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 Post subject: Stupid Addict Brain!!
PostPosted: Thu Oct 20, 2011 10:53 am 
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I started lifting weights here about two months ago. I started out nice and slow, doing curls only. I spent a few weeks doing light lifts just to build the strength in my frame up before I really "got after it." A few weeks ago I started pushing it hard and LOVE the natural high I get. I've had this funky light depression nagging at me for a while and the exercising is really making a huge difference with it. No more depression, the lack of motivation and energy is fading quickly too. Love it!!

Anyway, I decided to add push ups to my routine Tuesday and instead of starting out slow, I went for the gusto. Well, I injured something. I took some Advil, it helped. By yesterday afternoon I was still hurting, but I figured I could do my curls because they're a different muscle group.....apparently not, I woke up at midnight last night in severe pain, whatever I had injured Tuesday, I really took it up another notch because I was REALLY in heavy pain. I took 4 Advil, but I could not get back to sleep until 3am.

Without telling anyone, I made an appointment to see the doctor this morning in hopes of getting some pain meds. I think I made it all of 10 minutes before I broke down and told my wife that I made an appointment with the doctor to have him look at my injury.....she knew right away what was going through my evil little mind and long story short, she talked me out of it. About an hour ago, I took 4 more Advil and the pain is fine now.

While I was obsessing over my pain, it was horrible. Very soon after I knew I wasn't getting any pain meds (because of my dumbass wife!!! LOL), the pain subsided......I hadn't even taken those Advil yet!!! Just getting out of obsessive mode made a lot of the pain go away. Don't get me wrong, my arms still hurt, but my wife also reminded me of something that I had totally forgotten about. Prior to my opiate addiction, I suffered some pretty decent injuries here and there and I NEVER went to see the doctor. I managed to survive all those injuries without pain meds......hell, I smashed my finger with a sledgehammer by accident once, I didn't go to the doctor, I didn't use any pain meds, I survived. But now, every damn time I stub my toe I want to go running to the warm embrace of opiates. I gotta quit thinking like that.

To finish up, I had already decided that if the doctor didn't give me pain meds, I was gonna go see "my friend" for some. I was gonna give the doctor a chance to do what I thought was right (give me pain meds) and if he failed at his duties, I was gonna get me some anyway.....thus, the title of this post......STUPID ADDICT BRAIN!!!!!

Just to be clear, I am NOT going looking for any pain meds, I don't need 'em!!

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 20, 2011 11:06 am 
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Good for you and thank god for your wife! She's a tough, smart cookie and you are lucky to have her as a voice of reason. I am gonna give you a loving internet smack to the head and say snap out of it! Last time you were hurt and went to your "friend" you almost over doses. Next time your thinking of getting a little pain relief remember how scared you were that night. I am proud of you for telling your wife, I think you knew once you did that the party was over.

Did you get my pm from last night?


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 20, 2011 11:30 am 
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The PM where you were telling me how awesome looking I am, what a bad ass I am and how you to want to run off with me and marry me.....that one??? ROTFLMFAO!!!! I AM JUST TEASING!!! OMGosh, I just laughed so hard I almost fell out of my chair!!

Thanks for the cyber smack Breezy, I need those sometimes!!

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 Post subject: LOL
PostPosted: Thu Oct 20, 2011 11:35 am 
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That is great that you changed you mind,with alittle help from the wife LOL!!! :wink:
It is just crazy how we try to keep twikking pill in our lifes. We know but we know what they will do to us!! It would NEVER be enough, we will always want more. Yet so happy on subs, and still looking,hoping,wishing we could get just one or two for this pain,,,LOL!!!!
YAH for you and I know exercising makes a hugh difference in the way we feel. I just need to get out there and do it.
Keep up the good work and keep away from the stupid addict brain!!!
Go get you exercise on and remember NO PAIN NO GAIN
Have a Blessed day

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 20, 2011 1:08 pm 
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Romeo Romeo now drop and give us 20 more pushups....

;)
Lisa


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 20, 2011 3:57 pm 
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Romeo,

Once again.......IM VERY PROUD OF YOU FOR BEING HONEST!!

And, Im soooooo happy that you have such a supportive wife....who will snap you back into reality! Give her a high five for me!!

Romeo, you've had several trials/errors.....AND TESTS......since jumping OFF the Sub. I think its very important that you continue to talk about how you're feeling.

Also, you're not the only one learning from YOUR MISTAKES, (and near mistakes).....EVERYONE on this forum can learn something from your struggles, and from you being so open/honest about your addiction.

