It is currently Tue Aug 22, 2017 5:34 am



All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Our Sponsors





Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 8 posts ] 
Author Message
PostPosted: Sun Jan 11, 2015 11:10 am 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jan 11, 2015 9:51 am
Posts: 16
I contemplated whether or not I should write this but I figure if any group of people could even remotely understand, it would be this one. This will be a long post, as I truly don't know how to simplify it. I thank you in advance if you read this.

My opiate addiction has never caused me to lie, steal or anything of the sort. In fact, I made a lot of progress at some points in my life being addicted to opiates. But I hate my addiction. It has, many times over, bound me to drugs that I must take multiple times a day just to maintain and in turn, this always creates constant highs and lows every single day. Waking up every morning in w/d. The (synthetic) happiness that just holding a Norco creates scares me as much as it entices me. It's important for me to note now though that opiates are the only drug that I've tried, and boy have I tried a lot, prescribed and otherwise, that nearly completely eliminates my severe anxiety and brings my mood up to where I actually enjoy going about my days. Well, that's how it always is in the beginning anyways.

I've suffered from horrible GAD my entire. Literally, after I understood what anxiety was around 16/17, I realized that even my first memories as a child I was suffering anxiety. As I grew older, I also came to view life without any vibrance, it wasn't quite depression but similar, I just didn't ever really feel any sort of happiness which I know sounds identical to depression but I can't quite describe the difference. I had tried the standard medications... SSRI's, SNRI's, Benzo's. Aside from Benzo's helping a bit with anxiety (but obviously having no affect on my general mood), none of them did much but I won't delve too much into that.

At 22, I took my first opiate and I thought to myself, "is this what it's like to be happy?", the joy and beauty that I felt was unparalleled to anything that I had ever felt in my life up until then and that was it, it was a done deal after that. The first year, I was able to use on and off without much issue, never gaining much of a tolerance. Then I began taking them daily (my preference was always Vicodin or Morphine (pills, not IV)) and eventually I got tired of them controlling me, so I CT'd, stayed off of everything for probably 5 or 6 months then went right back to the Vicodin, within 4-5 months this time though, my Vicodin use was at its highest which for most isn't much but for me, it was a lot, around 90 or so mg's. I was naive to Suboxone at the time but decided to try it out, got into a clinic (full of God complex doctors and nurses who treated me like a child) and I left there on 16mg's. Needless to say, I don't remember the following 48 hours. It was terrible. I had no idea I had just been given an ungodly amount of Suboxone for the addiction I had. That experience forced me to find an alternative...

Enter Kratom. I feel obligated to say that for many people, Kratom has literally saved their lives in a similar way that people describe Suboxone. For me though, it is so excruciatingly short acting that I must dose a lot throughout the day and even then, I have tremendous highs and lows. I know many people don't consider this a real opioid but it very much was/is to me, every dose felt just like a small dose of Hydro. I stayed using Kratom for 3 years, every day and just like synthetic opiates, after my first month of Kratom use, I woke up in full w/d every morning for those 3 years. Decided enough was enough and CT'd at my GF's. I didn't even get out of bed for 3 or 4 days and even then, it was only with my GF's help to take a bath or something. The physical w/d lasted about 2-2 1/2 weeks and the emotional w/d was a solid month before minimal amounts of endorphins started firing off again.

I went a whole year without touching opiates or Kratom. I did use stimulants on and off, prescribed by my doc, who knows in detail everything I'm writing. I have completely transparency with him. Stimulants are the second best thing that help but eventually they increase my anxiety and I need to take a break and unlike opiates, I can use them for a few months straight and stop immediately and experience no issues. I still thought about opiates every day though during that year though and eventually my anxiety combined with progressively worsening low mood led me back to the idea that I could use Kratom just a few times a week. It's amazing the way my mind alludes me into thinking such asinine things to get me back on some form of opiate. Within a few weeks, it became daily again for 6 months and I CT'd it again about a month ago.

