIGHT mg tab, and I ran out while my doc was away for the week. The covering doc refused to give me anymore, and I had the worst week of my entire life and that says A LOT coming from an ex heroin junkie whop has been shot, raped, beaten, kidnapped and left for dead.
About 2/5 years into my "treatment" I had my first ever full blown panic attack. Since that day, I had had sever anxiety and panic attacks, but the anxiety will not allow me to take meds for it. A nasty cycle it is. I have managed it on my own and truthfully the most helpful thing I did was get a puppy(that I now compete with)and learn to take my pulse. When I feel a panic attack coming on, I take my pulse...That helps in a couple ways...1) It keeps my brain focused for a minute, allowing me enough time to nip the fight or flight response in the bud, and 2) it makes me realize my heart is not ACTUALLY beating 300 bpm.
Getting back to your dilemma. I would say that if there is ANY OTHER WAY, do not take Suboxone. If you are all but certain that you will not be able to function, that your quality of life is SHIT, that there is NO HOPE what so ever without it, then and only then would I recommend you getting on suboxone.
And if you choose to try suboxone, then you need to be on the lowest dose possible. I would try 2 mg to start.
The WD's from suboxone are much more fierce and longer lasting then hydros. The anxiety is much worse. Most people that get oiff subs, have a long wd process and paws that last months.
If I had it to do over, I would not have taken the sub...I would have fought through the week or so of wds from the vicodin, then I would have gotten help. The best way to fight depression and anxiety is to eat healthy and excercise. You need to have a support system...find a meeting somewhere.
I am sorry you are suffering and I wish I could help...truly. If I had magic wand, I would use it to heal all the addicts in the world..I truly think we are some of the smartest people in the world...The drugs take that from us....We have to take it back. There is something within each of us that is not found in "regular" people. It is our job to turn that into something magical. keep us posted on what you decide!


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 25, 2013 11:06 pm 
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My response is long overdue to you all, if you knew how seriously I take this board...you'd all laugh. As seriously as I take every major thing in life. Jmdear, I love what you said about a magic wand. That sums it up for me. I'd fill and fix every addict if I could, I see addiction as a beast that hits and skews "normal" life problems. We all learned this way to escape (or deal). And it's so hard to forget.

I am a pain patient too. I have fought that label because I know so, so many pain patients that troop through it. Why can't I?

I suppose my dose "guesses" are based on those used for pain/depression. I've always left sub as an option if my own efforts didn't yield good results. The crazy thing is...I've obsessed over sub like people do their DOC!! It hits me as such an irony when I read about how sub takes the obsession away! I also try with all my heart and soul to fit it in my faith in God. That's where I really, really need help. Please. I feel conflicted, like I should be stronger.

I did 3 things before replying here (what's the point in rambling without action?)...I made an appointment for counseling (soonest was next week). I can't tell the counselor about sub. Same protocol as IOP, complete abstinence is the only counselors my insurance will pay for. NA/AA isn't an option in my community (please see my post on abuse/children)...and, I had initial blood work done for sub treatment by a doc recommended to me by my pdoc. When I said I adjust my benzo dose,

please let me be clear, I adjust down. I either take my prescribed dose, take less, or none. I'm actually afraid of meds & have the utmost respect for benzos. How I don't have the "dose according to how you really feel" mechanism with opiates? I don't know! I'll avoid benzos until my heartrate is over 250. Why I can't pull that inner strength with opiates is a profound mystery to me. Am I someone that is better being somewhat numb? After all this time, yes. I think so.

I am so sorry to be a disappointment after all this time. Oh Dear God yes. And the 3rd thing I did was soul search. I am not in any way mentally supported enough or; ready on my own, for total abstinence. I tried. With all my might, which leads me into the spiritual questioning. I DO believe Christ strengthens us all. I feel like the ultimate failure for not grasping that strength. Don't we all want to stop opiates? I did! Why am I a failure?

I will do it once and for all. I don't doubt it because I'm still here..through more heartache, by the grace of God, I'm still here.

But for now, my personal PAWS have no escape, no patience, no empathy. I've jogged it out u till I'm bones and I can't drag anyone else through this with me. Everyone is beyond tired, and disgusted with me. I understand they feel, I feel it myself.

So tomorrow, I induce. I'm so darn hopeful. And scared to death! I don't even know how to take it and hold it in my mouth. I hope I don't get sick. I'm just scared of the ill and cure. I don't really know, on the eve of my induction, what my cure is. Thank you all, I DO need you guys.

With much love,
Un


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 Post subject: Not What I Expected
PostPosted: Tue Mar 26, 2013 11:36 pm 
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I don't know why I'm posting because I don't know that anyone can offer insight to my situation.

I went for my appointment today. The blood panel showed a few things that didn't surprise me much. The source of my pain is evident. Some issues I was unaware of, but what really surprised me was, I was told it appears I have sleep apnea. I'm going to be tested, but the doc wouldn't prescribe sub because of the associated respiratory depression.

WHAT?!?! I have debated this internally to my core, only to be told "no go"? I am basically opiate naive at this point. I don't believe the good doc would have written sub if I had told him, thank you for your time. I am leaving to eat loads of hydros now.

