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PostPosted: Fri Oct 24, 2014 5:35 pm 
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Melissa, I think you're doing amazingly well, especially considering that you've just started a new job, a job that I personally know through experience to be very physically and mentally taxing! That in and of itself shows your strength and determination to get through it. You're almost at a place where most people who have shared about their jump say they really begin to see things improving dramatically from the first two weeks. Week by week you'll see good progress as you continue. I hope you'll be able to get some decent sleep soon. I know that's a tough one to deal with. Keep on posting!


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 24, 2014 5:57 pm 
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Thanks Lizzie! I start my NEW job at a hospital in Nov, right now its harder as I work in a LTCF. Yes, I hope to sleep tonight! It has a huge impact on my energy levels which are minimal at best. Soon.......

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 27, 2014 1:23 pm 
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OK...so day 16! The skies have yet to part and have the sun shine down on me in an "AHHHHHHHHHHHH" moment...LOL...every day is getting easier but I STILL have low energy. Not so much of a lead suit, just schlepping around. I slept this weekend. I took Trazadone Fri and Sat night. It was a weird fitful sleep full of bad dreams and waking with a mouth so dry I could barely swallow. Its not for me. Yesterday my resting heart rate was 113! I was anxiety stricken, still have diarrhea and I'm so bloated that under my diagphram is sore, my upper belly.Still sneezing and I feel all my ached and pains. I am very proud of myself but still feel very...dare I say...MEH :| I cant seem to stop all the worries I have. They are flooding back. UGH. Have to deal with it. Thanks for listening and I hope feeling draggy after 16 days is normal. Saturday I was walking to my daughters soccer game across the parking lot and it dawned on me "Wow...I walked without doing a motivational speech" :roll:

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 27, 2014 2:30 pm 
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Hello Melissa! Congrats on making it do far! I am so happy for you even though I don't really know you. I hope to be where you are one day soon. Anyways I just wanted to ask when you got down to 2mg how long were you at that dose before you stopped taking it? Was just curious.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 27, 2014 3:47 pm 
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Hey Melissa,
I've been following your thread. I jumped off subs at a pretty high dose (8mgs) so my experience is probably different. For me, on days 15-30ish I was pretty sluggish, and unmotivated to do anything. I felt ok other than energy, I bought so many energy shots it was crazy. I still had pretty extreme tiredness going into 60 days but it got better from there. However, once I started working out it quickly got better. By about 4.5-5 months I felt pretty normal with more energy and motivation and happiness than ever before. It gets better all the time and I'd say the worst is behind you. I also drank excess amounts of water to clear myself out quicker.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 28, 2014 7:52 am 
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Thanks Quiet! It helps to know others went through it.
Dude, I took 2mg for up to 10days. If you read my posts, tapering for me was so so hard at that level. At the end I knew I was stopping no matter what dose and pay the pauper.
Day 17! I went to work last night and at 11:30P, climbed into bed and before I knew it my 6:40A alarm was going off....I SLEPT!!!! I'll see how I feel today with the 1st natural sleep in a week. Im still sneezing this morning and STILL have the runs. I can deal with that though...just hope it goes away soon.

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 28, 2014 8:58 am 
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That's awesome. The sleep should really help out. The more natural you can sleep the better, you don't want to rely too much on products. As far as the bathroom issues, I had that FOREVER.. Like 2 months. However, while I was on subs I was always really clogged up, I would go up to 2 weeks without using the bathroom. I saw the bathroom problems as a good thing though because I figured it was clearing out my body of toxins faster. Day 17, that rocks!! you're more than half way to a full month. It will continue to get easier and easier, the next half should fly by a lot faster than the first. Have you tried L-Tyrosine yet? It's a supplement to help produce dopamine and has really helped many people with energy and other things. I couldn't find it locally in store anywhere, I had to order it. It is worth it, though. I hope your day goes well. Go for a long walk or even better, run, if you get a chance today. You'll notice a huge difference if you still have a flat mood and energy. Till next time.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 05, 2014 7:39 pm 
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Woop Woop...day 26! Almost a month. New job is great, hardly thinking of Sub. Attending NA as often as I can. Sleep has improved as well as energy and sex :P . My digestion seems to have slowed. UGH, when I eat I get so bloated and a tender belly. Normal? I don't know. I need to lose some weight. Along with my new job comes a decent discount at the gym so after 2 years I'm going back very soon. Diarrhea stopped this week but IM STILL SNEEZING. Its nuts! Overall, doing really well and so glad I jumped and am not a prisoner anymore to a medication.