I felt exhausted with this merry-go-round and thought maybe, just maybe, a low dose of Suboxone was what I needed. I found a doctor who understood my stance, that I just want to stop craving opiates every. single. day! And that a very real potential affect would also be minimized anxiety and an increase in mood since opiates do that for me and, well, Buprenorphine is an opiate. He wrote me a scrip for 2mg Suboxone's and said I could experiment as low as .5mg/day, I just couldn't exceed those 2mg's. Well, I took .5mg that day and just that minimal dose relieved all cravings, eliminated my anxiety to the point where I didn't even feel like I needed my valium that I've been on for years and brought my mood to a nice place but far from euphoric, it was actually the most "level" I think I've ever felt. Logically, this was perfect. But after my girlfriend feel asleep that night, it dawned on me that this was real. I had legitimate and consistent access to Suboxone and even at that drastically low dose, within a week I would be emotionally dependent on it and within another week, I would be physically dependent on it. Imminently I would be bound to this drug and eventually face the demon of getting off of it. The next morning, I told my gf that I needed to think about this longer and she was devastated after seeing me so happy after so long in sadness, I understood her position though. I went back to the doc who wrote the scrip (which I brought back in with me) and he completely understood where I was coming from and said if at any point I feel myself drifting back towards opiates/kratom and felt it necessary to use the subs, it would still be an option.

So here's where I am. I'm using a stimulant again and my normal amount of Valium and once again attempting to stay off kratom/opiates on my own. I've tried the complete drug abstinence route but ultimately my anxiety gets so out of control that it leads me into depression and a near nonfunctional state. I also think CBT and DBT have tremendous value, I practice new techniques as much as I can. The first and final question(s) is (and I know there is no correct answer), do I make the choice to use a low dose of Suboxone that eliminates my cravings and eases my anxiety enough to maybe lower my valium dose and helps increase my mood at the risk of total dependency and/or it potentially backfiring on me eventually? Or do I continue this path of using a different medication that is undoubtedly harder on my body and arguably my overall health but which keeps me away from opiates? Or do I do something entirely different? I feel a strong pull to the Suboxone and I don't know if it is because I'm scared that it won't work or if I'm scared that it will, if that makes any sense.

I'm not seeking answers, as I do not really think they exist. I think there's just different paths and neither one is right or wrong, it's just the one we chose but I'm at a T right now and although my struggle may not, in words, equate to the severity of many others struggles, this is the only one that I know and I would truly cherish any opinions or thoughts that you may have.

Thank you very much for taking the time to read this if you did!


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Jan 11, 2015 12:27 pm 
Offline
Moderator
Moderator
User avatar

Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2014 10:48 pm
Posts: 1316
Hello Happy,
Interesting post. You want an opinion? That low low dose of sub made you feel well.
The fear of taking it because of dependence is real but Ive over come this. It works in my kife. Seemly was
working for you too. The person closest to you, the gf, saw good in you on this med. Then was saddened
that you have stopped. Her opinion could matter alot.. idk..
I see suboxone as a medicine, not a drug. You are taking other meds, why not this one for awhile?
Your a brave guy, been though wd. More than once.
Look im not tell you what to do, i just read here many times how people want to "drug free", but in the end
take something. If it works or helps, and with sub kills your cravings for opiates id think more about it.
I like your take on this, and the sub worked well. In more than one way too..
I like your dr. Sounds very helpful. ..
Best of luck Happy. Welcome to the forum!!

Razor


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Jan 11, 2015 3:22 pm 
Offline
Moderator
Moderator
User avatar

Joined: Mon Sep 15, 2014 7:15 pm
Posts: 2310
Location: Tennessee
Hello :)

My advice to u is this....if ur struggling to stay clean and cravings & anxiety is at a high, then u should stick with the suboxone. I don't say this lightly and the reason is I know how precious peace of mind is and knowing u can wake up every single morning and be happy, isn't that enough reason? Of course the thinking ahead about coming off subs has u hesitant and I understand that. But IMO being happy, mood stabilized, and loving life again trumps that by far. Ur gf probably knows u better than anyone and if she thinks u should do this, maybe u should just do it. Ur going to be on a lower dose and that will help u tremendously if and when u do decide to stop. I'm just speaking to u as someone who was an addict for many yrs and couldn't ever stay clean because of crippling craving and pretty bad anxiety, suboxone has gave me a chance to live the life I deserve. I am able to go to bed at night and know my next day will be blessed. U can't put a price on peace in ur mind. U have a wonderful chance and I hope u take it. This could very well be the answer to ur prayers.