Does anyone have sleep apnea, take benzos and opiate naive wanting to get on sub? Am I the only freak in my boat? Wouldn't surprise me.

I have no fear taking full agonists. What is the difference? I am frustrated and feel like my every effort to get myself right has gone completely wrong. I am lost. Maybe that would have been a better name for me.

As I am typing this, a turn to help commercial came on.

Those actors seemed normal. I don't relate. My sister was on sub after methadone and jumped off sub successfully (but no walk in the park) and has been clean 7 years. She doesn't know what to tell me and she's so removed and anti-opiate (good on her, I am proud). I don't talk to her about it much because she has the attitude "if I could do it anyone can" and I LOVE HER STRENGTH...but not much guidance there. I am exhausted.

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 27, 2013 10:19 am 
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Hey, forgive me if I missed this above, are you taking any anti-depressants? If not, have you in the past? Just wondering if what you're feeling could be helped by something other than suboxone.

If you are pretty set on the sub route, can you see another doctor for a second opinion? I don't have any experience with sleep apnea, I'm sorry. Hang in there til you get this sorted out!


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Oh common, it's a fun boat! **rocks the boat**

Anyway I've NEVER heard of a blood test for sleep apnea, the only way I'm aware of to diagnose that is a sleep study which involves sleeping with all these leads hooked up to your head, gook in your hair and all that fun stuff!(Washing your hair the next day is really fun!)

As for depression, I was pretty darn depressed myself. When I got my Dr. to switch me over to buprenorphine, I don't think it was a week later it just occurred to me "Hey, I'm not depressed anymore!".


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 Post subject: A MUCH needed LOL!!
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 8:58 pm 
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Thank you Tiny and Smuckerz, all of you here are a lifeline to me, I've never liked being in a boat alone (though I don't like bringing anyone down, ever). I just feel like the most alone person on earth. I guess in my mind I am...but aren't we all.

I'm taking an antidepressant and it is helping. I didn't refill it for about a week and could tell a (not good) difference. I guess I'm grasping at straws at this point. I know a lot of my depression stems from situational circumstances and my mind is begging for relief from it. My options for pain medicine are equivalent to someone that has depression and has exhausted MAOI's...there is a group of meds I can't take due to another condition, so docs have always (since I was young) went straight to opiates for pain that tylenol can't handle. The doc prescribed some off the wall meds that are very old, last line pain meds, with very major side effects. One side effect they do not have is being addictive! I'm not supposed to start them until baselines can be established with several organ functions, because the meds can cause rapid failure. Or could cause no problems at all. I've never been prescribed anything that required baseline testing. And it's not just the docs requirement...I googled to see if he was being overly cautious. No, it's listed as a requirement on all the medical websites as well. I am not taking that stuff! I don't want to damage my body further.

I am scheduled for a sleep study and hope it comes out okay. The bloodwork showed my Carbon Dioxide levels as bad, along with a few other initials on the panel related to blood oxygen levels that I haven't bothered to research (the sleep study is the best indicator IMHO as well).

The cravings and obsession aren't budging for me. I believe that too is situational, but killer nonetheless. I feel pretty darn hopeless.


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 Post subject: Last thought
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 9:55 pm 
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As for seeing another doctor to pursue the sub route, yes, I've been giving that a lot of thought. I don't want to be dishonest about the potential sleep apnea. But don't know if a lack of a definitive diagnoses would be okay to not mention. My thoughts on it are, how many people must there be with undiagnosed sleep apnea that take methadone or sub? Are those the ones that are more likely to die??

I decided to give myself until Monday to make a decision on another doctor. I've been in purgatory too long. I did decide to start putting deadlines in front of my decisions and actions behind them. Thinking without action has gotten me nowhere.

I don't want to die. Not at all. But I'm not living either.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 3:05 am 
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When people are diagnosed with sleep apnea they are usually prescribed a machine that forces air into your nose while you sleep. This keeps you from experiencing long periods of interrupted breathing. It's called a c-pap machine (I think). If you are receiving that treatment for your apnea, I doubt that a fairly low dose of sub would depress your new "enhanced" respiration enough to hurt you. I'm not a doctor, and I don't recommend that you fail to disclose your apnea to a different sub doctor. But I could see myself making that very decision if faced with similar circumstances.

You obviously feel very stuck. When you're depressed you can't just snap out of it. If sub can reverse your depression, I don't see the harm in using a low dose for a short
while.

Amy

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 Post subject: sub and apnea
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 10:52 pm 
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Untitled, sometimes (maybe usually) using sub is for risk mitigation or harm reduction. Yes, there is some respiratory depression with suboxone, but probably less than with full agonists. I have three people with sleep apnea and taking sub. Best case? No, but better than using and risking an overdose or back in relapse on the road to hell. I add it to the informed consent, and move on. I think that 4-8 of sub is a lot safer than an ever escalating dose of the DOC.
Regarding antidepressants, it is very common also take something like Cymbalta or Effexor, particularly if pain is part of the picture. Medically we are strongly encouraged to avoid the benzodiazapines, they have an additive affect on respiratory depression. Keep searching, many here have had to try mutilple docs to get a good fit.
PAX


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Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

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