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PostPosted: Sun Dec 20, 2009 5:12 pm 
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Hi everyone,

I'm new to this site, but after looking around decided I had to join. I'm an avid forum lurker... meaning i always seek support on opiate-related forums but have never joined. This site seems so helpful and legitimate, I really want to support all of you with your struggle. Of course, I'm at a point in my life where I need some support myself. :)

I new that I loved opiates since i ate my first vicodin when i was 16 years old. It was the high i've always been seeking, even before i took drugs. it is the feeling of a warm blanket, hot chocolate, or a hug from a lover. I'm now 22, and have been using opiates seriously (almost daily) for the last two and a half years. I discovered poppy tea- an excellent feeling, deceitfully "natural." I didn't think the use would lead me to where im at now. I now have severe withdrawals without the tea. I can hardly get out of bed without some sort of opiate to motivate me. I've had enough of this junk- dependent lifestyle. My relationships are all suffering, but more importantly, i feel disgusted with myself. nobody knows of my habit, which makes me lonely and scared. I've managed to stay in school, though i cannot study without a good dose of tea. I've always been a proud and strong-willed person, but my addiction to opiates makes me feel weaker than ever. I dont want to loose the last shred of self respect i have left. it is time to seriously consider suboxone.

I would rather take a daily pharmaceutical than drinking the tea. The tea is impure, and terrible for the body. Don't be confused- the high is excellent, the poppies have been handled by people and are dirty though. its like taking a handful of sticks off the ground and making tea... pharmaceuticals are at least sanitary.

How should i go about getting on suboxone? Im very low on cash, and have heard it's extremely pricey. I have insurance, but i believe it's through my family. is there anyway i can put it on insurance without my family finding out? I would love to squash this addiction myself, since i got into it all by myself. It is in many ways a matter of pride. My addiction has made me feel like I have no control over anything in my life. I feel pathetic, but i still love myself very much. I desperately want to get well. After reading about how suboxone has helped so many of you out there, I truely think it is something i should try. Thanks, and please help!

Peace and love


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 2:24 am 
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Last edited by Payton on Mon Jan 11, 2010 7:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 11:01 am 
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Mufasa all of us here have felt how you feel right now, I was to the point where I was terrified of what would eventually happen if I kept using opiates but I was also equally terrified of the thought of living without opiates. Payton gave good advice but just to add a couple things I think you would probably have to talk to someone in your family in order to use their insurance as I'm fairly certain they'd find out. I know it's the last thing you want to do but I was so relieved finally being able to tell the truth to someone. I really thought there would be no way that my parents would understand as they don't drink or smoke and they never have. My family is also middle class and I was convinced that I wasn't a "real" addict because I was doing well in school, had a job, wasn't poor or living under a bridge etc. Once I did realize that the only way I was going to get help was by seeking it out myself things finally started changing. Since I started Suboxone 3 years ago the quality of my life has increased many times over and even though I'm on maintenance medication I feel very free compared to how things were when I was using. I can go to sleep at night without having to find something, wake up and get moving in the mornings without having to find something etc. you know how it is but it's just such a wonderful feeling to feel like a halfway normal person again! One other thing I forgot to mention was that I know most all Suboxone doctors have a patient or two that the manufacturers of Suboxone pay for their medication as part of their outreach/PR campaign. Since I graduate recently I'm no longer covered by my parents insurance and I'm on the waiting list for the program as of now until I can find insurance coverage. I did have to be approved though based on how much money I make annually so at least it might be an option for you. If you need help finding a doctor there is a doctor locater at www.naabt.org that can help or you could always google "find local Suboxone dr." Hang in there and believe when I say that the things I had to go through to stop using and start Suboxone have been so worth it and I can literally guarantee that you'll be much more happy with life if you decide to get help and stop using.

Let us know how things are going and we're all glad you're here :)
feel free to PM me or any of the other moderators if you need help with anything.

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"If you're going through hell, ....keep going!"
-Winston Churchill


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 11:06 am 
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One final thing I didn't mention is that affording the medication and the doctors appointments are far less expensive than using opiates even without insurance (at least for me). It really is worth it I promise

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"If you're going through hell, ....keep going!"
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 12:35 pm 
Mufasa - welcome. Glad you posted your story. I've read about others who have gotten addicted to this poppy tea. It sounds like a bad deal! You're not alone - we're all opiate addicts here. I totally understand the loneliness and fear that you feel. No one in my life knew about my addiction either and unfortunately I didn't take the initiative and seek help on my own. Like you, my pride and my desire to not hurt and disappoint my loved ones kept me from 'fessing up and getting help. Well, then the bottom fell out of my world - I was "caught" at my workplace stealing and using narcotics. As you can imagine, I went from no one knowing to everyone knowing in nothing flat. And obviously NOT on my terms! Moral of the story being - please go to your loved ones and tell them what's going on. Do it on your terms before something happens while you're under the influence and you're forced to tell them. Maybe you can hold off till after the holidays, but don't wait much longer. You're going to need support.
The shame associated with addiction is crippling. It's what keeps us from getting the help we need. Am I over that shame? Uh....NO! I am so ashamed of what I did in my addiction. It's been over a year since all that hell broke loose and I'm slowly coming to terms with it all. But the guilt and the shame I feel sometimes still overwhelms me. I have come to realize that those intense feelings come from within me. I put much more of that stuff on myself than my loved ones have. They just want me to be better.
Now I have no idea what your parents are like. If they are real dysfunctional or abusive or anything like that, then you'll have to weigh that out as to if, how and when to tell them. But if they are typically loving, supportive parents, you need to tell them and let them help you. As far as insurance - Yes your parents will definitely know if you see a doctor and fill prescriptions on their plan. The insurance company always sends an 'explanation of benefits' to the policy holder if a claim is filed. While it doesn't go into great detail, it wouldn't take a genious to figure out what's going on. The other thing is, as some of the others have said, a lot of Subox docs don't take insurance. Mine does not. My first visit cost ~$350, follow up visits every month $200, plus the cost of the medication which aint cheap! So unless you've got a trust fund you can tap into, you're probably going to need some financial assistance with this. But listen, this is so important.....You've got to get help! Do whatever it takes to get treatment! This thing is not going to get better on its own. You're young, you haven't lost too much to this YET. Stop it now before it steals anything else from your life! Swallow your pride, go humbly to a trusted family member and tell them the TRUTH! There is nothing to be ashamed of. You were messing around with this tea stuff, it seemed to make you feel better and you liked it...then before you knew what hit you....you became addicted. You are not a bad person and it doesn't sound like you've even done any bad things because of this YET. Get help before you really do have something to be ashamed of. Please!
Keep posting here and let us know what happens!