Let us know what u decide :)

_________________
Jennifer


Top
 Profile  
 
Our Sponsors
PostPosted: Sun Jan 11, 2015 8:31 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jan 19, 2014 4:54 pm
Posts: 626
Location: Virginia
Hey there happy, Welcome to our little forum. I hope you'll find the perspective you're looking for here, and as far as my opinion goes, I'm in agreement with the two posters above. Suboxone is a medication that is used to treat an illness. An illness that you, me and many other people struggle with. You said that it helped you tremendously before, but the idea of being dependent on a medication bothered you. I totally get that. I felt like that in the beginning as well, but I was so relieved to be rid of the horrid wd , depression, and cravings, and the awful life that went along with active addiction, that i reconciled those feelings with myself, and now just see and appreciate it for what it is. A med that has /is saving my life, given me back some normalcy, and an opportunity to work on myself without the ghastly horrors of active using getting in the way.
Look at it like this; you're taking medication now that you depend upon for controlling your anxiety and helping your mood, they work alright, but not as well as the buprenorphine did, right? If you cease taking them, you risk crippling depression and anxiety creeping in and possibly leading you back to full agonist opiates. I'd hate to see that happen to you, especially since you know how beneficial just a small amount of buprenorphine was to you when you took it as prescribed. No, there's no real definitive answer to your questions, but if I were in the same situation, in my mind, I'd go back ti taking the medicine that did you the most good. That was the bupe, yes? Physical dependence is something that naturally occurs with the use of many medications used for different things. Being physically dependent on sub isn't the same as being addicted to full ag opiates, and certainly doesn't entail all the misery that goes along with that. I think the fact that bupe is a partial agonist opiate is messing with your head a little like it did mine at first, but it really sounds like some sort of med is necessary in your case, so don't let that (partial opiate) factor into your decision. If just go with the medication that was the best choice and works best for me. Hey, many people take meds for many different conditions. Our taking sub to treat the symptoms of opioid addiction is no different, despite how some people may see it or try to make us feel.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 9:52 am 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jan 11, 2015 9:51 am
Posts: 16
First and foremost, I just want to thank you all so much for responding without any judgement. Reading your responses that were full of insight and personal experience and what you took out of my post with such positivity is profoundly helpful to me and greatly appreciated.

razor55...

My gf's opinion does matter a lot, this is just a tricky situation. It's hard for someone who has never gone through addiction or severe anxiety issues (although I suppose "severe" is relative to the individual) to relate to someone who has but I'll be dammed if she doesn't try her best. And it's also hard for me to verbalize what it is like for me in my head dealing with these things, which makes it even harder for her to understand. When I told her that I was going to hold off on the Subs, all she saw was me opting for a less happy life and all I saw at the time was the fear of dependency.

You are taking other meds, why not this one for awhile?

You know... You got me there. I really do not have an answer to that but it is a very good question, one which I am contemplating.

jennjenn...

I know how precious peace of mind is and knowing u can wake up every single morning and be happy, isn't that enough reason? Of course the thinking ahead about coming off subs has u hesitant and I understand that. But IMO being happy, mood stabilized, and loving life again trumps that by far.

This truly spoke to me and I rarely answer questions with a simple "yes" or "no" answer but for your question, at face value, I would say yes, yes it is worth it. I guess I can't help but to ponder the what if's though... What if I wake up in the morning happy for probably the first time in my life for a month, 3 months, 6 months, and then boom! That feeling leaves but I've already been on the med for some time? I'll make more a point of this when I summarize but I thank you immensely for posing that question.

lizzieshug13...

Look at it like this; you're taking medication now that you depend upon for controlling your anxiety and helping your mood, they work alright, but not as well as the buprenorphine did, right? If you cease taking them, you risk crippling depression and anxiety creeping in and possibly leading you back to full agonist opiates.

You guys/ladies here at this forum truly have a way of understanding my words more than any other forum has. You're absolutely right and I think what led me to contemplate this was because when I was off of Kratom for a year, I didn't use anything aside from valium for a few months, then I just needed something light like Kava to help with my anxiety, then eventually I became OK with being scripted stimulants again and after those didn't work, I slowly made my way back to Kratom. I've only been on stimulants for less then a week now but this time around, I got back on them less then a month after I CT'd my Kratom use and the other day when I wrote this, I realized that this felt like a faster version of what happened last time (cease Kratom use, try something different, return to Kratom use). I'm already seeing the lack of efficacy in the stimulants and if they fail, where do I go next? Does the cycle repeat? I don't know the answer to that but judging from my history, yes, yes it is pretty likely.

I think the fact that bupe is a partial agonist opiate is messing with your head a little like it did mine at first, but it really sounds like some sort of med is necessary in your case, so don't let that (partial opiate) factor into your decision.