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 15, 2014 3:39 pm 
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Well...here I am, FIVE weeks! Yeah, that's right! I never made it past this point, or less, in the past. Im super proud but I wish I felt better. Hate to be a downer but Im still lethargic, lazy and SNEEZING. Its crazy! Im sneezing less but I cant believe Im still doing it. Anyway, Im a 43 yr old woman and beings that I got complacent I neglected my annual check up so I had to quit the birth control pill the same day and Ive been on it most of my life for PCOS. Anyway...I got FAT!!! I think that's the biggest source of my lack of energy. My body feels like its wiped out from almost 10 years of damage, 3 of those on Sub. I am working and love my new job but I super disgusted when I look in the mirror. Ive been eating more since off Sub too. I have more of an appetite. Sooo...I cant go on like this as I was always fit and am going back to the gym on Tuesday. Its time to form healthy habits again and try to heal the rest of the way. Im still having fragmented to no thoughts. Not sure if that's normal. I used to anticipate and look forward to things and this was prior to sub. I hope to get that back real soon. Its a process for each of us with a lot of similarities and we have to move through it in our own way and I am grateful for every story on this forum for it has given me the motivation to quit and the power that I could do it.

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 15, 2014 7:21 pm 
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Melissa, I have been following ur post since u stopped the sub and I have to say that ur doing so great. Each time u reported ur symptoms I was like ......ooh ouch geez lol I felt it right along with u seems like. I don't plan on stopping subs anytime soon but I'm sure I'll eventually have too and that scares me to death honesty. So following ur progress was really awesome. I have to say my worst fear is the no energy and rls. I wish u had more energy by now but I bet that could be the lack of exercise. Anyway keep us posted...really happy for u!!

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 16, 2014 5:05 pm 
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Once you get into a good exercise routine you should really start to see improvements. Not just in energy but with mood, lethargy, motivation, etc. Not to mention staying as busy as possible isn't a bad thing in recovery. For me, once I get time on my hands I seem to have those cravings. You may also want to look into L-tyrosine supplements. I've been taking them lately and think they really help with mood and energy. Good luck Melissa.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 20, 2014 9:04 am 
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Made it to day 41!!!! I did go back to the gym which felt really good. There's nothing more to report other than I'm chugging along but STILL SNEEZING! This is nuts. Has anyone sneezed for this long or is it allergies at this point?? Its winter here and 22degrees. I've never had allergies in the winter. I still struggle with lack of motivation as far as doing things. I have to realize I will never be up to the level as when I was on opiates. I've let a lot go but slowly working on myself. I rarely think of opiates or sub and working in the medical field I kind of block the jargon since I hear it a lot. My thoughts of "wow...that would be great or feel awesome, I wish...if only...just once...blah blah" are fleeting and I can dismiss them. I was in the ER last night and I see the pill seekers and the one that manipulated a 2.5 mg Vicodin script to read 5 mg and I'm grateful I'm not in that desperate ferverent place anymore fiending for pills and doing anything in my power to get them. They had the man arrested at the pharmacy and I actually felt bad for him. I'm thinking 2.5 mg! Sheesh, Id be livid. To myself of course...LOL. I want to reach out to these people but cant. I hear the opinion and talk from the staff and it maddens me in a way. I'm seeing this from an insiders point of view and they see it as a nuisance and "why don't they just stop" No one chooses to be an addict. I can be more sympathetic than they are. Anyway...that's all for now so those wondering if it can be done (quitting this shit), if I can do it, you can too.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 20, 2014 9:23 am 
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I thought the same thing about motivation, that it would never get back to sub level. Then one day it just hit me that I was doing things diligently again and i got even more motivation from there. However, with all this new energy and motivation I was very motivated for "just one more pill".. I think because I do feel good and the memories of WD fading further by the day I have to be very careful and consistently remind myself that recent history proves you can't take just one and you always have trouble stopping and you will have to start over. With all that said though, I do believe your motivation and drive will come back strong in a short time. Stay positive