I've said it before, it takes A BIG PERSON to admit to they're weaknesses, and to they're failures!

I really appreciate all of your hard work and honesty.

Now, put one of those hot patches on your overworked muscles......AND DRY IT UP!!


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2011 10:04 am 
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OMGosh, my arms and chest are STILL killing me!!! It's better than yesterday, but SOB, this shit is ridiculous. I guess I ain't 17 years old anymore. LOL!!

BTW, I hate Advil, it's decent for the pain, but I don't get no damn high off of it!! No buzz, no warm fuzzy feeling, no nothing....why do they even sell the crap?? :D

Thanks for the words of encouragement Breezy_Ann, Meltalk, mg113 and Marie. I appreciate it. Now I'm gonna go curl up in the corner and pout until my frickin' arms stop hurting. Oh Yeah, the upside, I can actually see my chest muscles!! I haven't seen those sucker for 20 years!! :wink:

And, as bad as I want pain relief, I refuse to use narcotic pain meds. My little pea brain keeps trying to justify their use, but I ain't doin' it!!

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2011 10:15 am 
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Your so bad ass Romeo ;).... it helps to eat protein or drink a shake within an hour after you work out..... it helps your muscles recover better

The workout fiend that I am, I havent worked out in like 10 days ( I had pnemonia ) and now I just cant find the energy but you ARE MOTIVATING ME with this thread .............I have been doing some light cardio this week and plan on hitting the gym full force this weekend... ( hell I have to fit into my catwoman suit for halloween lol) so I cant slack


I am really proud of you dude...... you always hold yourself accountable!!!


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2011 11:14 am 
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Romeo -
It's quite clear that you're struggling dangerously close to the edge with regard to acting on your cravings and triggers. I know you're dead set against going back onto sub, so I'll take another route.

I know you used to do a lot of work with an addiction counselor. May I ask, what are your ways to address your cravings and triggers? You should have plans/procedures in place to address when cravings and triggers come up. These are the kinds of things that are normally addressed with addiction counselors. There are also addiction workbooks out there that specifically address these same issues. Do you have any of these kinds of workbooks? I would urge you to go to your nearest large bookstore and get a couple of them. I've used them and so have a couple of friends and they are amazing.

You really need to get some plans in place so you have actions planned for you to take when such triggers/cravings occur. It sounds like you REACT to these situations instead of RESPONDING. If you are dead set on going the total abstinence route, it's my opinion that you need to augment your recovery with more that just what you're already doing.

Again, in looking back over all of your relapse and near relapse threads, I believe you are dangerously close to the edge and you need to act quickly.

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2011 12:11 pm 
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Romeo wrote:
I refuse to use narcotic pain meds. My little pea brain keeps trying to justify their use, but I ain't doin' it!!

Thanks for your post, Romeo. I've been struggling a bit these past couple of weeks. I've been off Sub for nearly 60 days, have incorporated a good exercise routine, but still find my mind wandering to using. I had the opportunity to get some free oxy on the weekend but had a clear enough head not to follow through with it. I was hoping that doing the right thing would quiet my head and bolster my resolve and commitment. Instead, my head still keeps going back. Stupid addict brain!!


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2011 12:18 pm 
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hatmaker510 wrote:
You really need to get some plans in place so you have actions planned for you to take when such triggers/cravings occur... it's my opinion that you need to augment your recovery with more that just what you're already doing...Again, in looking back over all of your relapse and near relapse threads, I believe you are dangerously close to the edge and you need to act quickly.

I didn't see this post before I replied. There is a lot of wisdom in these words, hatmaker. Thank you. It would do me well to take them to heart also.


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2011 12:32 pm 
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Golly mg113, I was doing fine until you mentioned you in a catwoman outift, then my brain POOF!! :lol: :lol:

Hey Hat, I hear ya....I'm not quite sure how to respond though?? I agree with what you're saying, but......????......I don't seem to have a good response?? I know I react to things instead of responding to things and that's a big issue for me. I still attend NA regularly, it helps, but.......ah fuck it, I'm just gonna say it......I don't work hard enough on my recovery. I just want to cruise. Working at recovery isn't fun, it sucks. I do have to say this though, I just noticed today is my 1 year anniversary of being a member of this forum, I am in WAY better shape today than I was a year ago. I guess I'm just happy with the fact that I've made a lot of progress in my everyday life. I FEEL so much better these days......Gee Whiz.....I can't seem to type a coherent response out to you. You really spun my brain and have given me a lot to think about. Thanks for your response Hat.

