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 Post subject: sub and debt
PostPosted: Mon Dec 10, 2012 1:02 pm 
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[font=Courier New]Boy, I can really relate to fucking up my relationship with my debt mistakes! But the third mistake (debt incident) was the worst. Although I did ( this time) have the debt in my own name and because we are not married, I thought his reaction wouldn't be as bad. Wrong! When I told him about the debt problem, I had already enrolled into an excellent debt management program and being on SSDisability (me) I would be taking care of it my self and his debt score would not be affected in any way.
Unfortunately, at the time I told him, he was in the process of taking out a major loan in order to purchase my late Father's house with my brother-in -law. My Dad had recently passed away at this time and I was grieving terribly. Then four months after my Dad passed, my Mom also passed away (which was sudden and a profound lifechanging shock for me).
The reason I told him is because he asked me about my finances and if I had any unpaid credit card debt that he should know about.
To make a long story short, while in the throes of grief, painkiller addiction, and completely the darkest time of my life, he turned his back on me emotionally, and, while feeling alone and orphaned already, I was practically suicidal then.
From then till now I've stopped painkillers and have been on suboxone, which is how I found this forum. I'm having a very hard time quitting sub, and I'm weaning myself with the sublingual strips, 2mg/1mg.
I take a half of a half and still can't stop and it's taking a long time for me to get the courage to jump off at this point.
The relationship (common law) I referred to before is nonexistent and I'm just living in his house until I can find a place of my own.
It's hard because I keep getting lulled into a false sense of security with this person who has never been emotionally supportive from day 1, after 28 years of cohabiting I find myself hoping that this will all work out and I won't have to move. I'm scared, having never been on my own and I'm 48 years old, and feel like my life is over. I still grieve on an almost daily basis and have no friends really. I depended on my parents emotionally more than I knew and didn't realize this till they were gone.
I'm sorry for the long monolog and wanted to post this publically so I can get some support from and different points of view about the situation from people. Your post caught my eye because my debt issues and the way my fake husband treated me are similar. I hope you're situation is improved and I'm glad for you and your husband that you both went into marriage counseling.
I asked him about this and he would only commit to one session, which is like not going at all in my opinion.
Please post this messege to the forum publically, if possible. I'm new and don't know how. Thank you so much for reading this.
I'll be looking and hoping for responses.
God Bless.
Liz
Liz [/font][align=left][/align]


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 3:22 am 
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Hi Liz,

I'm so sorry you've experienced so much loss recently! I lost my mom 10 years ago, and sometimes I still ache terribly for her. But I haven't had to deal with the loss of both parents. I know that's especially tough.

With all of the stress you have, what with debt issues, a crumbling relationship, and a possible move, on top of your grief, do you really think that a complete taper off suboxone is in your best interest right now? It seems to me that you are asking an awful lot from yourself! If I were you, I believe I would concentrate on figuring out my next move, rather than focusing on a sub taper.

I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do. Please let us know if we can help.

Amy

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 10:23 am 
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Hi Liz and welcome. I had the same thought as Amy. You are in the midst of grieving, financial issues and marital problems. It would be great if you could just stay on a stable dose of Sub for a while and think about going off during a less stressful time in your life. Or is the Sub contributing to the financial problems? If so there are some programs out there that can help with paying for Sub. Let us know what your thoughts are, and maybe someone on here can post where to find the assistance programs. I'm truly sorry for the loss of your parents. Oh, and even if your husband will only go to one session - go. You never know what will come out of it. I wish you the best, and hope you will keep posting.
Lilly


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 7:15 pm 
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Hi and welcome,

I agree with the others and wonder why you are trying to get off sub now. Im 40 and have been on sub for almost three years. I do not want to stop until I have more stability. There is nothing wrong with staying on if you need to.

Im so sorry that you lost your parents and are having these relationship problems. I would recomend you focus on one thing at a time. Maybe find a place to live, fix your money issues, then worry about your sub taper.

Good luck and keep posting. There are lots of supportive people here!


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