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 21, 2014 1:07 am 
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Very smart attitude, QA! You can never forget what your mindset has to be in order to stay in recovery. We can't be reminded of this enough. :)

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 22, 2014 9:26 am 
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Struggling with some cravings today. Man... :roll: Those GD crazy ass thoughts. I have no access to anything but yesterday scoured the house for old Percocet of my husbands that I knew was here at one time, of course he got rid of them and the whole time Im thinking "What the hell are you doing!?". I know I need to get to a meeting and in this area the are only Mon and Thur night and I work 3-11 both nights. I know I need to go more than twice a month. Tried AA, its not for me. I don't like when I have to identify as an alcoholic or cross addicted and here they frown upon "addicts". I just don't get it. I think Im having these feeling because Im going into a bit of a funk. Paws maybe. I don't know. Im know Im not alone an just wanted to share.

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 22, 2014 6:41 pm 
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You're definitely not alone! When I was visiting my father in June, he wasn't home when I first got there. So I went through all the cabinets and found various bottles with 4 or 5 vicodin left in them. I took a couple from each bottle and stashed them away in my stuff. Then I sat down and said to myself, "What the hell are you doing????" I managed to pull myself together and put them all back. We are addicts and our addict brains sometimes take over and we make terrible decisions. I'm glad that you couldn't find anything to temp yourself. Sometimes our only saving grace is that we've cut off drug contacts and rid our houses of anything opiate.

Mind you, I'm still on 2 mg of bupe per day. It's one of the reasons that I know I need to stay on my dose right now. I don't yet have the right mindset and determination to go off. I don't know if I ever will.

I just wanted you to know that you are not alone, just like you said.

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 22, 2014 10:52 pm 
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Oh yeah!!! You're def not alone. My cravings are ridiculous. So much so that I've looked up several meetings to attend, something I thought I'd never do. But, I'm also very fearful of falling again. I don't EVER want to go down the active addiction road or withdrawal again. I've been able to avoid making those calls while cravings were strongest because of that. However, I need something more and it looks like that is 12 step. Also jumping on here and reading/posting is a great distraction and a way to get my mind right. The cravings suck but I've read your thread. You don't just roll over and quit. You found a sub in the worst of withdrawal and flushed it.. Get that eye of the tiger back and fight!! I'll be rooting for you.


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 23, 2014 10:56 am 
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Thanks guys...just trying to stay busy and NO...I don't want to go down that road again. Amy...something you said struck a chord in me about your dad. My dad was the one I took the most from like a stealth bomber when I was in his house. As soon as he was distracted I was in and out of his room with a handful. He was the first one early on in my sub treatment I admitted that too and apologized. He understood and never noticed pills missing...LOL...but my dad has been sober from alcohol for 14 years so he understood. He lives down the shore, an hour and half away, and I have yet to go to his house stone sober. I'm nervous actually to go anytime soon and I see him far less than I did. I know going to his house would be a huge trigger I'd have to deal with. It's certainly a daily struggle and to me one that's worse when the acute sickness is over. I feel so shitty about myself too. I got up the nerve to get on the scale yesterday and I ballooned from 135 to 150! I have a lot of work to do and I'm actually embarrassed for my own husband to see me. UGH! :mrgreen: Ive never had a weigh issue but Ive been filling my mouth with food to compensate I guess.