Christin, I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. Crazy, isn't it?? These addict brains of ours are like trying to reason with a crazy person. I wish I had some sage advice for you, but I don't. All I know is that this is going to be a life long struggle and we have to try and always remain strong. Get a good support group in place and use them!!

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2011 2:19 pm 
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hatmaker510 wrote:
Romeo -
It's quite clear that you're struggling dangerously close to the edge with regard to acting on your cravings and triggers. I know you're dead set against going back onto sub, so I'll take another route.

I know you used to do a lot of work with an addiction counselor. May I ask, what are your ways to address your cravings and triggers? You should have plans/procedures in place to address when cravings and triggers come up. These are the kinds of things that are normally addressed with addiction counselors. There are also addiction workbooks out there that specifically address these same issues. Do you have any of these kinds of workbooks? I would urge you to go to your nearest large bookstore and get a couple of them. I've used them and so have a couple of friends and they are amazing.

<snip>
Again, in looking back over all of your relapse and near relapse threads, I believe you are dangerously close to the edge and you need to act quickly.



^This is excellent advice.

IMO, if you can afford to go out and buy pain pills- or whatever your drug of choice may be-
then you can probably afford to buy an addiction workbook or two.
I know that I have started using one certain addiction workbook- in conjunction with twice-monthly individual
counseling (but you do not HAVE TO use them with counseling)- and working with the addiction workbook
has helped me tremendously in my on-going recovery.

Yes, I am still on subs- 4 mg a day. However, some day soon, I know that I will have to go off of them,
b/c my insurance will stop paying for them at some point, and I just cannot afford to pay cash for them,
on my low monthly fixed income. With that being said, I will definitely need something in place to help me
to deal with the cravings, triggers, etc. that obviously come along with being off of sub.

Good luck, Romeo.

-ex-



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PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2011 3:16 pm 
hatmaker510 wrote:
Romeo -
It's quite clear that you're struggling dangerously close to the edge with regard to acting on your cravings and triggers. I know you're dead set against going back onto sub, so I'll take another route.

I know you used to do a lot of work with an addiction counselor. May I ask, what are your ways to address your cravings and triggers? You should have plans/procedures in place to address when cravings and triggers come up. These are the kinds of things that are normally addressed with addiction counselors. There are also addiction workbooks out there that specifically address these same issues. Do you have any of these kinds of workbooks? I would urge you to go to your nearest large bookstore and get a couple of them. I've used them and so have a couple of friends and they are amazing.

You really need to get some plans in place so you have actions planned for you to take when such triggers/cravings occur. It sounds like you REACT to these situations instead of RESPONDING. If you are dead set on going the total abstinence route, it's my opinion that you need to augment your recovery with more that just what you're already doing.

Again, in looking back over all of your relapse and near relapse threads, I believe you are dangerously close to the edge and you need to act quickly.


Hat, I don't know about any other incidents, but to me it sounds like Romeo IS using plans/procedures. He said after 10 minutes he told his wife. He had a craving, and he wanted to act out, but he chose against it.

However, idk if this is a recurring issue and Romeo has failed in his previous "tests" of sobriety, maybe he does need some sort of push in the right direction.


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2011 5:44 pm 
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Hey exorphin, it's not that I can't afford some of those workbooks, my problem is more along the lines of me being as stubborn as a donkey. I have made a lot of progress in my recovery, but I would be WAY further ahead of the game if I wasn't so stubborn. I'm one of these people who learns his lessons the hard way. I wish I could just listen to others advice and run with it, but I don't. That's just where I'm at in my recovery at the moment. Thank you for wishing me good luck. I appreciate it.

Hey Ironic, I've been off of all drugs for about a year and a half. During that time, I've had three short relapses. 4 days on the first one, 9 days on the second one and 1 day with the last one......trouble is, the last one almost killed me. I think that's where a lot of Hat's concern is coming from. Relapsing on pain pills is like throwing the dice, you never know when it's gonna come up craps!! But at the same time, I do have more tools in place today to prevent a relapse, I did do the right thing by telling my wife. Months and months ago, I would have snuck into the doctor and got what I wanted or got it off the streets.

It's funny how I don't crave weed or cocaine at all. I lOVED those drugs too. Why are opiates my big problem???

I know when I hurt myself, I tend to justify the use of pain pills......because they're used to treat pain!! I figure, I'm in pain, use pain pills. I guess I can't find a reason to justify using weed or cocaine, though. I wonder if that made any sense or is that my addict brain talking again??

Anyhoo, gotta keep working on my recovery, even though I don't want to because it's a drag.

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