It absolutely is messing with me but from most of what I have read, people describe coming off of Subs as being more painful and difficult than the DOC that they began using Subs for and I have definitely allowed that part to scare the shit out of me. You're correct that some sort of med is necessary for me and I have come to terms with that, now the issue has become choosing the med.

-------------------

I wanted to point out a few particular parts from each of your posts that stood out but I'll try to summarize it now. Normally I'm the person who lives in the grey area, the one who is comfortable in the unknowns of life but reflecting on this and reading these responses, the unknowns are what scare me this time. After I get the rest of this off my mind, I think the overly extensive posts will be over with and I can (hopefully) respond without writing a novel.

A lot of people recovering talk about wanting to get back to "the old happy version of themselves before opiates". I don't have that version of myself, so if Subs work, it's hard for me to imagine a point in time where I would ever want to get off of them and at 29, that is another thought that scares me. I guess it is a "I'll cross that bridge when I come to it" thing but I'm just having trouble processing that I guess.

Sometimes I feel like a fraud. I read about people who have been addicted to Heroin, Oxy, Fent, etc, for 10+ years, lost everything, became homeless and who's lives were saved by Suboxone and then, even though I know it isn't fair to myself, I compare how the last 4 years my use has not been prescription opiates, it has been with Kratom, which is completely legal and a lot of people do not even know about it and the ones who do either claim it saved them from opiate addiction or that it is completely worthless. And I would always go back to Kratom over synthetic opiates because of it's legality and slightly less tolerance issues, the lesser of two evils for me. That combined with the fact that I have never hit "rock bottom" has almost drilled it into me that Subs are unnecessary for my case.

I originally wanted to ask my Psych about Sub in relation to using it as an anti-depressant and although he is extremely lenient with me, that was just too much of a risk for me to even ask of him, so I also wonder if part of me seeks the use of Subs more as an anti-anxiety/mood lift for my generally low and slightly depressive mood than for the sake of addiction but as I'm sitting here writing, I am quite literally thinking about how either a few grams of Kratom or a Vicodin would relief all of this anxiety I'm feeling right now, so perhaps this is just another thing I'm giving myself a hard time about.

One of the last things is I feel like I'm losing it here... Before I quit my Kratom last month, I was determined to finally attempt to utilize Suboxone, I spent weeks to find a compassionate doctor who didn't charge astronomical fee's and I was successful, I got my suboxone scrip. I took it, felt great that day. Decided the next day not to take it (at the moment, anyways). Then I brought the bottle back into his office a week later and TWO days after doing that, I began contemplating whether I should have taken that path or not and I signed up here and made this thread. With my level of anxiety, decisions have always been difficult for me but this is unlike anything I have ever felt and I do not, for the life of me, know why this is such a tough decision aside from something my mom reminded me of today...

I've always had an issue with committing to things. I mean, I'm driven and usually accomplish what I set out to do but that initial commitment to something is very difficult for me and this would, in many ways, be a commitment. But like you all said in similar or other words, she also said that I have never been a happy person and if I have a chance at that, why not take it? And now that I think about it, my gf said something very similar to me the day I decided to hold off on using it too. Perhaps I'm scared of it not working out long term and letting them down.

I intentionally write during these hours, as it is when my anxiety is at it's peak and I am most vulnerable, thus allowing me to spare no feelings or thoughts. I can sometimes end up feeling uncomfortable when I re-read what I wrote but I would rather that than to not put it all out there.

Again, thank you all and I truly appreciate anybody who reads this and wish all of you the best on your own journeys.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Jan 13, 2015 1:50 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Fri Mar 08, 2013 1:02 pm
Posts: 1342
Location: West Tennessee
Hi Happy,

Wow, this is a really interesting post. First off, I want to commend you for taking this decision so seriously. Honestly, I believe that if more people truly understood what they were getting into by doing the research before hand with suboxone there wouldn't be so much hate and anger against it. You are very smart to take this decision so seriously. The hard thing for me is that really only you know if this is really necessary.

You have done an excellent job of describing your troubles and addiction. Yes, it might be mild compared to most, but that doesn't mean it isn't real. An addiction is an addiction. Though it might not be life threatening or as bad as others at this time, doesn't mean it won't ever get to that point. The fact that you have been on this merry go round for so long, constantly returning to opiates in one way or another for whatever reason is proof enough that you are an addict.