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 24, 2015 12:45 pm 
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Hi all, just checking in to let you know where Im at...its been a hair over 6 months and still free of suboxone...and Xanax. Its not easy, I have had major cravings everyday and wish the monkey on my back would just die. I have slipped up a couple times :oops: to be honest but am still going strong...I think. I am dealing with old compulsions, thoughts and habits that have surfaced. Mainly my #1 struggle is on going fatigue although I do get out to the gym now. I have discovered I am hypothyroid and am on meds for that. That has a huge part in my fatigue and weight gain since I quit. Its safe to say I had never felt so shitty in my life as in the past year, I had also lost my mom in 2013 so that had a huge role in my well being. I am working on it and making progress and also taking a small dose of Zoloft. That has helped as well with my depression and anger issues and I am smiling more and getting out of my bed. My main thing I wanted to pass on is while you are on Sub, work your recovery, go to meetings and don't stay on it as long as I did. I got complacent and still am. I stopped going to meetings and need to really actively participate in my recovery. Getting clean is the easy part, staying clean is the hardest part. I wouldn't go back to Sub as I look back on those 3 years and realize I took the "easier" way out. Theres never a "good" time to quit and be sick for weeks. Being on Sub for so long made it that much harder for me. I started to abuse that too and craved sub for a time after I quit. That's just my HO and although its not all rainbows and unicorns being off all forms of opiates is so much better in more ways than one. If I could do it...anyone can!

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 26, 2015 7:10 pm 
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MelissaCNA wrote:
Hi all, just checking in to let you know where Im at...its been a hair over 6 months and still free of suboxone...and Xanax. Its not easy, I have had major cravings everyday and wish the monkey on my back would just die. I have slipped up a couple times :oops: to be honest but am still going strong...I think. I am dealing with old compulsions, thoughts and habits that have surfaced. Mainly my #1 struggle is on going fatigue although I do get out to the gym now. I have discovered I am hypothyroid and am on meds for that. That has a huge part in my fatigue and weight gain since I quit. Its safe to say I had never felt so shitty in my life as in the past year, I had also lost my mom in 2013 so that had a huge role in my well being. I am working on it and making progress and also taking a small dose of Zoloft. That has helped as well with my depression and anger issues and I am smiling more and getting out of my bed. My main thing I wanted to pass on is while you are on Sub, work your recovery, go to meetings and don't stay on it as long as I did. I got complacent and still am. I stopped going to meetings and need to really actively participate in my recovery. Getting clean is the easy part, staying clean is the hardest part. I wouldn't go back to Sub as I look back on those 3 years and realize I took the "easier" way out. Theres never a "good" time to quit and be sick for weeks. Being on Sub for so long made it that much harder for me. I started to abuse that too and craved sub for a time after I quit. That's just my HO and although its not all rainbows and unicorns being off all forms of opiates is so much better in more ways than one. If I could do it...anyone can!


Hi Melissa! It's great to have an update from you! (And I so empathize with you about the death of your mom. My mom died suddenly in 2002 and you never get over it.)

I think you are spot on when you suggest that those of us on bupe need to use work on our recovery. Suboxone is just a tool, an excellent tool for some, but still a tool. We need to use the stability of being on bupe as a time for major self-improvement!

I don't mean to sound at all insulting, but taking suboxone is not taking the "easier" way out. Yes, you don't have to face withdrawal right away. Yes, addicts can grow complacent and stop working on themselves. But for most addicts it's very helpful to have a stable period of time to work on rebuilding your life. Suboxone is not actually to blame for you becoming psychologically addicted to it. Dependent yes, addicted to it, no. Your addiction to opiates is the cause. Sub put your cravings in remission. Without it, the cravings came back. That being said, I respect your opinion.

I totally agree that staying off opiates is much harder than stopping them. I'm so glad of your success and I wish you the best!

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