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 1:25 pm 
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Hey Mufasa!

Welcome to the forum.

Matt, setmefree and others are spot on! I have a few years on you, but I know EXACTLY how you feel. The first step is the hardest - and you already took it! That is recognizing that whatever is going on, you can't control it. It is simply not something you can just stop - otherwise - you would have 'just stopped'

I want to give you the same encouragement as the others. You are a couple years into the sneaky stuff - getting tea, playing the 'normal' person to people - all the while knowing you are dependent/addicted.

Here's the deal. From a clinical point of view - unless you get a quack (rare) doctor - you will be told about the disease we all share. All of us here that use suboxone (or have loved ones that do) - choose to use it because we have a disease. It's been proven. So, it's not a character flaw - it's a disease. Every visit I have with the Doctor (today is my monthly visit) - is supportive, honest (don't hide anything!) - and all about getting help. I think you will be happy with that.

In my case (like your parents) - I found a doctor, made an appointment - and then I had to tell my wife. I won't lie to you - it is hard. It's the #2 thing to do. Tell someone. It will most likely SET YOU FREE! I was a grown man, crying, telling my wife that I was so weak that I couldn't do it on my own. I needed help - and this was a way to do it and NOT lose everything - like some have done.

I wish that for you! I hope you visit your thread here and let us know what you decide. Nobody will judge you, we just want to support you - and ask that you provide the same back!

Take Care and Merry Christmas.... BTW... suboxone = feel NORMAL (no high) - but you probably already knew that.


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 1:36 am 
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Wow. It's one thing to read other people's threads, but to have you all respond to me personally is a great feeling! Payton, thanks for the tips. That's a really funny story about your doctor! Those prices aren't t too over the top, though id still need to get another job to support it. small price to pay for freedom!

Setmefree, I really feel like you can relate to me. Im sorry you had to confess to your addiction under such poor circumstances! It's true, the feelings of shame and disappointment come from within us. My family is very loving and supportive, but the thought of revealing my troubles to them is intimidating to say the least! i tried to reach out to a friend as a sort of compromise, but it didnt turn out to be much help. It actually seemed to distance us a little, forcing me to deepen my secrecy. it was discouraging, but your post was encouraging!

Matt, thanks for making it clear that my family would find out if i used the insurance. very good to know. as for that dillemma of "damned if you do, damned if you dont," i know the feeling exactly! a while ago, i realized that i wasnt always enjoying the high anymore. But if i stopped, the withdrawals were hundreds times worse. the two options became- high (all sedation and side effects included), or miserable!! sobriety was no longer an option. an example would be a job interview. I want to seem clear, sober, and aware. but if im in WD's, i'll seem sickly and miserable. If i was high, i'd seem pleasant and nice, but a space cadet! It's a bad predicament that we've all been/are in.

Lathedude, thanks so much for the support. i love that you termed it "sneaky stuff," it really nails it on the head! It sure was frieghtening when i realized i could no longer control it. After that i just gave into it and never came down so to speak. as for suboxone=normal....=fantastic. normal is the high i now seek!!


Thanks all of you for the support. It really does mean a lot. Know that i support you also, and wish you all the best. If you've kicked your habbit, stay with it!!!! and if you currently trying to, or on a maintanance, you're well on your way to success. i know it.

Peace and Love


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 Post subject: You're not alone
PostPosted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 3:44 pm 
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mufasa, I used the poppy tea as well for many years. This was after I was unable to secure painkillers from the docs. At the time, Lliving in Seattle was the perfect place to find and grow my own poppies. It actually made my addiction worse as opium from the source is stronger than a lortab or vicodin. Poppy tea advanced me to methadone for 12trs. I went to rapid detox back in april of this year and was put on suboxone. It has been 9mos. on suboxone and my life has changed 2-fold. It has not been easy though getting my mind to focus on other things but it's getting better. As for the cost, well, you know how bad that can be. I got myself on Blue cross/Blue shield but there are other insurances that will cover suboxone. There is another way to pay for it. The manufacturer has a program for those in need and will help or at least refer you to other resources. Your physician can fill out a form online for financial help as well. I pay $250 month for the doc visit and $60 for the suboxone. Good luck to you and I am proud of your determination.


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