We have had this question raised here before. Why isn't it okay for someone to take this medication for anxiety/depression if it is what helps? If you feel that your quality of life is bad enough that it warrants some type of long-term treatment than why not suboxone? Yes, you will become physically dependant, but it won't be impossible to quit if you choose to do so in the future. More than likely it will be worse to wd from than what you have done in the past, but I wouldn't think by much if you keep your dose low. .5mg is a very small dose, Happy. It is well under the ceiling level of bupe, and you won't be activating all of your receptors all the time. It only makes sense that it would be much easier to discontinue use from that dose than a dose above the ceiling level.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you have gotten to the point that you are comfortable with taking something every day for the rest of your life, then I think suboxone is a good option for you. It certainly isn't going to do any more damage than a myriad of other drugs which are prescribed on a daily basis to other patients. Take away the stigma of it being an opiate....would you take it then?

Give it some thought, and be sure you are comfortable first. But, I believe if you are comfortable with taking SOMETHING to treat your depression for the rest of your life then suboxone is a good choice.

Good luck, Happy. I'm glad you found us!

Q

_________________
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Jan 14, 2015 2:14 pm 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster

Joined: Tue Jan 06, 2015 5:01 pm
Posts: 80
Happy- I was an opiate/benzo addict for over 15 years, went to rehab about 6 years ago, tried AA/NA for months, continued to relapse every couple months. Things got so bad, I ended up homeless, divorced (we have kids), jobless, and obviously broke. Before it got so bad, I had all the addict behavior (lying, stealing, cheating, and screwing anyone over to get what I needed to survive). I tried multiple anti-depressants for my depression and anxiety. Finally, I had a friend that I knew in recovery, and he was taking suboxone...this guy was worse off than I was, but he looked like a totally different person...he told me he found suboxone, and found his life.

I finally got on suboxone, about 14 months ago, within 2 weeks, I was feeling normal, like when I was a teenager (before I ever had any drugs). I have been employed full time for over the past year (even worked 2 jobs for awhile), I have no major depression issues, I have no "addict" behavior (I do not steal- I work, if I need more money, I work more), I do not cheat, I do not lie...all the time that is (still tell some white lies, but no outlandish BS stories), I am seeing my kids on a regular basis, my ex-wife and I are working on reconciling, I have a place to live, I pay bills....SEE THE TREND.

For me, and you have to find out for yourself, but for me, SUB saved my life. Having a head full of 12-step information made it hard to accept taking this medication, and saying I was "in recovery", but I've reconciled that within myself. I still adhere to a lot of the principles of AA (not sure if this may be impacting your decision), but AA's goal is to help you get clean and sober, and live a upstanding life. Once I got rid of the "addict" behavior, I was able to focus on other areas of my life, and start to repair the damage I caused while in my addiction. My ex-wife told me a couple months ago, that I looked like the "real me", like when she first met me (I wasn't in my addiction when we met).

So again for me, mine is a success story by getting on suboxone, and continued use. Do your research, and find a good doctor. I know longer have that weird/bad feeling when I go see my doctor, or go to the pharmacy (anyone who is a piil addict, knows what I mean). Do what works for you, but I can say along with many others on this site, that suboxone saved my life!!!


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Jan 17, 2015 2:00 am 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jan 11, 2015 9:51 am
Posts: 16
qhorsegal2 wrote:
Hi Happy,

Wow, this is a really interesting post. First off, I want to commend you for taking this decision so seriously. Honestly, I believe that if more people truly understood what they were getting into by doing the research before hand with suboxone there wouldn't be so much hate and anger against it. You are very smart to take this decision so seriously. The hard thing for me is that really only you know if this is really necessary.

Ultimately, this is the only true answer to any of this, which is also the hardest part. It is the dead honest truth though.

You have done an excellent job of describing your troubles and addiction. Yes, it might be mild compared to most, but that doesn't mean it isn't real. An addiction is an addiction. Though it might not be life threatening or as bad as others at this time, doesn't mean it won't ever get to that point. The fact that you have been on this merry go round for so long, constantly returning to opiates in one way or another for whatever reason is proof enough that you are an addict.

I truly appreciate your understanding. I know that a lot of people use Kratom to come off of Subs and I'm sort of using Sub to not go back to Kratom. Between Kratom and Pharm's though, Kratom is the lesser of two evils, so I choose that route but as you said, and to which I agree, it may be mild but it doesn't mean it isn't real. I get so tired of constantly dosing throughout the day only to be met with maybe an hour or two of relief, then my mood drops, then I re-dose, and it's the same cycle as my Pharma opioid days. Identical.

We have had this question raised here before. Why isn't it okay for someone to take this medication for anxiety/depression if it is what helps? If you feel that your quality of life is bad enough that it warrants some type of long-term treatment than why not suboxone? Yes, you will become physically dependant, but it won't be impossible to quit if you choose to do so in the future. More than likely it will be worse to wd from than what you have done in the past, but I wouldn't think by much if you keep your dose low. .5mg is a very small dose, Happy. It is well under the ceiling level of bupe, and you won't be activating all of your receptors all the time. It only makes sense that it would be much easier to discontinue use from that dose than a dose above the ceiling level.

I've read a lot about this question and I think it is a valid one. I think, it's possible, that for some, stimulating opioid receptors is their only way to feel "normal" but the problem with Pharms, for me anyways, is that it goes above and beyond what I perceive to be "normal", it's a giant leap of happiness followed by a deep low over and over again, and the imminent tolerance increase prevents it from being a viable option for anxiety/depression. Bupe, on the other hand, can for some (from my reading), allow that feeling of normalcy without the mass euphoria and tolerance attached to full agonists. And in reality, I am not sure if I would be using the subs more for my anxiety/depression or for my addiction but they are so synergistic that it is truly hard for me to tell. Maybe that's ok though?

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you have gotten to the point that you are comfortable with taking something every day for the rest of your life, then I think suboxone is a good option for you. It certainly isn't going to do any more damage than a myriad of other drugs which are prescribed on a daily basis to other patients. Take away the stigma of it being an opiate....would you take it then?

I've been wanting to reply to this post for several days but the task was proving too difficult, as my depression since turning my Subs back into my doc has only increased and sometimes the smallest of tasks can seem the most implausible. The funny thing, in a not so funny way, is that the only reason I am writing this is because I took a (prescribed) Ritalin an hour ago and have a temporary boost of normalcy, if you will. But what I'm realizing about stimulants is that, in a way, they trigger me to go back to using Kratom. I need to dose them multiple times per day, only to feel relief for an hour, maybe an hour and a half, and it is the same reward system I have while I am using Opiates, the only difference is I don't have much trouble stopping them but they also increase my anxiety over time and are arguably harder on my body, so eventually, like I did when I had abstained from Kratom for a year, I rationalize by saying "Im already taking something throughout the day, it can at times worsen my anxiety and is by no means healthier for me, why not go back to what "works?"". I feel like I'm already repeating my cycle.

Give it some thought, and be sure you are comfortable first. But, I believe if you are comfortable with taking SOMETHING to treat your depression for the rest of your life then suboxone is a good choice.

I am not sure if I am ready to take it for the rest of my life but if I do decide to take it, I will make sure that I am comfortable taking it for as long as I need to, which is definitely the most important thing.

Good luck, Happy. I'm glad you found us!

Q


On my good days, when I'm feeling OK, I tend to sway to the side of thinking I can do this without Sub but I'm still utilizing some form of pharmaceutical, as I am not ready to be completely drug abstinent. On my bad days, I feel like I have no hope left and maybe Sub could provide some. These days of ups and downs is what I think is making this decision the hardest for me.

If all I'm doing by utilizing different pharmaceuticals is attempting to replace the opiates/kratom then it will never get better. When I attempt to look objectively, at least with the Sub, I could eradicate constant dosing of a medication and the highs and lows that go along with it. A big part of me was terrified of trading an addiction for an addiction but I think more realistically it would be trading an addiction/dependence for just a dependence. And if I could also get anxiety relief and/or a mood increase, I would happily take it.

If I'm going to go the Sub route, I will also have to stop thinking about all of the possibilities of things that could or could not go wrong, as it is just driving me mad. I will have to commit to it, understand that I will become dependent on it and take it day by day. I'm just tired of thinking about opiates every waking minute, feeling so low and confused. I know Sub won't be a cure-all and I will still need to work on my anxiety issues, etc, but I think that might be a whole lot easier to do if I'm not drowning in it every day.

Although a big part of me is leaning towards (somewhat embarrassingly) going back to my Sub doc just a bit after a week or turning them back in because I thought I didn't need them and telling him, after much thought and consideration, that I do indeed want to take the Sub route, I am still going to spend some more time thinking about this.

I can't thank you all enough for your responses to this post, it means a lot to me and is greatly appreciated.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 8 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Our Sponsors
Suboxone Forum latest topics RSS feed Subscribe to the entire forum
cron
 

 

 
Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group